A Father's Vow
Page 5
“What are you getting at?” Ben demanded. “That precise Nurse Ratched made an incorrect entry? That she recorded the wrong time on one occasion?”
“I think she recorded exactly what she wanted to. The question is, why did she misrepresent the facts?”
“Can you know that she did?”
“I know a doctor doesn’t deliver two children at the same time in locations that are four hours apart. According to her daily notations for your birth date, that’s exactly what happened.”
“It could have been a simple error—”
“I don’t think so. She remembered your mother, she remembered that her status was healthy. I have the strangest feeling that she might have remembered more—she just didn’t feel like revealing it. Or maybe she couldn’t. The memory suppresses difficult things over time.”
“What difficult thing might she have been suppressing?”
Carolyn looked at him with clear eyes. “That her husband stole babies and sold them for a profit. And that she was an accessory.”
* * *
CAROLYN DROVE Ben back to Finders Keepers to pick up his car and, at his request, followed him out to the farmhouse where he lived on the outskirts of San Antonio so that he could feed Lucy and put her to bed. Then they needed to discuss what they’d learned and decide on the next course of action. At first she was nervous going to his house. She was afraid she’d see traces of Marissa everywhere. Then she was ashamed of herself for being so spiteful. For Lucy’s sake, she should hope that there was much of Marissa’s presence in evidence.
But to Carolyn’s surprise, the small house was devoid of pictures or anything else that spoke of the beautiful model. Instantly, the word that came to Carolyn’s mind was comfortable. Clean. Home. Ben.
She lowered her gaze, thinking that her heart had never been in the jeopardy it was in at this very moment. Ben was a protector, and she’d always sensed that with him, she would find warmth. Security.
To distract herself, she glanced around Ben’s home. Log cabin style, the small house welcomed her. The main room was decorated with a blue-and-red Mexican blanket on one wall and another on the rough floor. A brown leather sofa, well-worn and all the more inviting for it, sat directly across from a long picture window. In front of the sofa rested a scarred pine table. Small pillows and two lamps of an indeterminable metal adorned the room. Carolyn wanted to kick off her shoes, sink into the sofa and wrap herself in Ben.
Carolyn St. Clair, you’d be a lot safer if you found a blanket to wrap yourself in.
Grimacing at her fancies, she perched on a chair in the kitchen instead. She spread some papers from her briefcase onto the dark wooden table and waited for Ben to return from changing Lucy into her pajamas.
Her gaze resumed its restless perusal of the room. It was very difficult to imagine Marissa being happy in this house.
“Lucy was tired,” Ben said, coming into the room. “She didn’t want to eat. She just wanted her back rubbed, and then she went to sleep. The chemo she’s undergone has taken a lot of her strength. She’s getting spunkier, but then she’ll suddenly fold like a wet piece of paper.”
“Ben, I am so sorry the two of you are going through this. I wish there was something more I could do.”
He sat down across from her, leaning back into the chair in an exhausted sprawl. His worn boots jutted across the floor, and his faded jeans gave him a long, lean line that made her unwillingly think about how sexy he was.
“You’re doing the only thing that needs to be done, Carolyn. As far as I’m concerned, you’re trying to single-handedly find me a miracle.”
He gave her a tired smile, the small lines around his eyes reinforcing the warmth of his words.
“What if I can’t?” she asked softly. “Ben, I’m so afraid.”
Slowly, he shook his head, still wearing that soft smile as if he understood. “Don’t be. I didn’t say I expected you to single-handedly produce the miracle, Carolyn. That’s for God to do. But I’ve got you on my team, and I’m not half so lonely and afraid when you’re with me.”
She had to look away from the kindness in his eyes. Her mind went back too fast to their time together. He had always been the strength she reached out to. Now he was saying she was his strength. It was an unspoken ebb-and-flow between them that had always existed. Maybe that was the way it should happen in a relationship: when one person was weak, the other offered strength.
