Keeping Watch (9781460341285)

by Choate, Jane M.

  Another picture of Dani flashed through his mind, standing straight and slim at Madeline Barclay’s grave. He’d watched as she’d stood slightly apart from her father, as though both daughter and husband needed to absorb their grief separately. She had been pale, fragile, but there was also strength and endurance to her. Only when the coffin had been lowered into the ground had they moved toward each other, embraced.

  Jake should have gone to her, let her know that he was there for her, rather than secretly attending the funeral and then skulking away just as quietly. Self-blame chafed emotions already rubbed raw.

  Despite her obvious sorrow, there was a kind of peace on her face, a peace born of faith. He wanted that for himself. It had once been his. He knew what Dani would say: it could be his again. He had only to claim it.

  Light seeped into the sky. He packed the few belongings he’d taken with him and loaded his Jeep. The weeks alone had been cathartic, as had revisiting the families of his fallen comrades. He’d gone to see them after returning to the States, as a kind of penance.

  This visit had been different, as he’d shared stories of husbands and fathers, sons and brothers. The families had been pathetically eager for any scrap he could provide. No one blamed him for what had happened. So why did he still blame himself? Maybe it was time to start facing life instead of running from it. That was what the shrink he’d started seeing again had told him.

  “I know you’re a man of faith,” the doctor had said. “Part of faith is forgiveness. Maybe it’s time you started forgiving yourself.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Ask the Lord. He knows our hearts, and His love is big enough for all of us.”

  The doctor had been right. It was Jake’s first step in recovery, asking for the Lord’s help in forgiving himself. With that as a base, he could start to forgive others.

  As he pulled out of the driveway, he acknowledged that he’d run out of excuses to avoid returning to Atlanta. To Dani.

  He wouldn’t blame her if she wanted nothing to do with him. He’d walked out on her with no word, no explanation. She deserved better than that, especially after what she’d been through.

  Depending on someone, anyone, went against his nature, but he needed Dani in a way he’d never needed anyone. If she turned him away, he wouldn’t know what to do.

  He found Shelley at her office. “Shell?”

  She looked up from her laptop, glared at him, looking like a small wet hen who’d had her feathers ruffled. “It’s about time, big brother.”

  He didn’t waste time on preliminaries. “How is she?”

  Shelley didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “Lonely. Hurting.”

  “Because of me.”

  His sister didn’t spare him and nodded. “Because of you.”

  “I love her.” He said the words with a kind of awe. Until then, he’d believed love was lost to him forever. Now he knew it wasn’t lost; it had been only misplaced.

  With all its twists and turns, ups and downs, love had triumphed. It was back. His heart was full with it. For Dani.

  “I know.”

  “I don’t know if she’ll have me.” The words were the hardest he’d ever said.

  “You won’t know until you ask. If you love her, fight for her.” Shelley laid a hand on his arm. “You’ve never run from a fight in your life. I don’t expect you to start now.”

  The unsympathetic words were just what he needed.

  “Go to her. Tell her what you told me.” She paused, deliberately. “Or let her go.”

  “I don’t have the right to ask her to share my life. I’m broken inside.”

  “We’re all broken somehow. You have a head start on the rest of us. You recognize that you need help and you’re getting it.” She threw him a challenging look. “If you’d get out of your own way, you’d probably figure out that she’s in love with you, too.”

  Did Dani feel that way? He wasn’t so sure. He didn’t know if he had the right to ask her to let him back into her life. But Shelley was right about one thing. He had two choices. Go to Dani or walk away from her. Forever.

  In the end, he did what he’d known he had to: he went to Dani. He found her at her desk, nose buried in a book that looked as if it weighed more than she did. Content to watch her, to absorb the essence that was Dani, he didn’t speak.

  Then, as if sensing his presence, she looked up. Her eyes widened, then went blank of all expression. “Jake.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t expect to see you.”

  “I didn’t expect to see myself here.” He searched for the right words and found only the truth. “I hurt you.”

  The answer in her eyes was painful to see, a confirmation of the guilt he’d been carrying for the past month.

  “I’m not expecting sympathy.”

  “Good. Because you’re not getting any.” She lifted her chin, stared at him, daring him to contradict her.

  It was such a familiar gesture that he smiled. The smile died as quickly as it took shape.

  “Why, Jake? Why did you leave? I needed you.” Unshed tears turned her voice husky. “I needed you at my mother’s funeral.”

  “I was there,” he said.

  “You were?” At his nod, she asked, “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I was afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Of hurting you more than I already had.” He wet his lips and took the biggest risk of his life. Dani deserved to know the truth. “I didn’t want to leave you. That night when you were in the hospital, I had another nightmare. Sal was unlucky enough to get in my way. I almost choked him.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “No. I didn’t. But only because Sal was quicker than I was and took me down. What if it had been you, Dani? What if it were your throat I had my hands around? If I hurt you...I couldn’t go on living. I wouldn’t want to go on living.”

