by Carol Voss
Her dad looked up, his smile fading. “What’s wrong, Jess?”
She pressed her fingers to her lips to stifle a sob.
Jake lunged for his grandfather, spreading his arms to be held.
He took him, his eyes still on Jessie.
“Pedo bad.” Jake stuck out his bottom lip.
Dad hugged Jake to him and frowned at Jessie. “What happened?”
Stifling another sob, Jessie shook her head and pointed at Jake.
“Jake, your toys have been waiting for you in the sandbox. Think you should tell them hello?”
Jake’s little face brightened. “Down, Papa.”
Jessie’s dad helped him slide to the ground.
Jake ran across the yard to the sandbox, climbed in and plopped in the sand, jabbering to his toys.
Her father stood and opened his arms.
Stepping into them, Jessie blubbered against his shoulder as if her heart would break.
He patted her back and let her cry.
She glanced at Jake. Hopefully, he was too absorbed with his toys to notice her crying jag. When she was able to stop the tears, she reached to grab tissues from the box on the nearby table and set about mopping her face and blowing her nose.
“What happened?” Dad asked. “Peter was in a good mood when I sent him to the lake to find you and Jake.”
“I’ll just bet he was. He thought he had everything wrapped up in a neat little package.” Glancing at Jake, she lowered her voice even further. “I tried to give Peter the benefit of the doubt, and he thought he had me totally wrapped around his little finger. The man is insufferable, Dad. He even had the nerve to ask for my input on hiring a…a…nanny.”
A new surge of tears wound their way down her cheeks. She dabbed at them. “He bought a new condo. He’s been making plans to take Jake to live with him. As soon as we can transition him.” She shook her head. “Transition him? Over my dead body. I’ve been naive and stupid to think he would do what was best for Jake.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That I’d never hand Jake over to him. Period.”
Dad frowned. “Do you think he’ll take you to court?”
“Court?” Fear clutched her. She’d been so angry and upset, she hadn’t considered Peter could fight for custody and probably win. How could she protect Jake then? She pressed her palm to her forehead. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
“When you told him you wouldn’t hand Jake over, how did he react?”
“She didn’t give me a chance to react.” Peter strode from the driveway as if he had a right to be here.
How arrogant could the man be to show up after what he’d done? Jessie’s gaze darted to Jake.
Jake looked up, obviously recognizing Peter’s voice.
Poor little boy. He’d already had more emotional upheaval tonight than he should be expected to handle. She strode to the sandbox, picked him up and hurried into the house.
“Jessie,” Peter hollered. How could he make her understand if she kept running away from him? He strode after her.
“Let her go, Peter.” Jessie’s dad used an authoritative tone Peter hadn’t heard before.
Stopping mid-stride, he turned to him. “I need to talk to her.”
Max shook his head. “Jake doesn’t need to hear any more.”
Peter blew out a breath. “You’re right.”
“Jess is too upset to listen right now, anyway.”
“But I need to make her understand.”
Jessie’s dad gave him a grim look. “You’ve made arrangements to take Jake to live with you?”
“Part of the time.”
Max scowled. “Do you really expect her to understand that?”
Peter stared at the ground. “Well, yes. I wasn’t trying to take him away from her. I hoped we could put our heads together and figure out an arrangement that will work for all of us. I told her I’ll never keep Jake from her. Or from you and your wife, either. My new condo has an extra bedroom for you all whenever you want.”
“Jess can visit Jake?” Max shook his head, a deep frown furrowing his brow. “What were you thinking?”
Peter blew out a breath. “I’m thinking of Jake. I never knew my own parents. I don’t want to do that to my son.”
“But Jess is his mother.”
Peter swallowed. “I know. But I’m also his father.”
“Do you know what a mother is?” Max gave him a sour look. “Because Jake knows.”
Peter sighed. “I don’t want to change their relationship, Max.”
“It sounds like you do want to change it. Are you planning to take Jess to court? Because that’s what it will take, you know.”
Peter met the man’s direct gaze. Scott had asked him how far he’d be willing to go to have Jake with him. It looked like time to figure that out. “A legal battle would hurt everybody involved, and alienating Jessie and you would only make things harder for Jake. Plus I’d hate myself for doing it. So no, I won’t go to court.”
Jessie’s father let out a breath. “Well, thank God for that. But you hired a nanny?”
“She’s a babysitter. And I didn’t hire her. Not without Jessie’s input.”
Max shook his head again. “I think she’s given her input on that idea.”
Peter glanced at the house. Was Jessie getting Jake ready for bed? He ached to be part of that ritual again. He shifted his feet, ready to walk in and claim his rightful place. “I need to make her understand. We need to work this out.”
“You don’t understand, Peter.”
Peter dragged in a breath.
“Your wanting to be part of Jake’s life is commendable, but he has a mother who’s been with him since birth. He’s part of a family. The family he’s known since day one. A family that thrives on daily routine. That’s how family members become connected enough to understand each other on a deep level. Think about it. Your son trusts Jess to always be there no matter what happens.”
