Violent Daylight

by Caroline Angus Baker

  Danica and Eerika were dressed in matching wedding gowns and both walked down the aisle, Eerika with her father and Danica with her brother. When Dane turned away from his beaming sister, he spotted Canna and joined her among the crowd.

  “They have matching dresses! How adorable,” Canna whispered.

  “I teased them about that,” he whispered back.

  “Are you okay?”

  Dane nodded and turned his attention back to the words of the celebrant. Canna could see that he wasn’t okay; the fact that their parents hadn’t come weighed on Dane. Regardless of what had gone on between them, Canna hated to see Dane hurt by all otherwise happy occasion.

  Danica and Eerika were married, with vows spoken, kisses given and received, and the hearty applause from the guests. The casual affair continued with cocktails and canapés handed to the guests who didn’t need to be seated, to Canna’s relief. It was easier to avoid chatting when on the move. It didn’t take long before Dane seized the opportunity to sing for his sister. Che gelida manina was a beautiful Italian love song for Dane to sing, and perfect for his voice. Canna had seen him perform it with Virtuosi many times, and the guests enjoyed it as much as any paying audience.

  “What did you think?” Dane asked Canna once it was all done and the orchestra had started to play music for the dancing couples.

  “You know I love it,” Canna replied.

  “I tell you,” Dane said with a smile, “that first date we when on, out for dinner… I considered singing that song to you. I wanted to impress you with my singing and Italian skills. Che gelida manina se la lasci riscaldar. What a frozen little hand, let me warm it for you.”

  “It was bloody cold that night!”

  “And you wouldn’t let me warm you.”

  Canna laughed. “I’m not always a slut. I had known you for about half a day. Would you like to dance?”

  Dane took Canna’s hand and they spent time chatting and dancing. Canna knew that he was trying to distract her from all the delightful alcoholic beverages that moved around the party on trays, given out by enthusiastic waiters. The party felt like a fun environment, better than rehab. Therapy left Canna feeling alone and shut off from the world, to face the demons inside her head. A normal, healthy and loving gathering of friends and family reminded Canna of all the happiness she could have if she got her behaviour together.

  By 1am, Dane seemed a little unsteady on his feet, so Canna volunteered to help him back to the hotel room.

  “You know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you this drunk,” Canna joked as they stepped out of the elevator on his level of the hotel.

  “I can assure you, I’ve been drunk plenty of times in your absence.”

  “It’s a pity that Rebecca didn’t come tonight. Perhaps then you wouldn’t have had so much to drink.”

  “I’m not disappointed about Rebecca. I had fun. Probably a little too much fun.” Dane paused and smiled. “No, I didn’t have too much, I’m fine.”

  “Sure you are.” Canna just held his weight. Dane had slung one arm around her, and Canna had become a walking cane for him. She took the card key from Dane and opened the door.

  “Would you like to come in?” he asked.

  “Nope.”

  Dane leaned down and kissed her cheek, very close to her lips. Canna didn’t stop him, but she didn’t wish to encourage it either. “We can’t do this.”

  Dane stood up straight and sighed. “I know.”

  “I don’t want to do this.”

  “I admire your conviction on the subject,” Dane joked.

  Canna smiled. “You’re my ex, so it wouldn’t be cheating to spend the night. But I’m in love with Claudio, and it changes the way I see things.”

  Dane nodded. “I get it. I wasn’t enough for you, but Claudio is what you want.”

  “Don’t be like that.”

  “I’m sorry.” Dane rubbed his tired face. “I’m drunk, and things are just coming out of my mouth. They are coming out wrong.”

  “Go to bed, Dane. End the night of your sister’s wedding on a high note, knowing you were a fantastic brother and perfect gentleman. I might see you one day in London.”

  “You’re not staying in Helsinki?”

  “No, I have just decided that I need to be somewhere else, urgently.”

  Dane grabbed her hand and pulled her through the doorway. “Just tonight. Helsinki can be our little secret.”

  “Little secrets always get out of hand.”

  “Not always.”