Maybe it could have all been different if she’d gone to Ben when she’d been at her weakest point and accepted his strength.
But confiding that her weakness was her woman’s body would have been too…devastating. There was no point in thinking about the past now, anyway. What was done was done, and the trait of hers she was most proud of was her ability to keep her emotions in check.
I haven’t been doing a very good job of that lately. Ben and Lucy were reviving emotions in her that she’d thought long laid to rest. Forgotten. The way she wanted them.
Ben’s voice, low and warm, suddenly asked, “Speaking of lonely and afraid, Carolyn, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you ever hear from your sister, Christine.”
CHAPTER FIVE
CAROLYN LOWERED her lashes, not wanting to think about her older sister. She had enough pain at hand to conquer.
She met Ben’s gaze. “No,” she said softly, “it’s been quite some time since Christine and I have communicated.”
And that was all she intended to say on the matter. Before he could speak, before the sorrow could cut any deeper, she changed the topic. “Ben, I’d like to suggest that we try to speak to Mrs. Benton once more.”
He raised a brow. “What’s the point?”
“I want to catch her on a different day. Maybe her lucidity goes by turns. I don’t know.” She exhaled wistfully. “It’s a long shot, but somewhere in the tangled recess of her mind, she remembered your mother. I’d like to give her another chance to tell us more before we proceed further.”
“I’m game.” He shrugged. “And after that?”
“I’m going to ask Jennifer Rodriguez to help me with a computer search of children born on that day in that location. If we can narrow the living births for that day and time, then we can compare them with your own. Should one be a close match, we can search for a birth record. Somewhere, there’ll be a birth certificate that would tell us more.” She shoved the papers back into her briefcase after making some notes on them and looked up. “Of course, this is all a what-if scenario. I’m just outlining the steps I’d suggest we follow if the pieces should fall into place.”
“If there is a birth certificate, it would have bogus information on it.”
“Yes. I would expect that. But Jennifer could dig deeper for us at that point.”
“If we had that many lucky breaks, Carolyn, I’m not certain I’d want to trust my daughter’s only chance to a woman I don’t know, this Jennifer Rodriguez.”
She understood that. “Dylan has great faith in her. I’m relying on her expertise. But we could certainly set up a meeting with Jennifer for you, if you’d like.”
He leaned his head against the sofa for a moment and closed his eyes. “Not now. I’m going to trust your instincts.”
A cat jumped into his lap, startling Carolyn since she hadn’t realized it was in the room. Without opening his eyes, Ben covered the cat’s back with his large hand, stroking lightly. Obviously, this was a routine man and pet both expected and enjoyed. Carolyn felt a swift stab of envy for the cherished warmth of the Mulholland home.
Counterproductive. She got to her feet and picked up her briefcase. “I’m going to let myself out, Ben, but I suggest we try one more visit with Mrs. Benton tomorrow. If that doesn’t work into your schedule, I’m more than happy to go alone.”
“I may get L
ucy’s favorite sitter to come over. I don’t want to wear her out with a lot of running around. I’m taking time off from teaching, and hired someone to help with the ranch, so I’m flexible.” He rose to his feet and walked toward her with the clear intention of showing her to the door. A polite gesture, nothing more—but Carolyn winced at the unexpected surge of attraction she felt as Ben approached. He stared down at her, his eyes shadowed with questions. “I can’t let you go alone,” he said softly. “The truth is, I want to be there if you find out anything from Benton’s wife. If the wildest case scenario pans out and she and her husband did steal my brother, she’s responsible for tearing our family apart and cheating my mother of her child. I just can’t take the coward’s way out on this one, Carolyn.”
She stared at him. “Ben, the woman is old and sick—”
He held up a hand, his eyes clear with purpose. “I wouldn’t look for compensation or revenge, Carolyn. I’m merely saying I need to face this, not let you handle it for me. But I thank you for wanting to do it.” Pausing for just a moment, he reached up and stroked a strand of hair from her cheek to behind her ear. “I don’t think she has much more to say, frankly. But it would be a miracle and a heartbreak for me if it turned out that Doc Benton was up to more than the good country doctor routine.”
