by Clare Lydon
“I’d recognise those legs anywhere.”
Adam’s voice broke the silence as he leant down to kiss me and sat next to me on the bench. Being straight from the office he was dressed smart, in grey trousers and a baby blue shirt with a lightweight grey jacket. Neither of us ever did understand why you had to dress smart in a call centre – it’s not like you were ever going to meet people face to face. Really, you could come in dressed in your pyjamas and it wouldn’t make a jot of difference.
“You look very gay today,” I said.
“Why thank you.” Adam put his pint of cider on the floor beside him.
“Any special occasion?”
“Coming to meet my special gay friend. I thought them was the rules?”
“Gotcha,” I said.
“What you drinking?” He arched an eyebrow.
“Diet Coke.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing – I’ve got my big date tomorrow and I don’t want to be hungover.”
“Oh, is that all? Lesbians.” He tutted.
“What’s my sexuality got to do with it?”
“Everything. Drama dyke, that’s what you are. And gay men get the bad name.”
He winked at me, then looked ahead into the throng that were gathering on the canalside in the evening haze. I sipped my drink and screwed up my eyes in the sunlight.
“So what’s going on, then?” I said. Adam had called the night before to say he had big news. Big news that needed a face-to-face meeting.
“I’ve met someone. I think this could be it.”
“Blimey.” I twisted in my seat to face him. “Spill.”
Adam took a deep breath in and rubbed his hands together with glee. He seemed excessively pleased with himself.
“He’s an architect…”
“Get you…”
“…own hair and teeth, solvent as far as I can tell. Well, he has his own flat at least.”
“Which you’ve seen?” I said.
“Course. Gotta try before you buy.”
“Big cock?”
“Don’t get me started.” Massive grin.
“So what’s this mystery man called?”
“Stuart.”
“Shame. I was hoping he’d be called Steve. Adam and Steve.”
“I’ve never heard that before,” Adam said. He rolled his eyes while I chuckled at my own joke. Then he stretched out his right arm behind me on the bench and leaned back, closing his eyes to soak up some rays.
“Own hair and teeth. You’re certainly going up in the world.”
“Aren’t I though?” he said.
“So when do I get to meet him?”
He opened his eyes and looked at me.
“When I get to meet yours, honey.”
“Ah.”
“Don’t gimme that ah. You’ll be fine. Just don’t let her pay for anything tomorrow, don’t tell her she’s a cunt and all will be well. She wouldn’t be going out with you if she wasn’t interested, now would she? Especially after she caught you snogging someone else.”
He began to laugh, his body convulsing slightly on the bench beside me. I nudged him in the ribs and gave him my stern look.
“Too soon for jokes?” he said.
“She’s not even going back out with me yet, so I’d say yes, definitely too soon. Anyway, change of subject. When are you seeing Stuart again?”
“Tomorrow too, we’re going into town. Might see you there.”
“Well if you do, walk the other way please. I have enough hurdles to overcome.”
“Surely a visit from your super-stylish gay friend would tick some key lezza boxes though?” he said.
“One thing at a time. I’ve got to get her to like me again before asking her to like any of my friends.”
“True, tough call.”
Adam rolled his neck from left to right, loosening up the muscles held tightly in one place from spending a day behind a computer.
“What else is going on in your life then?”
“Nothing much. Looking into cookery schools but apparently the competition for places is fierce now everybody wants to be a chef. Jamie, Gordon and all that bollocks have made it seem all rock ’n’ roll. I bet the drop-out rate is phenomenal once they realise they have to chop carrots for ten hours a day for the first month.”
“I bet you’re right.”
I sipped my drink while Adam chatted on about work, Stuart, cooking and when he was going to hand in his notice. But running in the back of my mind the whole time was Lucy in those grey trousers, Lucy’s deep brown eyes, the surge of love I experienced as Lucy held my hand. I was just thankful we weren’t in that terrible Mel Gibson film where Adam would be able to read my thoughts.
I got home at around 8pm, having managed to steer clear of alcohol and stopping at the local Tesco on the way home to see if there was anything in their reduced section. When I got back I stuck my chicken pasta in the microwave, then went through to the lounge where Kate was lying flat on the floor, her eyes wide open and staring upwards like a doll in a horror film. I wasn’t expecting her so I jumped.
“Is it a mirage?” I said. Kate responded to the intrusion by closing her eyes and covering her face with her right hand.
“You okay?”
“Yes, just pondering the wreckage of my life,” she said.
“Good, nothing serious then. Want a cup of tea? I just put the kettle on.”
“No thanks. I’ve got a drink on the go.”
I looked and saw a half-drunk bottle of Peroni on the side table.
Kate was sat back on the sofa when I returned with my food, with some new band making doleful noises out of the iPod speakers. She’d finished the beer in my absence so got up to get another.
“Not out tonight then?” I said when she returned. Her normally just-so hair needed bleaching, she had dark rings around her eyes and was looking gaunt. As well as drinking to excess, Kate’s break-up routine didn’t involve much food.
