A Fine Line

by Sue Horsford

  Gabriel flashed me a roguish grin. “You look perfect.”

  He took me to a little village just over the Welsh border, to a country pub with a log fire and whitewashed walls hung with horse brasses and sepia-toned photographs of days gone by.

  “I know it’s not a cordon bleu restaurant,” Gabriel said, “but the food here is unbelievable. I’ll order for us.”

  He ordered mussels for our starter and, as we waited, I sipped my wine and said, “Do you know, this is the first normal thing we’ve done together.”

  Gabriel laughed. “Poor babe. I’ve plucked you right out of your safe little suburban life, haven’t I?”

  “I’m enjoying every minute of it.”

  “No regrets?”

  “I wish I wasn’t cheating on Paul.”

  “And do you still feel guilty about Ginny?”

  I thought for a moment.

  “Ginny’s my sister, my flesh and blood. I should feel even worse about deceiving her, but I don’t. I’ve tried to figure out why, but I just don’t know. Maybe I’m just a cold, heartless bitch, or maybe I feel she’s always had everything her own way and now it’s my turn. Childish I know, but…” I shrugged.

  The truth was, I didn’t feel bad about Gabriel. Ginny hadn’t been right for him, not in the way I was.

  “Tell me more about your childhood,” he said.

  “There’s not much to tell. I more or less brought myself up. My mother wasn’t neglectful, as such, but she was never really involved with us. She certainly never seemed to embrace motherhood. I couldn’t say either of us ever felt loved by her.”

  “Is that why you’ve never had children?”

  “I think so, yes. To be honest, I’m afraid I’d be like her, unable to love my own children. That would be horrible.” I laughed unsteadily. “This wine must be going to my head. I’ve never told anyone that before.”

  Gabriel took my hand. “Maybe you feel safe telling me your innermost thoughts.”

  I looked into his eyes. His gaze compelled me, inviting me to share my deepest secrets, and again, I imagined kneeling at his feet in confession.

  “It’s more than that,” I said. “I feel like I want you to know all my hopes and dreams, all my fears, all my worst nightmares, all the things I’m proud of, all the things I’m ashamed of.” I laughed again. “This really is good wine. Are you sure you didn’t slip some truth serum in there?”

  He smiled. “I’ll get to know you better and better as time goes on, sweetheart. Part of being your Master is knowing you better than you know yourself, and part of being my submissive is trusting me enough to open yourself to me completely.”

  I let that sink in for a moment. Was this why I was so drawn to him? Was it because he made me feel I really mattered, at last?

  “I don’t know anything about you,” I said. “What was your childhood like? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What made you get into photography?”

  Gabriel’s smile disappeared. “I’m an only child and I’ve been into photography since university. The rest…” He glanced up as the waiter arrived. “It’ll keep for another day. Now here’s our starter, so concentrate on eating please, and no more questions.”

  A little later, over the main course, a delicious chateaubriand with chateau potatoes and black truffles, he said, “So, what about your dad? I know you weren’t close to him, but why was that?”

  “I wanted to be close to him. I adored him. When I was really young, before Ginny came along, he was always very remote. He might ruffle my hair as he passed by, but that was about as far as it went. I remember going to my friend Emma’s house. Her dad used to give her piggyback rides and play games with her. He used to call her his little princess.” I fell silent for a moment.

  “And you wanted your dad to do all that with you,” Gabriel said.

  “No, the thought never occurred to me. What I wanted was for Emma’s dad to do all those things with me.” I laughed. “I had a bit of a little girl crush on Emma’s dad for a while. Anyway, while my mother was pregnant with Ginny, Dad was convinced she was having a boy. He was really excited about it, kept telling me, ‘You’ll have a little baby brother to play with soon.’ That was when I realized. It wasn’t that he didn’t like children, it was just little girls he wasn’t keen on. So when my Aunt Stella told me I had a baby sister, I remember feeling a perverse sort of satisfaction in thinking of how disappointed he’d be.”