“I know. Am I wrong for wanting that kind of relationship with Jake, too?”
“No. You’re not wrong, but it takes time to build trust like that. How much do you think Jake will trust you if you take him away from his mother?”
Peter felt like he’d been sucker punched.
“He’s a little boy, Peter. He’s not a lab experiment you can shift around or manipulate at your will or convenience.”
He stared at the older man. “That’s what you think I’m doing?”
“Maybe not intentionally.” Max’s gaze was steady, his voice unyielding. “But yes, I think that’s what you’re doing.”
Peter tried to wrap his mind around the cold, controlling man Jessie’s dad described. Was he that kind of man? He sure hoped not. “Is that what Jessie thinks?”
“She loves Jake, and she knows what you’re planning will hurt him. Do you know your son well enough to know what will hurt him? Or to know what’s best for him?” Max shook his head. “I don’t think so. If you did, you’d see your plans aren’t for him. They’re for yourself.”
Peter’s arguments died on his lips. Was Max right? Was he thinking of himself? Of his own lonely childhood?
Jake’s childhood was nothing like his had been. Jake had Jessie. And her parents. And a home filled with love. His son had a family and the deep understanding and communication Peter never had. What kind of father would take that away?
With a sinking feeling, he clawed his fingers through his hair. “But he needs to know I love him and want him in my life.”
“Yes, he does. You can show him that by spending time with him whenever you can.”
No Jake to hurry home to? To read stories to or tuck into bed? To fill his new condo with laughter and love? He ached inside. He hadn’t realized how much he was looking forward to having the little guy in his life on a regular basis.
But would Jake laugh without Jessie? And if he took his son from his mother, would he ever trust Peter again? He blew out a breath. “Seeing him on
weekends will be better than nothing.”
“It’s the right thing for Jake, Peter.”
His stomach twisted. Had he even thought about Jake’s feelings when he was so busy making plans? Or only his own? He glanced at the house. “I need to tell Jessie.”
“Not so fast. You think she’s going to trust you around Jake after what you pulled? I’ll tell her you won’t sue for custody. That’s what she’s most worried about.”
Peter dragged in a breath, remembering her reaction to his plans. How could I have ever believed Jake was lucky to have you for a daddy? He could still hear the accusation in her voice, see the distrust in her eyes. He hadn’t considered her feelings either, had he? “What can I do to fix this, Max?”
“I think you’re going to have to give her a little time. Go home, let her calm down while you figure out how you began to win her trust in the first place. Then go from there.”
Peter stared at the older man. He didn’t know why Jessie had decided to trust him. Or when she’d begun to think Jake was lucky to have him for a dad. Was it that night when she’d let him share Jake’s bath and defended him to his son after he’d let the little guy fall?
Probably not. Why would she trust him after he’d failed to keep Jake safe?
Maybe when she’d coached him through Jake’s bedtime ritual? Or that day in the park when she’d taken pictures and offered to share those she already had of Jake?
He’d accepted her acts of kindness as if they were his due. He scrubbed his hands over his face. How had he been so blind?
She’d allowed him into her and Jake’s life. She’d let him see their mysterious connection up close and personal. He’d been warmed by it. And what had he done? He’d rejected being part of the life she’d built for Jake and pursued his own interests.
That’s how he’d lost her trust.
Not out of malice, as she probably suspected. Out of ignorance. Which was, obviously, just as deadly.
The problem was he didn’t have a clue how to win her trust again. All he knew was he needed to find a way.
Jessie sat on her bed, legs folded to support her laptop. A whole week had ground slowly past without so much as a word from Peter. If he hadn’t promised her father he wouldn’t sue for custody, she’d be a total basket case.
Putting off another night of tossing and turning, she scrolled through several email subject lines. At a blank subject, she checked the address. Jakesdad. Drawing a breath, she paused her finger over the delete icon.
What could he possibly think he had to say to her now? Nothing that would help her sleep. Her emotions had been all over the place ever since she met the man. Reading his email would confuse her more than she already was. She pushed Delete and opened an email from her cousin, Mary, full of excited plans about her upcoming wedding.
Jessie read the rest of her mail, answering the ones that called for a reply. About to turn off her laptop, she hesitated. How well would she sleep if she didn’t read Peter’s email?
Was not knowing what he said even worse than knowing? Making a face, she scrolled to Recently Deleted. Peter’s mail was the only one in the list. She stared at it for several seconds, then clicked it open and read.
Dear Jessie,
I was wrong to think I could give Jake what he needs.
Your dad helped me see you and Jake are a family.
I didn’t get that before. Taking him away from you would be a mistake that would hurt him possibly for the rest of his life.
Another thing I understand now is that being a dad isn’t about me. At least, it shouldn’t be. It’s about what’s best for our son. I want to add to the terrific life you’ve made for him…not make it less.
Please forgive me, Jessie. For making you think you can’t trust me. I’ve figured out I didn’t deserve your trust. But I hope you can find it in your heart to give me another chance. I’ll do whatever it takes.
And I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to earn the privilege of being Jake’s dad.
