Love Happens Here

by Clare Lydon

  I drew myself up to my full height, pulling my shoulders back as my mother always told me to. Then I pushed open the door and strode back into the restaurant with as much swagger as I could muster, only to be greeted by an empty table and a half-drunk glass of wine. I spun my gaze around the room but I had to face facts — Sienna had gone and I can’t say I blamed her.

  I sat down and exhaled, before getting the waiter’s attention as my stomach rumbled.

  “The other woman — has she left?”

  The waiter gave me a sad smile and a nod. “She go,” he said, turning his head towards the door. “And she cancel your food too.”

  Shit. This was not going to be good for my dating reputation. I put my head in my hands as my stomach rumbled again. Then I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone, pulling up Sienna’s number. I paused, my fingers hovering over the keys. Now I had the phone in my hand, what exactly was I supposed to say? ‘So sorry, I fell asleep in the toilet’? Try as I might, I couldn’t come up with a better plan. I decided to sleep on it.

  I put my phone on the table and glanced at my watch: just gone 9pm. There was still wine left, and I’d wanted to try this restaurant for a while now. Plus, I was starving as my stomach kept reminding me. I needed something to soak up the alcohol.

  I signalled to the waiter again.

  “Could I still get some food?”

  He nodded.

  I consulted the menu again, ordered and sat back. At least if the food was as good as the reviews, this night wouldn’t turn out to be a total disaster. Best to look on the bright side.

  Just then, ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! began to flow from the restaurant speakers, presumably to rub salt in my wounds. I had nobody special to give my heart to. I was a sad, sleepy loser.

  I poured Sienna’s wine into my glass and saw someone waving out of the corner of my eye. I turned to my left.

  It was Melanie Taylor, a smile breaking out on her face as she saw me. She was sitting with what I could only assume was her new fiancée, just two tables along from me.

  Oh no, not now. Not when I looked like a starved raccoon.

  Before I could react, Melanie was on the move, reaching my table in seconds. Her closely cropped hair was sitting just-so on her head, and I wasn’t sure her smile could get any wider. Clearly, Melanie was loved up.

  “How are you?” Melanie already had her arms wide open, and her smile had changed to a concerned, pitiful expression that said ‘eating out alone again?’ I wanted to sink under the table. On top of everything, I didn’t need Melanie Taylor to rub her happiness in my face. However, I was out of luck.

  “I want you to meet my fiancée!” Melanie turned and beckoned her over with rapid hand movements. I heard a chair scrape back as I braced myself to be nice — after all, it wasn’t Melanie’s fault that love was shining on her, but not me.

  Within seconds, her new partner was standing beside her, giving me an awkward smile. Melanie Taylor had landed on her feet and no mistake. But hang on, there was something ever-so-familiar about her partner — a smile I knew, piercing almond eyes that I’d looked into before. It couldn’t be, could it?

  But before my sleepy brain could piece the puzzle together, Melanie had her arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders, her face radiating so much happiness, I felt the heat. However, my whole body heated up for a totally different reason now her girlfriend was up close and personal.

  I did know those eyes, that mouth.

  And from the narrowing of her eyes, she recognised me too.

  “Tori, I want you to meet Nic, my fiancée. Nic, this is Tori.”

  We both stared at each other and nobody said a word.

  I could see Melanie was confused, and rightly so. She’d just introduced her fiancée to one of her friends, and now neither was saying a word to the other. However, if she’d peered inside my head at that moment, she would have seen a ticker-tape parade reading ‘OMG! OMG! OMG!’ circling round my brain.

  Nicola Sheen, my first love, had just shown up at my table and she was engaged to my crazy friend. I heard the crescendo in my ears as my heart sank to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to stand up and shake Nicola, ask her what the hell she was doing here after all these years. And engaged to someone else.

  But I didn’t. I just sat and stared. Externally, I was quiet. Inside, I was exploding like a gamma-ray.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Nicola put out her hand. “Victoria Hammond?” Her flushed face told me she couldn’t believe she was asking.

