by Tina Leonard
She laughed.
“Speaking of romance,” he said, “I’ll soon be in a tux and watching my twin embrace marital bliss. You’ll be at the wedding, of course?”
“Yes. Wouldn’t miss it.” Rachel checked her watch, smiling at him. “I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you at the wedding.”
“I look forward to it. Seeing you, that is, not necessarily the wedding.”
She laughed. “You’re a great brother to Lily, though you try hard to hide it. See you then.”
He gave a brief wave as she walked away. Then he turned his thoughts to the poetry, and his growing sense that somehow these words had been meant for him to see.
* * *
AT THE HOUSE, Carolyn ran into Lily, who held a to-do list in one hand and a phone in the other. She smiled at Carolyn, who gave her a mock horrified look. “My job looks easier than yours,” Carolyn teased.
Lily laughed. “Maybe. But things are starting to look up. Dad hired a new housekeeper-cook named Gracie Fipps to help out with everything.”
Carolyn smiled at the mention of William Garrett. “Good for you. I’d offer to help but—”
“Sure you would.” Lily waved her on. “But you’ve got to get back to the office, right?”
“Exactly.” Carolyn waved goodbye and left Lily to her preparations. She had to talk to Jennifer and see how the database search was going.
But first she had a more personal call to make.
* * *
“SPECIFICALLY, the problem with you being a match is your health history,” the nurse told her. “While many other factors would have given us a reason to test you further, the physicians overseeing Lucy Mulholland’s case concluded that your endometriosis and subsequent hysterectomy could make for a less than optimum match.”
“If it’s the best match you could find, wouldn’t it be worth a try?” Carolyn asked desperately.
“I know that you care, Ms. St. Clair,” the nurse said gently. “I’m sorry this isn’t the news you wanted to get. We want the best for Lucy, and the doctor feels we should see if there’s a better match.”
Carolyn took a deep breath. There was nothing more she could say. “Thank you for returning my call.”
“Thank you for being so concerned, Ms. St. Clair. Believe me, we are on your side.”
She hung up the phone, seething. “Rats!” So close! And yet, not close enough. Closing her eyes, she thought about the donor-matching database. How could so many possibilities exist and there be no match for Lucy?
Thinking about databases turned her thoughts to Jennifer. Carolyn tugged at her hair, seeing clearly in her mind’s eye the journal lying by the filing cabinet in Mrs. Benton’s office. Records that could change so many people’s lives had been in that journal.
People who might not want their lives changed, perhaps, but others who would.
Inexplicably, she thought about her sister, Christine. Fit, athletic, beautiful. Older than Carolyn by five years, and prone to think the world owed her something. Maybe that wasn’t fair. It was their mother who had dragged Christine to every children’s modeling studio, every peewee beauty pageant, every agent’s office she could find to tout her fair-haired daughter’s exquisiteness. The fact that Christine had turned out to be self-centered and divalike should have surprised no one.
Maybe it’s a seed of jealousy that keeps you from wishing your sister true happiness.
Christine had not achieved the perfection in her personal life that she had in her career. First a sought after model, now a TV talk show host, she lived her life with one eye on the mirror’s reflection.
Carolyn had nothing in common with her sister’s glamorous life, and over the years they had drifted apart, especially after their parents’ retirement in Florida. It wasn’t that they disliked each other; it was simply that as children, their worlds had been so separate that they’d never developed a close relationship that could withstand time and distance.
Christine had sent flowers when Carolyn had her hysterectomy. It had been the most emotional time of Carolyn’s life, and Christine had marked it with expensive blooms. “Feel better soon,” the card had read. “Christine.”
No phone call, no visit, and no follow-up except the usual card and expensive purse at Christmas. Carolyn didn’t carry purses; she carried a black briefcase.
Sighing, she told herself not to be so hard on her sister. She thought of Ben and the brother he’d never known he had. He’d been denied the experience of growing up with a sibling—his twin—and nothing could ever change that now.
It was time to call the police about Dr. and Mrs. Benton. She dialed the number and was put through to a woman who sounded fairly uninterested.
Well, at least she’d done her part, Carolyn thought, hanging up.
The phone immediately rang, startling her. “Finders Keepers,” she said, answering on the first ring.
“There are several men by the last name of Madison living in Texas,” Jennifer Rodriguez said without segue into her subject. “Only one of them, according to motor vehicle records, is the right age. He lives right here in Midland, he appears to be single, he has no children, and when I called the number I was given by directory assistance, I got an answering machine message in a male voice that sounds healthy and robust.”
Carolyn smiled at Jennifer’s obvious implication. But she also thought about Ben, who was healthy and robust. As a father, he was precluded from being a donor match; the bout of malaria he’d had in Africa excluded him from even being an emergency match for Lucy.
A sibling of Ben’s would still be only an emergency match for Lucy, but a healthy and robust match would be more than anything they had right now. “How do we find out if this man is actually Ben’s brother?”
“I’m on my way to see him right now. A blood test will do the trick.”
Excitement thrilled through Carolyn.
