Instant Daddy

by Carol Voss

  Peter strode into the room, powerful and in charge but looking a tad more relaxed in Dad’s old shirt. His own wet shirt in his hand, he stopped by the table and studied the wall of family pictures. “Looks like you were a busy girl in school. Plays, proms, cheerleader.”

  She looked up from pouring cereal. “You know which pictures are me and which are Clarissa?”

  “Sure.” He turned to her. “You’re very different from your sister, you know.”

  “She’s the brainy one. No surprise there.”

  “You’re brainy enough.” Peter laid his shirt on the table to help Jake scramble into his high chair. He attempted to attach the tray without success. “You don’t seem as driven as Clarissa. You’re gentle. And there’s more compassion in your eyes.”

  Strangely touched by his comment, she leaned in, clicked the tray in place and set the dish of cereal on it.

  “People love you,” he said.

  She didn’t know how to respond. “Why do you think that? You don’t even know me.”

  “I’ve watched you with people. They love you.”

  “A problem when you can’t live up to it.”

  He chuckled. “You have nothing to worry about, then.”

  She frowned. Did he take her comment as her attempt at humor? Or arrogance? If only. But how refreshing. He didn’t know or care about her past or how far she’d fallen from the self-sufficient, independent woman she’d been before the accident. And he had no clue how much she had to depend on her parents and relatives to help her make her life run.

  But his comments gave her the courage to ask a few personal questions of her own. “You said you and Clarissa were never a couple. That you don’t have time for relationships. But obviously, you cared about each other…”

  “Your sister and I had an excellent working relationship. We respected each other’s integrity a great deal. We understood each other’s drive and dedication to our work.”

  Jake held an O out to Peter.

  “For me?” Peter bent and opened his mouth to let Jake drop the cereal inside.

  Jake watched with rapt attention. “Mmm?”

  “Mmm,” Peter repeated.

  A mixture of emotions churning inside her, Jessie waited for Peter to continue his explanation of his and Clarissa’s relationship. But he didn’t. Instead, she watched him and Jake take turns sharing Jake’s snack. Finally, she decided to push the issue. Somehow, she needed to know. “Did you love her?”

  Peter looked at Jessie, his smile disappearing. “It wasn’t like that, Jessie.”

  She frowned. Clarissa had never given her the idea that she’d loved Jake’s father, either. “How was it, then, Peter?”

  He blew out a breath, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. “I guess you deserve some explanation. Clarissa and I were working together on an important experiment. When it failed, we were devastated. We took comfort in each other that night. That’s it. It was a mistake. It only happened once. Neither of us pursued anything further. Two months later, she transferred to the New York lab to further her career.

  “I wished her well. I never suspected for a moment she was leaving to hide her pregnancy from me. I heard she took family leave a few months later to help her sister—you—recover from a car accident.”

  “Yes.” She couldn’t explain why she was relieved to hear their relationship had been mostly professional.

  Jake held his arms up to Peter. “Hole me, ’kay?”

  “I sure will.” Peter beamed at Jake as if the heavens had opened up and showered him with manna. He fiddled to unsnap the tray, tugging it impatiently.

  Jessie let him figure out the high chair on his own this time.

  The tray unsnapped and came off in Peter’s hands. Surprised, he looked it over.

  Jake lunged out of his chair.

  Jessie lurched to catch him, but she was too far away to reach him in time.

  He hit the linoleum floor with a thud.

  “Jake.” Peter fell to his knees beside Jake.

  “Mama,” Jake wailed as soon as he caught his breath. “Need ice. Need ice.”

  Heart pounding, Jessie dropped beside him, scanning his head for bruises. “Will you get the ice pack from the freezer, Peter?”

  “Right away.” Pale and miserable, he climbed to his feet, strode to the fridge and yanked open the door.

  She’d never get used to Jake getting hurt, even if she had learned to stay calm so she could help him. Noticing a spot on his forehead turning pink, she gathered him close. “The ice pack is in the door rack. Grab the dish towel on the oven door to wrap it in.”

