by Clare Lydon
I raised my head and gave her a lazy smile. “You do, huh?”
She gave a slight nod. “I do.” She paused. “It’s taken long enough already, so you owe me some time back.”
Taken long enough? How long had Holly wanted me?
I rolled on top of her and she groaned as our bodies pressed together, naked flesh on naked flesh. Was there a better feeling in the world, especially with a new lover?
“How do you work that one out?” I asked.
“The time back thing?”
I nodded.
“Well,” she said, her hands stroking up and down both sides of my body.
I wriggled and squealed.
“I did not know how ticklish you were, this is a new thing,” Holly said. “Anyway, yes, time.” She paused — she was choosing her words carefully. “Let’s just say, you’ve come to my attention of late.”
I gave her a look. “What does that mean?”
Holly thought for a moment, opened her mouth, then closed it.
“Whatever it is, spit it out,” I said.
“I’m thinking.”
“And we’re friends. I’m not some random you picked up on the street.” I wanted Holly to trust me. I kissed her to show how much I meant it. When I drew back, Holly looked dazed.
“You see, you ask me a question, then you do that. It’s distracting.”
“Sorry,” I smiled, kissing her lightly again.
She cleared her throat. “Okay,” she began. “You’ve always been attractive to me, but I never really thought of acting on it — we were friends, that’s how things were.”
I nodded. “I know, same here.”
She smiled at that. “But then,” she continued, wrapping her arms tighter around my back. “When you started on this crazy dating scheme, I started to get jealous of your dates. And then Nicola Sheen turned up and I wanted to punch her. That’s not normal.”
“You’ve always wanted to punch Nicola Sheen.”
“True,” Holly replied. “But I realised my jealousy had a motive, and I didn’t want you ending up with her, even though you seemed hell bent on that scenario for quite a while.”
“I was processing,” I said, guilt bubbling up my body.
“Sure you were.” Holly paused, giving me a peck on the lips before drawing back. “Then I went out on that date to try to take my mind off it, but it didn’t work. I just kept thinking about you.”
“But you arranged a second date.”
Holly blushed. “I lied. There was no second date. I made it up.”
I widened my eyes, feeling stupidly grateful that she’d lied. I didn’t want there to be anyone else, especially not so recently. I wanted Holly and her affections all to myself.
“We all do stupid things.” Holly raised an eyebrow at me.
She had a point, so I shut up. If I was feeling like that about her date, she must have been feeling wretched about Nicola Sheen.
“But once I knew why I was behaving like I was, I then had to work up the courage to act on it. There was a lot to think about.” Holly grinned. “Luckily, the spilled herbs were the catalyst. I don’t think I’m ever going to look at a pot of oregano in the same way ever again.”
I brushed a strand of Holly’s hair out of her eyes and kissed her. “Me neither,” I said.
A few seconds passed.
“What about you?” she asked.
“Me?”
“Yeah — did you think about me like that?”
My breathing stilled. I had to think about how to answer this one — I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but I wanted to be honest.
“I’m a little slow on the uptake,” I began.
“Judging on last night’s performance, I disagree,” Holly said, pressing her leg between mine.
I groaned. “What were you saying about distraction?”
“Right, yes,” she said, not moving her leg.
I kissed her shoulder, then held her gaze. “You’re gorgeous — that much everyone knows. You’re tall, dark and handsome, but like you say, we were friends.” I stopped to kiss her before continuing, wanting to wipe away the hesitation on her face.
“I don’t know when that shifted exactly, but I’m glad it did. And I’m glad I knocked over the herbs. And I’m more than glad you kissed me, then fucked me like you did last night.”
At last, Holly smiled back at me. “I can do it again now if you like.”
I smiled back. “I was hoping you would.” Another kiss.
She licked her lips. “So no regrets? You haven’t woken up wanting to run back to your own bed?”
I shook my head. If she thought I was having any regrets about what we’d just shared, she was a mad woman. Last night had been one of the most intoxicating of my life and I wasn’t about to walk away from that in a hurry.
“Only if you’re coming with me,” I replied.
Monday December 19th
The following Monday I was in town shopping after work. Holly was out with clients tonight, so we were having a night apart. Ever since Saturday, we hadn’t spent much of our spare time out of bed, let alone apart. I let a slow, sultry smile invade my face as I strolled through the perfume department at Selfridges, running the gauntlet of the perfume sprayers.
I got on to the escalator and rode up to the Christmas department. I was still amazed Holly and I had happened, still newly thrilled every time I thought about it. I never expected to end up in bed with my best friend, but now it had happened, it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world. Why had nobody else pointed this out before?
That very morning, I’d taken myself off the dating app I was on, as had Holly. That was another plus point of dating your best friend — there was an inherent trust already there. When Holly told me she was deleting her profile, I had no question she was going to do just that. Not simply say that for my benefit and then do nothing of the sort, as I’d known plenty of others do before. This, too, was something I was going to have to get used to — being able to trust my girlfriend completely.