“I’ll think of something. Right now, I want to see if he looks anything like this picture you had couriered over.”
“Could we be this lucky?” Carolyn breathed. “Could a miracle happen this easily?”
“I don’t know. We’ll find out. In the meantime, you might let Ben know what’s going on.”
“Good luck,” Carolyn said. “Let me give you my cell phone number, and don’t hesitate to call me the minute you find out anything at all.”
Once she’d hung up, Carolyn said a quick prayer and called Ben.
CHAPTER NINE
BEN DIDN’T answer the phone, and Carolyn didn’t want to leave a message on the answering machine with any details Lucy might hear. So she simply left a message for him to call her.
The office was quiet, there were few incoming calls she needed to field. Waiting to hear from Jennifer was difficult. She turned on the answering machine, locked up the office, and drove home.
To her astonishment, Ben knocked on her door five minutes after she’d pulled off her ruined stockings and hung up her suit. She’d gathered her hair up into a scraggly ponytail, slid jeans and a baggy blouse on, and decided macaroni and cheese in front of the TV would have to suffice.
The bottle of wine in his hands told Carolyn she might have to at least warm up a lasagna. “Hello, Ben,” she said, stepping back from the door so he could enter. “Where’s Lucy?”
“At home with her favorite sitter. Lucy was asleep when I left, worn out from her day, but the sitter said she would call me when she woke up.” He took a deep breath. “I had to stop by and see you, Carolyn. I didn’t want to say this over the phone.”
Like her, he wore jeans and a comfortable shirt. He’d showered, and his hair lay damp along his collar. “I was at the doctor’s office with Lucy today.”
She closed the door and waited as he stared at her with some emotion she couldn’t id
entify.
“I pried what you’d done out of Lucy’s nurse, Carolyn.”
“Oh.” She shook her head and went to the sofa, curling one leg underneath her as she waved at him to take a seat across from her. “I thought donor matching was confidential.”
He remained standing. “It can be. And doctor-patient privilege is exactly that. I just happened to come into the office when the nurse was ending your call. I heard the nurse say your name a couple of times, and thank you for being concerned. When I asked her if she’d been talking to you, she didn’t deny it. But she didn’t tell me to mind my own business, either.”
“Why were you at the doctor’s office with Lucy?” Carolyn asked, uncomfortable with discussing her failed attempt as a donor.
“We had a scheduled appointment. Lucy’s having chemotherapy tomorrow.”
“You didn’t mention that before,” she murmured.
“No reason to. You’re working on our case, and that should be your main concern.”
She looked at him. “Then why are you here with wine?”
“To thank you for caring about Lucy.” He swallowed. “The wine is a bribe for you to let me in the door… .”
“A bribe isn’t necessary.”
He finally took the seat she’d indicated. “I know. But I couldn’t come empty-handed, and I wanted to see you. I wanted to thank you in person…for caring, and for trying.”
She masked her feelings by lowering her eyelashes. “I wish I could have helped.”
“You have.”
Shaking her head, she changed the subject. “It’s just as well you came by. I left a message at your house for you to call me. Jennifer Rodriguez is on her way to talk to a man who fits most of the data we know about the child who was taken from your mother.”
His eyes went wide. “Already on her way?”
“There isn’t any time to lose,” she reminded him gently. “Jennifer understands the urgency of your situation.”
“Maybe I should have gone with her.”
Carolyn got up and took the wine from him, setting it on the coffee table. “I may have a glass of this. Do you want some?”
“No, I have to be going in a minute. Is she meeting him somewhere? Is there time for me to get there?”
“Wait until she lets us know if this is actually your missing twin,” Carolyn told him. “There’s no reason to get your hopes up just yet. I told her to call me immediately once she knows anything.”
“Oh, boy.” He ran a hand through his hair, shifted the collar of his denim shirt, and sat back down on the sofa. “I had no idea things would move so fast. How will she know if it’s him?”
“She’ll have to convince him to take a test, of course. I sent a picture of you over to her, in case he looks anything like you, which may or may not prove to be helpful.”
“Where’d you get a picture of me?”
He looked at her, his gaze piercing with curiosity, and Carolyn nearly had to glance away. She forced herself to answer his question as if it were any other question in the case. “I had one, an old one,” she said as nonchalantly as she could.
It was the expression on his face, at once knowing and pleased, that told her she had failed the it’s-nothing-unusual attitude she’d tried to project. He liked knowing that she’d kept his picture—and the fact that she had spoke volumes about her feelings for him.
“Carolyn St. Clair,” he said slowly, his gaze measuring, “one day I’m going to know the reason you broke up with me.”
She shook her head, about to deny what she knew he had to be thinking, but he got up, walked to her, and took her chin gently in his hand. “We have unfinished business.”
All she could do was stare up at him.
He looked down at her before giving her a brief kiss on the lips. “Call me ASAP if you hear from Jennifer,” he said, and then walked out the door.
Carolyn crossed her arms over her chest, shivering at the sensations his kiss aroused in her. Unfinished business indeed. He knew it, she knew it, and he also knew she didn’t want to admit it. It was as if he were waiting, waiting patiently for her to realize she couldn’t deny the feelings they had for each other.