  I dropped my gaze to my plate. Twenty-six years later, the memory had lost none of its power to hurt me.

  Gabriel squeezed my knee. “You don’t have to talk about this now if it upsets you,” he said.

  I shrugged. “She was so pretty, like a little doll. Even the nurses said they’d never seen such a beautiful baby. Dad took one look and was smitten. From that moment on, Ginny was the love of his life.” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. “I did try not to be jealous, but there were times, I’m sorry to say, that I hated her. I really, really hated her.”

  I said that last bit a little too vehemently and I glanced at Gabriel for his reaction, but his eyes were soft with compassion.

  “I want to take all that pain away from you,” he said. “I want to take care of you and protect you. Obviously, I can’t take care of you as well as I’d like to because you’re not with me all the time, but I’ll do my best.”

  “What would it be like to be with you all the time?” I asked.

  “Well, for a start, I’d be much stricter with you. You wouldn’t get away with half the things you do now. There’d be rules you’d have to obey, rules that I can’t really enforce at the moment. Perhaps at some point, we could get a weekend away, hire a cottage in the middle of nowhere, and I can show you what it’s really like to be in a Dom/sub relationship.”

  He stared off into space for a moment. “I might keep you naked for the entire weekend or perhaps I’d put a chastity belt on you.”

  I shifted in my seat, and Gabriel smiled.

  “Are you getting excited, sweetheart?” Underneath the table he undid some of the buttons on my dress and he traced light circles on my bare thigh, bringing me instantly alive for him.

  I gasped. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl. If you’ve finished eating, I’ll order dessert.”

  He ordered a crème brulee for me, but nothing for himself, and when it arrived I picked up the spoon only for Gabriel to take it out of my hand. “Would you be embarrassed if I fed this to you in public?”

  “Of course I would.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I would be embarrassed, Sir.”

  “Good. Open your mouth.”

  I kept my mouth stubbornly closed.

  He leaned over and he murmured into my ear in a voice as soft as velvet. “If you don’t do as you’re told this instant, I’ll take you outside right now and spank you in the car park.”

  Obediently, I parted my lips and Gabriel spooned in a mouthful of pudding. I kept my eyes fixed on him, my face flushed with embarrassment, not daring to look around to see if anyone was watching. The pudding was warm and sweet and slipped luxuriously down my throat. Being fed by my Master like this would be so sensual in private but we were in public—what would people think? Thank God we were miles from home and wouldn’t see anyone we knew.

  Finally, my ordeal was over, then, just to make sure my humiliation was complete, Gabriel picked up his napkin after I’d finished and used it to wipe my mouth.

  “Sometimes, my pet, I’ll ask you to do things you don’t want to do. Do you understand?

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “You’ll do what I ask because it pleases me. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl. You’ll get your reward on the way home.”

  In the car, I asked him, “Have you ever lived with anyone?”

  “No, I like my own space too much.”

  He was silent for a moment th
en said, “Mind you, if I was living with my submissive, I suppose I could just send her to her room if I needed space.”

  What an intriguing thought. Could I have a future with Gabriel? Would I be able to leave a man who loved me for a man who never would? What if I left Paul and spent the rest of my life regretting it? What if Gabriel tired of me? What if I tired of being his submissive? I’d always hated what ifs. My life since marrying Paul had been one long certainty, but now it was that same certainty that was threatening to choke me.

  I watched Gabriel as he drove along the darkened country road, sitting back in his seat almost lounging, relaxed yet fully in control, as always.

  “Do you ever lose control, Gabriel? Do you ever lose your temper?”

  “How could I be expected to control you if I couldn’t control myself?” he said.

  We drove in silence for a while. Gabriel turned off and drove up a narrow lane with a sign saying Private Road. At the end, he got out of the car and opened a long metal gate, then got back in and drove through stopping in what looked like a farmyard with a ramshackle house. He switched off the engine.

