by Clare Lydon
I was so close, then Holly put her mouth beside my ear. “Come for me, or you’ll be on the naughty list,” she said.
My muscles spasmed, and I dug my fingers into Holly’s neck while she swiped her thumb back and forth.
I did as I was told, coming in a hot rush all over her fingers, shouting into the darkness for all I was worth.
But Holly didn’t let up and within seconds I was coming again, shouting again, feeling wild abandon cascading from my very core.
Holly kissed my neck, my ear, my hair, my mouth. Every connection made me jolt, my nerves on high alert to this emotional tour de force. She held me close while I steadied my breath, my arms flung around her neck, clinging to my anchor. When I leaned back and found her gaze, we were both grinning like idiots.
I kissed Holly hard, wanting to show her everything I was feeling. But even I knew that was hard to sum up in one kiss. I was still flying and I wanted to take Holly with me too.
I reached for her zip, but she caught my hand and held on to it. I pulled back, searching her eyes with mine.
Holly just smiled a lazy smile as she extracted her hand from me.
I let my eyelids droop lazily.
She kissed my lips. “Shall we take this inside?” Her breath was hot against my ear and tingled down my entire body. Inside was probably a very good idea.
I grinned at her. “When I regain the use of my legs, absolutely,” I said, pressing my lips to hers again.
Saturday December 24th
We got up around 1pm the following day, cleared up the flat and then sat smiling at each other. I didn’t recall doing this with anybody else I’d been with, so I was either turning into someone I didn’t recognise, or I was falling in love — truly in love — for the very first time. I was pretty sure it was the latter.
Holly made me a cup of coffee and we sat on the sofa eating leftover pepperoni pizza from the night before. It always tasted better the next day, and this afternoon was no exception.
“I don’t want you to go today. It’s going to feel like I’ve lost a limb.” I stared at her.
“I know.”
“So stay. Call your Mum and come with me tomorrow. We can spend our first Christmas together.”
Holly sighed and chewed on some pizza. She sipped her tea and stared out the window at the afternoon winter sun. The trains were still chugging past, although we expected that to stop soon, being it was Christmas Eve, when everything came to a standstill around 5pm.
All I wanted for Christmas was sitting on the sofa staring at me. And preparing to leave me.
“Don’t look so sad,” I said, reaching across and kissing Holly’s hand. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
Holly smiled. “You haven’t made me sad, believe me.” She curled her long legs up under her body and sighed. “It’s just... a bit late to tell my parents I’m not coming, that’s all. They’re expecting me.”
I squeezed her arm. “I know — I’m just being a selfish brat.” I paused. “Go, and we’ll see each other the day after, or the one after that.” I smiled to back up my last statement. “It’s just, I’m not going to be able to function without you.” I put my head in my hands. “And will you stop me talking such drivel? I’ve turned into one of those snivelling wrecks and it’s your fault.”
She laughed and put my feet on her lap, massaging one of them up, then down. “Whatever it is, you’ve turned me into it too.” She paused. “But let’s not focus on negatives today. We’ve got the rest of the day together, so let’s do something fun. How about we have a walk around the Christmas lights in town, like your parents always used to do when you were little?”
My heart swelled so much inside my chest, I thought it might burst out at any second. This was the love I’d read about, the love I’d hoped for. It’s one thing to wish for a Christmas girlfriend. It’s quite another for her to arrive and be so utterly, deliciously perfect.
“I would love that,” I replied, beaming at Holly. “You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, you know that?”
She squeezed my foot. “I’ve got skills,” she said. “It’s settled then. We can eat hot dogs and roasted chestnuts from those dodgy street carts, have mulled wine and be so Christmassy, your teeth will ache.”
“Sounds like my ideal date.”
I leaned back, never taking my eyes off of Holly. “You know, when I started my girlfriend quest on November 25th, I wanted three things: a girlfriend, drunk Christmas sex and a present from someone who wasn’t related to me.” I paused. “But that was Tori 1.0. Unreformed Tori. Naughty Tori.”