  “You would never hurt me.” Her voice held unmistakable certainty.

  At her words, something like hope built in his heart. “You saw me when I was caught in a nightmare. You know what it’s like. I don’t know what I’m doing. Or—” he paused “—who I’m going to hurt.”

  “I survived.” She framed his face with her hands. “You saved me, Jake. Now it’s my turn to save you.” With infinite gentleness, she pressed a kiss to his lips. “I know what guilt feels like. I’ve been fighting my own nightmares over bringing Victor into my family’s life.”

  That encouraged him to share the guilt that had plagued him for over a year. “If I’d paid attention to what my gut was telling me, I’d have scrubbed the mission. Instead, I listened to the brass and followed orders. And seven men paid the price for my mistake.”

  “You weren’t to blame. Any more than I was to blame for what Victor did.” Her voice trembled, then steadied. “I finally did what I should have done in the first place.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I turned it over to the Lord. I told him that if He saw fit to help me understand, then I was ready, but that I couldn’t do it by myself.”

  “That’s the key, isn’t it?” he mused. “Turning it over to the Lord and allowing Him to do the heavy lifting.” Hearing himself say it aloud eased much of the pain that had twisted inside his stomach and sent poisonous barbs to his heart over the past year.

  “I don’t know why God didn’t save my mother any more than I know why He didn’t save your men. I wish I did,” Dani said. “But that’s not for me—or you—to figure out. Our job is to go on living, to try and make a difference in this crazy world.”

  “That’s what the shrink said.”

  “Sounds like a pretty smart doctor.”

  “He is.” Jake laid a hand over hers. “But it doesn’t ch
ange the fact that I’ve got plenty of work to do before I even approach normal. Why would you want to tie your life to a broken-down soldier who lives with nightmares?”

  “Because I love him with all my heart.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He felt her heartbeat, strong and sure, against his chest. “With God, all things are possible,” she said, voice soft as a prayer.

  That was like Dani, looking to the Lord for a solution. With her help, maybe he could find his way back to doing the same. “I don’t deserve you.”

  The smile she turned on him was brilliant and so full of joy that it took his breath away. “How about letting me decide that?” She linked her fingers with his and kissed him lightly. “Whatever we face, we face together.”

  Together. What a beautiful word. Why had he never realized that? He and Dani had a lifetime of togetherness. He could hardly wait to start.

  * * * * *

  Keep reading for en excerpt from THE LAWMAN RETURNS by Lynette Eason.

  Dear Reader,

  I have always stood in awe of the valiant men and women who serve our country in the armed services. Some come home broken in body, others broken in spirit. The idea of a broken hero intrigued me.

  With that in mind, I drew Jake Rabb, an ex-Delta soldier, returning from the Middle East and still dealing with the nightmares from that time. The heroine, Dani Barclay, is broken as well, grieving over the disappearance of her mother. Two broken people, looking for love but afraid to reach for it.

  I hope you find in Jake and Dani’s story a reminder that love, especially with the Lord’s tender mercies, can heal the most wounded soul.

  Jane M. Choate

  Questions for Discussion

  Do you think Dani made the right choice in refusing to run back to her father and allow him to protect her with all of the resources at his command?

  Do you believe Jake was too harsh in his initial judgment of Dani as a “spoiled princess”? Have you ever made similar judgments and then later regretted them?

  Do you think that all judgments are bad or do you believe that making some judgments is a necessary part of life?

  Have you ever grieved over something in the past that appeared to have no answer, such as the disappearance of Dani’s mother? If so, how have you handled it?

  Do you agree with Dani’s decision to refuse to trade leniency in Patricia Newton’s case for information that could help identify the stalker?

  Was Dani being stubborn in insisting upon attending the awards night, at the risk of her own safety, or was she simply trying to fulfill a promise she’d made? What would you have done in a similar situation?

  Do you think Dani was foolish in wanting to help Clariss even after all that Clariss had done to betray Dani?

  Near the end of the book, did you think Jake was selfish in leaving Dani after his nightmare?

  Would you have forgiven Jake as Dani did? Or would you see his behavior as abandonment? Does forgiveness mean condoning?

  We hope you enjoyed this Harlequin Love Inspired Suspense story.

  You enjoy a dash of danger. Love Inspired Suspense stories feature strong heroes and heroines whose faith is central in solving mysteries and saving lives.

  Enjoy four new stories from Love Inspired Suspense every month!

  Connect with us on Harlequin.com for info on our new releases, access to exclusive offers, free online reads and much more!

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  ONE

  Social worker Sabrina Mayfield pressed the phone to her ear as she pushed away from her desk. “Jordan? What is it?”

  “I need your help,” he whispered. “I think I’m in trouble.”

  “What kind of trouble?”

  Jordan Zellis, one of her kids who’d been in the system but was trying to make something of himself, would call only if he truly needed help.

  “I...I need a ride. Will you come get me?”

