“I expect you to respond when spoken to!” he shouts, his voice exploding in her ear drum.
Okay, maybe that is a little excessive, but his voice is loud, and she is pretty sure that anyone within a reasonable distance can make out his every word; they just choose to ignore it.
“Yes sir,” she cries out, trying to keep her voice steady.
Her mother walks in from the kitchen, her stance tense - she could see the terror in her eyes, the need to say something - to make it stop. Sam knows that feeling all too well, something she has lived with every day since she could remember.
No mom don't say anything
He roars, getting in her face - she could feel the splatter of his spit on her face, “You are worthless, do you hear me? That boy will never love you - you are just a mistake Sam; don’t you realize this!”
His words stung, they always did - this time, this time it was numbing; as though her heart, body and soul has endured so much already that finally they have given up on the feeling, of living.
“Frank, that is enough,” her mother's voice looms over them both cutting into the ringing in her ears.
“Susan, stay out of this before you get on my bad side.”
“I am already there, that is our daughter - she loves that boy and I will be damned if I continue to sit here in silence and allow you to treat her with so much hate.”
Her mother, sticking up for her - why is she doing that? Sam thinks, she is going to make it worse for herself.
His eyes turn cold, hard dark cold - like the kind you see in the eyes of a murderer or prisoner, it is a terrifying sight and she felt scared, not for herself but for her mother. So, she did the one thing she knew how to get his attention off her mother and back to her. Risking it all, she jolts forward shoving her father forcefully, clawing at his face with her nails, and digging in deep she can already see the smear of red as it drips from her mark.
There you go dick!
He scoffed at her, grabbing her by the hair he begins to drag her toward the front of the house ignoring her pleads and her mother’s yells - giving her mother an understanding glance, telling her that it will be okay, to leave it alone and she won't have to get punished today - her mother looks back with sorrow, pain, and she knows that her mother is close to her breaking point.
The one she set long ago when things become too much, and she start to fight back. Reaching the front door, he throws it open, tossing her out like a bag of garbage letting go of her hair as she hits the stairs hard. She sighs in relief from the loss of pressure from her hair being pulled in a way it shouldn’t be, gasping for air she looks up at him – not risking the chance of moving.
“You have crossed the line you little bitch,” he growls, standing in the door. “You better not fuck up anymore or I promise you that a night on the street will be the least of consequences you will suffer.”
Slowly, painfully she nods.
Glaring at him once more, she averts her eyes behind him where her mother stumbles up the stairs, her shoulders slumped and shaking - she knows her mother is crying.
“Now get the hell out of my yard and don’t let me see you again tonight.” With that, the door slams behind him and she is left there alone, and she begins to cry.
How did her life become such a mess? The man she loves doesn’t love her back and is turning his back on anything that they even remotely had, and her father is a raging asshole who she can't seem to get her mother and herself away from.
This is it. . . This is her breaking point.
Chapter Seventeen
Sam Echo pulls herself from the parking lot. The ding of the elevator shaft closing behind her, closing out the demons, the hatred, that home; for the smallest moment she had felt at peace. Sam makes her way to the roof. She doesn't acknowledge the people around her or even comprehend what she was doing, only that she must.
That feeling, the hollow space in your chest where nothing seems to reside, the only place all that hatred can now fill. This was where Sam’s demons lived and right now she is no longer fighting them back. She could hear the light scrap of her feet, the smell of vanilla, and the laughter of those down below.
Did everyone believe that life was all laughs and giggles?
Had they forgotten that for some people life is hell? There is a place built out of brick, nestled on an empty lonely block, wooden floors, dull walls; tables and chairs covered in dust. A place no one would feel at home.... until the day it'd disappear.
She makes her way across the dirt roof of the five-story building. The nights breeze rushing over her; calling her. She holds the half empty bottle of Rum in her gasp, thoughts clouded but at that moment she throws her head back and screams, she screams at the world, the pain, she screams at the empty stars above, screams at the demons embedded in her soul. Sam Echo screams at nobody or anyone who will listen and finally she allows herself to cry. . .
She’d never stepped out of her comfort zone; scared if she ever did she would run; she has never been one to let herself live - always worrying about what everyone thinks of her; always on the run; but Sam wants to let go she wants to be free.
It is not the desire for life that keeps us all hanging; it is the fear of dying that shakes us so badly that the idea of that last breath will risk it all. Cold inside there is never a place she would not go - she always gave her heart and soul to the people surrounding her and every day the weight of everyone’s burdens and pain entwined with her own and every second and every day; the smile on her face faltered and her strength weakened even more.
Taking a step forward...then another.... her feet moving in rhythm until she reaches the edge of the roof, looking over the edge, her heart hitching at the height. The thought of home washes away; there is no salvation or safe haven. All that is left is an empty street, fake smiles and undying hate.
It is time to let go and turn to dust. . .