“I think you’re still a bit naughty,” Holly replied, grinning.
“I’ve got skills too,” I winked. “But things have changed. I’ve changed. It’s like I told you in the beginning — I didn’t really want anything, I wanted someone. But the someone I ended up with is so much more than I bargained for. I had a plan, I had dreams and goals, but you’ve shifted the goalposts. Now you’re a part of those dreams.” I paused. “You are those dreams.”
Holly’s cheeks reddened and she looked down. “Are you trying to make me blush?” she asked.
I smiled. “I’m not, but I can’t keep this quiet. I feel so loved, so cared for, so safe. And that would never have happened so quickly if it hadn’t been you because I knew you already.” Tears threatened but I held them in. They were happy tears, but I didn’t want any mixed messages.
I took Holly’s hand in mine and kissed her silky fingers. “You’re more than I ever dreamed of, you know that?” I whispered. “I’m already in love with you.”
I couldn’t contain my emotions around Holly. My mouth just ran away with me. Everything about us was just so huge and overwhelming, I had emotions leaking out of every pore.
“Does that scare you?” I asked.
Holly flipped my feet off of her lap and scooted across the sofa, taking me in her arms. The kiss she gave me started on my lips, but vibrated right down to my toes. When she pulled back, her eyes were large pools of happiness, shimmering in the afternoon light.
“Last night you call me your girlfriend, now you tell me you love me. What’s tomorrow’s declaration?”
“Happy birthday?” I said, smiling. Then I paused. “So does it?” I asked again.
Holly crinkled her face. “What?”
“Scare you?”
She shook her head and kissed me again lightly. “Don’t be stupid. I’ve loved you for years. Taking the leap to being in love with you happened weeks ago. There’s no getting away from me now, I’m here to stay.”
Relief washed over me. Holly loved me.
I moved my head and stared right at her. “You sure?”
She tilted her head. “Positive,” she replied. “I know it’s only been a week, but it’s been way longer really, hasn’t it? We just feel so right, you and me.” She shrugged. “We just are.”
I put my head on Holly’s chest and we sat like that for a few moments, the gentle hum of the trains buzzing by. In that moment, we were cocooned, untouchable, in love. She kissed the top of my head and I was content to ride the rise and fall of her body, warmth emanating from her.
It seemed like for once, I’d landed right where I belonged.
Christmas Day
I woke up the next day and my eyes shot open — it was Christmas Day! Then a wave of tiredness washed over me as I checked my phone. It was also 7am. My body clock hadn’t got used to waking up late yet, it was still on work time. On top of that, my bed was empty.
Holly had gone to her mum’s house late last night after a magical late afternoon walking hand-in-hand around the West End Christmas lights. Being there with Holly as my girlfriend had made it extra-special, and the whole way round, I’d felt like my dad was with us, our very own Christmas spirit guiding us on our way.
Now, Holly would be getting ready for her annual birthday breakfast with both her parents. This was their concession for their Christmas baby — they couldn’t stand the thought of spe
nding Christmas Day together, but Christmas breakfast for Holly, they could handle.
I hoped it went okay, although I knew Holly’s mum was always anxious on Christmas Eve in the lead-up to it. Holly had already told me that this year would be the last time they all put themselves through it. She’d wanted to stop it years ago, but her parents were adamant they wanted to do it for her. But now, aged 28, she’d had enough. Plus, her dad had a new partner and baby, so he had other commitments to attend to.
Holly much preferred to see her parents separately, where she claimed they were bearable, albeit in small doses.
As I was up, I decided to get going — there was nothing to stick around the flat for, and I had a suitcase and presents to pack. I turned on the radio and cranked up the volume — it was playing ‘Last Christmas’. I jumped in the shower, positivity crackling in my veins. This year, I’d followed George Michael’s advice to a tee and given my heart to someone special.
