Trouble Me

by Beck Anderson

  “Wait, is this night about to get worse? Of course it is.”

  “Maybe not. We have a suspect. A good one.”

  “Amanda just threw herself at me. In a pretty certifiable way.”

  Tucker’s brow wrinkles. “Yeah, she’s still on my radar. But it looks like somebody else.”

  “Who?”

  “Devon. The tutor.”

  “What in the hell?” My stomach heaves. The guy who’s been in my house, taking care of my kids…

  “They’ll take him for questioning tonight. It’s not rock solid, but it looks good. He was in New York at the right time; he has a record.”

  “No, he doesn’t. You checked.”

  “He lied.”

  “Then throw his ass in jail. I’m ready to be done with all of this.”

  Tucker claps me on the shoulder and steers me into the house. “Me too. Let’s go find Kelly.”

  34: It’s My Party

  AARONSON’S PARTY SUCKS, but I didn’t have a better idea. I just called all hands on deck for help and moral support, and I was relieved Mari could make it. She’s just gotten a reception job down at the Sony lot, but I’ve tried really hard to make time to see her. She’s new in town, like me, after all.

  She stands next to me as we survey the party, now in full swing. Andrew has disappeared somewhere…

  “A Gatsby party. Huh.” Mari watches two teetering flappers flap by.

  “What’s the huh?” I look at Mari and pull my gloves back up to my elbows.

  “Does that mean I’m the Jordan to your Daisy?” she asks.

  “Then does that mean Andrew is Tom, Daisy’s rotten husband? I don’t like that thought.”

  She twirls her pearl necklace. “No. No, he’s definitely Gatsby.”

  Her eyes, her expression, go to some faraway place for a split second—like she’s remembering some distant place with a green light of her own. Her face is slack, dreamy, for just that moment, and I’m about to break her out of her reverie when we both turn in the direction of a commotion.

  An angry man yells, “This is bullshit.”

  “You need to come with us, sir.” A different male voice, flat but firm.

  “This is total bullshit. Don’t you see that?” The angry man sounds louder, angrier.

  At first I can’t see, and Mari and I press through the crowd toward the pool.

  There are two uniformed officers, one with a hand on his gun, like that’s how he casually stands, and the other with a hand up, showing the way to someone, reasoning with him.

  It’s Devon. Devon the tutor, who we invited to the party at the boys’ request. He shakes his head vehemently about something. Tucker and Janus are both standing to the left of him.

  Mari touches my shoulder. “What’s going on?”

  I lead her around the pool, over to the group of men.

  Jeremy catches my arm before I make it very far. “Hold up there, cowgirl. Let Beverly’s finest deal with him.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Maybe Andrew better fill you in, but I’ll give you the short version. Your tutor there? He’s the one scaring the shit out of all of you. He’s your stalker.”

  “What? How can that be?”

  “The security guys at Apotheosis found out he lied on his background check. He had a previous conviction, under a different name in Texas.”

  “For what?”

  “Harassment. Broke an ex-girlfriend’s no-contact order. Threw a rock through her window.”

  “But he did all of the stuff to us?”

  “He was in New York when Andrew got pushed, and he was in LA for The Ivy and the tires, so it looks like it.”

  “Hold up. Andrew got what?”

  Jeremy’s face falls flat. “Andrew hasn’t told you that part. I’m dead.” He turns and watches the cops lead Devon away, then walks after them, in a hurry all of a sudden.

  Andrew walks up.

  “Jeremy told me. You lied, Andrew.”

  Mari touches my elbow. “Kelly, take it easy. Think about Hiccup.”

  “Mari, can you go find the boys? Help them get ready for bed. It’s late.”

  “Kelly.”

  Cold as ice, I stare at her. “Please, Mari.” She nods and leaves.

  Andrew’s hands are deep in his pockets. I’m suddenly aware of my stupid 1920s outfit and stupid wig, and I start yanking things off: feather boa, elbow-length gloves, necklaces.

