HDU

by India Lee

  In St. Louis, however, she could have gone forever without knowing. At first, she wished she hadn’t even found out. No one would have ever told her either, because no one even knew. But after what she called “a drunk mistake,” Megan decided that Brandt was to be more than just a fling, and who was Brandt to turn her down? She was a Rams cheerleader for God’s sake, and he was a nerdy chic barista with non-prescription eyeglasses. And Megan always got what she wanted.

  So with that, Amanda’s first real relationship ended, as did her time in St. Louis. She was dumped by her boyfriend of seven months and by her best friend of eleven years. “It’ll be awkward if you stay,” Megan had reasoned. In her post-breakup fog, Amanda simply nodded and went. With only Megan’s name on their lease, what fight could she put up anyway?

  What an idiot I was, she thought to herself as she sat in the car in her driveway, still smelling like greasy L.J’s Diner. I should’ve at least smacked the bitch. Since breaking up with Jake Pearson sophomore year, Megan had never once wanted a real boyfriend. She had too many options, and those options more than quadrupled when they moved to St. Louis. So why did she have to choose Brandt? He was the only boy that Amanda had ever loved – she was fairly sure of that. Megan, on the other hand, had never loved anyone but herself.

  Amanda snorted. Other than Liam Brody, she thought.

  Liam Brody! She had somehow forgotten about him in the past hour. How did she keep forgetting about him? Hastily, Amanda stumbled out of the car and into the house. She thanked God that no one was home and flipped open her laptop, her heart skipping a beat upon loading her email.

  Inbox (1).

  She clicked.

  Pretty,

  I want to be offended by you, but I’m kind of amused. Okay, really amused.

  And I should tell you that I like your idea about a Plain Jane. I’m sure you were kidding, but I really do. What an accidental genius you are, Pretty. While I don’t think I’m ready to take a bride, I suspect I could get some positive results by simply dating someone “ugly” (you said it, not me). Hopefully, you’ll reconsider my offer and agree to post the first story about me and my hideous girlfriend. All I need is your reformed opinion on me to spark a herd mentality. Yes, I’m asking you to post a nice story and say something sweet yourself. I know, I’m asking for a lot here.

  But now I’m letting you name your price. Whatever you want, I’ll give you. Think I’m kidding? Try me.

  -- Liam

  - Chapter 2 -

  As predicted, stories began to spread about town like wildfire. The rumor mill alleged Amanda to be on everything from bath salts to meth by the night of her outburst. By morning, there was talk of her being moody on account of being pregnant. The speculation made its way from around town to her dark bedroom by way of her mother.

  “You just gotta apologize to Tandy Mueller,” her mother said tiredly as she leaned against the doorframe. “Find it in your heart to forgive her nosiness, Mandy, so we can all get past this.” But it was pointless, and Amanda knew it. Even if she was able to forgive, there was no getting past anything. She once had neighbors who had moved to Indiana because of Tandy Mueller’s rumors. In a small town, they followed you like a hungry dog, and to make matters worse, Tandy had a penchant for immortalizing her tales on the Internet.

  Amanda didn’t bother searching for her name on the town forum. It was there – she didn’t have to see it to know it. With those posts, her fate in Merit had been sealed. She was an outcast, a leper. People had been waiting for this day for years. They had resented her closeness to their pride and joy. They had suspected she was an odd one for awhile now, undeserving of Megan’s company. All they wanted was to confirm that she wasn’t high and mighty, that she couldn’t in fact survive the big city. And finally, they had.

  “Please leave me alone, Mom,” Amanda asked feebly. To her relief, her mother obliged. All she wanted to do was stay in her room forever – or at least until she planned her escape. She could move to Texas. Austin always called out to her for some reason.

  Or she could move in to some friend’s house. Amanda thought hard before cursing her inability to keep friends. She had been close to two or three people at community college, but they had all lost touch by graduation. Not that she wanted to stay in Missouri.

  She had one cousin in California, but she didn’t even know where, which spoke to how close they were anyway.