They stared at each other assessingly.
Then he leaned and brushed a kiss against her lips, so fast that Carolyn might have called it friends-only if he hadn’t lingered at the last second. Her pulse quickened, the old heartache flared—and she stepped away as quickly as she could. “Meet me at my office as early as you can.”
Without waiting for him to open the door, Carolyn did so, hurrying outside to her car. Through the windshield, she could see Ben’s silhouette in the lighted doorway. Heart pounding, she pulled from the driveway, willing herself not to look back at the past.
* * *
BEN COULDN’T SAY why he’d kissed Carolyn. It had started out as a friendly thank-you, or so he thought. But once he got there, the feeling had been so good, he hadn’t wanted to stop. So he’d lingered, realizing he was doing what he’d wanted to since… The realization struck him. He’d never stopped wanting to kiss her. To be with her.
She was the one who had ended their relationship. That was a long time ago, before Marissa, before Lucy, before acute lymphocytic leukemia ago. Except for wishing away Lucy’s disease, he wouldn’t change the past for anything, of course. Neither would Carolyn, from the way she’d stayed still beneath his lips and then fled as quickly as her feet could carry her.
He sighed, going out back to set out the pet bowls, which brought Lucy’s menagerie running in anticipation. For all he knew, Carolyn had some type of romantic involvement going. All she’d said was that she was still single, not that she was currently available.
“Okay, so a friendly, sincere thank-you got out of hand,” he said to the cats and dogs as he scooped dry food into bowls. “I should have known better than to stir up the past.”
Looking at Lucy’s assortment of furry friends, he sighed. “Maybe I was just in need of some human contact. You’d know how that is. Something more sustaining than divorce and hospital stays and being so scared out of my gut that…” No. He wouldn’t say that, not even out loud. There was a miracle out there, and Carolyn was the one to find it. His mother had believed it, and he would, too.
“Hey, I can apologize tomorrow. Maybe.”
Each furry head got a quick pat, and then he went back inside the house. He couldn’t apologize for kissing Carolyn, even if he hadn’t meant it as anything more than brotherly at first. The truth was, it had been a long time since any warmth had touched his soul—and kissing Carolyn had brought a fire blazing to life.
It had only lasted a moment, but it was enough to keep him going.
* * *
“AND THEN HE kissed me,” Carolyn told Emily.
“Ben is clearly pleased with your services so far.” Emily Chambers grinned. “Kidding, of course.”
They sat at the kitchen table in the Garrett house, drinking tea and chatting about nothing and everything. It was difficult for Carolyn to think about anything except Ben and Lucy.
“I liked Ben kissing me,” Carolyn said softly. “Liking it so much caught me by surprise, but what really panicked me was that it felt as if all our years apart seemed to wash away like yesterday’s rain.”
“So, maybe there’s a rainbow to find,” Emily suggested.
“It unnerved me, Em, that I could feel as if we’d never been apart. As if I’d only been waiting for Ben to walk back into my life.”
Emily shook her head. “You were very close to Ben and his mother. Since they were pretty much the family you turned to when yours hit a rough patch, I’m not surprised you’d feel this remarkable reconnection. There’s nothing wrong with that, Caro.”
“I don’t know.” She sighed, tracing her finger along the white saucer edge. “I don’t want to feel all that emotion again. The likelihood of a miraculous brother out there is slim to impossible. If this search doesn’t work out, I’ll feel like I let Ben down.”
“Carolyn,” Emily said, her voice sympathetic, “look. You’re not responsible for Ben’s happiness. His mother died, he dealt with it. There may not be a brother, he’ll deal with it. His daughter may die, hon, and his heart will be broken, but he’s not going to blame it on you. He’s going to suffer, and he’s going to grieve.” She shrugged. “You’ve got to get past thinking that you owe him perfection, that you have to be some fantastic maximum madonna for him to truly love you. He had a child without you, and he could have another. But maybe, just maybe, he’d rather have you, hysterectomy and all.”