  “No one can see us in here,” he said. I peered up at the building looming over us, but Gabriel reassured me. “This is my place. Don’t worry.”

  He got out of the car and came around to the passenger side, opened my door and offered me his hand. I climbed out nervously, wondering what he had in store for me now. Still holding my hand, he led me around to the front of the car.

  “I know I promised it would be your car, but mine will have to do.” Before I had time to react, he fisted his hand into my hair and shoved me face down over the bonnet of his car. “Don’t move,” he ordered.

  He lifted up my dress and there was a tearing noise as he ripped it all the way up the back. I gasped as the cool evening air made contact with my bare skin then Gabriel grabbed hold of my underwear. There was another tearing sound, then my panties too were hanging off me. He pushed his hand roughly between my legs and I gasped again as he thrust his fingers inside me.

  “You’re soaking wet, young lady,” he scolded me. “You’re going to have to learn to control yourself for me.”

  He scissored his fingers, spreading me wide, then he pulled his zip down and I moaned in anticipation. He pulled his fingers out from my now dripping pussy. There was a pause while he rolled on a condom. Then he took hold of my hips, pulled me toward him and penetrated me so violently I cried out with the force of it.

  He fucked me hard and fast, holding me down over the bonnet with the fingers of one hand entwined in my hair. He slipped his other hand between my legs and rubbed his fingers back and forth through my wetness while he fucked me.

  “Oh, my God!” I cried.

  “Make as much noise as you like, sweetheart,” Gabriel growled. “Scream for me”

  With that, I completely let go, shouting his name over and over till I was hoarse. Out here in the moonlight, with the cool night air and the smell of the farmyard all around us, I felt like a wild animal. I wanted him to brutalize me, to bite me and brand me as his property.

  He turned me round to face him and he tore the rest of my dress to rags as if it were made of paper. Because he was silhouetted against the light of the moon, I couldn’t see his face and I shivered as my desire was unaccountably tinged with fear.

  “My wild woman,” he murmured, pulling me into his arms and kissing me, as if he would devour me. Although my knees were still trembling from the orgasm I’d just had, I moaned in pleasure, wanting more of him, wanting him to fuck me into oblivion. “Get in the car,” he ordered, his voice rough with passion. “I want you in my bed. I haven’t finished with you yet.”

  I climbed back into my seat, trying as far as possible to pull my tattered dress around me. Gabriel had just put the key in the ignition when my mobile rang.

  “You’re supposed to have that on silent when you’re with me, madam,” he said sternly.

  “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  I looked at the number showing on the display and frowned. “I don’t recognize the number.” I pressed the answer key. “Hello.”

  “I thought this might be your number,” a man said. “I wonder if you can tell me why I found it on a piece of paper in my wife’s handbag. Did I not make it clear you were to leave us alone?” The voice was so unexpected I gasped and hung up immediately.

  “Who was it?” Gabriel asked sharply.

  I hesitated.

  “Faye, answer me this minute!”

  “It… It was Andrew, Barbara’s husband, you know, the man who slashed my tire.”

  My phone rang again.

  “Give it to me,” said Gabriel.

  “Why? What are you going to do?”

  “Do as you’re told!” he ordered in a tone that left no room for disobedience.

  Hurriedly, I handed it to him and he answered it. “Listen to me, you piece of scum. If you ever ring this number again then, so help me God, it will be the last thing you ever do!”

  I couldn’t hear Andrew’s reply, but I saw Gabriel’s mouth twist into a grimace of satisfaction. “My name is Gabriel Scott,” he said. “So now you know, you miserable fuck.” He hung up, handed my phone back to me and started the engine.

  I studied him warily. “Why did you tell him your name?”

  “Never mind that. What I want to know is, how did he get your personal mobile number?”

  I bit my lip, afraid to tell him.

