And Caleb would now do everything in his power to protect her.
* * *
Paige’s thoughts on the way back from Chicago became one huge mud puddle. Her mom would be disappointed with how she treated Bryan. Then again, she couldn’t make choices in her life based on whether or not they pleased her mother. Not anymore.
Bryan accused her of being a fool. The girl who can’t commit to a good guy.
Was there something wrong with her—some reason why her relationships never seemed to work out?
Caleb switched off the music. “I know you’ve had a long day, so if you want to be done, just say so, but I was wondering if you want to swing by the dunes before heading to Maggie’s?”
She pictured the calm lake rolling in steadily and the relaxing feel of sand between her toes. Caleb would be with her, of course. But that didn’t bother her. If one thing could be said for the man, it was that he was great at comforting confused women.
“Let’s go. That might be just the stress relief I need.”
Caleb turned into the Dunes State Park and they climbed out of the truck. Paige stretched; it felt good to move her legs after sitting for so long. They picked a spot at the top of the largest dune and dropped down in the sand, side by side. She tugged off her socks and shoes, enjoying the feel of the warm sand against her feet.
If she squinted, she could make out boats on the horizon of Lake Michigan. Probably fishermen, or the tour boat that went into the lake for a dinner cruise and a sunset-viewing party each evening.
The past few weeks in Goose Harbor became a jumble in her mind. Caleb arguing with her about Sarah’s Home and his lighthearted sister, Shelby. Maggie with flour in her hair and Ida reminding her again and again and again to leave room for love. The heartbreaking stories of each of the students involved with Sarah’s Home and the odd war Amy seemed to be fighting against Paige.
She’d coached Amy to let go of the past in order to move forward. It would make Paige a hypocrite if she didn’t at least consider what she needed to let go of in order to become a better person in the future.
Had she forgiven Bryan for cheating on her? If not, would forgiving him mean—like Mom had said—that she should take him back?
Her stomach roiled. She couldn’t. Wouldn’t. She’d rather stay cut off from others than deal with Bryan’s constant desire to make all her decisions for her. Being with him could never be considered actually living.
Okay. So...perhaps forgiving men from her past simply meant that she couldn’t hold other men responsible for the mistakes they had made.
That would be difficult. So difficult.
How would she ever know when a man was trustworthy enough? The men in her past had all tricked her, at least for a while. Some longer than others. Who was to say she wouldn’t fall for a man like that again even if she tried not to?
She curled her hands into the sand and let the grains filter through her fingers.
Letting go of that hurt would mean opening herself to the possibility of another man who would be able to hurt her again. But if she wanted to move forward, that was her only option.
Caleb shifted in the sand next to her, breaking Paige from her thoughts.
Resting his elbows on his knees, he studied her, not the water or the beach. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just...everything.” Paige made eye contact. Those eyes would get her every time.
Could she trust a friendship with Caleb? She’d had more contact with him recently than with any other man. What if he let her down and she ended up hurt? What if he was nothing better than a cheater, as well?
Worse, what if she started to feel something for him?
Less than a foot of space between them, they sat together for another couple of minutes.
Caleb broke the silence first. “That first day I met you... You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’ve wondered.”
With her gaze locked on the water, she weighed telling him. But if she was going to try to trust men, then she should start by being honest herself. “I broke off my engagement.” She adjusted how she sat and her knee brushed Caleb’s. He didn’t move.
Paige swallowed and continued. “I thought Bryan was the one. I’d had a couple boyfriends before him that just...didn’t care.”
“Didn’t care?” Caleb’s voice went up, as if what she said was the hardest thing to believe.
Might as well tell him everything. She sucked in a deep breath. “In high school, I had a boyfriend named Jay. He was the pastor’s son at the church I grew up in. After a month of dating he told me he thought God had brought us together and that we’d be together forever. That was a week before he went on a mission trip to South Africa without me since my parents wouldn’t let me go.” Paige found a small twig under the sand and chucked it down the dune. “Yeah, he came back, and suddenly God had told him that Stacy, a girl he met on the trip, was really the one for him and not me.”
She rolled her eyes. “They’re married now and have four kids. So, I guess Jay was right about that.”
Caleb leaned back a bit, his arms bracing his weight and hands in the sand. His fingers touched hers. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“It was high school. I’m over it.” She shrugged. “Then there was Tommy in college. We dated for two and a half years. Tommy took me ring shopping to find out what I liked, and then a month later Tommy dumped me for my roommate.”
“Ouch.” Caleb’s hand covered hers now. She didn’t move it.
“After that, I told myself I wouldn’t get into a relationship until I could know for certain that the guy loved me and that I knew him well enough to believe he wouldn’t leave me right away.”
Caleb sat up and turned to face her. As he did, he laced his fingers with hers and cupped his other hand around their entwined ones. She couldn’t tell if it was a gesture of comfort that he would do to anyone, if he felt badly for her, or wanted to prove that men didn’t find her repulsive. Whatever the reason, the touch of another person felt good. Maybe too good. But she’d worry about that later.