  Canna let Dane shut her door behind her before he started with another tender kiss. Canna had no excuse this time; this was a big mistake to make.

  CHAPTER 20

  LONDON

  Claudio wandered into his kitchen. The place resembled a disaster zone. He hadn’t bothered to wash the dishes once since Canna had repaired the dishwasher and left. He had spent the last weeks fretting about his lover. It may have been for Canna’s own good, but it kept Claudio a prisoner to his fears. She wouldn’t allow him to know how she was doing, and it had been a week since her scheduled release – and she was still silent. Claudio phoned Dr. Riberi many times, but he wouldn’t tell Claudio anything, because of her privacy. Giancarlo was no longer taking any calls. Canna had disappeared and must have been full of hate for him. Claudio would have started roaming the streets to find Canna if he thought it would help.

  The sound of a loud rumble broke through the fog of anguish that hung around him. Claudio paused; it sounded like a motorcycle engine, something more powerful than the one Erik and Holly owned. He went to the front window and sitting in its place was only his parked Mercedes. The sound had moved around the house. He went back through to the kitchen and looked out the window. In the fading light that encompassed the tiny yard, there was Canna in her leathers on a whopping Harley Davidson. The moment she cut the engine and stepped off the bike, Claudio’s heart felt ready to burst.

  Claudio pulled the back door open as Canna climbed the steps, her arms full with two large black pannier bags that had been strapped to the bike. Without a word, Canna handed him the heavy bags and pulled off her helmet. The expression that emerged wasn’t a friendly one.

  “You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” Claudio said. He put the bags down and reached for the helmet. He just needed a hug.

  “You’re right,” Canna replied. “I have no idea because I’m not happy to see you.” She moved so he couldn’t take the helmet. It formed a perfect barrier between them. “I’m never happy to see anyone who treats me like a liar and a fool.”

  “I don’t think either of those things!”

  “Move.”

  Claudio dutifully stepped back, and Canna came inside and shut the door. “You can’t expect me to be happy about the fact you left me in rehab!” Canna went into the kitchen and Claudio followed.

  “What should I have done?”

  “Stayed!” Canna cried. “Instead, you left me there to dry out. You washed your hands of me!”

  “I wanted to be part of your care, but you told them that I couldn’t be given information!”

  “You can’t just ring each day and pretend to care.”

  “I did care! I’ve heard nothing since you were released a week ago! I had no idea what had happened to you.”

  “Why would you? You promised that I ever needed help, that you would be there for me. Instead, you left me in rehab. That isn’t helping.”

  “I had to be cruel to be kind.”

  “That’s what my husband would say right after he would beat the shit out of me.”

  “You frightened me with your cognac and Ecstasy hallucinations.”

  “You still don’t believe me!” Before she could defend herself, Canna paused. Claudio had been lied to by Giancarlo, so he didn’t get caught up in the mess with Giorgio and the alleged hitman. It was easier to shield Claudio from all that because the future in Italy was murky at best. Claudio needed to believe Canna had imagined the whole event, f
or his safety. “Okay, look, I admit that I fucked up in Milan. It was only partly-intentional.”

  “Do you admit that you need to stop drinking, as well as drugs?”

  “Yes, I will stop drinking. Happy now? I have work to do, and I want to do it here in London.”

  “Um, all right.” Claudio couldn’t tell if Canna still felt mad or not. “Blinky, I’m so glad you came. If you had told me that you had left Beneserre, I would have come to Milan. If you needed me in rehab, I could have helped.”

  “I decided to stay an extra week at Beneserre. I didn’t need you,” Canna snapped. “I don’t need anything except space in the office to work and a bedroom to get some sleep.”

  “You don’t need the spare room. Sleep in my room, our room.”

  “I’ll sleep wherever the hell I want. It’s my house. I’m selling my apartment in Milan, so I’m having my things sent here. The house in Corsica is locked for the winter. I have to be based here for a while.”

  Claudio smiled. “Nothing would make me happier.”