  Truth be told, I couldn’t either. I’d been waiting to hear those words and touch this skin again for over ten years. And now, here she was. I wanted to get up and embrace Nicola, feel her against me after all this time. But I knew that wasn’t social etiquette, so I stayed seated.

  “Nicola.” I shook my head. “All this time, and now you’re Melanie’s fiancée. I can’t believe it!” I didn’t mean that quite the way it came out.

  Or perhaps I did.

  Seeing her was just such a shock.

  When she touched me, it took me right back — right back to the library, my bedroom, my heartbreak.

  She nodded, still holding my hand. “Bit of a whirlwind, but yes, engaged.” She glanced up at Melanie, before refocusing on me.

  Her gaze burnt into me, and I had to remember to breathe. Nicola looked older, of course she did. Her hair was shorter, her features fuller, her body more solid. But she was still Nicola Sheen, she still owned those eyes and she still commanded that my eyes couldn’t look away.

  And of course, she had to meet me just after my failed date when I was looking like this. Thanks a bunch, universe.

  I stared at her hand, then at Melanie’s. There were no rings.

  “Haven’t got around to it yet,” Melanie said as if reading my mind. “Rings are next on the list, aren’t they, sweetheart?” She was gripping Nicola’s shoulder harder now as if she was trying to stop the situation slipping out of her control. Melanie had brought Nicola over here to gloat. Now it turned out, she was reintroducing me to my first love and I was pretty sure that vibe was seeping out of every single pore of my body.

  “I take it you two know each other?” Melanie looked from Nicola to me, then back. Her voice was too high. It scratched my skin.

  I nodded. “Went to school together. Best friends for a time, weren’t we?” I locked eyes with Nicola. My stomach dropped. Best friends, first kiss, could-have-been lovers. All I knew was the story we’d written at school had never been fully erased, nor fully written.

  “We were, but it feels like a different life,” Nicola said. And then she had the good grace to look away.

  A wave of nausea hit me as Melanie kissed Nicola on the cheek — it was as if I’d just been slapped. I didn’t even want to think about them having sex.

  I shut my eyes, and when I reopened them, Melanie had her concerned face on again. “You know, you’re welcome to come and eat with us if you’re eating on your own.” She looked like she wanted to take a jar of pity and smother it all over me.

  I glanced at Nicola, whose face didn’t alter, but I could spy alarm in her eyes — it was a look I was used to seeing when it came to her. Did Melanie know the signs yet? I doubted it.

  I shook my head. “That’s kind, but I’m just popping in on the way to meeting someone, so I won’t be long.” It was gone 9pm, so I was clearly lying. I smiled up at Melanie. Could she tell I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than have dinner with them?

  If she did, she said nothing. Instead, they walked back to their table with a promise to meet for drinks soon, Nicola Sheen avoiding my gaze.

  I couldn’t wait.

  I took a slug of wine, refilled my glass to the top and hoped my food arrived soon. I was desperate to turn my head and get a good look at Nicola, but I knew I couldn’t.

  Nicola Bloody Sheen. Engaged to Melanie Bloody Taylor.

  Holly was not going to believe this, and truth be told, neither did I.

  I
hadn’t planned on getting drunk tonight, but now there seemed no other option. I downed my wine in a few gulps and ordered another large glass of red from the waiter. I didn’t care how I looked anymore or what else could happen tonight — the roof of my world was already sagging to the point of near collapse. I’d been deserted on a date, fallen asleep with my trousers down and had just bumped into my first love, who was engaged to my friend. Isn’t it ironic?

  I made a mental note to call Alanis Morissette and see what she thought.

  Saturday December 3rd

  Holly had to stop walking, she was laughing so much. “You didn’t?”

  I nodded. “I did. I woke myself up dribbling.” I smirked. “And it’s not funny, by the way.”

  Holly’s laughter begged to differ. “It’s kinda funny, you have to admit. You go on a date and fall asleep in the toilet? That is the stuff of legend.” She snorted. “I did tell you to slow down with these dates, but I thought you could take three in a week. Clearly I was wrong.”

