218 First Hugs

by E. L. Todd

  A part of me was relieved. Another part was heartbroken.

  Just when I saw the good side of him, he revealed his true colors. I started to see him as the amazing man every person described him to be. But then he hurt me again. Just like when I caught him with Vanessa the first time, I’d caught him again.

  It sucked.

  A fire was roaring in my fireplace, and I threw another log on to keep it going for a few hours. It was cool that day, the sky overcast and the air chill. The second I came home, I took a hot shower to warm up and threw my sweats on.

  When I stood upright, I looked out the window and saw Amelia and Cypress standing together. Whatever they were talking about was intense because Cypress looked angry. When Amelia turned away to walk to my front door, he grabbed her by the elbow and kept her in place.

  What was going on?

  They exchanged a few more words before Cypress finally dropped his grasp, letting Amelia go. They shared one more look before Cypress walked back into his house. Amelia watched him go, heaving a deep sigh before she turned to my front door.

  I quickly sat down out of sight so my sister wouldn’t know I witnessed them arguing.

  I couldn’t figure out what was going on based on that heated exchange, but it seemed like Cypress didn’t want Amelia to come to my house. Maybe she was going to try to convince me I should give him another chance, but Cypress didn’t want her to bother? I didn’t have a clue.

  Amelia knocked.

  “Come in.”

  She walked inside without a smile on her face. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore jeans and a baggy sweater. She seemed exhausted, like she’d been up all night taking care of one of her sick girls. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I was on my guard, knowing I was about to be ambushed. Amelia didn’t have time to drop by for no reason anymore. If she needed to talk to me, she usually just called. If she was here without her girls, that meant she got someone to watch them. So whatever she wanted to say was serious.

  She took a seat on the other couch, bringing sadness into the house. She hardly looked me in the eye. It was as if she was ignoring me, even though I was the only reason she was there in the first place.

  “Everything okay, Amy?”

  “Yeah…I just need to talk to you about something.” She cleared her throat even though her voice hadn’t cracked. She looked at the flames in my stone hearth, her eyes heavy with sorrow.

  “Okay…” Now I was scared. What if there was something wrong? Mom died young, and health issues were always on my mind. “Please tell me you’re okay. I need to know you’re okay. If it’s something else, then fine. But I need to know it’s not that.”

  “No,” she whispered. “I’m in perfect health, Bree.”

  Then whatever she was going to say couldn’t be that bad. “Thank you. What is it?”

  She clasped her hands together in her lap and stared at her fingertips. She released a quiet sigh before she looked up and met my gaze. “Before I tell you what happened, you need some background information.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “When you lost your memory, it was hard on me. Even though you were alive, I felt like I lost my sister. I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t see you. Every time I did and you didn’t remember what happened the day before, it just hurt. My girls didn’t understand what was going on, and the more they grew, the more I had to hide them from you. Then Evan left… I was in a dark place.”

  “I wish I could have been there for you.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I could deal with Evan leaving me. But losing you…that was so much harder. You’re my sister.”

  “I know, Amy.”

  She looked down again, staring at her hands. “A year went by, and things didn’t get much easier. Cypress was the one who was there for me the most. He helped me with groceries, picking up the girls from school, watching them so I could go to the doctor…everything. He did everything.”

  It softened my heart because I knew Cypress was a good man. He just didn’t know how to be with one woman.

  “I wouldn’t have known what to do without him,” she whispered. “The doctors told us repeatedly that you weren’t going to get better and we should sell the house and put you in a special home for the mentally disabled. Cypress refused to do that, and I’m so glad he did. Personally, I wanted to let it happen because I wanted Cypress to move on. I wanted you to come back, but I didn’t think you ever would.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “If I hadn’t hit my head, who knows what would have happened?”

  “Now that I’ve told you all of that, I hope you go a little easier on me…”

  Easier on her? “What do you mean?”

  She looked at her hands again, unable to meet my gaze. “Cypress was over one night. I’d drunk a lot of wine and had put the girls to bed. We were just talking. I was lonely and sad…and I did something really stupid.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t take a single breath until I knew what happened.

  “I kissed Cypress.” She closed her eyes because looking down wasn’t enough to block me out. “I was the one who kissed him.”

  While I heard what she said clearly, I couldn’t process it. Amelia was the last person in the world I expected to kiss my husband. And she was the last person I expected Cypress to kiss. There were a few people in life you could always count on to be loyal to you. Amelia had always been that for me—no matter what.

  But now she’d betrayed me.

  “Cypress was the one who pulled away. The kiss lasted a few seconds at most. He ended it and left. We didn’t talk for a few days until we were finally comfortable facing one another. I apologized, and he forgave me and said he never wanted to talk about it again.”

  I held my silence, unable to think of a single response. All I could do was picture Cypress kissing my sister, and such a rush of nausea hit me that I thought I would hurl. Imagining him kissing Amelia was somehow worse than Vanessa.