“Nah, I’m knackered. And I need to give my liver a rest, I reckon.” She bent a leg underneath her body and hugged a fluffy cream cushion as she settled into the sofa.
“With more beer?”
“Just a couple.”
I grabbed a magazine from the coffee table to rest my hot food on and plonked it on my lap.
“How’s things?” I said.
She sighed. “Okay.”
“Sounds it.”
She shrugged. “I’m all right. I think part of me is really going through the motions of a break-up. Deep down I knew Caroline and I weren’t right for each other but it sucks to be cheated on.” She shrugged again and swigged her beer. “But I’ll get over it, I’m a big girl. I just need to get out of this funk and then it’ll all be fine.”
I decided not to tell her I’d seen Caroline. Maybe next week.
“You will get a shag again, you know,” I said. I twirled my fork in my food.
“And so will you, probably sooner than me,” she said. “All ready for tomorrow?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
“I’ll be thinking of you. I’m out with Vicky.”
“They must have had a conference,” I said.
Kate looked puzzled.
“Vicky and Jack,” I said, swallowing down. “They must have had a ‘must take sisters out’ pact. Jack did me on Thursday, now it’s your turn.”
Kate chuckled. “Judging from Vicky’s tone I think we’re out to get drunk, so don’t expect much from me on Sunday.”
“I’m hoping I’ll be otherwise engaged come Sunday morning,” I said.
“Hope springs eternal,” Kate replied. “Have you heard from any of the other women you’re currently spinning around by the way?”
“I ill-advisedly snogged one and I’ve told the other to bugger off, so I’m hoping that’s the end of it.” I sounded indignant.
“Hmmm…”
“Hmmm?”
“I mean, let’s just hope so for your sake. But should Kare
n turn up at our door with a bunch of roses, I’ll take them and seduce her on the spot. I can now I’m single you see – all for you, an act of pure friendship.”
“You’re making me feel so much better.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
“I’m glad you’re finding this all so amusing,” I said, chewing. “But if Karen does show up, you have my permission to snog her and then punch her. Whatever, just make sure she stays as far away from me as possible.”
Chapter 27
The next day dawned and the hot weather had broken, replaced by lashing rain and white cloud. Julia called, in meltdown having checked the long-range weather forecast and worked out it was going to be raining the following week for her wedding. I assured her the last time the weather people had been correct was, well, never, and that there was plenty of time for the rain to disappear. After all, it was going to be June by then and the sun and June were best friends.
I did have the small matter of uninviting Ange to bring up but I figured perhaps another day, as the tone of her voice told me she didn’t need anything to send her an octave higher. I’d broach it later in the week. Today was ‘operation Lucy’ and my full attention was going to be given over to that.
The day buzzed by in a blur of pottering, tidying and clothing decisions. I settled on my new blue shirt, dark jeans, brown boots and belt before trying on myriad outfits and ending up back where I began. If tonight went well, I saw my life changing for the better. If I fucked it up by snogging another woman at the bar – surely lightning couldn’t strike twice? – I was doomed to a life of Miss Haversham-style spinsterhood. The decision was mine.
Before heading out, I logged on to Facebook to send Tess a message giving her an update. Tess had started seeing someone too, as had Tom. It seemed like it was the time of life for my friends when they were mating and settling down.
Out of habit, I checked my email too and saw that Karen had sent me another message, telling me she was flying tomorrow and would let me know where she was staying when she landed. I bristled – this was not what I needed tonight. Why couldn’t all these women just leave me alone to get on with my life?
I pulled the door of the flat shut and stepped out into the damp air. The rain had let up but the pavements were still dark grey and the air was thick with the smell of wet tarmac. I began the short walk to the tube, untangling my iPod headphones as I walked with the sound of my boots echoing on the concrete. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I thought about leaving it for a second but then reassessed as it might be Lucy. I pulled it out but saw it was Jack calling. I pressed the green button and instantly knew something was wrong.
“Hello?”
“Jess,” he said. His voice wavered.
“What’s wrong?” I said. I was now at a standstill, knowing the news wasn’t going to be good.
“It’s Vicky. And Kate.” My stomach dropped. “There’s been an accident. I think they’re okay but they’ve both been taken to hospital. I need to get there and was wondering if you could come and look after the boys? I tried Mum and Dad but they’re not there and they’re not answering their mobiles.”
“Sure, sure, no problem at all. I can come now.”
“Great.”
“What happened?”
“Car crash that’s all I know.”
“Oh my god, oh my god. Are they all right?” I looked around at the world, functioning normally as if nothing had happened as Jack’s words seeped into my brain.
“Yeah, I mean alive… I don’t know anymore…” His voice was wavering again.
“Look, make a cup of tea and I’ll get a cab over right now.”
“Okay. Don’t be long.”
I spun on my heel and walked back towards home and the cab office that was round the corner. My mind was flooded with warped images of crushed metal and worse, shattered people. I tried to rub them out but they just kept coming back. Vicky and Kate were in hospital. My brother’s wife and my flatmate. This wasn’t good.
