Watching you smile from across the room My sweet girl,
You are my inspiration, my reason for living
This is the beginning; the beginning of something real
Ooo oh
Sam Echo you are going to be the death of me.
The sound of the finest art, the most beautiful thing that Sam has ever heard; the music to a better day; a happier beginning - could that be enough? His arms tightly embracing her, running small trails across her back, his head resting upon hers; she could fall asleep with not an ounce of regret.
Her subconscious mind still playing tricks on her, the haze of rum still fogging her thoughts; the only thing keeping her sane is the soft tunes flowing through the night, erasing the horrible thoughts; sending chills from beneath every inch of her being; something incredible.
Jake Steele believed in many things; being the bad boy in town demands he live up to that reputation, never letting a single desire persuade his intentions - getting in with the bad, going all the wrong places; that is the life of Jake. Never let yourself fall for the girl on the wrong side of town. It was wondrous how much he desired one girl knowing very little about her.
Love is a precious thing and when that comes, be it expected or not; giving up such a thing can be painful.
Here in this very moment, he can picture his mother and father, young teenagers on the road together, arguing and bickering day in and day out but at the end of the day, when the sun falls behind the horizon it is always each other that they want; what they need. You grow up itching for a desire; a desire to be loved and to be wanted - one to be cherished in the smallest yet compelling way; you grow up searching for a love that consumes you.
He too was searching for the impossible
Chapter Seventeen
She could almost feel the rays of sun shooting beams across her light complexion. The feeling of his hands rubbing suntan lotion on her back and shoulders sends her into almost complete oblivion; thoughts, endlessly tumble through her mind - his smart-ass crooked smile, icy eyes and curious laugh; the images all wrapping around her.
Birds chirp, their distant cries drifting through her unaware thoughts and pictures.
Coming to, she could feel her body; numb - lifeless. She can hear herself yelling in her mind, pleading for someone to hear her; while she struggles to move her limbs. It is almost as though her subconscious was awake before her body; as though she is there but, in a sense, not really there at all.
Her eyes flutter open, body stretching in pure habit. She clenches her eyes shut at the instant glare of morning.
Sam felt unalert, as though something was missing. The soft silk of her bed sheets now replaced with steel cold concrete, the unfamiliar sound of cars passing, horns blaring. An uproar of life.
Fear pulses through her entire body, every hair on end - yet her subconscious is still trying to comprehend her surroundings; her body still half-asleep.
Jolting upright Sam about falls smack dab onto her face. Peering around her, she feels her heart pounding thunderous strikes through her chest. Desperately arguing with herself for being so naive, so weak. Her fear of not recalling having came up here, scared and alone.
Finally, her eyes land on the slack, unconscious body inches from her feet; his face was hidden beneath the leather jacket used as a pillow. Stalking forward, Sam proceeds by edging his foot with her own; waiting, holding her breath, waiting to see him move - to deny the thoughts forming in her head.
POUND, POUND - the sound rushing through her ears, gulping any air that she may - she falls to her knees and begins to shake him . . . HARD.
His eyes snap open, drifting out of sleep, he had fought for hours to stay dreaming. The remnants of the dream dissolves in the chatter of a worried soft innocent voice.
“Wake up!” A command, an appealing request that quite frankly he did not want to follow.
“You have a very annoying way of waking someone and to be honest; kicking me awake is not the right way to get my attention,” he states.
She lets out an over exaggerated breath, he can hear her pacing around, “Annoying? You sure think you are something funny, you scared the shit out of me!”
He says sarcastically, “Says the suicidal Dixie chick.”
Any soft, caring side of him gone - just like that, not an ounce of it left.
His words, they stung; burning deep. Shaking her head, “Maybe I was right; you are nothing but a dick - How dare you? Hold me like that? Act like you care whether I waste away - then turn around and completely play this mindless game of yours! You think you have everyone fooled, well think again I am immune to your little tricks.”
A pang of guilt. An unrelenting urge to hold her, protect her. This isn’t him; he is not this caring softy. He knows his way of life and he doesn't plan to change that. Not now, not ever.
Pulling himself from the roof he watches her; stuffing his hands in his leather jacket.
Snorting, “You my dear are surely something else.”
“Can you stop with your bad ass flirtation you got going on?” She breathes, face red with anger. She is so damn adorable, Jake thought silently.
Giving her his smart-ass crooked smile, he slips his shoes on; stretching. Arms above the head - shirt rising just above his hips; his curves, his gorgeous form. Sam’s eyes fall to his bare stomach, heart beating in her throat. She swallows, trying to pry her eyes away - but proving unsuccessful.
What would you do? The Schools hottest bad boy saves you from committing probably the worst mistake you could possibly make and holds you all night beneath the stars - can you expect things to go back to normal just like that?
Catching her in the mindful act, her eyes still attached to him. He debates whether to continue his smart-ass attitude or give the girl a break - he picks the latter, “If you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask.”