  Ding. The sound of a new email snapped her out of her thoughts. She had put on a sound notification since her correspondence with Liam Brody, but she hadn’t even responded to his last message. What could she possibly ask for from him? He had told her to “try” him, but asking him to say, finance her life in a new, to-be-determined city seemed excessive. And stupid.

  To both her disappointment and relief, the new email was not from Liam. It was a notification from her HDU mailbox. FilmFreak had messaged her.

  Message from FilmFreak (Moderator) to PrettyKitty29 (Moderator):

  Hey Pretty,

  I was wondering if I could ask you permission for something kind of strange.

  You approved a post this morning that someone submitted about Natalie Bell, that vapid reality star airhead. I know we’re not supposed to delete posts, but can I delete that one please? I know it sounds weird and irrational and random, but… yeah. I just can’t deal with it right now. Thanks.

  - FF

  Amanda frowned. FilmFreak usually signed his emails with a heart, but that was actually the least of her concerns. There was no deleting of posts on HDU without a proper reason. He knew that. She mulled over his message for a few minutes, grateful for a distraction from her own troubles.

  She quickly found the post about Natalie Bell. All it said was that the former reality star was one of several actresses being considered for a new pilot on FOX. What could FilmFreak find so offensive about that? Was Natalie Bell his Liam Brody? It didn’t make sense though. She was a harmless reality star with a reputation for being bubbly and sweet.

  Perhaps there had been some rule breaking in the comments – racist, sexist, and bigoted remarks were prohibited and grounds for being banned. But Amanda found nothing. There were only forty comments – the average post had almost two hundred – and they were all rather positive in nature.

  “She’s so cute! Love her.”

  “so happy nat is landing real acting jobs!”

  “Loved her on Nat & Kat In NY. I’m so watching this if she gets it.”

  Amanda scratched her chin, furrowing her brow with confusion.

  Message from PrettyKitty29 (Moderator) to FilmFreak (Moderator):

  Hey dude,

  I guess no one will miss a forty-comment post, but can you tell me the reason why? Thanks.

  <3,

  PK

  Before Amanda could even shut her laptop to go pour herself a glass of water, she heard the familiar ding. It was FilmFreak again. Amanda marveled at his speed, though she realized that the message consisted of just five words.

  Message from PrettyKitty29 (Moderator) to FilmFreak (Moderator):

  She’s my ex. Hate her.

  Amanda’s eyes widened. For some reason, she had always thought FilmFreak was a gay male. Perhaps he was simply into homoerotic humor. He had always referred to Dylan Hardy as a “flawless god” or “beautiful specimen.” Though perhaps there was nothing homoerotic about it at all. Dylan was flawless and beautiful.

  Only after that thought did Amanda realize the true shock of the message. He had dated Natalie Bell! Her friend, FilmFreak, was once the boyfriend to an actual celebrity! Indeed she was a C-Lister, but at least she was climbing her way up to B-List status!

  Oh, but wait. Amanda’s mouth stayed frozen in an “O” formation. She suddenly understood the urgency in FilmFreak’s initial message. Despite her excitement, she promptly deleted the post as he had requested. She didn’t like to break HDU rules, but this was a small one, and she knew just what it was like to witness the success of someone close – someone
close whom you hated. The feeling washed over her on Rams game nights, especially when the camera focused for a few moments on the cheerleaders. Megan had always wanted to be either a TV actress or a dancer. For her, being an NFL cheerleader was like a perfect mix of both.

  It reminded Amanda that at twenty-two, she still had no idea what she wanted to be. But before she could fall back into a dark place, her laptop sounded. Boop. Instead of a message, it was a chat notification.

  FilmFreak: ty for deleting. just having one of those days. sorry

  Amanda frowned, heaving a sigh.

  PrettyKitty29: if you mean the hate-my-life kind, i’m with ya

  FilmFreak: :-( why

  PrettyKitty29: i need to get out of missouri. MISERY!!!

  FilmFreak: lol. everywhere is misery when you’re surrounded by assholes. ny included.