Once in a mini-cab, I called Lucy to tell her tonight was off and the reason why. She was very understanding, offering to come with me and wanting to know if there was anything she could do.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I’m just in a cab there now so I’ll give you a call back when I know more.” I paused. “Actually, there is one thing you could do.”
“What?”
“Could you ring the restaurant and cancel?”
“Sure, which one?”
“Hexagon.”
“Blimey,” she said, sounding surprised. I smiled at the other end.
“I was trying to woo you.”
“It would have worked, too,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. “But another time. I’ll cancel, no trouble. But please call me when you know more.”
“I will. And I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
When I arrived at the house the boys were happily ensconced in front of the telly, oblivious to what else was going on. Jack looked pale and his eyes were red when he opened the door in jeans and a black Polo shirt. I hugged him tight and he let me. He put his finger to his lips and led me through to the kitchen. Last time I’d been here was for the barbecue, when Vicky had been alive and well. I swallowed hard and rolled my neck from left to right.
“So what happened?” I asked, putting my jacket on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Jack sighed and ran his fingers through his thick black hair, shaking his head and flexing his jaw.
“I dunno – I mean, they just left. Kate was over today and they were going into town – dinner somewhere, drinks… They got a cab to the station, I was going to run them but Vicky insisted getting a cab was easier with the boys. And then I get a phone call just before I called you. I don’t know much more apart from they’re at the hospital. I don’t know how they are, if they’re okay…” His voice cracked when he said the last bit and I took his hand.
“They’re going to be fine, Jack, this is Vicky and Kate we’re talking about. Tough birds. I’m sure they’ve just got some scratches and bruises on them and they’ve taken them to hospital as a precaution. Walking wounded. Walking, chattering wounded.”
He smiled at the last bit.
“I hope so but you know what some of these mini-cab drivers are like…”
“Don’t be daft,” I said. I was making myself believe my own words. “Look, why don’t you get your coat on and get going? Did you get through to Mum and Dad?”
“No, they’re not answering.”
“Well I’ll do that. What about Maureen?”
“I’m picking her up on the way.”
I hadn’t stopped to consider how Kate and Vicky’s mum would be feeling till then. Wretched, I would have thought, seeing as she buried her husband a few years back and now both her children were in hospital.
“Go. Just call me when you know anything, okay?”
Jack nodded. “I fed the boys, so they just need their milk.”
I stroked his arm. “Don’t worry. Just go.”
The boys seemed oblivious when Jack hugged them extra-hard as he left, so I got them some milk and we settled down to the end of Bob The Builder’s latest quest before putting them to bed. Freddie was a little teary his mummy wasn’t there to kiss him goodnight but I assured him she’d be back when he woke up. Luke threw a slight paddy about his pyjama choice – he wasn’t a fan of pandas. Together we selected a pair with monster trucks on them and he seemed happier as he climbed into his tiny bed. I kissed them both, tucked them in and felt my feet sink into the plush landing carpet as I retreated out of the bedroom.
“Aunty Jess?”
I poked my head back around the door.
“Yeah?”
“Will you get Mummy to come and kiss us goodnight when she gets in?” Luke said.
My heart lurched. “I’ll make sure she does,” I said. “Night now.”
“Night.”
I walked across the hall and stood in the d
oorway of Jack and Vicky’s room, staring at their purple and white boudoir, their bed still strewn with a few garments that Vicky had rejected for her night out. I rested my head against the white doorframe and sighed. It was going to be a long night.
I tried Mum and Dad again but still no answer, so I left a message for them to call me on my mobile. Then I went back into the lounge and sunk into the brown leather couch, curling my feet up underneath me and flicking idly through the channels.
The programmes bounced off my brain like raindrops off an umbrella, so I settled on a music channel so my mind could relax. Lucy called half an hour later, making me jump out of my skin.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Any news?” Her voice sounded sexy even though my mind was elsewhere.
“Nothing and I’m going mad. I mean, I know Jack’s probably still dealing with stuff but I just need to know how they both are…”
“Listen, let me drive over to you now, then at least I can give you a lift back if you need one. I’m not doing anything except worrying about you so I may as well be with you.”
I smiled. “You’re worrying about me?”
“Call me stupid.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said. I felt a warmth flow through my body. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one invested in this relationship after all.
“Text me the address. I’ll get my shoes on and be ready to leave in five.”
I did as I was told, then went into the kitchen and grabbed a cold bottle of Heineken from the fridge – I could count on my brother for these small things. My stomach growled and I realised I hadn’t eaten. I stuck my head in a few cupboards before finding the chocolate biscuits. Perfect.
Just as I took my first swig of the beer, my phone went. I could hear it but I couldn’t see it. Where had I put it after speaking to Lucy? The ringing was insistent and I spun around in the kitchen, trying to locate it. Eventually I saw it on top of the fridge, grabbed it and pressed the green button. It was Jack.