  “No one told me someone tried to kill you. You said it was an accident. You lied.”

  “Tucker and I thought it was best. We weren’t sure what was going on.”

  “You weren’t sure you were pushed?” My pulse intensifies.

  “No, we knew that.”

  “And you think it was Devon? All of it?”

  “It looks like that, yes.”

  “I can’t do this.” I kick off my stupid shoes.

  “Kelly, what are you doing?”

  I turn my back on him and get a good look at the crowd that’s been watching me scream at Andrew. Deep shame and fear rush through me. I feel faint, sick, and furious.

  Raging, I throw my shoes over the garden wall instead of taking one of the onlookers’ heads off. “Party’s over. You all don’t give a crap about him anyway. You’re sycophants, and you don’t care if he lives or dies, so long as you get to come to the party. Get out of my house!”

  I scream so loud my voice goes hoarse, like blown-out speakers at a concert. I wipe my mouth, wet with tears and rage and spit.

  I run inside. I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m humiliated. I’m trying to understand that I know the person who was scaring us, and he wanted Andrew dead—all while he sat at my kitchen table, helping my boys with their homework.

  I get to the master suite and rush into the bathroom. I throw up, retching until I’m empty inside.

  “Kelly?” It’s Andrew at the bathroom door.

  “If anyone comes in this bedroom tonight, I swear I’m getting in the car and driving away. Don’t you push me tonight. Don’t do it.”

  I don’t hear a response, just footsteps down the hall.

  I finally am able to take a deep breath, wipe my face with a washcloth, go into the empty bedroom, and crawl under the covers in my stupid flapper dress.

  Thank God for blind rage, because I can’t even entertain what all this new information means for me, my boys, my baby, Andrew. I cry angry, terrified tears until I fall asleep exhausted, wrung dry.

  I do not dream.

  I wake up to the sound of my boys’ voices. They giggle in the kitchen, and I hear Mari’s melodic voice mix with theirs. The pale light of morning filters through the windows.

  I’m awake, and my boys are okay.

  I think back to my last thoughts and feelings, and they’re there, but they’ve been muted by the heaviness of sleep.

  I need to talk to Andrew. I need to set my head straight. It was Jeremy, after all, who told me about New York. He might be completely wrong.

  But Andrew didn’t correct me when I asked. He said he didn’t know what to do.

  I need to talk to him.

  I hate how mad I was last night. I hate that I was that mad in front of people.

  If I was on his side of that screaming lunatic last night, I’d be done, I’m sure. I can’t constantly treat him like dirt and chalk it up to the hormones of pregnancy. There are plenty of pregnant women who are kind and pleasant and balanced. I’m acting crazy, and if I want him to be mine, I need to knock it the hell off.

  I will lose him. I will drive him away.

  And he’ll go away somewhere where I can’t make sure he’s safe. And then I will lose him like I lost Peter. Forever.

  My heart pounds, and I hear my breath. I’m hyperventilating. I just told myself that any more crazy behavior would put him over the edge, and here I am having a panic attack. Again.

  I sit up in bed. I try to take deep breaths. I keep as quiet as I can.

  “Kelly?” Andrew’s on the ot
her side of the bedroom door.

  “Uh-huh?” It’s all I can get out and still sound normal. I gulp at the air, trying to get a grip on my racehorse heart.

  “Can I come in?”

  He can’t. He’ll see that I’m still a ridiculous crazy mess. “Let me come out. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  “Okay.”

  I jump out of bed and put both arms out to brace myself, my head spinning. I get to the sink when the bedroom door opens behind me.

  “Sorry, I’m not waiting. I’m worried about you.” He comes up behind me and turns me around to face him.

  “Just give me a second.” I try to get another deep breath.

  “Kelly, you had every right to be mad and scared.”

  He looks at me for a moment, as I’m unable to respond, then takes me by the shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes. “This is a vicious cycle. Break it.”