Her face brushing rosy red - she hides her face; fetching her keys from the edge of the roof she takes one last look over and brushes past him not saying another word.
Fighting the urge to go back at him, he is just another thing she does not need in her life right now. She needs good and safe . . . and Jake, he is far from any of those things.
Dangerous really.
Maybe that is not such a bad thing - if anyone knows something as courageous as love it is the major fact that it is a once in a lifetime extraordinary experience - it makes us weak, forgetful.
Heading for the door, knowing what awaits her at home and hoping for a miracle.
“Sam?”
Hand on the door she turns to him.
“Promise not to do anything stupid?” And there it was, that gentle attractive part of him, that desirable part.
Not that you care
Without the slightest word of acknowledgment, she pushes through the door. Leaving behind her near death, her desire to go back and be held; so much that she cannot let herself have. Truth is, she is falling for him.
Head over hills madly in love... She’d look him in the eyes, his cheesy crooked smile, and dark shaggy hair. She looks at him and her world shatters. When she looks at him her chest hurts, when he catches her eye she feels shy and giggly inside, she is mesmerized by everything he says and does, and she isn’t falling because she already has a long time ago.
There are two things the world hides from you, the fear of being hurt and the fear of falling in love. Sam had been introduced to both, but fear keeps her from the second one.
Deep down this poor lonely woman had not a clue that he too, was mesmerized by her. How he wanted nothing more than to tell her he knows her favorite song, her favorite shade of blue.
He wanted to tell her how he has remembered every imperfection there is and turned them around making a perfect woman in his eyes. He wanted to tell her how her eyes are like painted stars staring back at him and how he would always be there for her at the end of a dark nerve-wracking day.
He wanted to not only hear her laugh but be the one t
hat makes that beautiful sound arise. He wanted her to know that his shoulder was open, and his leather jacket can take a river of tears here and there at 5:00 AM if that is what she needed most.
He needed her to know that she has torn him inside and out; made him feel things he never dreamed of feeling, made him weak, made him need her just as much as she needs him.
As much as they need each other.
Suddenly they are face to face outside in the blazing heat, no roof shielding them and so much room to escape, but something stopped them both - something connected them.
Jake leaned against his car, his hair in his face with a dark intense stare trailing goose bumps up and down her arms. “Let me drive you home?”
She looks down, anxiety kicking in - nervousness. Taking a deep breath, she looks up, giving him a small adorable smile, she folds her arms and nods.
At that moment, she knew she did not want to spend another moment without his man beside her; she did not want to endure another day without his smart-ass remarks and charming laugh. She knew what she wanted and what she needed at the end of the day.
He is fire and she ice, he is going to burn and eventually she is going to melt.
Chapter Eighteen
Have you ever felt pure emptiness? That deep gut feeling like if someone said one thing or looked at you the wrong way; you'd just. . .break? I know you have looked in the mirror at yourself in disgust, wondering who could ever truly love someone like you; this just about defines everything about Sam.
The one person she believed could be the answer to everything; the one that made her feel alive again; is no longer the guy sitting next to her.
Feeling so alone isn’t something someone wants to experience, the constant fear of never being good enough, the undeniable urgent need to run, run from those around you, from the world you know, your friends and family.
Run from love.
When Jake showed last night as her knight and shining armor, saving her from tumbling to her never happily after. Something in her changed… it is as though she is stronger, not the strong that everyone gets to move past an issue or a trauma - it is that strong that makes you latch onto something, something that makes you want to live.
Sam’s strength is anger.
Being pulled back over the ledge made her latch onto the hatred and anger she has held onto for so many years toward that man, toward the treatment and the trauma that she has been through.
It has shattered her very human nature and made her numb. She is numb to the pain, to the terror, she is numb to what she is about to do.
Staring at the road before them as they drift down the road hours later, closing closer to her house - watching tree by tree fly by, the clouds devouring the sky in a peaceful grey. A storm is closing in, ready to take over the world in endless waterfalls.
I hate this place, she says to herself. With sudden urgency, she’s got the need to run - run and never look back. This was it; she was going to face the very thing that has been haunting her.
She is going to battle her demons head on and with full force. There will be no stopping Sam Echo from her destination.
They drove and eventually, she couldn’t take it any longer. Pretending she can do this as if nothing was on her mind, as though she felt nothing at all, forcing the door open.
Jake has just enough time to pull the car over near the rail, overlooking the city lights. Cursing, he pulls it into break and jumps from the car.
“What the fuck, Sam!” he says angrily.
Sam believes that life couldn't get worse than it already has. Out of all the tragedy in her life; this one guy has the ability to completely shatter the last ounce of strength she has; and he doesn't even know it. Watching him lean against his car with his arms crossed; she feels scared because she knew what needed to be done and it was going to hurt like hell.
“You stopped listening to me,” she said.
He looks at her, annoyance in his eyes. “I never stopped listening to you.”