  Canna rolled her eyes and started to pull off her leather boots. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I only need a place to store boxes.”

  “If you hate me, then why are you here?”

  Canna kicked off the boot and let it fly across the kitchen. “I don’t hate you.” She paused and pulled off the other shoe. “I love you, but right now, I don’t like you very much.”

  Claudio reached out to touch Canna, but she stepped back. “Don’t hug the guy you don’t like very much,” he said. “Hug the guy you love and will like again once all this goes away.”

  “That could take a very long time.”

  “We both have enough patience to wait for that day.” Claudio pulled her into his embrace and held on tight while she remained rigid. As time ticked by, he felt Canna slowly soften to him, and felt a flood of relief when she put her arms around his waist. Canna rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. “What?” he asked.

  “I can hear my therapist’s voice in my head.”

  “And?”

  “One of the rules I have to live by is that I can’t outsource blame. I need to accept all of the blame. I can’t blame you for leaving.”

  Claudio tried to speak, but the words became lodged in the back of his throat. All he could express was a deep sob. The guilt of leaving Canna in rehab and worry about her welfare had hurt even more than he realised. “I’m so sorry,” he cried. “Please don’t be angry.”

  Canna leaned away from him, and Claudio’s hands drifted to her face. His eyes focused on her lips. “Perdóname. Forgive me.” He kissed her gently, aware that his tears trickled onto her face. Canna’s response was weak, but it was enough. “I don’t know what to do now.”

  “Just leave it alone,” Canna sighed. “We don’t need to keep going over things. I just want to have a shower, eat something, and go to bed. I’ve ridden a fucking long way today.”

  “We could be normal for an evening. I could cook.”

  Canna glanced around the messy kitchen. “Evidence suggests that you might kill me.”

  “Okay, you have a shower, and I will order Chinese food.”

  Canna smiled, and reached up to wipe the tears from his face. “Then we can sit down and try out that television we have.”

  “I’ve tried it. It works,” Claudio joked.

  Canna threw him a half-hearted thumbs-up as she wandered in the direction of the staircase. Claudio stood on the spot and watched Canna drag her tired body up the steps and out of sight. Sending Canna to rehab had gotten Claudio what he wanted – she seemed to be aware of the harm she created by being in Italy. She had arrived in London, in defeat, to stay with him. They could sit on the couch together and watch television, have dinner and go to bed like normal people. Claudio hoped she could be happy with an ordinary life.