  “Faye, you’re beginning to try my patience.”

  “I gave it to Barbara,” I said in a small voice.

  “You gave your personal mobile number to a client?” Gabriel’s voice was several degrees below freezing.

  I nodded.

  “Answer me, Faye.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “And is this something you’re supposed to do as part of your job?”

  “No, Sir.”

  Gabriel pulled out of the farmyard without another word. He stared straight ahead, his lips tight with anger while I looked out of my window at the countryside speeding by, sick with the knowledge that whatever happened when we got back to his house, it was no longer going to involve lovemaking.

  Not another word was spoken until we were standing in Gabriel’s hall.

  “Do you remember a conversation we had a little while ago about what would happen if you put yourself in danger?” he asked me.

  “Yes, Sir.” I stared down at my feet.

  “And did you give out your number before or after that conversation?”

  “After, Sir.”

  Without another word, Gabriel grasped my wrist and led me upstairs. I thought he would take me to his bedroom, but instead, he took me to another smaller room on the same floor. It was cold and forbidding with plain white walls, the only furniture a single bed and a severe high-backed wing chair.

  “Strip.”

  He sat on the bed and, when I was undressed, he beckoned me to him. “What would your boss say if she knew you were giving out your personal number?” he asked sternly as I stood naked before him.

  “She wouldn’t be very happy about it.”

  Tears had come into my eyes and Gabriel’s tone softened. “And why do you think she wouldn’t be happy, sweetheart?”

  “Because it’s not a safe thing to do.”

  “Exactly.” His expression was grim. “Have you any idea what this man is capable of?”

  “I think so.”

  “I doubt it,” he said. “Do you think you should be punished?”

  “Yes, Sir,” I spoke without hesitation.

  He sighed. “You asked me before if I ever got angry and lost control. Well, I’m angry now, but I’ve no intention of allowing myself to lose control, so I’m going to leave your punishment until I’ve calmed down.” He checked his watch. “How much longer before you have to be home?”

  “Another couple of hours.”

  He nodded. “I’m going to leave you in this room for a while. If you’re cold you can get in
to bed.”

  With that, he left me alone. I stood there shivering for a moment, then did as he’d advised and got into bed. I knew he was going to cane me and I was a little afraid but not too much. After all, generations of schoolboys had survived it, how bad could it be? My tears were nothing to do with the prospect of a caning. I was crying because Gabriel was displeased with me.

  Lying there alone, trying to distract myself from what was to come, I started to think of Ginny and to wonder again why I wasn’t able to put her before my feelings for Gabriel. She was my sister, after all, my blood. Surely she should come first.

  There was no clock in the room so I had no idea how much time had passed before the door opened and Gabriel walked in holding a long, thin bamboo cane. He didn’t look at me but marched straight over to the wing-back chair which waited for me, firm and implacable.

  “Come here.”

  I pulled back the covers and stood, knees shaking, feet frozen to the floor.

  Gabriel turned to me, his expression stern. I had never seen him so severe, so dark, so goddamned hot.

  “Don’t make me tell you twice.”

  I forced myself to go to him, feeling faint with a desire that was darker than anything I’d ever known.

  “Bend over the back of the chair, feet off the floor.”

  I did as he said, wincing as the back of the chair dug into my stomach.

  “Move forward,” he said. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable during your punishment.”

  I pulled myself forward so I was holding on to the chair arms and I braced myself for the first stroke.

  “Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” he asked me. “I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want to do.”

  I hesitated. I knew he’d respect my decision if I asked him not to go through with it, but I wanted him to cane me. He’d made it quite clear that, as his submissive, I had a duty to take care of myself and I’d broken the rules. I needed him to punish me, to take away the guilt and the shame and to remind me that he was in charge and his rules were to be obeyed. I needed to submit to Gabriel but it had to be total submission, nothing else would give me what I craved. So no, I didn’t want it, but yes, I very much did.