Having dreamed of being many things other than what she is now, the gravel of the road, the gentle wind, the rising sun, even the shadow of her loved ones. Sam believes in many things - she wants to be many things, and this is just some of her makeshift list; she believes of one day becoming one of these things she would then be noticed, be wanted and expected. She believes she would be loved.
After a deep breath, she is ready. Closing her eyes, she feels herself lean forward - the bottle of rum slipping from her grasp falling, the rush of air around her, the rush of freedom; a hand clamped around her arm jerking her back over the edge.
“What the fuck are you doing?” said the voice behind her. Swinging around, her heart in her throat; her eyes meet his.
Sam laughs hysterically, “You would be, here wouldn’t you? Why are you invading my life Jake; I want you to leave me alone.”
He clenches his fists and for a moment almost looks like he is about to walk away; but nothing about his tense body portrayed even the slightest hint of wanting to move. Jake admired her, something that not even she can see; mesmerizes him and he can’t seem to place a finger around why - Sam is not his type, whatsoever.
He likes the pricey ones; the woman who beg for his attention and fawn at his feet but something about the way she can’t stand him irks him in all the right ways.
He seemed to admire her self-control; her anger that makes him want to experience more - to tempt this woman to the ends of this earth.
He breathes, “Me? I am not the one standing at the edge of a rooftop plotting my death Sam.”
“What are charmer you are - I am not going to say it again leave me the fuck alone.”
Pushing his limits, he steps forward, watching her body movements, “or what, what is it you are running from?”
“Maybe I am running from you, Jake - have you thought about that?” She lashes out. “Have you thought about the effect your disappearing caused me?”
“Do not place this on me, I had to do what I needed to.”
Can she open up to this man standing before her; can she finally le
t someone in and not fight her demons alone? To live every day like it is her last, never look back after all that she and her mother have been through -can she rely on anyone really other than herself?
Life is a challenge, there are many bumps and holes, at times we all encounter them, some harder than the others. It is up to us whether we allow someone to step in and fight that battle with us or attempt to conjure it alone. Sam is undecided.
“Don’t. . .” Turning away, leaving him with the view of her slouched shoulders and bare back. Swallowing the lump in her throat she breathes, fighting the urge to cry out in anger.
“Why Sam, stop pushing everyone away; you can’t fight it alone.”
He is left there to wonder what she is feeling inside, what is keeping her from putting her wall down so that he can be there to catch her when she falls - It is completely bizarre that you can feel so much pain, but at the same time feel nothing at all.
It almost makes you believe that you are standing on this stable wondrous trail but in all reality; you are balancing on a thin thread, hanging by the very tips of it. The chaos of 'are you okay' - each word toxic.
She can’t tell the difference between pain and relief. It places you in this trance of questions and uncertainty; almost like the whole layout is part of some bigger picture; as though it is meant to be there.
Have you ever hated every single thing that makes you, you, every ounce and fiber? Sam has run it through her head countless nights; running all options over again and again.
She TRIED, so hard to fight the battle between what she wanted and what her heart needed; she wanted nothing more than to fight off the demons screaming in her head telling her it’s over, that there is no reason to keep holding on. Anything at all.
EVERYTHING. . .
Finally, she whispers, weighing all her pain on the next few words, “Whoever said this pain would go away is an idiot - I never believed it meant ending up here you know that? . . . There is a rage boiling inside me and I am tempted every day to give into that rage. I can’t run away from the pain anymore. I am constantly breaking down inside and it is getting harder to push it away.”
“You are so much more than this,” his words crack
Her eyes close; feeling the tears run in a trail down her smooth cheeks.
“There are many questions, so many voices screaming inside my head but no one can hear me. It doesn’t matter how much I cry out, as I drown in my own regrets, I can’t take back the time lost - I can’t shake this feeling, I am scared Jake . . . I’m scared that even when I am gone not one person will notice or care. The longer I stand here, the louder the silence and I hear the voices when the wind blows, telling me to do it; - wishing someone can just hear me. I am crying out and no one even blinks. I am unwanted, I am gla and I can’t seem to come up for air,” she cries out, holding her chest as the pain crunches her heart into shreds.
He takes a single step toward her, his hands stretched out almost as though he will snatch her into his arms in a split second. His face drawn; the lines of worry creased his face. Click, click, click; the steps he gently takes risking the motion of triggering her.
He frowns, “You do not want to do this, You CAN’T do this. People need you.”
Throwing her hands up in frustration, she shouts, “Who? Look around Jake, there is no one here but you and I and quite frankly I see nothing to live for here; so just give up already.”
“Me, I need you Sam; I admire your determination and smart-ass comebacks; you are different - you have to see this!”
She snorts, “You? Jake when I tried to tell you that I love you, you bailed. You weren’t there so what makes you possibly think that I would believe you now?”
Drawing closer toward the edge, her back still facing him.
