She wasn’t the one who threw everything away, Billy was.
9
Renie hesitated before putting her key in the door of her apartment. Ben stepped up, gently took the key out of her hand, and suggested she and her mom go get coffee while he brought the boxes in from his SUV.
When her mom suggested Renie might do better with a sedative over caffeine, Renie laughed. When was the last time she laughed?
“This will go quick,” her mom said when they came back. “You handle the kitchen.”
The kitchen, the dining room, the living room…there wasn’t a room in her apartment that she didn’t see Billy standing in when she closed her eyes.
“Don’t think, just pack,” said Ben, squeezing her shoulder. “Let’s get this done, and get the hell out of here.”
She was beginning to think Ben could read her mind. How was he so damn insightful?
It took them two hours to finish. Renie needed to stop at the registrar’s office on campus, and once she had, she’d never have to set foot in Fort Collins again. It wasn’t as though Billy had even spent much time with her here, but it was the first place they’d made love.
That was the part she couldn’t allow herself to think about. If she did, it made her sick to her stomach.
It wasn’t just Fort Collins, it was everywhere they’d been together. She even avoided Ben’s parents’ house, not that she’d be able to much longer without getting a lecture from her mom and Ben. Bud and Ginny were among the nicest people she’d ever met, and just because she and Billy spent the night of her mom and Ben’s wedding stargazing, didn’t mean she had to avoid Ben’s parents for the rest of her life.
Mark and Paige offered to get her car that she’d left at Billy’s the day they flew to San Antonio, and drive it to Crested Butte. It gave them an excuse to visit the ranch, they told her.
“How’s Blythe?” Renie asked Paige. Blythe had been her best friend as long as Paige had been her mom’s. Renie missed her, but not enough that she could endure the endless questions about Billy she knew Blythe would ask.
“She’s okay, sweetie. She doesn’t understand why you’re so distant though.” Paige put her arm around Renie’s shoulders. “Don’t shut everyone out, honey, there are a lot of people who love you. If you need to push Billy out, no one will argue with you about it, but everyone else…you need us.”
“Sorry, uh, I’ll be back in a minute.” Renie left the table, and ran down the stairs. She shouldn’t listen to the conversation she knew her mom would have with Paige, but she did anyway.
“What was that?” Renie overheard Paige ask her mom.
“That’s what she does. She doesn’t like the conversation, she goes downstairs, and we have no idea when we might see her again.”
“It’s so unlike her.”
“Paige—she’s my daughter, and I swear, I don’t know who that person is who just ran downstairs. I want my happy, smiling, life-loving, warm, sweet, caring, unselfish, smart, brave daughter back.”
“Wanna get out of here for a while? I could use a drink, and I’m sure you could too.”
Renie came upstairs once she saw her mom leave with Paige, Mark, and Ben. She didn’t expect to see Jake, Ben’s oldest son, sitting in the family room, staring into space.
“Hi, Jake, I didn’t know you were here.”
“No kidding.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If you knew I was here, you wouldn’t have come out of the bedroom.”
Renie started to go back downstairs.
“Wanna know why I’m not at my grandparents’ house like Luke is?”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want you to be here alone.”
She walked toward the stairs.
“Don’t go back to your room,” Jake shouted at her. “I’m so sick of you not talking to any of us. And you look like shit, by the way.”
“Thanks a bunch, Jake.”
“Ya know, you used to be my favorite.”
“Your favorite?”
“Person. In the whole world.”
Renie sat down on the couch next to him. “I’m a mess right now, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“It has to do with all of us. We have to live with you. Sometimes I don’t even want to come here.”
God, that cut deep. Jake didn’t want to come home because of her.
Jake was shy, especially around her, so she knew how much it had taken for him to tell her how he was feeling.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t mean to be such a pain in the ass.”
“Then stop being one.”
She laughed. “I wish I knew how.”
“Go back to the way you were before.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to the way I was before.” I was in love then. I won’t ever be again.
“Then don’t go back to how you were, just stop being how you are now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Go outside. That would help. Get some fresh air. Read a book. Watch TV. Do something.”
“You sound very grown up, Jake.”
“It’s what you would say to me if I were acting the way you are. Back when you were normal.”
“You’re all right for a little brother, you know that?” She hugged him, which she was sure was making him as uncomfortable as everything he said made her.
The next morning Renie was upstairs by nine, and had breakfast with everyone. Her eyes met Jake’s, and he gave her the briefest of smiles. She didn’t miss the raised eyebrows between Paige and her mom. Or between her mom and Ben.
“Decided to break out of the vampire phase huh?” said Mark. “And look, it’s daylight, and you haven’t melted.”
Renie didn’t respond, but she did smile, even if only for a split second.
“Jake and I are going for a hike today,” she said, looking at him. “Right?”
Jake nodded.
“I wanna go,” said Luke.
“I thought you were at your grandparents’ house.”
“I came home this morning. So, can I go?
This morning? Renie thought she’d gotten up early. Luke must’ve gotten up at dawn. “We might go for a long one, can you keep up?”