  PrettyKitty29: bite ur tongue i’d kill to live there

  FilmFreak: no i need to gtfo. just need a break from the city it reminds me of natalie

  FilmFreak: agh. so emo. sorry

  Amanda laughed, but sadly.

  PrettyKitty29: don’t be. i understand. more than you would think

  FilmFreak: ?

  PrettyKitty29: too long of a story!

  FilmFreak: then tell me in person. i’ll fly out to MO tomorrow. i need a change in scenery asap

  PrettyKitty29: lol

  The next four or five minutes passed without conversation. Amanda waited, and just as she concluded that FilmFreak had signed off on her, he reappeared.

  FilmFreak: ok so which airport should i book to? kansas city? branson? st. louis?

  PrettyKitty29: LOL WHAT?

  “Mandy?” her mother called from downstairs. “Are you laughing or crying?” Amanda covered her mouth with her hands. She had let out a hearty guffaw, but she didn’t want to admit to it. After all, she was supposed to be grieving over her transgressions.

  “Nothing!” she finally called down to her mother, even though it didn’t make much sense as a response to the question. Her fingers typed like lightning.

  PrettyKitty29: dude what are you talking about?? are you really going to fly out here?? my parents would never let you crash at my house btw

  FilmFreak: i wasn’t planning on it. i don’t even know where you live, pretty.

  It was true. They knew nothing of each other’s real identities, and that was the way Amanda preferred it. It would be entirely too easy for her to live completely on the Internet if she didn’t draw the line somewhere. HDU boasted hundreds of thousands of members. She could have all the friends in the world if it weren’t for her nagging, romantic desire to meet people naturally. She blamed Merit – the town was full of lifelong best friends and high school sweethearts.

  FilmFreak: we don’t have to meet if you don’t want. i just need a vacation. does that sound crazy?

  PrettyKitty29: vacation? no. missouri? yes.

  FilmFreak: oh well. just booked a flight to columbia regional

  Amanda’s eyebrows ascended halfway to her hairline. It just so happened that he had chosen the airport closest to Merit. Once he copied and pasted his flight information, she knew for sure that it was real. It was Thursday morning. He would arrive by Friday evening. Smiling, Amanda suddenly realized that she was actually interested – even excited to possibly meet him. She just couldn’t help but think that a person who booked a trip so quickly was either extremely bored or, well, a little crazy. But of all the moderators, FilmFreak was the one who banned users at the drop of a hat. He was quick-tempered and impulsive.

  PrettyKitty29: so this is actually happening then

  FilmFreak: damn straight. i’m coming to missouri!

  It took a little longer to process. Amanda laughed, unable to hide her joy now. It blew her mind that FilmFreak would be visiting her state, perhaps even her hometown. Despite the fact that they were coworkers, it was still hard to remember that he was real – that anything associated with HDU was real. The celebrities lived in a different world. The members were faceless usernames. Even her friendship with FilmFreak felt as if it were meant only for a virtual, somewhat fantasy existence. He was like a human diary with the capability to respond. Over the course of three years, Amanda had told him stories and secrets that she had never shared with anyone else. He was free of judgment because he did wilder things on a daily basis. The fact that she let Princess chew on Megan’s favorite shoes was greatly outweighed by his spray-painting of an ex’s contact info upon a busy sidewalk. She wondered if that ex was Natalie.

  Her mind raced with what felt like hundreds of questions and thoughts. FilmFreak was coming. Yet another element of HDU would be crashing her everyday life in Merit. Under normal circumstances, Amanda would be anxious, worried about what the neighbors might think of her visitor from the Northeast. But now, she couldn’t think of a better time for all the disruptions – she was just about ready to skip town anyway. She had nothing left to lose.

  PrettyKitty29: merit, missouri 65241. come visit

  FilmFreak: whoa

  FilmFreak: alriiight! looking forward to meeting you, pretty!