To celebrate us getting together, I’d decided we needed a new Christmas ornament. Something romantic, something that would put a bookmark in the story of our lives to say this was the Christmas where everything changed. The year when I set out to get a girlfriend for Christmas, but it didn’t exactly turn out as I expected.
The Christmas department was pumping out its usual pine cone aroma, and everywhere you looked, there was fake snow, tinsel, shiny displays and candy canes galore. To my right, a full-size Santa welcomed me in with a broad smile, and to my left, a mini winter-wonderland had been constructed, replete with a snow-covered steam train winding its way through the white-frosted hills.
After 15 minutes of browsing and singing along to Bing Crosby’s ‘White Christmas’ and Elton John’s ‘Step Into Christmas’, I stumbled on exactly what I was looking for — a knitted Christmas pudding with the words ‘Our First Christmas’ embroidered on it. It was understated and cute, and not too brash to scare Holly off. I was pretty sure it would take more than a single decoration, but I still had to tread carefully. I’d never been Holly’s girlfriend before, after all.
I was walking over to the cash desk when I spotted her out of the corner of my eye. Melanie Taylor. I changed the direction I was walking and veered left, behind a giant Christmas tree. I wasn’t up to dealing with Melanie yet, I didn’t want anything to break into my happy Holly bubble.
However, when Melanie appeared at my side ten seconds later, it appeared she was not having similar thoughts. I tried to give her a fake smile, but it probably came off as a grimace.
Melanie’s face didn’t alter, despite mine going through a gamut of emotions.
“Tori,” she said, her eyes steely. Did she know? If this was going to be a showdown, please don’t let it be here. I did not want one of my all-time favourite places scarred with the memory of a Melanie Taylor meltdown. I’d seen them before.
“Hey,” I replied, putting far too much
forced jollity into my voice. I picked up a nearby wind-up Santa just for something to hold on to. I was expecting a bumpy ride from here on in.
“How are you?” I winced, waiting for the answer.
Melanie scowled at me. “I’m okay, considering.”
I swallowed down. “Considering?” There was a lightness to my tone — I didn’t want to reveal anything I didn’t need to, so if I could get away with keeping this superficial and fluffy, that was my intention.
“Really?” Melanie’s tone, however, had turned scratchy. “You’re going to go the innocent route? If I was going to act on what I’ve been thinking about you over the past few days, I should be kicking your head in right now.”
Panic alarms whirred in my head and tension seized my body. Melanie was considering beating me up in the Selfridges’ Christmas department? I didn’t know much, but I was fairly sure that contravened some sacred bond, some rich pot of Christmas spirit that needed to be tended and stirred regularly. Melanie was planning to contaminate the pot and knee me in the face in the process. I always said she was a bit bonkers. I gripped the wind-up Santa and turned its key nervously.
Melanie took a step towards me.
I wound the key even tighter and took two steps backwards.
“I knew there was something up between you two the first time I saw you together at that restaurant where you were eating that pitiful meal for one.”
I could smell Melanie’s breath on my face, and it had more than a whiff of crazy. I cast my mind back to that fateful evening that seemed so long ago now, with so much happening in the interim.
“You two were all ‘we’re just old friends from school’.” She put the final part in air quotes with her fingers, before shaking her head. “When did that change? When did you sleep with my fiancée? And were you planning on telling me before the wedding or after?”
My mouth fell open and all my blood rushed to my cheeks. “We didn’t sleep together.”
I put down the wind-up Santa on the display unit next to me and he immediately began walking, shaking some small maracas as a tinny rendition of ‘Jingle Bells’ blared out of the top of his head. I blushed redder still, and we both watched in horror as Santa made it to the end of the first verse before toppling off the edge of the unit. I picked it up and set it back down again, and Santa immediately resumed where he’d left off, shaking and singing for all he was worth.
Melanie shot a hand out and laid Santa on his back, but his legs kept kicking, his maracas kept shaking. She picked up a nearby Christmas cushion and suffocated Santa. The tune became a mumble and Melanie turned her gaze back on me.
“Why are you lying?”
I shook my head vigorously. “I didn’t... We didn’t. We stopped before anything happened.”
Melanie let out a sharp bark of laughter. “And that’s meant to make me feel better?”
I had to admit, it probably didn’t. I was culpable, there was no denying it, but I wanted to right my mistakes. If Holly had taught me anything, it was that.
“I’m sorry, I never meant for anything to happen — it just did.” I paused, running a hand through my hair, trying to package my wrongdoing into something palatable. “But we didn’t sleep together.” I bit my lip. “When did she tell you?”
“She didn’t — you just did.”
Ah.
“I went through her phone and put two and two together. I confronted her, but she claimed it was nothing. But I’m not sticking around for that. I’ve already had one failed marriage, I don’t need my second starting off on the wrong foot.”
I was confused. “Wait — so you’re not getting married now?”
Melanie shook her head. “Nope. I dumped her over the weekend after I found this out. If I can’t trust her, I don’t want her. So actually, you did me a favour, which is why I’ve decided to spare you.” She shook her head. “I should be thanking you for exposing her for what she is, but I’m not quite at that stage yet.”