  He stares at me, steady as a rock. His blue eyes are clear, calm. He searches mine. He waits.

  I breathe in again. And out again. I close my eyes and concentrate on just breathing.

  “Better?”

  I open my eyes. I nod. “It’s too much, Andrew. There’s too much to think about.”

  He knows. He nods too. “I know. Tell you what; right now there are an amazingly annoying number of people who make money because of me, worrying about a hell of a lot of our business. Let’s let them.”

  “But you didn’t tell me.”

  “I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do. Tucker didn’t, either. I’m sorry.”

  “You have to be one-hundred-percent honest with me. We have to be on the same page. I start wondering why you aren’t telling me everything. I wonder if you’re overwhelmed, if all this is too much.”

  “Give me a little bit of credit. I’m insulted, actually. How many times do I have to propose to you before you believe that I want you? I want you. The you that threw her shoes over the wall into the neighbor’s yard, by the way.”

  He smiles. He grins and shows all of those white teeth, and his eyes crinkle up. I love his smile, his real smile that crinkles up those eyes.

  “C’mon. It’s funny. I don’t even know where you chucked that wig.”

  I take one more big deep breath, and he pulls me into a strong hug.

  “I know it’s scary. I’m scared. But we’re here together. We can do this.”

  I look up at him, and he puts a hand on my stomach, smoothing his palm over what is probably Hiccup’s heel or elbow.

  “Andrew…”

  “Stop. Let’s just be for a while.” He kisses me, covering the rest of my sentence before it can be spoken. “We can slow all of this down until we both feel stronger. Deal?”

  I hold both of his hands in mine. “Deal.”

  I take the longest shower known to man, throw some yoga pants on, and get the dog’s leash. I can’t run, but I can go on a good, cleansing walk.

  In the kitchen, Mari’s still here, helping the boys with their homework. Without Devon, I don’t know how we’re going to finish their school year.

  And with all this craziness, I don’t know how we’re going to make room for Hiccup to enter the world. Little babies demand a lot of attention. He’s going to have a hard time.

  But maybe…if Devon is the person who did all that crazy stuff, maybe our lives can quiet down now.

  I still can’t wrap my head around Devon being the stalker. I should say attempted murderer. He tried to push Andrew into traffic. I can’t believe it.

  “Mari, come walk the dog with me.”

  She looks up from Hunter’s homework. “Okay.”

  We get outside. Janus walks behind us, about twenty paces. Tucker’s still not taking any chances, not until the police piece all of it together and bring charges against Devon.

  Poor Janus. Tucker and he sat down for a very difficult talk about the tabloid tip. But I pleaded for him and Andrew to give him another chance. And they did. He’s been silent and stone-faced, but Janus is still on the Apotheosis security team, and essentially our team now.

  “What’s up?” Mari walks close to me, her elbow grazing mine from time to time.

  “I wanted to apologize for the party. You tried to talk me down.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You just don’t appreciate what you’ve got sometimes, you know that?” Her tone verges on angry.

  “What?”

  “It’s nothing. I just think Andrew—you’re lucky to have him.”

  I feel ashamed. She’s right. “He didn’t tell me the truth.”

  “Nobody’s perfect. You’re not, are you?” She looks at me with those cornflower blue eyes. Right now they look watery and faintly bloodshot.

  “Far from it.”

  “I’m just saying.” Her voice cracks a bit.

  “Are you okay?”

  She pulls her hair out of its ponytail, shakes her head a little, takes a deep breath. “You know the brother I mentioned? His name was Cameron.”

  “What about Cameron?”

  “I was watching him. Mom and Dad were out for the afternoon, just running a few errands. Two hours at the most.”

  My stomach clenches. “Mari, what happened?”

  “We were watching TV. He got out the back door, and I was busy getting cereal. I went to the bathroom, and I wasn’t thinking that he wasn’t watching TV anymore.”

  “Oh, Mari.”