  We were walking around our local park, and it was another beautifully sunny day. To our right, barren trees lined the path ahead. To our left, a group of carol singers were belting out ‘Jingle Bells’ with gusto. I dropped a pound coin into their collecting bucket as we passed and it hit the bottom with a thud.

  “You were. Perhaps I’m developing narcolepsy like in that film. Whatever it is, this is going to seriously dent my lesbian kerb appeal.” I kicked a stone and it hit a nearby tree.

  Holly chuckled, her grey woollen bobble-hat waggling as she walked. “It’s not ideal.”

  I pouted at her and sighed. “We’re into December now and the girlfriend quest isn’t improving, is it? Ruby was a dud, Anna couldn’t leave me quick enough, then on the third... well, you know the rest.”

  Holly put an arm around me and squeezed. “You’re being impatient, you just need to relax and give it time. Romance doesn’t just knock on your door — that only happens in those films you love. Romance, like anything worthwhile, takes time and you need to give it space to breathe. You might bump into Sienna again and you’ll live happily ever after. You just never know.”

  I raised an eyebrow in Holly’s direction.

  She smiled. “Long shot, but it might happen.” She paused, looking away. “Or you might get together with someone you never even thought of. Someone on your doorstep, or someone who’s just about to walk into your life.”

  I sat down on a park bench dedicated to a man called Fred — his plaque said he’d loved sitting there, and I could see the appeal. From this bench, the views of the surrounding area were laid out as far as the eye could see.

  “Funny you should say that — there’s more,” I told Holly as she sat down next to me.

  “What?”

  “Last night,” I began. “After Sienna left, I was still hungry. So I ordered some food.” I paused. “And bear in mind, this is just after I’ve woken up with my trousers down and just after I’ve smeared mascara across my face to look like a crazy raccoon lady.”

  “Good image,” Holly replied, snorting.

  I put my head in my hands just thinking about it, then started to laugh. “Yeah so, I’m sitting there looking gorgeous. Then just before my food arrives, guess who walks up to my table when I’m sitting there like a loser, dining alone?”

  “Who?”

  “Melanie Taylor.”

  I had Holly’s interest now. She spread her hands on her jeans before twisting her body to me. “Was she with her new woman?”

  “She was,” I said. “And we know her.”

  Now it was Holly’s turn to look surprised. “We do? Who is it?”

  “Someone you’ll never guess in a million years.”

  A few seconds went by.

  “Why aren’t you guessing?”

  “You just told me it was pointless, so why would I try?” she said.

  Fair point. I took a deep breath. “Melanie Taylor is engaged to Nicola Sheen.”

  Holly’s brow furrowed as she took in the news and began to process it. Her face went from disbelief to horror to comedy in a matter of seconds, but then she saw I wasn’t laughing and tempered her reaction. Holly, of all people, knew my feelings on Nicola Sheen.

  “Hang on,” she said, circling her finger as if she was dialling back time. “Nicola Sheen is a lesbian?” Her voice rose at the end of her sentence.

  “Apparently, yes.”

  Holly let out a low whistle. “Holy shit. And I bet Melanie Taylor has no idea that you were the woman who started her on the road to the promised land of lesbianville. You were the magnet who drew her in—”

  “—and I was the one she fucked over for Craig Dale. She might not know, but I do.” I shook my head, still swallowing down disbelief. “Can you believe it? Of all the women in the whole world, Melanie Taylor has to go and meet her. Online. This has been my dream for over ten years. How come it didn’t happen to me?”

  “Because you weren’t registered on the app?”

  I shot Holly a look. “It’s ridiculous. She’s known her for two months and they’re getting married.” My cheeks had flushed crimson and I could tell my ear lobes were following suit. “How can it be that Melanie Taylor has stolen my first love and is now going to be living the life I was meant to be living?”

  A shard of Holly’s laughter pierced the air. “Your life? Slight over-reaction perhaps?” Holly peered down at me. “And what happened to being happy for Melanie, seeing her turn over a new leaf and find happiness?”

  “That was before that happiness was attached to Nicola Sheen,” I replied.

  We both stared out into the milky December sunshine. Nearby, a small child tottered, then fell over, but no crying ensued — he just got up and carried on with the aid of his mum.