  He was back in a flash and handed her the towel-wrapped ice with shaking hands.

  She held it to Jake’s head.

  Jake reached to help her hold the pack. “Pedo hurt Jake,” he accused.

  Peter shut his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Peter didn’t hurt you, honey,” Jessie explained. “He didn’t know you were going to jump.”

  Peter shook his head as if he couldn’t believe his incompetence. “I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off him.”

  Jessie’s heart ached for Peter. “I should have warned you he likes to jump.”

  What had she been thinking? She’d been selfish and smug trying to show Peter he couldn’t be a parent. He was a parent. A parent who wanted to know his son and his son to know him. Didn’t every child deserve to know his daddy?

  She’d die before she’d give Jake up. But that didn’t mean she had to be selfish. If she held on too tight, she might lose Jake completely.

  “He could have gotten seriously hurt,” Peter said miserably.

  She saw defeat in his eyes, defeat she’d wanted.

  She felt terrible. Peter didn’t deserve this. She’d been wrong.

  Instead of being critical and acting superior, shouldn’t she be helping Peter learn Jake’s habits? Because no matter what, she had to do everything in her power to keep her little boy safe. “How many skills do you think I had when I brought him home from the hospital? But I learned.”

  “I’m sure Jake didn’t get hurt while you were learning.”

  “He won’t get hurt, Peter. Not if I teach you. You did say you’re a quick study.”

  Chapter Five

  Trying to shut out the memory of Jake’s fall, Peter sat at the rickety desk in a musty motel room he’d finally found on the outskirts of town. Seemed graduates’ relatives had booked everything in the town’s one decent motel and the B and B. He’d made a few calls and found another chemist to cover the tasks he’d planned to take care of this weekend. Now he stared at the graph he’d pulled up on his laptop while he explained the Jake situation to Scott on his cell.

  “I’m shocked,” Scott said. “I had no idea you were leading a secret life.”

  “Right.” He knew Scott’s remark was a stab at humor. “Like I have time for a secret life.”

  “Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a daddy. And knowing you, you’re not taking it lightly.”

  He leaned his arm on the desk and propped his head in his hand. “I don’t want my son growing up without a father like I did.”

  “Maybe you’ll have to take my advice to hire more people at the lab, if you’re actually contemplating a life outside of it.”

  And compromise his research? He wouldn’t be even close to the testing phase of the new drug without the countless hours he spent in the lab. “I need to be on top of things. You know that.”

  “So hire good people to help you stay on top of things.”

  “Good people leave just when you have them trained the way you want them.”

  “Like Clarissa did?”

  “Obviously. I think she transferred to the New York lab because she wanted to hide her pregnancy from me. But other promising people have left for various reasons, too.”

  “You need to give them more responsibility. Stop trying to save the world all by yourself, man. It can’t be done. Besides, good people need to feel they hav
e a stake in the outcome.”

  “We’ve had this discussion before, Scott.”

  “To no avail. But you’ll have to make some changes if you want to spend time with your son.”

  Peter closed his eyes against a flash of Jake falling. “I let him fall today. He moved so quickly, I didn’t have time to react.”

  “Is he all right?”

  “Yes, but I’m sure the bump on the little guy’s head will impress his grandparents, especially when they learn I’m responsible for it. I should have anticipated his action. I’d seen him make a game of throwing himself with Jessie. Of course, she caught him. I should have.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Peter. It’s not like you’ve ever been around kids.”

  “But it could have been serious. The amazing thing is that Jessie didn’t pounce on me. She doesn’t want me here. She’s made that abundantly clear. Yet, when Jake accused me of hurting him, Jessie defended me. She must have known if she didn’t come to my aid, the kid would never trust me again. Maybe he still won’t. But instead of blaming me, she promised to teach me how to take care of him.”

  “Maybe she’s trying to protect the child.”