  “He went into the backyard and fell in the pool. When I found him, he was floating face down. I called nine-one-one, pulled him out, did CPR the best I could.”

  We continue to walk. Tears stream down her face.

  “Oh, Mari.” I put an arm around her shoulder.

  “I talk to him every day. I sing to him at night when I can’t sleep. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for a year after Cameron drowned. We lived in the same house, and he wouldn’t even say my name.”

  “He had no right to do that. You were just a kid. It was an accident. Nobody’s fault.”

  She stops and pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “I’ve stayed alive, wondering what the point to staying alive was. And then I met this man. The future. My future.”

  “The one you followed out here?”

  “That one. But I don’t know. I don’t know if he feels the same way. I’m afraid he’s going to be changed.”

  “By what?”

  “Circumstances. When I was in New York, something happened. I thought maybe I couldn’t stand to be with him, when I found out what he’d done. I wanted to hurt him back, maybe even make him go away for good. But I couldn’t stay away from him. I couldn’t help but forgive him. When I thought he might be gone, for real, it hurt me.”

  I don’t know how this girl can even function. Her resolve, her strength must be frighteningly deep. “But now?”

  “Now, I think if I can see him alone again, without the influence of these circumstances, the things that have him backed into a corner, I think he’ll be himself again. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe we can be together, finally.”

  “You sound confident about it.”

  “I think I am.”

  “He must be a good guy.”

  “He is.” She gets that faraway look in her eyes, but the tears have stopped.

  “Mari, I’m honored you told me about Cameron. That must have been the worst moment of your life. You’re very brave to share about it.”

  “I’ll see him again one day.”

  I look at her profile closely. I don’t see distress, but I don’t like the way she just said that. “Things will work out with this man,” I tell her, hoping it’s true for her sake and resisting the urge to ask more questions. It doesn’t seem like the time.

  “What about you?” she asks.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you ready for this baby?”

  “Honestly? No. The party was too much. I wish I could have a little peace before the baby train rolls into the station.”


  “Why don’t you go to the house in Oregon? Take the boys?”

  “I don’t know. It’s almost February. I have three weeks to my due date.”

  “You said yourself both the boys were overdue. You have time to sneak away.”

  “Los Angeles weather doesn’t make it seem this way, but the weather on the way up the coast could be horrible.”

  “So, check the weather. I think you should go.”

  I watch Ditto sit down on the sidewalk. He’s done walking, I guess. “I don’t know.”

  “Do something for yourself for a change. Take care of yourself.”

  “You really think I should?”

  “You need to be out of the way somewhere. It’ll get rid of the distractions. Things will come into focus. The truth will be clear then.”

  “I don’t know about all that. I can see myself in front of that amazing fireplace, though, drinking tea and reading.”

  “And think how secluded you’d be. If Devon’s not the one, who could find you up there? Who could hurt you if you were up there?”

  “That’s a point. I just don’t see him for the stalker. He’s not got any good reason.”

  “I don’t see it either.” She scratches Ditto behind the ear. “I guess we need to head back, since Ditto’s done.”

  “I guess. I like this idea. I think I’ll probably go, Mari. You win.”

  She smiles. “Good. I like it when things go my way.”

  We walk the rest of the way back home in silence. She’s just revealed a major trauma from her childhood to me. It feels somber, and I struggle for words.

  We’re almost to the front door. “I wish I could make it better for you, Mari.”

  She smiles at me. “Who knows? Maybe you just did.”

  I give her one more hug.

  Andrew and I lie in bed. All afternoon I turned Mari’s ideas around and around in my head. I don’t know that Andrew would let me go. With everything that’s happened, I think he wouldn’t want us apart. But I’d have peace. It’d be a strong move, taking the boys somewhere safe until all of this blew over.

  Andrew wouldn’t be able to join us, not until Leave No Trace was done…maybe four days until he could come up and join us. But it could work.

  My phone buzzes. I look at the clock. It’s ten. No one texts me this late.