Peter
She pressed her fingers to her lips to hold back the onslaught of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. How could she sleep after reading a letter like that?
But how do I know if he means what he says? If I let him get close to Jake, will he try to take him away again?
Or was it like her father had said? Peter hadn’t understood because he’d never had a family? Had he really thought he could rip Jake away and become his family, just like that?
She couldn’t begin to imagine what it would have been like for him growing up without parents and relatives. Her heart ached thinking how lonely and afraid a little boy would be never knowing he was loved unconditionally. The way her parents loved Clarissa and her.
The way she loved Jake.
She had to protect her little boy and do what was best for him, no matter what. Knowing his daddy cared about him would be best for him, wouldn’t it? But would she be protecting Jake if she trusted Peter after what he’d tried to do? Oh, God, what if I make a mistake that hurts Jake?
Nothing could change that Peter was Jake’s daddy. Or that Jake deserved and needed him. How could she claim to love her son unless she forgave his father and gave him a second chance?
She hit Reply and stared at the blinking cursor for who knew how long. But words just wouldn’t come. Finally, she switched off her laptop and breathed a heavy sigh. It looked like another sleepless night lay in wait.
Her gaze rested on the phone, then the clock. It was 1:00 a.m. already? Too late to call Peter. Besides, what would she say? She could only hope the right words would come to her when she heard his voice.
Before she could change her mind, she grasped her little directory and found the cell-phone number he’d given her in case of emergency. If she woke him, too bad. Her own sleep deprivation was reaching the emergency stage, wasn’t it? She punched in his number. The phone rang three times, four…
“Sheridan.”
His deep voice sent a ripple along her nerves. She almost hung up but managed to stop herself. “Peter?”
“Jessie?”
He recognized her voice? Unprepared for the warm flood of emotion, she scooped her hair off her neck.
“Is Jake okay?”
She heard the alarm in his tone. “He’s fine. I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I wasn’t asleep.”
Did he have trouble sleeping, too? “I read your email.”
A pause. “I mean every word, Jessie.” He sounded sincere enough.
She swallowed around a lump in her throat. “I hope so.”
“And I’m so sorry.”
She bit her lip. “I won’t let you hurt Jake,” she warned.
“I know. You were right to protect him.”
She sniffed, not knowing what to say. Words weren’t coming much easier on the phone than when she’d tried to write to him. “I’m sure you’d like to see him.”
“Very much. When?” he said in a rush.
She wasn’t ready for him. “This weekend won’t work. When I’m not at the diner, Jake and I will be picking strawberries Saturday. And we have a church fundraiser Sunday.”
“Okay.” He sounded disappointed.
She swallowed guiltily. “The berries are ripening too fast for my aunt and uncle to keep up, so we’re all helping out whenever we can.” True, but a lame excuse nonetheless.
“Will next weekend work?”
Could she make him wait another whole week to see Jake? Of course she could.
No. She couldn’t.
He was being real. The fear and defeat on his face when Jake fell was real. So was the laughter in his eyes when he played with his son. And his rusty monotone singing “Happy Birthday” along with Jake’s sweet hum wasn’t an act, any more than his dedication to his research, his loyalty to his friend Scott or his determination to be the father to Jake that Peter never had.
How could she make him wait another week? He was sacrificing having his son live with him, w
asn’t he? She had to compromise, too. “You can come out to my aunt and uncle’s place Saturday to play with Jake if you like.”
“Tomorrow? I’ll be there with bells on,” he said hoarsely.
Swiping at a pesky tear winding its way down her cheek, she gave him directions to her aunt and uncle’s farm.
“Jessie…”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”
She forced her trembling hand to set the phone in its cradle, then stared at it as if it were a living thing. Hearing his voice, his words, she was sure he meant what he said in his email.
It was the ache in her heart that worried her. That and the way she was suddenly looking forward to seeing him far too much.
Chapter Nine
A yellow Labrador retriever loudly welcomed Peter to Jessie’s aunt and uncle’s strawberry patch—a misnomer if he’d ever seen one. Anybody but Jessie’s family would call the patch a field. He’d never seen so many strawberries. And the patch/field was scattered with people picking the berries. Jessie’s parents gave him friendly waves. He returned them, glad they seemed okay with him being here.
But it didn’t take him long to hone in on a rainbow-striped umbrella. In its shade, a small boy played with trucks in the dirt. And near him, his mother picked strawberries under a wide straw hat.
The sensation of coming home after a long absence hit him just as it had that day at the beach. He’d missed his son even more than he’d realized. And no denying, he’d missed Jessie, too. Feeling like his chest might explode, he strode for them as fast as he could cover ground.
She sat in the dirt, her red-stained fingers deftly plucking berries. The hat shaded her face, cutoffs exposed her long legs and a blue tank top with seahorses all over it bared her creamy shoulders. He couldn’t take his gaze from her.
She looked up, her eyes going wide when she saw him, almost as if she was as glad to see him as he was to see her. But she shuttered her gaze just as quickly. “Look, Jake. Peter’s here.”