  PrettyKitty29: seeya tomorrow, freak :D

  ~

  Amanda had decided on meeting FilmFreak over at Tormey’s Pub in Columbia, about a forty-minute drive from Merit. She intended on taking him to Merit at some point just to rile everyone up, but she didn’t want anyone to witness the first encounter. She was nervous, excited and a little bit giddy. She barely wanted FilmFreak to see her this way, let alone Tandy Mueller or some equally nosy neighbor. Her palms were sweating and the only hope she had of easing her nerves was the Dark N’ Stormy that the bartender was pouring. It had been awhile since Amanda had met someone different and interesting, and the idea was drawing out every emotion in her body.

  She timidly touched her hair, which she had braided and twisted into a bun at the top of her head. Tied around the bun was a cerulean ribbon boasting a peacock feather at its end. She had told FilmFreak to identify her with it, but really, it was just her effort to appear interesting too – or at least not completely boring as she believed she was. On a normal day, her hair either hung straight down to her chest or was pulled into a ponytail so that she wouldn’t have to deal with it. Makeup was mostly foreign to her, aside from the easier tips that she had absorbed from Megan over the years. On this day however, she had managed to pluck her eyebrows and put on mascara, even curling her lashes beforehand. Amanda wasn’t sure if the difference she saw was truly the magic of cosmetics or the simple hint of life in her eyes. Before leaving, she hadn’t even needed to bother with bronzer because her face was already flushed from anticipation.

  “Here you go, miss.” Just as the bartender presented her Dark N’ Stormy, Amanda heard a hopeful voice behind her.

  “Pretty?”

  Without thinking, she took a gulp of her drink before turning around. It must have looked like odd behavior, but she honestly believed that she would need it. Something about his voice made her nervous, but she wasn’t quite sure what. Once the alcohol slid down her throat, she spun around in her barstool and gazed up at the boy before her, quickly realizing why his voice had caused her to blush.

  He was lean and tall – probably six-foot-two. The sound of his greeting had come from well above her head. She had always had a weakness for height. Not only that, he was… was he? Or was she just excited? No he was. The stares of other girls confirmed it. He was cute. And clearly delighted to see her.

  “It’s you,” he laughed with some disbelief.

  “Yes. Hi.” Amanda covered her mouth with both hands, concealing her Cheshire Cat grin. She dropped them only once she had gained composure, her lips no longer twitching with the need to smile. “Is it really you?” she giggled her question, not wanting to say “FilmFreak” in public.

  He nodded and mouthed his username, his hazel eyes sparkling with laughter. After a short pause, he held his hand out to her. “Ian Marsh. Pleasure to meet you.”

  “Ian,” Amanda
repeated with awe. FilmFreak was an Ian. She placed her hand in his and shook. “Amanda Nathan.”

  “Amanda,” Ian smiled. “That fits.”

  She observed him as he got situated, removing his beautiful black leather jacket and draping it over the barstool before sitting down. He wore a heather gray hoodie with some distressed maroon band T-shirt underneath. His black jeans were fairly fitted, bordering on tight, and his feet kicked around in a pair of red plaid Chuck Taylors. His vintage backpack hung unzipped, and he seemed to like it that way. He was cute, Amanda decided, but no one she could ever date. She assumed he felt that way about her too since he burped quite audibly after his first guzzle of beer, not bothering to look attractive for her. The conclusion oddly relieved her of a pressure she hadn’t even realized she’d been feeling.

  “Man. That was rude, I’m sorry,” he said, pushing his beer away for a moment. “I just needed to get that first sip in me.”

  “Psh,” Amanda brushed it off. “I know the feeling.”

  “Apparently. That’s why I came here,” he laughed, brushing his almost-black hair from his face. It was wavy and messy, but probably cut to look that way. “So, what’s the story, Mandy?”

  “Ooh, don’t call me that, please.”

  “Amanda. Sorry. Yeah, I hate when people call me Nini.”

  Amanda laughed so hard she choked on her drink. Ian patted her back. “What?” she coughed. “I didn’t even know that was a nickname for Ian.”

  “It’s not, only my aunt called me that when I was five and I have no idea why I said it just now. Please tell me your long story so I stop talking. I think I’m nervous,” he laughed. Amanda squinted at him. He didn’t seem nervous, or even like the nervous type. Right off the bat, he had struck her as cocky, but she didn’t mind.