  Sabrina tightened her grip on the phone. “Have you been drinking?”

  “No, j-just hanging out with friends. I...ah...started taking some pictures of...you know...the trees and birds and stuff and they...ah...left me here.”

  “Where?”

  He gave her the address. She heard shuffling and a whisper. Then silence. “Jordan?”

  “I’m here.”

  Her worry spiked at the new tone in his voice. “What is it?”

  “Never mind. I can get home. I’m fine. Don’t come here. Just...just don’t come here, okay?”

  “Jordan Zellis, what’s going on? You tell me right now.” Sabrina hoped the maternal-sounding order would get him to talk.

  Silence. Sabrina wondered if she’d pushed too hard. Then she heard him suck in a deep breath. “Oh, boy. I think I may be in some deep trouble. I just now found something. I didn’t know...” His voice shook.

  “Found what, Jordan?”

  An audible gulp. “I think I might know who killed Steven Starke.”

  Her throat tightened. Steven Starke, her friend and book buddy. And a Wrangler’s Corner deputy who’d been found dead almost four weeks ago. “What? Who? Who killed him?”

  “Don’t come here,” Jordan whispered. “It’s dangerous.”

  “Which is why you shouldn’t be there. Get out now.”

  “I can’t leave. I’ve got to get— Uh-oh—”

  “Jordan?”

  But he was gone, the line disconnected.

  Sabrina punched in the number for the police department and raced to her car, calling over her shoulder to her boss that she’d be back soon. “Jordan’s in trouble. I’m going to find out what’s going on.”

  Rachel came to her door. “You be careful.”

  Sabrina waved and pushed through the glass doors, her heart pounding. She gave the information to Tara, the dispatcher, who promised she’d have someone on the way. “Sabrina, don’t do anything stupid.”

  “When have I ever done anything stupid?”

  Tara paused. “Well, true, I can’t think of anything, but there’s always a first time.”

  Sabrina silently agreed. She knew she’d beat the police there. She was only a little over two miles from the address Jordan had given her, but he’d sounded so scared on the phone. He needed her.

  Within minutes, she pulled into the gravel drive and stopped to stare at the rusted, dilapidated trailer.

  Mondays never brought anything good, and today didn’t look as if it was going to be the exception.

  She couldn’t help wondering if she went in, would she come out in one piece.

  Wrangler’s Corner, Tennessee, population 1,037, had its share of beauty—and problems, depending on which side of the mountain one lived on. The most prevalent issues in the small town were unemployment and abject poverty.

  Dark blankets covered the windows on the inside of the trailer, and trash littered the outside. Someone had strung a sad little strand of Christmas lights around the door of the trailer as though to attempt to offer a small ray of hope.

  It didn’t work.

  Swallowing her nerves, Sabrina opened the car door, stepped out and tugged her fleece pullover down around her hips. She ignored the late-November wind that whipped her hair across her eyes and sent a chill up her spine.

  She approached the ragged wood meant to pass as the front porch. At the bottom of the steps, she assessed it. Would it hold her? She placed one foot on the first step, then the second. It trembled but held.

  She reached the top and banged on the door. “Jordan? Are you in there?” Nothing but the sound of the dog barking next door. “Come on, Jordan, you called me!”

&n
bsp; The teen had been on her radar for a while. She’d done everything she could to help the kid, even trying to foster his interest in photography and meeting him at the office to tutor him after school. It seemed as if he’d been trying so hard lately, going to school and not causing any trouble. Until now.

  Although she had to admit, he’d sounded truly scared on the phone. She banged on the door again. “Jordan!”

  A thump sounded from inside. She jerked and stepped back. What was she doing? She shivered. He’d warned her not to come, that it was dangerous. When she’d put the address in her GPS and realized where she was going, she’d almost backed out and let the police handle it.

  But Jordan had sounded so scared. And Steven had been her friend. If there was a chance she could find out who killed him, she wasn’t going to pass it up.

  However, getting killed wouldn’t help anyone. She didn’t normally worry about that, but in her line of work, she never kidded herself that it couldn’t happen. People got real testy when you took their kids away from them. And sometimes she had to go into areas it was best she didn’t go.

  At least not without backup.

  She glanced back at her car, then at her watch. Where was the officer? Scanning the area, she spotted a neighbor directly across from her. The woman caught her eye, then stepped back to close the door.

  People around here minded their own business. It was safer that way.

  She took another step up and held on to the rickety railing. Her nose twitched. The smell of ammonia hung in the air. A hose ran the length of the trailer to disappear into a cracked window.

  She knocked again. “Jordan? Come on.”

  A clanging sounded to her left. She jerked and turned, slow and easy. Had one of the neighbors dropped something? Kicked a metal can?

  Nothing. No, wait.... A shadow? Was someone around the corner of the trailer?

  Her gaze flitted from one trailer to the next, looking for any sign of life. Deserted was the word that came to mind. Or everyone was in hiding.