Melanie had dumped Nicola Sheen — I hadn’t seen that one coming. And while she’d done the right thing, it didn’t stop me feeling sorry for Nicola. That meant she was back to square one, single and living with her parents. But that was her choice, her life. I had mine now and I was more than happy with it.
I waved my hand around the store. “So have you come for a spot of retail therapy?” I asked Melanie.
“Something like that,” she said. “I actually just came to return all of Nicola’s wedding and Christmas gifts. And now that’s done, I feel a lot better. I wanted it to work, but I knew something wasn’t right.” Melanie looked me in the eye. “So you’re welcome to her. But I pity you if she’s your ultimate love, that’s all I’ll say.”
I spluttered. “She’s not my ultimate love.” It felt like I was being unfaithful to Holly even having this conversation.
“You could have fooled me. I read some of those texts you know.”
I’d never said anything close to that I was sure, but it didn’t stop my cheeks turning the colour of a robin’s breast. Is there anything more embarrassing than friends reading your personal, private text messages? Melanie might as well have watched a sex tape. The atmosphere was so thick, you could slice it.
“I certainly never said that — whatever Nicola and I had is definitely in the past. And I am sorry, truly I am. I shouldn’t have kissed her, but it just happened.”
“Your mouth slipped and fell on her face?”
When she put it like that. “Something like that,” I mumbled. Then I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry it ended like this for you.”
Melanie sighed and shrugged. “Like I said, you did me a favour. And now you don’t want her either — looks like Nicola’s the one to lose out, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Looks like.”
We stared at each other, and then Melanie glanced down at my shopping basket with my knitted Christmas decoration sitting pretty, ready to be purchased. She bent down and picked it up, before glancing at me.
“You’ve moved on already? ‘Our First Christmas’?” She shook her head. “You don’t mess around do you?”
Now I really wanted to get away from Melanie as quickly as possible.
“Who’s the lucky lady?” There was definite sarcasm in her voice. “Anyone I know?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not for me, it’s a Christmas present.”
I wasn’t prepared to tell anybody about Holly just yet. It was far too new and precious to share with the rest of the world.
Melanie put the decoration back in my basket and hoisted her handbag high on her shoulder. “Well, have a great Christmas, Tori.” She stepped forward into my personal space. “And a word of friendly advice — if you want to stay safe, try not to fall on to anyone else’s girlfriend’s face, okay?”
I swallowed hard as Melanie glared into my eyes. There were so many responses forming in my head, but I decided to say nothing. Being threatened in this setting was already surreal enough.
I let out a long breath as Melanie turned on her heel and walked away from me. I plucked my new decoration from my basket and hot-footed it to the till before anybody else cornered me and threatened violence. Suddenly, this department was not such a sanctuary of hope and glitter.
Now, I just wanted to get home, bolt the door and have a stiff glass of red wine.
Tuesday December 20th
I was lying on top of Holly on the sofa, still inside her. I moved my fingers slowly and she exhaled, closing her eyes, clutching on to me. I could see she was still falling, still recovering from our most recent sexual encounter.
It had all started when I walked in the door from work around 6pm and Holly was sitting on the couch.
She’d smiled at me, not having any idea how irresistible she was.
I’d walked over to her, full of intent, and kissed her.
Fifteen minutes later, here we were.
I kissed her neck and pushed myself in deeper. I never wanted to leave. I had no idea
what I’d done before this point in my life or what I might do afterwards, but none of that mattered. The only important thing was that I was inside Holly, she was mine and I was going nowhere.
She opened one eye and saw me staring.
I shot her a wicked grin.
“You think we could go about our daily lives in this position?” she asked, smirking.
“I’m willing if you are.”
“We may as well give it a go.”
I moved my fingers again and she pushed her head back into a cushion.
“Can’t see any drawbacks at all, can you?” she asked, her voice croaky.
I shook my head, feeling gallons of emotion well up inside me. “None at all,” I said, pressing my lips to hers.
* * *
Two hours later and we were laying on the bed, the sugar rush of sex still coursing through our veins. My stomach rumbled as I lay beside her, one leg slung lazily over her thigh.
“You hungry?” She smoothed back some hair from my forehead.
“Seeing as I haven’t eaten since lunchtime, I think probably yes.”
Holly leaned back and grabbed her phone from the bedside table. She swiped the screen and the light made her squint. “Half eight,” she said. “We could order in. Or we could go out, go to that new Thai place down the road.” She put the phone on the table and rolled back, taking me in her arms and placing a kiss on the side of my neck. “You up for something spicy?”
I laughed. “That’s why we haven’t eaten properly for the past few days,” I said. “Anyway, going out? I’m not sure I’d make it that far.”
“True,” Holly replied. “Shall I order a pizza then?”
I nodded. “Sounds perfect.” I kissed her again. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to make every second count, seeing as I’d spent the last 16 years not kissing her.
She gave me a quizzical look. “What’s going on inside your head right now?”
“Why?”
“Because you have a really weird look on your face. Like you’re thinking about something and it’s hurting your brain.”