  “Cypress didn’t want you to know it was me because he didn’t want you to push me away. But I needed you to know the truth because you shouldn’t let him go. He’s the best guy I know. It wasn’t his fault. He’s always been faithful to you.”

  My husband and my sister. Disgusting.

  Amelia finally looked at me, terror in her gaze. “Bree?”

  “You kissed my husband.” My hands shook. “My own sister?”

  Tears formed in her eyes. “I told you I was in a dark place—”

  “What if I kissed Evan after I caught Cypress cheating on me with Vanessa?” I didn’t raise my voice because I wasn’t angry. I was just numb, unable to believe this had happened. Even if Cypress and I were divorced, it was still wrong of my own flesh and blood to be with him. It was wrong on so many levels.

  “I know…it’s wrong—”

  “It’s not just wrong, Amelia. It’s… There are no words.”

  She bowed her head again.

  “And he kissed you back.” That made me feel even worse. Amelia didn’t move on, and Cypress didn’t pull away before their lips touched. He tasted her, felt her.

  “For only a few seconds,” she said. “And he was the one who ended the kiss.”

  “Who cares about who ended the kiss? The kiss still happened.”

  “But Cypress was depressed too. He’d been alone for so long, and every day he hoped you would come back to him. He was in just as dark of a place as I was, Bree. I don’t want you to blame him for this when it was entirely my fault.”

  I shook my head. “And you were never going to tell me, huh?” Cypress only mentioned it because I asked him point-blank. I actually respected him for coming clean about it even though he didn’t give me all the details. It was more than what Amelia had done.

  “I…”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “I knew it would do more harm than good. And it wasn’t worth telling. It was the shortest and lamest kiss on the planet. I thought you were neve
r coming back.”

  “So what if I didn’t? Would you have slept with Cypress if I had died? How would you feel if I hooked up with Evan after you died in a car accident? Amelia, it’s just wrong. Even if Cypress were just an old boyfriend, it would still be wrong.”

  “I know…”

  “Obviously, you don’t.” I hopped off the couch because I couldn’t sit still anymore. “How could you do that to me?”

  “I’m sorry—”

  “How can you be sorry when you never planned on telling me?”

  “Because it was just a stupid, drunken mistake.” She rose to her feet, tears in her eyes. “You know I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”

  “Except steal my husband.”

  “Whoa, I wasn’t trying to steal him. I was just looking for comfort that one night—”

  “And not a single other guy on the planet was available?” I asked incredulously. “You couldn’t even find someone on a dating app? The only solution to your horny loneliness was your sister’s husband?”

  Her eyes fell at the insult.

  “Get out of my house.” I didn’t want to look at her face anymore. When I understood I’d lost the last three years of my life to amnesia, I knew my sister was the one thing I could rely on. I knew she would be the rock to get me back on my feet. But now all that trust was gone.

  I walked up the stairs without looking at her. “Now.”

  “Bree—”

  “Get out.” I moved to the foot of my bed then slid down to the floor, my arms resting on my knees. I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t entirely sure why. When Cypress told me he kissed someone, I just assumed he’d been the one to instigate it. It hurt badly, but not as much as this. My sister being the culprit was a million times worse.

  She was my family.

  She was my everything.

  And she betrayed me. Backstabbed me. Hurt me.

  My father left. My mom died. Amelia was all I had left.

  And she kissed my husband.

  * * *

  I didn’t leave the house for nearly three days. My phone died, but I didn’t bother charging it. There wasn’t a single person in the world I wanted to talk to right now. All my drapes were pulled closed so Cypress couldn’t see me—not that he wanted to see me.

  If he wanted to speak to me, he probably would have come to the front door by now. His silence told me he still respected my wishes.

  I didn’t go to work or bother calling in sick. I was certain the whole gang knew exactly what went down, and they didn’t need a personal explanation from me. When I was ready, I would go back.

  But I was too angry right now.

  Late one afternoon, someone knocked on my door.

  It could have been anyone. It might be Amelia, hoping we could talk again now that I had some time to calm down. It could be Ace, wanting to console me as a friend. It could be Blade, telling me Amelia and Cypress were both wrong for what they had done, but I needed to let it go. Or it could be Cypress.

  I wouldn’t know until I answered the door.

  I opened it.

  It was Cypress.

  His chin was covered by a full beard, and his clothes seemed a little baggier than usual. The brightness in his eyes was gone, replaced by a matte flatness. His hands sat in his pockets, and he looked at me like he didn’t want to be there.

  I didn’t say anything, wanting him to address the reason for his visit.

  “Can I come in?”

  I kept my hand on the door like I was blocking him from entering my home. I slowly lowered it before I stepped aside. It was unrealistic to expect Cypress not to come knocking eventually. He gave me three days of space. I couldn’t ask for more. “Sure.”

  Cypress walked in and stopped in the living room. He didn’t take a seat on the couch like he usually would, obviously assuming he wasn’t welcome to make himself comfortable.

  I faced him, my arms across my chest.

  “Amelia told me what happened.”

  “Yeah.”