  The following morning, when Claudio emerged from the shower, he expected Canna to be awake. He wandered out of the ensuite into the bedroom, but Canna was still in the bed, curled up in a ball. She was a serial light sleeper; the slightest noise and she was on alert. Now, Canna was fast asleep and looked at peace. He got a fresh shirt and trousers from the wardrobe and got dressed. Still nothing. He kissed her on the cheek and left the room. Was this the calm after the storm? One almost silent night at home with Canna may have been a sign that their luck had changed, or had the winds of trouble simply taken a break? Claudio sighed as he closed the door behind him, and smiled. At least Canna came home.

  ~~~

  “Holy shit,” Erik remarked as he watched Claudio come into the rehearsal studio. “I don’t think I’ve seen you smile in a very long time.”

  “What?” Claudio replied, and became aware of the grin his lips formed. He tried to quell the expression, but couldn’t. “I smile.”

  “You do not,” Henri said. He and Lea sat with Holly and Dane on

  the edge of the stage, the schedule in their hands. “Did you get laid last night?”

  “As a matter of fact, I didn’t,” Claudio said stiffly. “I had a quiet night in front of the television.”

  “You’re getting boring in your old age,” Holly chuckled.

  “My life is many things, but boring is not one of them.” Claudio took off his satchel and put it on the lonely chair in the middle of the room. “What are we doing today?”

  “We are going to have a run through of the songs for the show in Moscow,” Lea said. “Holly has sent the tracks to the Russian musicians. But there will be little time to rehearse when we get there, so we need to go through the show with backing music today.”

  “The good news is that tomorrow we can go to the Royal Albert Hall and rehearse the show on stage with the orchestra,” Holly said.

  “I can oversee the set-up of the cameras for the DVD recording,” Lea said. “I hate to say it, but we’re going to hire an assistant. We need to hire Rebecca, to do the hair and makeup. She will be here tomorrow while we do the choreography of the stage show.”

  “You must be pleased,” Claudio said to Dane. “Having your girlfriend back on staff should cheer you up.”

  “I don’t need cheering up,” Dane said, and jumped off the edge of the stage. “I have just been away for five days with my sister and had a fantastic time in Helsinki. The wedding was full of surprises. Extra treats can genuinely improve a holiday.”

  “More surprises than having two brides?” Henri joked.

  “Do you have photos?” Holly asked.

  Dane pulled his phone from his pocket and flicked through a few shots of his sister and new sister-in-law. “Wait, hang on,” he said and pulled the phone from view.

  “What? Is there something we can’t see?” Henri asked.

  “I didn’t see Rebecca on there,” Lea said. “What did she end up wearing?”

  “Rebecca didn’t come, something came up,” Dane said and stuffed the phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

  Claudio eyed Dane for a moment. “And yet you say the trip was a success.”

  “So?”

  “Why can’t we see any more photos?”

  “No reason.” Dane folded his arms.

  “You had another woman there, didn’t you?” Claudio asked matter-of-factly. “That’s why you suddenly shut down the photos.”

  “Dane, you dog,” Erik said and held his hand up for a fist jab.

  “Hey,” Holly said and smacked her new husband’s hand down again. “Don’t encourage cheating!”

  “Hey, I didn’t give a stranger a liquid compliment, Dane did.”

  “I didn’t give a stranger a liquid compliment,” Dane corrected him.

  “Who was it? A friend of your sister? Please say it was a bridesmaid,” Henri said, and Lea gave him a dirty look.

  “Look, who I give liquid compliments to is no one’s business,” Dane replied.

  “It’s Rebecca’s business. I hope you used a condom,” Claudio said. “Not that I care.”

  “Because you are busy being happy?” Erik said to Claud
io. “What makes our resident grouch so cheerful this morning?”

  “Do you ever have days where the whole world falls in your favour?” Claudio asked.

  “Frequently,” Erik replied. “But I wouldn’t say you’ve had the easiest year.”

  “Maybe my luck is about to change,” Claudio grinned. “Maybe, just slowly, things are starting to work out for me.”

  “Did you have any luck with Veena and her lawyer?” Henri asked. “Did you manage to set up some kind of custody arrangement?”

  “No, Veena won’t give me any access,” Claudio said. “We will talk again when the baby is born. Once it’s all arranged, then the divorce can be sorted out. I’m just glad Veena arranged to have the baby here instead of in Spain. In Spain, I wouldn’t be listed as the father since our marriage is over. I would have needed to take a blood test to prove I was the father back in Spain.”

  “Are you going to throw a ‘I’m getting a divorce’ party?” Holly asked.

  “I bet Canna would like that,” Claudio smiled.

  “What are the chances of Canna coming back to work for Virtuosi while we do this party in Russia and the show here in London?” Lea asked.

  “The chances would be higher if you apologised for your rude outburst a few weeks ago,” Claudio said. “She is at my place right now.”

  “That’s why you look so damn happy,” Henri said. “Why didn’t you bring her here?”

  “She is taking a break from work, so I left her to relax.”

  “Did Canna say what she has been doing?” Dane asked.

  “Why?” Claudio wouldn’t tell them that Canna had been in rehab again. “She came up here from Milan on her Harley.”

  “Milan, yeah, of course,” Dane replied.

  “What type of Harley?” Erik asked.

  “I don’t know,” Claudio shrugged.

  “Canna would be so ashamed of you,” Erik said. “She’s so much cooler than you.”

  Claudio shrugged again. “I prepared to live with that.”

  “It’s nice to see you happy,” Holly said.

  Everyone nodded, but Dane stared straight at the floor.