“About four years after graduation I ran into Bryan, who I’ve known my whole life. We grew up in the same neighborhood but hung out with different people in school. When he asked me out, I didn’t say yes right away because I wanted to be sure.”
Caleb offered her hand a squeeze.
“Bryan kept pursuing me. Unlike Tommy and Jay, it felt like he actually cared and wanted to be involved in every aspect of my life. It was only after we broke up that I realized how controlling he was. He separated me from all my friends, all my hobbies, and convinced me to put in my resignation at school since he didn’t want his wife to have a job. Anyway, we were engaged within six months, and I thought I finally had my happily ever after.
“He was already living in our condo, but I wanted to stay with my parents until the wedding. He pressured me to come live with him before we were married and that’s the only thing I stuck to my guns about, which probably cost me the relationship in the end.”
That’s not true. Bryan should have waited.
The thought came out of nowhere and made her pause.
“He worked long hours in his firm downtown, so I decided to surprise him with dinner one night. I went to the condo and saw his car and just figured he’d gone in and taken a nap after work. Instead, I found him tangled up with another woman in our bed.” She shook her head, trying to shove the image out of her mind. “I tossed the ring at his head and left. Oh, and my mom tried to convince me to stay with Bryan—she still wants me to go back to him.”
“But he cheated on you.”
“She said he did what all men do and to get over it.”
“That’s not true.”
“I told her the same th
ing, and she popped that bubble real quick. She told me my dad’s cheated on her with seven different women in the span of their marriage. My dad... I used to look up to him so much.”
Caleb brushed his thumb on her cheek, catching tears she hadn’t realized she was crying. Then he tugged the hand he held and pulled her in for a hug. She welcomed the contact, releasing his hand and drawing her arms around his back.
“That should have never happened,” Caleb whispered into her hair. “You are worth cherishing. You are worth being faithful to. You are worth the truth.”
The words were like a benediction working into all her broken memories.
You are worth the truth.
Chapter Ten
Caleb held Paige until she lightly pushed back from him. Without knowing how she’d react, he placed his hands on either side of her face to frame it. His thumbs brushed right below her eyes, which shone with tears she kept back. He examined the constellations of freckles across her nose and cheek and her pursed lips.
“Did you hear what I said? You have worth, and any man would be crazy not to notice that,” he whispered.
Paige nodded and blinked a bunch of times.
Everything inside told him to lean in and kiss her. He moistened his lips, but he couldn’t. Paige had been used, left and disappointed by men three times now. Make that four counting her father. What could Caleb offer her? A whole lot more hurt. That was what.
Even though he’d been married for a couple of years, he knew so little about women. He knew plenty about Sarah—but not women in general.
With Sarah he’d known when to lean in, what each of her expressions meant and what she needed without her asking. Being with Sarah had been second nature since he’d known her his whole life. He never once had to ask Sarah out for a date. They both just knew they’d do something together on Friday night after school. His marriage proposal consisted of taking her to pick out a ring and putting it on her finger the next weekend.
How could he be certain that if he started something with Paige he’d be able to carry through with his promises? Sure, he believed he could, but he’d thought the same with Sarah. In the end he hadn’t been able to take care of her. Not really. Had he ever actually asked Sarah what she needed? Or just assumed like Bryan had with Paige?
He swallowed hard.
Thoughts seared his conscience and made his stomach uneasy. He needed to get up and move. Caleb dropped his hands away from Paige’s face. “Come for a walk with me.” He offered his hand to help her up.
She squinted at him, her head tilted. “I should probably put my shoes back on.”
He had to start walking. Movement was the only way to still his guilt about the mistakes he made in his marriage. “We’ll come back and get them later. It’s just sand. You’ll be fine.”
“Okay.” She slipped her hand into his.
They stumbled down the steep edge of the sand dune that led to the lakeshore, making sure to avoid the sections where tall grasses grew since Paige walked barefoot. A slight breeze whisked coolness off the water and wrapped around them. The evening would get cold quickly.
Caleb scooped up three round rocks and tried to skip them across the water. Each landed with a plunk.
Paige stood six feet away to his left. Her arms crossed, watching him.
He dusted the sand from his hands and motioned for her to walk along the edge that would soon be covered by water. “Thank you for telling me all that stuff. I know that can’t be easy.”
She shrugged. “It was time to tell someone.”
Up the beach, a flock of Canada geese hunkered near a patch of dune grass.
“Watch where you step.” He pointed at the geese.
Paige ran her palms back and forth over her cheeks and then laughed for the first time. “The college I went to had geese everywhere. Sometimes you couldn’t walk to class without ruining your shoes. We used to joke that they should let some hunters come onto the property and take care of them.”
“Do you know it’s illegal to kill that breed of goose?”
The wind picked up, bringing a chill in off the water’s surface. He’d have to keep the walk short since Paige didn’t have a coat on.