  He looked out the window before he turned back to me. “Amelia is pretty terrified right now. She thinks she lost her sister.”

  I was pissed off and out of my mind. But there was nothing she could ever do to make me cut her out of my life. She was all I had, and I loved her so much. “She hasn’t lost me…but I don’t want to talk to her.”

  Cypress gave a slight nod, approving my answer. “I’ll pass that along.” He headed to the door.

  “That’s all you have to say?” I asked incredulously.

  He stopped in his tracks, tightened his shoulders, and then turned around. “What else am I supposed to say?”

  “Maybe you should apologize for kissing my sister.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”

  “And you kissed her back.”

  “For two seconds,” he snapped. “Not even. When her lips touched mine, I didn’t think. All I knew was, the woman I loved despised me. Every day when I saw her, she wanted to rip my eyes out. I was alone, depressed, and lost. I’m sorry for giving in to comfort for two seconds,” he snarled. “Misery does crazy things to people. I admit it shouldn’t have happened, but I pulled away. I ended the kiss for many reasons. Obviously, I was married to you, and I kept my vow. Secondly, Amelia is like a sister to me. Yes, she’s beautiful, but she’s not my type. Going down that road would just be a big mistake for both of us. So I stopped it.” He snapped his fingers. “Like that.”

  I was still angry, still livid.

  “What do you want me to say?” He threw his arms down. “I know I fucked up in the past and this incident doesn’t make me look much better, but you know what?” He pointed his finger into his chest. “You’re always gonna get honesty from me. You wanna know something, I’ll tell you. You never have to worry about me keeping something from you. I’m a man, and I own up to my mistakes. I don’t make excuses for the stupid shit I do.”

  “If you’re always honest, why didn’t you tell me my sister was the one you kissed?”

  “She deserved to be the one to tell you. I’m not gonna throw her under the bus.”

  “Wow, you’re such a gentleman.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You’re lucky I love you as much as I do.”

  “Lucky?” I asked. “I’m lucky that my cheating husband loves me?”

  “That wasn’t cheating, and you know it.”

  No, I didn’t really classify it as that. It was a betrayal that hurt, but it wasn’t like Cypress had an affair with her. He ended the kiss and went home. If he’d slept with my sister, that would have been different.

  “I still want to make this work. Despite all the odds, I believe in us.”

  I stared at him, at a loss for words.

  “Sweetheart?”

  “Seeing Vanessa changed everything…”

  “Why?”

  “It reminded me of what you did. I felt like shit all over again.”

  “I get that. I do. I’d feel like shit if I saw a man you fooled around with, even if you hadn’t cheated on me with him. But Vanessa is just some woman from my past. She doesn’t mean anything to me. She wanted to get married, and I didn’t. Then I fell in love with you. You’re the woman I married. You think that doesn’t bother her? Of course, it does. So don’t let her tear you down. At the end of the day, I made my choice. I picked you.”

  His words had the desired effect and melted right into my heart. Despite all the stupid things Cypress did, he still came out on top because of all the sweet stuff that would tumble out of his mouth.

  Cypress watched my reaction, absorbing it directly into his skin. “So where do we stand? Do you still believe in us?”

  If he’d asked me that question five minutes ago, I would have said no. “I don’t know…I need some time.”

  Cypress could have been upset by that answer, but he wasn’t. “Done. You can have all the time you want.” He walked to the door, dismissing the conversation because there was nothing left t
o say. He turned around before he shut the door behind him. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. And you’re the only woman I ever want to love.”

  4

  Amelia

  I paced back and forth in the kitchen, my arms across my chest. The girls just finished dinner, and now they were getting ready for bed. They were both brushing their teeth and giggling when they splashed water onto each other.

  I hadn’t been able to think about anything except Bree.

  She was so angry with me.

  It was like she hated me.

  Cypress knocked on the door when he finally arrived.

  “Come in.” I walked to the entryway just as he opened the door. Before he could say a single word, I asked what was on my mind. “What did she say?”

  He sighed before he shut the door. “She’s still upset.”

  I deduced that on my own. “What did she say?”

  “She feels betrayed. Even if she died, it would still be wrong for you to kiss me. It’s a line that shouldn’t have been crossed.”

  God, this was bad. I was gonna lose my sister. I covered my face with my hands and stepped away, unprepared for the gravity of the situation.

  Cypress continued. “She’s mad at me too.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Well, she’s still upset about it. But she’s not as angry as she was. She finally told me she didn’t consider it to be cheating. I asked if we could move on, and she said she needed some time. That’s a good sign. She’ll come around.”

  As selfish as it sounded, I didn’t care about their relationship right now. “What about me? Is she just never going to talk to me again? Should I try apologizing again?”

  Cypress leaned against the counter. “I talked her down. She said she doesn’t want to talk to you right now, but she’s not cutting you out of her life. She just needs space.”

  “Thank god.” I finally fell into the chair at the kitchen table, relieved my little sister wasn’t walking out on me. I knew our relationship would never be the same, but at least we still had one.