  “What did she say when she saw you?” Holly crossed her right leg over her left and concentrated on my answer.

  “Neither of us said much. I mean, all these years, wondering where she was and whether or not that kiss had meant anything. And now she shows up in London and she’s a lesbian.”

  “She didn’t mention the panda eyes?” Holly was grinning now, barely able to contain herself.

  “Let’s assume she was overwhelmed with my beauty,” I said, smiling despite myself.

  Holly’s mouth twitched. “And what did she look like, more importantly? Ten years can do things to people. I don’t look much like the tall girl with the flowing hair any more.”

  I stretched my neck backwards and exhaled. “She looked like Nicola,” I said before glancing sideways. “Close up, I would know those eyes and that mouth anywhere. She was a bit more filled out, but not fat, and her hair was about the same length, but styled — very chic. But she’s still very much Nicola Sheen.”

  “Soon to be Nicola Sheen-Taylor or vice versa.”

  I sat forward and put my head in my hands, shaking my head as I did.

  “There’s nothing you can do about this, you know that, right? Yes, you once kissed Nicola Sheen and ever since you have put her on a pedestal. But she exists in a bubble, in a snapshot of time. You kissed Nicola once when you were 16, and she’s still the benchmark of first kisses. But here’s a newsflash — you don’t know Nicola Sheen. She dumped you like a hot potato after you kissed, and then she got pregnant, which was a huge over-reaction if you don’t mind me saying.”

  I sat back up and glanced sideways at Holly. “But she was my first love.”

  Holly nodded. “I know — we all had one. That doesn’t mean when we meet them later on in life, they’re still our destiny. Everybody needs a first love, it’s a marker. But then that’s done — it’s a first love, you move on and you meet someone new.” Holly paused, clearly waiting to see if I was listening.

  I was.

  She carried on. “Nicola’s done that — she’s come out and she’s met someone new. And now it’s time for you to do that too. Nicola Sheen might not have given you another thought after your kiss. You might have been just one in a long line of
kisses, leading up to her first girlfriend. Don’t assume she’s hankered after you for the past ten years in the same way that you have her.”

  Holly’s face had turned stern now — she was flushed from her speech and her eyes were watery. I never knew Holly felt like this about my Nicola Sheen obsession. I was somewhat startled, and a bit hurt. Way to kick a girl when she’s down.

  I glanced at her nervously before replying. “I know all that. I know she’s probably not given me another thought, and now probably won’t again after seeing me in such a state. But then again, we were each other’s first female kiss—”

  “How do you know that?” Holly threw her hands up in the air as she spoke. “That’s your presumption, but you don’t know for sure.” She paused. “What would you say if I told you I snogged Nicola Sheen?”

  My mouth fell open. “You didn’t?” My words came out in a whisper.

  Holly began to laugh. “No, I didn’t. But I might have. You may or may not have been her first kiss. But even if I had, it was over ten years ago!” Holly shook her head. “You’re ridiculous sometimes, you know that?”

  I licked my lips and stared at her. “Why are you getting so wound up about this?”

  “Because I have to live with your crazy obsessions and then I have to pick up the pieces when things don’t work out as you’ve planned them in your mind. It’s always me, Tori. Always.” She ran a hand through her hair and stretched her legs out front. “Plus, I want you to be happy and I don’t want to see you hurt. And that will not happen if you run after Nicola Sheen like a lovesick puppy. At best, she’ll declare undying love and call off her wedding — and that would be awkward. At worst, she’ll stare at you oddly and walk away, and then you’ll examine what you did wrong for the next year. I would like to stop this pattern of behaviour. I’m suggesting you don’t follow your heart blindly up a dead end and perhaps think about things before you act. Okay?”

  I considered Holly’s words as the air sagged in front of me, now silent save for the carol singers across the slab of grass who were singing ‘Once In Royal David’s City’. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, elevated after Holly’s outburst. When did I start to annoy her so much? As far as I was aware, we got on great, although the obsessive trait had been brought up before not just by Holly, but also by my mum and other friends. So maybe she had a point.