She stood there in the pouring rain, dressed in a baggy black hoodie, the hood up; tears stinging her eyes. “You stopped paying attention, don’t you see that? You didn’t care, you cared more about your selfish reputation at School and hanging out around those gang kids to notice when people around you actually need you.”
Pulling himself from the car he takes a step toward her, “What are you talking about Sam? I always paid attention to you.”
Shaking her head, “No, if you paid attention; then why did you never see the hurt in my eye when I said I was okay? Why didn't you see past the lies and repeated ‘I’m okay’ and know I was just too scared to admit that I am not okay Jake that I never will be?! Why did you change? How come when I lay down next to you, you couldn't feel the pain I was?”
Suddenly, Jake Steele was speechless.
Turning her back she walks away from him, her shoes soaked. Tears streaming from her eyes she drifts away - she could feel his eyes pinning bullets in the back of her head; she desperately wanted to run into his arms, but she couldn't she needed to be strong - she needed to let go.
Her heart was breaking, the shattered feeling - like you cannot take a single breath of air without it stinging or swallow from the knot stuck in your throat and knowing if you were to speak your words would surely crack.
Sam is fighting every ounce of herself to keep walking - her mind pointing her toward the road but her heart edging her back into his arms.
What the hell is she going to do?
Does the darkness consume you? Do you get that feeling of not being able to get air in?
That feeling of that utter terror?
That feeling, that one right there...that is Sam’s demons.
They’re watching, always watching.
So, she kept her back to him, pulling away from the one person she cared about the most. Her heart aches, pleading with her to stay. But this needs to be done. She has to face the truth before the truth finally catches up with her.
Her shoes are soaked, rain washing on her face mixing with her tears. Sam loses track of which is which as they trail down her cheek, hidden within her black zip up hoodie. She is walking away from the person she cares for most, why? Because of some selfish point to prove? She has to do this; it is the only way to face the oncoming truth.
You feel that can’t you? The crushing feeling of someone suffocating you, haunting you.
They are there, they are waiting.
Sam Echo inches away from that darkness, which is the road she is going to take. Her back faced to him she could feel Jake shooting bullets into the back of her head.
“Sam!” he yelled his voice urgent.
She holds her ground, watching the dark street before her, too scared to turn around. Holding her breath, the silence is frightening, but not as much as when he finally speaks. She can hear him slowly edging toward her.
“Sam,” he whispers again, “I love you.”
Those three simple words; how she longed to hear them spoken to her. Waited her whole life to hear them and here they were, the words that could set her free from her inner battle and accept the truth that she was wanted and needed somewhere in this life. . . her heart gives at the sound of them.
She wants so desperately to turn and run back into his arms, never let go. Thing is though, she couldn’t. The minute she turns around she would fall into his embrace and she would never be able to leave, never be able to walk away again. She needed to do this, it is the only way.
But it is already too late. . . Her mind was set.
Shaking her head slightly, her eyes blurring. “Keep walking” she mumbles to herself; forcing one foot in front of other one. Soon she is running at full speed - her feet splashing against the asphalt; tears and rain drowning her face leaving no mark. She runs from the love that could have been, the happiness. The only sound is her feet slapping against the asphalt.
SPLAT. SPLAT. SPLAT.
Running so fast and determined, she leaves her h
eart in the arms of the man yelling her name behind her; the farther she got - his yells getting further and further away -the softer the yells got, the more her heart shatters.
Could Sam face the truth, the biggest demon of all...herself?
The road is right there, and Sam is going to take it, she is going to face the truth of no escape. Instead of running scared. She is running toward her fears, head on; back to the place she calls home.
Facing that there is no way out, no true escape, crying to the road and darkness around her – he only friend, she weeps of pain and loss; of letting go of the one good thing in her life all so she can keep him from being dragged down with her.
She reaches her porch the small light reflecting, taking the stairs two at a time she barges in and heads straight to her room - hearing her father cursing behind her she drowns out his words and locks the door behind her.
Jumping on the bed she covers her head with the pillow and muffles a scream - punching the bed forcibly she cries and cries until there is nothing left to cry for ...until no more tears can come from her eyes and all that is left is emptiness.
She lays there - silence holding her captive and for once she knows what needs to be done; she is no longer going to let her father, or anyone control her. She is determined to get them out of this hell to start a new beginning and she is willing to sacrifice everything.
Even her life. . .
Chapter Nineteen
Sam could still replay the image of Jake, standing near his car; eyes full of pain in her head. . . She never wanted to make him feel that way. She loves him, there is no denying that and since he has admitted his feelings as well, she doesn't think that she could ever unhear those words and the effect that they had on her.
I love you. . .
Three simple words, three simple words but so much meaning in them to change the way Sam sees things. She hasn’t spoken to Jake since that night, there hasn’t been much to say after she walked out on him - but she can't drag him down with her. She has made the choice and now she has to bear the burden of the choices.
Shattered Echo (The Shattered Echo Series Book 1) Page 12