Perhaps I should search the entire back catalogue of Wham! for the answers to all of life’s pressing issues.
Traffic on Christmas Day was non-existent and my drive home was one of my favourite journeys of the year, singing along to Christmas tunes on the radio all the way. To zip down roads normally clogged with traffic was almost miraculous, and always made me feel like I was in a pop video. Today, the air was crisp with anticipation, the sun sitting low, the clouds lounging casually across the skyline. My drive took just over an hour, and I pulled up outside my mum’s front door on the outskirts of Oxford just before ten — she was going to faint when she saw me this early.
I checked my phone to see if Holly had replied to my good morning text and saw I had a message. I clicked on it, smiling. My smile quickly turned to a frown.
‘Happy Christmas — hope it’s a fab one! Love, Nicola. X’
I stared at the phone. This was clearly one of those ‘text everyone in my phone’ messages, the modern-day equivalent of the Christmas card letter. But couldn’t she have left me out of the loop? Surely she could have unchecked me and Melanie from her list? That thought made my heart stop thumping so hard in my chest. If this rattled me, imagine the impact on Melanie Taylor.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That was all in the past, and Holly was now my future. Sweet, sexy, gorgeous Holly. An image of her taking me on the balcony popped into my brain and I shivered. Now I just had to get that out of my brain before I knocked on my mum’s front door. It used to be my parents’ front door, but now, it was just my mum’s. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to that.
I stepped out of my hired Renault and pulled my coat around me, checking the sky. It was freezing, cold enough to snow even. That would make it the most perfect Christmas ever.
The front door was open before I got there with Mum standing in her Christmas apron, fluffy slippers on, face already flushed from the cooking marathon.
“You’re early,” she said. “Happy Christmas, kiddo.”
I set down my case and gave her a hug.
“Happy Christmas to you, too.”
Mum peered over my shoulder. “No Holly?”
I shook my head. “Family duty.”
Mum picked up my suitcase and pulled me in, but I pulled back.
“Let me just get the presents.” I indicated over my shoulder and she nodded.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” she shouted.
Ten minutes later and I was sitting at the table in Mum’s bright kitchen, her well-tended garden shivering through the window in the winter air. Freshly baked mince pies were cooling on wire trays, veg was prepped and floating in water, and a Christmas ham was glazed and steaming on a wooden board.
I sipped my tea and took in the familiar scene from my childhood. Everything was just the same, apart from one crucial missing person.
“What time did you get up this morning? This makes me look lazy.”
Mum smiled. “You know me — I’m an early bird. Plus, nothing excites me like Christmas morning, so I like to enjoy as much of it as I can!” She gave me a squeeze and a kiss. “This was always your dad’s favourite morning too, you know.”
“Dad loved every morning in December.”
She smiled. “He did, didn’t he?” A pause. “God, I miss him.”
I squeezed her back. Dad’s absence at this time of year was like an open wound, one that would never heal. We just had to patch it up the best way we knew how and make this the best Christmas ever in his honour. We wouldn’t ever forget him, so it seemed appropriate to include him in whatever we did.
“I know. I miss him too.” My mouth twitched. “But that’s why I love Christmas so much, Dad’s love of it was infectious. Which is why I hate that Holly has to have a sad one, on her birthday too. I wish there was something I could do.”
Mum shot me a sympathetic glance. “Families have to do their own traditions. You can make new ones soon for yourself, you’ll see. And have I told you how happy I am you’re with Holly?”
I smiled up at her. “I might have got that impression when you screamed down the phone.”
“Well I am. She’s wonderful. She’s everything I could ever have hoped for my darling daughter.”
I grinned up at her. “For once in our lives when it comes to my love life, we’re in total agreement.”