Carolyn closed her eyes and felt Emily’s hand cover hers lightly. “It’s just so hard. Marissa—”
“Marissa is not some golden goddess of the ovaries. She is not Ben’s perfect woman, or they wouldn’t be divorced. Stop selling yourself short, and wait to see if the kiss leads to anything more than just a kiss.”
Emily’s hand moved away, and Carolyn opened her eyes, smiling slightly. “I am being silly.”
“You are being normal. But let me put it into perspective for you. It’s a deep dark secret, but people kiss their cats, their dogs, and sometimes their canaries.” She smiled teasingly. “It may have meant something, and then again, it may have just been gratitude. And don’t start doubting your value to Ben. He needs you to do the best job you can for him.”
Carolyn stood. “Thanks, Emily. I feel so much better now.”
“There is one last thing to think about, Carolyn. This isn’t really the right time in Ben’s life for a grand passion to crop up, is it? All his energy and focus have to be on his daughter. So whatever might have gotten started is no doubt not what he meant or intended. Not that I’m trying to discourage you. I just want to present the practical side of the matter, which is merely returning the favor to someone who is usually Miss Practical herself.”
Carolyn laughed. “I’m back now.”
“And ready to tackle the project of Mrs. Benton tomorrow?”
“That’s the goal.”
“How are Lily’s wedding plans proceeding, by the way?” Emily asked.
Carolyn smiled. “To hear her tell it, everything is a disaster and everything is wonderful.”
“That sounds like a typical bride-to-be,” Emily observed. “Maybe you’ll find out next.”
Carolyn raised her brow. “And maybe I won’t. Watching you go through it made me a bit wary.”
Emily laughed. “The right man makes it all worthwhile.”
* * *
AT NINE O’CLOCK sharp the next morning, Ben opened the door to Finders Keepers. He stood tall and slim in dark blue jeans and a polo shirt, and Carolyn made herself give him a brief smile. “Good morning, Ben.”
“I didn’t sleep much last night,” he said huskily.
“Did Lucy have a bad night?” Carolyn asked, instantly worried.
“No. And for the first time in months, I wasn’t lying awake thinking about Lucy so much as I was thinking about something else.”
Vague unease touched her. “Oh?”
“I have to admit that I was thinking about you.”
She glanced away from his gaze. Emily’s teasing words came back to her—people kiss their canaries…it may have just been gratitude. Maybe his kiss had been an impulsive gesture and nothing more.
“I can tell you’re uncomfortable, Carolyn. And that’s the last thing I want you to be.”
“I’m not uncomfortable—”
“You won’t look at me.”
She made herself glance at him. “I just don’t know what to think, Ben.”
He sighed. “I realized I’d put you in an awkward position. Carolyn, I don’t know what came over me. No, that’s not exactly what I mean. You’re a beautiful woman, and you bring me a lot of happy memories. I suppose I was reaching out for something. Anyway, I hope we’ll be able to continue to work together without too much…”
“Awkwardness?” she supplied, taking pity on him. “It’s all right, Ben. A kiss between friends isn’t going to turn me into Nervous Nellie.”
He smiled, obviously relieved. “I hoped you’d feel that way.”
She turned her lips up into an agreeable smile, though it was the last thing she felt like doing. It was best for all parties concerned if everything between her and Ben was strictly business—yet the last thing she’d ever feel toward him was coolly practical.
“Shall we go visit Mrs. Benton, then?”
“I’m ready.” She went out the door as Ben held it open.
“Who’s watching Lucy?”
“I know a great lady who’s a nurse. We call her the baby-sitter and she comes out whenever we need her. She’s experienced with the type of illness Lucy has.”