“Of course I can. Can you?”
Billy was more tired than he had been in his entire life. Willow, almost four months old, was a good baby. She slept a lot, she was happy most of the time, but she was a baby, and she required his undivided attention. He wasn’t sure how people did it. How did they have babies and work? He couldn’t get anything done. Thank God he’d hired Sookie to take care of the horses. After Billy brought Willow home, Sookie went back to staying in the bunkhouse at his parents’ place. Billy guessed Sookie didn’t like Willow’s two in the morning wake-up calls.
He hadn’t been on a horse in the month, and his body ached from the lack of exercise. His heart hurt way worse though.
He missed Renie every minute of every day. He finally gave up calling her. The day he brought Willow home, the day Renie left him standing in the doorway of the hospital, he’d called her twenty-seven times. He texted her even more than that.
Every day the number of calls and texts diminished, but his need to talk to her didn’t. It made him want to pull his hair out, but there wasn’t anything more he could do, other than wait.
He couldn’t drop his baby on his parents while he went to fix things between him and Renie. He hoped that after a few days, she’d come around on her own. After the second weekend went by, with no word from her, no visit to Pooh, he started to realize she might never come around.
His mom came up to the house every morning to check on them. In the first few days, he didn’t know what he would’ve done without her. She taught him how to change Willow’s diaper, told him what to feed her, even gave her a bath, which Willow loved.
The second morning she came armed with books. “You’ll need to read these, so you know what to expect.�
� She gave him books about a baby’s first year, first aid, childhood illnesses, and single parenting.
“I’m so tired, Mama, I don’t know how I’m gonna read a book.”
“Guess you’re startin’ to have a lot more respect for the mothers in this world then aren’t you?”
“God, yes. I don’t know why anyone would have a second baby once they knew what having the first one was like. Is that why I don’t have any brothers or sisters?”
“You were a handful, no doubt about that, but your daddy and I would have done it again, if we could’ve. God had other plans for us, and I never got pregnant again.”
“I’m sorry, Mama, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m so exhausted I don’t know what I’m sayin’ half the time.” He rubbed his hands over his face, and his eyes filled with tears.
Dottie put her arms around him and held him tight.
“I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I cry as much as Willow does. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not feeling sorry for myself.”
“You’re tired, you’re overwhelmed…it’s natural for you to be emotional.”
“That isn’t all it is. You know that.”
“You haven’t heard anything from her?”
“Nothing. She won’t answer me.”
“You need to give her time.”
Here he was, a month later and nothing had changed. How much more time did she need?
He called Liv, but she didn’t know what to tell him.
“What are you gonna do with the rest of your life?” Ben asked Renie.
“The rest of my life? First thing in the morning, Ben? I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet.”
“A couple months is long enough to mope around, don’t ya think?”
Had it really been that long? She knew it was time for her to start thinking about the rest of her life, but whenever she did, she ended up frustrated and in tears.
“I’m sorry, Ben.” Renie walked toward the stairs.
“You go into that bedroom, and I’m taking the door off the hinges.”
“What is your problem this morning?”
“You have to do something with your life, Renie. Figure it out. Quit feeling so fucking sorry for yourself. He has a baby, big damn deal. I had a baby before I was ready for it, too. By accident, by the way. I was less prepared for it than Billy was, if you can imagine that. But I dealt with it.”
“Well I didn’t have a baby. So I don’t need to deal with it.”
“I don’t want to be an asshole, but I will be. Get your shit together, Renie.”
It took her a week, but by the end of it, she had a plan. She’d be here two more weeks, she’d be a full-time employee of Black Mountain Ranch, a dude ranch located on the opposite side of Kebler Pass from Crested Butte. She was hired on for the season, and her job came with room and board provided.
“I’ll be out of your hair by the middle of May,” she told her mom and Ben at dinner.
“What do you mean?” Liv asked.
“I’m moving out. I got a job, and a place to live.”
“We don’t want you to leave, Renie, we just want you to get out of bed every day and do something.”
“Ben’s right, sweetheart. No one wants you to leave.”
“I know I’m making everyone miserable being here. You aren’t even supposed to be here, you’re supposed to be out on the road competing.”
Her mom mentioned the rodeo circuit to her a few weeks ago, suggesting Renie travel with her, but she declined. Being at rodeos would remind her of Billy.
“I think it’s a great idea, Renie. Can’t help but have fun workin’ at a dude ranch.” Ben smiled.
Fun? She wanted hard work. Mind-numbingly hard work. That was what she was after. She’d never been shy of it. She’d applied as a wrangler, and she knew she’d be expected to work her ass off.
She’d be one of a group responsible for maintaining the health of the horses and upkeep of the barn. In addition to that, she’d lead trail rides, go on cattle drives, even ferry guests back and forth from white water rafting trips in Glenwood Springs.
She’d also be expected to participate in evening activities with the guests, to dance and have fun, and make sure everyone there had the best time possible. It meant shutting off her emotions, setting them aside, acting normal, even if it were the furthest thing from how she felt.