Mum brushed her hand across my cheek. “And you’re looking good on it too — glowing. I remember glowing when I first met your father, everybody said so.” She gave me a wistful smile. “Glowing is good, kiddo, so cherish it. Hold on to the person who makes you glow. They’re few and far between.”
I caught my mum’s hand and kissed it. “I intend to hold on to her,” I replied.
If Holly and I could be anything like my mum and dad, that would make us an incredible love story.
I already knew we stood a fighting chance.
The first eggnogs had been demolished, the turkey was resting and dinner was a mere half hour from being served. Gran and Aunty Ellen were busy peering at their new fitness trackers attached to their wrists — Mum’s present to them both.
“So it monitors your steps, your calorie intake and your sleep?” Gran was tapping it, and every time it lit up, her face went into delighted mode.
“It does,” I told her.
“But how does it know what I’ve eaten?” Gran held up her wrist and peered all around her present. “Does it have a camera on it recording me?”
Mum laughed. “You have to log your food in your iPhone, Mum. I gave you my old one, so you’ve got one of those.”
“Right.” Gran put her mouth to her wrist. “Hello?” she said.
Mum sighed. “It can’t hear you.”
Gran winked. “I’m having you on,” she replied. “So it’s called a Fitvit?” She paused. “What does the ‘VIT’ stand for, I wonder?”
“Very important person, Jill. Are you stupid?” That was Aunt Ellen chiming in.
“VIT, not VIP. And who are you calling stupid?” Gran nudged Ellen with her elbow.
“It’s FitBIT, not VIT,” Mum said. “Fitbit.”
“Aaah!” both sisters chorused.
I burst out laughing. “You should take this on the road, you know. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.”
Gran smiled at me. “We should. But I don’t want to show Ellen up as being the dull sister, and that’s just what would happen.” She sat back and grinned at her sister.
“Dull? Who’s the one sitting around perfecting her Bridge game, while I’m touring the world?” Ellen crossed her arms and harrumphed at Gran.
It was Christmas as usual, with the Robinson sisters fighting for omnipotence. Having no siblings, I had no idea if this is what I’d be like with a sister, but it’d always fascinated me that Gran still quarrelled with hers into her 70s.
The front doorbell interrupted the family moment.
“Will you get that?” Mum asked.
I pushed back my chair. “Who the hell’s coming round at 2pm on Christmas Day?”
Mum just smiled at me oddly.
I could still hear Gran and Ellen’s chatter as I pulled open the door.
And when I did, my mouth dropped open.
Standing on the other side was Holly and her mum, loaded down with bags and presents.
“Special delivery,” Holly said, smiling so much she looked like she might burst at any second. She’d styled her jet black hair slightly differently, and it fell delectably across her face.
My heart leapt into my mouth and a thousand stars exploded in front of my eyes. I blinked and hoped I wasn’t about to faint. Holly was drop dead gorgeous.
“Are you going to let us in then, or is there a special password?”
I stood back and Holly stepped into the house, giving me a brief kiss on the lips. The world swayed back and forth in my vision.
“And close your mouth, drooling is not a good Christmas look,” she said.
I pasted a smile on my face as Holly’s mum, Gina, walked in.
“Happy Christmas!” she trilled, a little too brightly.
“You too!” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and heard a wave of greetings as Holly and her mum walked through to the lounge.
I checked my hair in the hallway mirror, took a deep breath and followed them in.
“I can’t believe you’re here, but I’m so glad you are.” I wrapped my arms around Holly’s waist and pulled her down for a kiss. My head swam, but I was getting used to that. I’d dragged Holly into the kitchen to have a minute alone.
“I really missed you.”
“Me too,” she replied, pulling back. “But believe me, keeping this a secret has been hard work.”
I stood back and pouted. “How long have you been cooking this up?”
She smiled. “Only since your mum called me on Thursday.”
“You’ve known that long! But I’ve been badgering you to come here all week. Why didn’t you say anything?” I was taken aback, albeit secretly impressed she’d managed to hold it in that long.