  “That makes sense. She really loves him. She lights up like a Christmas tree with him.”

  “She sounds like a wonderful, compassionate woman, Peter.”

  “Yeah. She looks like Clarissa, but the resemblance ends there. Jessie’s soft, vulnerable. But with a core of steel, I’m finding out.” He remembered his discomfort when she offered to pray. What would Scott think of it? “She said she’d pray for you and me.”

  “Did you thank her?”

  Peter sighed. “I didn’t know what to say. Nobody’s offered to pray for me before.”

  “Karen and I always pray for you.”

  “What?” Peter shook his head. “You never told me that.”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d be comfortable with the idea.”

  He was right about that. But at least, thanks to Scott, Peter now knew how to respond. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  Too bad he couldn’t say he prayed for them…or that he knew how to pray at all, for that matter. “What should I do?”

  “I’ve never been a father. What makes you think I can advise you on this?”

  “You’ve been as close to a father as I’ve ever had. Nobody knows me better.”

  “I know you won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t do everything possible for that little boy. You’ll have to decide how much you need to be involved with him. What kind of dad do you want to be?”

  Peter recognized the exhaustion in Scott’s voice. He had to let him get off the phone soon, but he’d never needed his wisdom more. “I want him to know he can count on me, no matter what.”

  “That will take some serious relationship building.”

  “Not my strong suit, I know. Not to mention the time.” Time he didn’t have.

  “Are you considering bringing him to live with you?” Scott asked.

  “I don’t know.” Straightening, Peter rolled his shoulders to get out the kinks. “That could take a court battle.”

  “Not a happy prospect.”

  “The worst.”

  “Maybe you can work out something part-time with Jessie. Do you think she’d be willing to move to Madison so you can see more of him?”

  Peter thought about it for a second. “I don’t know. Her family’s here. And she has her own business, a diner.”

  “Maybe you can help her establish a business in Madison or in one of the towns nearby.”

  That would make it possible for him to keep long hours in the lab and be part of Jake’s life. And it wouldn’t force him to tear his son from the only mother he’d ever known. But would Jessie consider moving? “I’ll give it some thought.”

  “Figure out what you’re willing to do for a relationship with your son. Once you know the answer to that question, you’ll figure out the rest.”

  “I can see sleepless nights ahead. Thanks for listening. Now get some rest. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

  “You know we wish you the best.” Scott’s phone clicked off.

  Peter turned off his cell and stared at the graph on his laptop. He gave a fleeting thought to the list of tasks at the lab he’d had to delegate to allow him to stay another day. Too many things for his own peace of mind.

  But Scott was right. To allow time for Jake, Peter would have to cut back on his hours. That would mean assigning some of his work to technicians and hiring another assistant to take up the slack. Was it possible to make so many changes without compromising the stringent quality he demanded in the lab? Especially now that they were beginning the testing phase on humans? He sure couldn’t compromise that.

  His mind snagged on the mathematical equation he’d been working out on his laptop. The roadblock shifting and giving way, he began keying in the solution.

  If only he could solve his sudden father status as easily.

  “What?” With a glance in each direction, Maggie power walked across the street beside Jessie. “Whatever made you decide to help him?”

  Dragging in a breath of earthy scent left behind by the rain, Jessie hurried to keep pace. “He looked so defeated, I…”

  “He manipulated you.”

  Is that what happened? Remembering the look on Peter’s face after Jake fell, Jessie shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

  “Well, he took advantage of the situation to get you to do what he wants. Sounds like a controlling man to me.” Maggie dodged a puddle in the middle of the sidewalk.

  Jessie veered to avoid her. “What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t make sure he knows how to keep Jake safe?”

  “How much are you planning to let him be around Jake?”

  “I don’t know. Will advised me to compromise. He said if it goes to court, Peter could possibly win full custody if he wanted.”

  “How can you be certain he’s Jake’s father without a paternity test?”