No one there would know a thing about Billy Patterson, or her broken heart. No one would look at her with pity or wonder what she was thinking about, if she were thinking about him. She would be, but no one would know it.
10
When Renie drove through the gates of Black Mountain Ranch, a sense of peace washed over her. No one knew her here, not a single person.
She could ride, dance, sing…be happy. She wanted to forget Billy Patterson existed, and simply be the girl who got to be a wrangler for one summer of her life.
She’d no longer be defined by her love for Billy, or a misguided desire to spend her life with him. She’d followed him around like a puppy dog for twenty years, even gave up her virginity to him. It was time for her to live life for herself, and no one else.
Maybe she’d even meet someone who made her forget Billy’s name. She’d given her heart, her mind, and her body to a man who took what he wanted, and left the rest by the side of the road.
When a cowboy greeted her car, tipped his hat, and offered to carry her bags to her cabin, she was happy to accept his offer—although part of getting the job here for the summer included proving she could lift and carry at least seventy-five pounds of tack, or potatoes, or firewood—whatever they threw at her. She’d be able to, no problem. Meanwhile, she’d let the handsome cowboy help her all he wanted.
“What’s your name, cowgirl?” he asked.
“Irene Fairchild.” It was the name she’d put on the application, and for the next four months, it would be the name she went by. No one here would ever know her as Renie.
“What’s yours?”
“Jace Rice.”
“Rice? My mom married a man named Ben Rice.”
“Yep. Ben’s my cousin, second or third, somethin’ like that. We aren’t very close.” He laughed.
She was glad to hear it. Sometimes the world was too damn small. The next thing she knew she’d meet somebody related to Billy. If she did, she’d be in her car, and on her way home faster than you could say, “Patterson.”
“When’s the last time you saw Ben?”
“I was about eight or nine years old.”
She laughed.
“You have a mighty pretty smile.”
“Thank you, Jace. I hope to be smiling a lot while I’m here this summer.”
Jace looked around, and put her bags on the only bed in the cabin. “Not sure how you got a single cabin, bein’ a newbie and all. You got some pull around here?”
Renie shrugged. “Not that I know of.”
“Lucky girl, then.” He smiled. “I gotta get going, but I’ll meet up with you later, after you’re settled in. You should also check in up at the office before it gets too late.”
“Thanks, Jace.”
Yep, Jace Rice was just the kind of man she was looking for. He didn’t look anything like Billy, but he did look mighty fine. He had broad shoulders, like a bull rider. His ash blond hair was closely clipped, but he let his beard go to stubble. His green eyes drew her in, especially the way they met hers and didn’t back away. This was a man who was confident, maybe even more confident than Billy.
She wished she could stop comparing every man she met to Billy. It was time to let a man show her who he was without being measured against the Billy Patterson yardstick.
“They’ll tell you when you check in, but we have free time in the evenings until next week, when the first guests arrive for the season. Once they get here, we’re on the clock almost twenty-four hours a day, except when we’re sleepin’ of course.” Jace winked at her. “And Sundays. We have Sunday nights off, as long as the
ranch is ready for the new guests arriving on Monday.”
She’d read most of this in the employee handbook they sent her.
“There’s dancin’ later, too, after dinner.” He shifted the cowboy hat he held in this right hand to his left. His right hand took hers, and he spun her around into him, then back out again. “Looks as though you know how to dance.”
She laughed. “It was a prerequisite for getting hired.”
“Yep.”
“Is it your job to make sure all the new cowgirls can dance?”
“Nope, not all of ’em. Just you.” He brought her hand up to his lips, turned it over, and kissed her palm.
Renie’s face flushed, she could feel it. As uncomfortable as Jace’s flirting made her, it was one of the reasons she was here. It was time to grow up and move on. This summer could mark the turning point in her life, and she planned to let it.
Jace didn’t disappoint on the dance floor later that night. By the time he walked her back to her cabin, her face hurt from smiling. It had been way too long since she smiled that much.
She was relieved when he didn’t try to kiss her goodnight. It would’ve been too much. Instead he said goodnight like a gentleman. Tomorrow she’d make sure there wasn’t a hot cowboy welcoming committee for all the new girls when they arrived. She had no desire to be someone’s conquest. She planned to be the one taking the prisoners, not the other way around.
“Will I see you tomorrow morning at breakfast?”
“Nope, sorry to say I won’t be able to join you. I’ll be out rustling cattle in the mornin’. I’d sure like to dance with you again tomorrow night after dinner.”
“I’d like that, Jace.”
He tipped his hat, said goodnight, and walked in the direction of a group of cabins cloistered further up in the woods.
“It’s gonna be a good summer,” she heard him say to the trees.
By the end of her first week at the ranch, Renie knew she was in over her head. She wasn’t cut out for the long days and hard work she’d craved before she got here. She’d never admit it though. She’d pull her weight the same as everyone else, but at the end of the night she was happy to be able to fall into bed and let sleep overtake her, sometimes before she got her boots off.
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 9