Unfinished business.
* * *
SO MANY EMOTIONS were running through Ben that he knew he had to leave before he spilled more of his feelings and went beyond the “professional” relationship Carolyn was comfortable with.
But the woman had been willing to be a marrow donor for Lucy, and it touched his heart beyond words. It had been very easy to fall in love with Carolyn years ago. He’d never really gotten over her. When she left him, she’d shattered his world. That world was in danger of shattering again, if Lucy didn’t receive the treatment she needed… . But as his mother had said, Carolyn would care about Lucy and try to help her.
His mother had been so right. But even though his heart had known it as well, he would never have dreamed that she would want to help to that extent. Now he knew without doubt that she loved his Lucy.
Carolyn wasn’t about to let herself love him, Ben knew. This knowledge was difficult, but he was older and wiser now and knew better than to rush her. Maybe she’d never love him, but if all he could ever have of Carolyn was friendship, then he’d still gain a gift he hadn’t thought he had a prayer of receiving.
His cell phone rang, startling him. It might be Lucy calling, worried that he was gone. He answered quickly. “Hello?”
“Ben?”
Carolyn’s voice warmed him, calmed him. “There’s something I probably should tell you.”
He heard her hesitation and frowned. Surely she hadn’t suspected the depth of his feelings for her and was going to tell him something he simply didn’t want to hear. “I’m just outside in my car. I haven’t gone anywhere. Do you want me to come up, or do you want to tell me over the phone?”
“Oh. It’s probably better in person, I guess,” she said, her tone miserable.
“I’m already out of the car.” He jogged up the steps, inside the door and up the stairs, his phone to his ear. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She opened the door, staring at him before reaching to take the phone he hadn’t realized he still held at his ear. She turned it off, tucked it in his pocket, drew him inside, and closed the door behind him.
“What is it?”
“I’ve been needing to tell you the truth about something for a long time.” Taking a deep breath, she said, “I don’t know if now’s the time or not, but…I’m afraid some of the old feelings are coming back.”
“Oh.” That was the last thing he wanted to hear. “You’re afraid?”
“Yes.”
He thought she looked darling, hesitant and slightly rumpled in her casual clothes, her ponytail askew. No lipstick glossed her lips, and she’d removed her makeup. The last thing he’d ever want was this delightful, delicate woman to be afraid of anything about him. “Don’t be afraid,” was all he could say. “I would never hurt you.”
She smiled a little sadly. “I know you wouldn’t. It’s just that I know I hurt you before…and I don’t want it to happen again.”
Oh, she thought she had to protect him. The knowledge smarted. Ben winced, but tried to smile and be brave. “You meant that you’re afraid my feelings are coming back for you, and you don’t welcome them. You have to work with me because I hired you, and you care about my daughter, so you want to help her, but that’s why you wanted to be an anonymous donor, so that I wouldn’t see it as—”
“Stop!” she cried, her face anguished. “Ben, I’m not handling this very well. Come sit down and let me try to tell you what I have to without making you jump to conclusions.”
They sat down on the sofa, a foot between them, but Ben wanted to hold Ca
rolyn and wipe the distress from her face. He didn’t dare, so he sat still and stiff beside her, watching her fiddle with the simple gold-and-silver ring on her right hand, before she spoke again.
“Perhaps I’m afraid my feelings never completely went away,” she said softly.
That was more than he’d hoped to hear. Ben perked up as his barely beating heart kicked into cautiously happy pounding. “I wouldn’t be afraid of that. I would probably look upon it as a favorable thing.”
She gave him a wry look. “Ben, you are the sweetest man I’ve ever known—”
“Not that!” he cried in mock horror. “Not the ‘You’re the sweetest man, let’s just be friends’ speech. I’ve heard that speech is silk-wrapped doom when a woman gives it to a man.”
He could tell she refused to be swayed from the seriousness of her subject because she didn’t smile.
“I don’t think we’ll ever be just friends, Ben.”
“Someday I wouldn’t mind being more. Of course, I don’t expect you to feel the same way, so don’t worry that you’re going to hurt my feelings, Carolyn. And I’d never force something more on you than what you want from me.”
“Ben, there’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just going to have to make myself be honest or you’re going to sit here all night thinking all the wrong things. I broke off our relationship because I can’t have children.”
He stared at her, dumbstruck. Not a word came to mind. The stark truth lay in her eyes. It was fact, and one she had never wanted to tell him.
“Oh, my God,” he said huskily. “Oh, my God.” He pulled her into his arms, burying his lips in her hair. She began to sob, and he felt silly and selfish all at once, for all the times she must have needed him and he’d been too wounded with his own vanity to see. She had no family to lean on, and she could have leaned on him, but he’d never thought she needed him. Cool, calm, capable Carolyn—leaping tall buildings for everyone else and never asking anything in return. He wanted to say, “Why didn’t you tell me?” but that would have been pointless, because right now, what she needed was a place to rest her heart.