  “He already took swabs for a DNA test. But anyone can see he’s Jake’s father.”

  “Well, even so, waiting for results of the DNA test could buy you time until you figure out a strategy to deal with him.”

  “There’s been no time to figure out a strategy,” Jessie blurted. “It’s like Jake and I are suddenly in the middle of a tornado and all I can think about is how to keep him safe.”

  “I don’t mean to criticize, Jess. I just want to help.”

  “I know.” Jessie waved at neighbors sitting on their front porch, the ache in her hip warning her to drop back a little.

  Maggie slowed her pace. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She wanted to tell the entire town she was fine and be done with it. After the accident, being grateful for everyone’s concern had worked for a long time, but constant reminders that she was no longer the person she used to be only set her apart to pity.

  Pity didn’t help. Not pity from others, nor self-pity. She needed her energy to try to keep her life together. Which she’d been doing a reasonable job of until Peter Sheridan showed up with a claim on Jake.

  She couldn’t help feeling God had pulled the rug out from under her…again.

  Mixers whirring, Jessie hurried to one of the stoves, pulled two strawberry-rhubarb pies from the oven and set them on the cooling rack. Tossing her oven mitts on the counter, she barely noticed the mouth-watering aromas mingling with the other pies and cakes she’d managed to bake despite being all thumbs this morning. She gave the clock above the sink an evil eye. How had she forgotten she had extra baking to do when she’d pushed her snooze button the third time?

  Of course, if she’d been able to sleep, she wouldn’t have needed more z’s. But she doubted sleepless nights or the anxiety that spurred them were going away any time soon. At least not while Peter Sheridan was in town.

  She flipped off the mixers, grasped a bowl and rubber spatula and poured airy yellow batter for Mom�
��s Sunshine Cake into the ungreased tube pan. Ever since she’d decided to teach Peter about Jake last night, she couldn’t shake the feeling she was making it easier for him to steal her son from her. Her conversation with Maggie during their nightly walk hadn’t helped. But what else could she do? She had to protect Jake.

  “Smells good in here.” Jessie’s mom walked through the kitchen.

  “Hi, Mom.” Blowing the tendril of hair out of her eyes that had somehow escaped her kerchief, Jessie poured batter for Aunt Lou’s walnut cake into the prepared pan.

  “You look so stressed, dear.”

  “Not what I need to hear, Mom.” Grasping both cake pans, Jessie strode to the oven, popped them in and set the timer. “I’m muddling through with only a few minor mishaps.”

  “I see.” She spotted Jessie’s earlier attempt at Sunshine Cake on the counter. “New recipe for lemon pancakes?”

  “Ha,” she said half-heartedly. It was pretty obvious she’d been too distracted to beat something long enough, probably the egg whites. She checked the clock. Her mom was running late, too.

  “You know stress isn’t good for you, Jess.”

  Jessie blew out a breath of impatience. “I’m fine.”

  Mom washed and dried her hands at the sink. “Sometimes it’s okay not to be fine.”

  “Now is not that time.”

  “All right.” Her mom threw up her hands as if giving up.

  Jessie didn’t believe it for a second. “Lots of people stayed in town after graduation yesterday. We’ll have even longer lines waiting at the door than we usually do on Sunday mornings. I haven’t had time to start coffee or set up out front yet.”

  “I’m on it.” She grasped the cash drawer Jessie had gotten ready earlier. “Your dad promised to bring Jake in plenty of time to allow me to get him settled for his nap before church. By the way, the bump on Jake’s head was barely visible this morning.”

  Jessie dragged in a breath, remembering Jake’s fall. Noticing the fatigue on her mother’s face, Jessie’s heart contracted. Her mom was stressed, too. Of course, what Peter did affected her parents, too.

  Please don’t take Jake from us, God. I don’t know what any of us would do without him. She pressed her fingers to her forehead to try to stop the flood of emotions. Her head felt like it might explode. “Do you think we could lose Jake, Mom?”