“Seriously?” Paige’s mouth fell open.
“Federal offense.”
She fanned her arm out to indicate the flock like a tour guide at a museum. “There are so many of them.”
Caleb grinned at her shock. He rested his foot on a piece of driftwood. “That’s because they’re the most successful comeback story. Nationwide they were hunted to the point where they were put on the endangered species list. The scientists trying to help save them searched, but after a few years of not finding any geese, they were moved to the extinct list.”
“You’re kidding me. Those things are like rats.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Finally someone found one flock of geese on a small pond in Minnesota. Only about ten to fifteen of them left in the world. They used that flock to repopulate the species.” He pointed to the flock on the beach. “You can see how successful the scientists were.”
“I had no idea.” She turned and shook her head at the geese. “I don’t think I’ll look at them the same again.”
Caleb broke a branch off the driftwood log and turned the weathered wood over and over in his hand. “That’s what I love about teaching science. I’ve always found it has the power to teach truth in such tangible ways.”
“Really now?” She grinned and popped her hands onto her hips. “And what sort of truth does a story about a bunch of geese teach?”
He tossed the stick into the lake. “Even when you feel like something about your life or your world has been destroyed, even when other people have hunted and harmed your heart to near extinction, even when you get to the point where you want to go hide on some obscure lake where you can’t be found, you can think about the geese. If they’d stayed there without being found then they’d be gone.”
He finally faced Paige and made eye contact. He hadn’t realized that he’d taken a couple of steps away from her as he spoke. “You and I aren’t that different from them, are we? We can stay on that pond or we can be repaired. Except unlike them, the choice is ours.”
“See, that’s the hard part. If someone could just—oww!” Paige crumpled in the sand.
Caleb dropped to her side. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Man. That really hurt.” Cradling her foot, Paige rocked back and forth.
“Let me see.” He grabbed her ankle to get her to stop moving. Blood dripped between her fingers where she held her foot. Because of the blood, he couldn’t make out how deep the cut was. It only took a second to locate the perpetrator, a broken bottle concealed under a thin layer of sand.
Old fears rose up to haunt him. The same words he’d fought when Shelby got burned and Sarah died. Your fault. You told her it would be okay. You should have protected her.
Could he deny those inner taunts? Not this time.
* * *
The burn of pain lanced up Paige’s leg.
A moment ago she’d been strolling on the beach, enjoying the feel of the wet sand under her steps. Without warning it had suddenly felt like twenty bees stinging the bottom of her foot at once. What happened?
Shuddering, she instinctively touched the gash. A chill coursed through her body as her bangs fell in front of her eyes. The very center of her foot felt like it was being feasted on by fire ants. Something wet and warm seeped through her fingers.
She blinked back gathering tears and tried to focus on Caleb. “Can you make it stop?”
“I’m going to pick you up.” He drew one arm behind her back and the other under her knees. “Put your arm around my neck, okay? I’m going to
take you to the immediate-care clinic in town.”
With a few seconds to let the shock wear off, Paige worked her foot around in a circle. The bottom hurt, but not terribly. A cut or at most a good gash. She’d overreacted out of surprise, and Caleb—being Caleb—jumped into action more than he needed to.
She started to pull her arm away from around his neck. “I think I’m fine to walk. The cut doesn’t feel deep.”
“There was a lot of blood, Paige. I’ve got you.”
Right, and there was also a lot of blood every time she nicked her ankle shaving, but that didn’t require hero intervention. “You don’t have to carry me.”
“I’m fine. I want to.”
“I’m really okay.”
“I’d rather be overcautious and keep your foot clean.”
A fortress of strength, rock-hard arms bore her weight as he carried her up the sand dune. She was more aware than she wanted to be of his heartbeat against her side.
When he reached where they had been sitting twenty minutes ago, Caleb lowered her so she could scoop up her shoes and socks. In a heartbeat he picked her up again. She used one hand to balance her shoes on her stomach, the other still looped around his neck. The hair on the back of his head brushed against her wrist with each step.
Heartbeat. Hair. Try as she might, Paige could no longer ignore this man.
Sweat coated the back of his neck by the time they reached the top of the dune. He still had to make it through the wooded up-and-down trails before they’d reach the parking lot. She shouldn’t let Caleb carry her the whole way. He had to be tired from driving all day, carrying boxes and now from lugging her up the dune.
“If you give me a second to slip my shoes back on, I can hobble for a while.” She moved her arm to start to get down. “I’ll manage.”
“I’m fine.” His hold tightened. “I’ve got you.”
Focus on the trees. Focus on the spiderwebs. Focus on anything besides how good his arms felt around her and how he smelled like pine trees and hard work.
Through the canopy, evening sunlight traced warm lines over her face and shoulders. A burning orange flame, the sun began to sink behind them into the lake.
Love Inspired August 2014 – Bundle 1 of 2 Page 55