At that moment the Schools bad boy never looked so innocent - worry lined his every feature; his leather jackets and boots portrayed his reputation but at this moment; this was not Jake Steele the bad boy all girls drool over; this was Jake Steele the generous and understanding man who cared more than he let himself let on. He looked terrified, almost as terrified as she felt.
Picture a young woman standing in front of a clear; transparent mirror - staring at the distorted image of herself with disgust; and voices telling her to stop trying; to stop fighting for something that she can’t and will never accomplish; and at that moment he realizes she has already given up a long, long time ago.
I’m sorry for whatever I did to make everyone hate me, she thought to herself.
She is frozen; just repeating it over and over. Ignoring the man behind her; ignoring the car below - focused on only her thoughts. Her father always told her worthless woman who would never amount to anything were always the quiet ones.
He is right.
You feel it don’t you? The weight weighing on Sam’s shoulders; what is life. . . an abomination of hate and fearfulness? There is no safe haven, there is no home. Stop looking so grim; you can’t begin to feel the horror Sam feels. None of us can.
Sam turns, her eyes bloodshot, red; her face drawn into a blank stare beneath her hood.
Jake knew something wasn’t right, he felt it deep within looking at her; her next words confirmed it all.
“Please take care of her. . .”
He rushes forward, just as she lifts her arms and lets herself far back over the edge of the building top. The air surrounding her, taking her breath away. Knowing the bottom is meeting her half way; her last tear falls marking the concrete ground under her; leaving a reminder of what words can really do. . .
“SAM!” His voice an echo far in the distance.
That moment you realize that this is it, the moment you are going to die and there is no going back is terrifying, pushing against the darkness overwhelming you. You try so damn hard to catch onto the slippery cliff - that cliff a combination of those around you that help make every day more bearable.
Sam’s mother; her protector; she taught her to love everyone despite their flaws and how to forgive but never forget. She can only think of where she is now and what she would think seeing her now, weak and broken - would she be disappointed?
Her best friend Ari; partner in crime - she always had her back at the rough times, determined to shed light into her life; she would never forget their times together . . . but lastly the man who never saw her, never spoke to her; the one she was invisible to, yet captured her heart in one glance; had things played out differently would she have been able to tell him how she truly feels for him? Looking at him, realizing the truth, the uncontrollable truth, she loved this man - she loves him so much that it hurts.
Jake. . .
When you are shattered like you have never been before. This life; this love turns to a thousand pieces words tend to fall short and somewhere along the way you stop believing you can be you again. Wait that voice in the distance – the one flowing through the loud ringing in her ears.
A cry of desperation- the husky familiar voice pounding into her. “Sam, Please! Pull yourself up!”
Suddenly the silence washes away in a tide down the shore and she is aware of her surroundings; her body hanging from the building, her mind registering what is happening; fear slicing her heart. She meets his amber eyes, realization hits she isn’t dead and this is in fact reality. His hand wrapped tightly around her arm; skin pale white, keeping her from tumbling to her own death.
He pleaded and begged her, fear that’s what it was, and she could see the honest hope; the honest truth lined in his face and she felt wanted.
Come on Sam, trust him, a small voice whispered. He yells, “Stop fighting me Samantha!” His voice rising over the roar of the road beside us. “You and I are not so different - we need that feeling of safety; a safe haven. I can be one for us.
I would never hurt you intentionally; you don’t need to be afraid to fall around me I will be there catching you before you ever touch the ground. You have ME - please.”
His words shook her to the
core. He made her want to be alive, could she trust him?
Would you . . . he made it so easy to keep on living. . . he gave her a reason to.
I want to breathe her in, feel her warmth for all existence. She is the very core of me. . . My home, Jake thinks to himself; his fear overpowering him. He couldn’t lose this woman; not when he is just starting to get to know all that she is.
“Please baby-girl,” he simply states, “Do not make me jump over this edge for you.”
Those stupid words did her in. latching her hand onto his, she lifts her body weight while he tugs; flinging her legs back of the edge of the building and landing smack dab on top of Jake. Her face inches away from his; his breath stops completely; how could he never have noticed how beautiful she is until this moment?
Love brings people together in mysterious ways.
***
Together they lay there, Jake holding Sam while she cries; whispering reassuring and loving words, promising to always be there for her at the end of the day, gently rubbing her back as he sits with his back against the building just beside the door leading to the roof; after having been able to get her up long enough to make it here in his arms.
She now lays there, her head resting on his shoulder curled in his warm embrace; his soft whisper; words falling in soothing tunes.
Overwhelmed.
I am much too old to break free and run
You are the best thing this world has to offer
It is never over
It is never over, my desire for a kiss upon your shoulder
Oooo, oh
Watching you smile from across the room
My sweet girl, you should've come over
You are my inspiration, my reason for living
This is the beginning; the beginning of something real I need us
Life is demanding without truly understanding Laying here buried in my arms
It is plain to see, Sam Echo you are going to be the death of me
Shattered Echo (The Shattered Echo Series Book 1) Page 11