Blame it on the Stars (The Blame Game)

by Hill, Jamie

  He started to speak, but she held up her hand. “I’m not sure how your first marriage was structured, but I’m looking for more of a partner. Have you heard the saying, ‘Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow; don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; just walk beside me...”

  “And be my friend. Albert Camus, the Nobel Prize winning journalist said that. Of course I’ve heard it. Okay, perhaps I did choose a bad analogy. I want a partner, too.”

  “That’s funny, because you sure don’t act like it. We’ve had two arguments in two months, and both times you’ve lumped me with your teenagers in a ‘you against us’ way.”

  “Could that be because both times you sided with one or both of them against me?”

  “If we were married, don’t you think those kids would try to play one of us against the other whenever they wanted something? Haven’t they done that with you and—that woman whose name begins with a B?”

  Steve looked at her wryly. “Barbara.”

  “That wasn’t the B name I was thinking of.”

  He raised his gaze to the ceiling before focusing back on her. “You’re right. Kids have been playing one parent against the other since the dawn of time.”

  “I know I’m right. And you just said a key word there, parent. I realize your children have two parents, and don’t need another one. But if we’re going to be together, where does that leave me? Friend, who has no decision-making power whatsoever? Bimbo, who you just use for sex?”

  “Hey.” His eyes flashed. “Don’t even talk about using someone for sex. You were a different person this weekend. I’ve got to admit, I liked it, until I realized it was your guilty conscience acting out.”

  She laughed at that. “I did have a guilty conscience. But it wasn’t all bad, was it?”

  He rubbed his face with his hands, and then waved them in the air. “Let’s not go there. That is so not the issue.”

  “I know. Because if it was about sex, you and I would have no problems. Life’s just not that simple.”

  He smiled sadly. “Is that where the guillotine comes in? Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

  “Oh pishaw.” She waved him off. “You’ve got a pretty high opinion of yourself there.”

  “O-kay,” he said slowly. “So where does all this leave us?”

  “I’m still struggling with the ‘family’ thing, and where it leaves me. Anytime there’s a problem with one of the kids, you and what’s-her-name rally ‘round the family flag and leave me standing on the doorstep. I don’t like that, and I don’t see it changing.”

  “There is something to consider. David’s a junior, Dana’s a sophomore. In two years they’ll both be off to college. While I expect they’ll still have problems, they won’t be of the daily variety. I think this situation is eventually going to work itself out.”

  “Two years?” She blinked. “Fine. Give me a call in two years, then, if that’s all the better you can do.”

  “Excuse me?” He seemed surprised. “What would you have me do?”

  She jumped up. “Oh, maybe grow a backbone, and stand up for me occasionally? I’ve seen the last Naughton family confrontation where you and that bitch are one side, and I’m on the other. I don’t need that in my life.”

  He stood, his face reddening. “What if that comes with me? Do you need me in your life?”

  Folding her arms across her chest, she chose her words carefully. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Knowing what I know now, when I saw you coming two months ago, I probably should have high-tailed it in the opposite direction. But as for today, I don’t know what I need anymore.”

  Veins flared on his temples. “So basically, you’re not willing to put in the effort required to make a relationship work?”

  “Excuse me?” She couldn’t believe her ears. “I’ve put in a lot of effort! I’m not afraid of hard work.” She turned away. “I just wanted a man to love. I didn’t ask for all this bullshit.”

  He reached for her by the shoulders. “So tell me to go away, then, if that’s what you want.”

  She shook herself loose from his grasp. “I told you, I don’t know what I want. I need time. We should take a break.”

  “A break,” he repeated.

  Still staring at the wall, she nodded.

  “Okay, if that’s your decision.” He walked into her bedroom.

  She peeked around the corner to see what he was doing. He was pulling his things from her closet.

  Catlin reached out for the sweater that she loved so much, and removed it from his hands. “You can’t have this.”

  He looked at her, and without saying another word, left.

  Chapter Nine

  The next day, Jetta reminded Catlin that the men were bowling that night. “What shall we do? We could go out, or order in and rent a movie—”

  Catlin shook her head. “I don’t want to do anything. I don’t feel up to it.”

  “Are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you the past few days? And don’t say nothing, because I know it’s something.”

  “Steve and I are taking a break.”

  “A break, from what? Sex? Is that why you’re in such a bad mood?”

  “A break from dating.” Catlin stood and threw most of her lunch in the trash can. She was too miserable to eat.

  “What in the hell are you talking about?” Jetta asked her angrily, just as some other teachers walked in.

  Catlin shook her head. “I can’t talk about it here.”

  “Then come over tonight, and we can talk then.”

  “I don’t want to run into Steve.”

  “They’re meeting at the bowling alley. It’ll be just you and me.”

  Catlin shrugged. “I suppose I could use a shoulder to cry on. If you’re sure.”

  Jetta stood and threw away her trash. “I’m sure. I’ll see you about seven.” She walked out of the lounge muttering, “We’ll get this nonsense straightened out.”

  Catlin waited outside Jetta’s house until she saw Jim leave. She wasn’t in the mood for any set-ups. She rang the bell, and Jetta let her in. “Hey girl, get in here.”

  Catlin stepped in and looked around warily. “Are we alone?”

  Jetta laughed. “Yes. Why?”

  “I know you, is why.” She walked into the living room, and climbed on to Jetta’s fainting couch, Catlin’s favorite piece of furniture in the world. It was old, with a soft, white silk fabric cover. She leaned against the high back and sighed. “What a week.”

  “So, what gives?” Jetta set a Dr. Pepper on the table next to Catlin, and sat across from her. “Start at the beginning. I don’t want to miss a thing.”

  Slowly, Catlin retold the events of Halloween, and Sunday. She finished with the discussion she and Steve had the previous night.

  Jetta had moved to the foot of the fainting couch, and was handing Catlin tissues as she cried. “Cat, look. You’re a strong woman. The strongest one I know, maybe. Don’t you think Steve is worth fighting for?”

  “I don’t know anymore.” She shook her head and continued to dab her eyes.

  “So his ex- is a bitch. You only have to see her, what? Once a month? You can handle that. Because you’ll have the prize, girl! You’ll have the man!”

  “But you should see him when he’s around her. She says ‘Jump!’ and he says ‘How high?’ He reminds me of that cartoon character, you know, the tiny little lump of a husband who follows his great big wife around saying ‘Yes, dear’ in a nasally voice. Yikes!”

  Jetta laughed. “I don’t believe you. I can’t see Steve in that light.”

  Catlin shrugged. “He’s different around her. He’s so damned polite.”

  “Polite is a good thing.”

  “He’s too polite to her, and, he puts her first. I want to know, is he ever going to put me first? I don’t know if I can spend all of eternity playing second banana to that...that...person.”

  Jetta laughed again. “I don’t think you’re seeing things as
they really are, honey. You’re all worked up about nothing.”

  Catlin burst into tears again, and Jetta held her as she cried. She finally yawned, and leaned back into the couch. “I feel so tired,” Catlin murmured.

  “Just lie back, close your eyes.” Jetta stood up, and brushed Catlin’s hair off her face. She grabbed an afghan off a nearby chair, and covered Catlin up with it. “Just rest, now.”

  Catlin was dozing and Jetta was cleaning up the tissue and soda cans, when Jim and Steve came through the door. “Shh!” Jetta whispered, and motioned to the couch.

  She didn’t open her eyes, just listened.

  “Did you plan this?” Steve’s voice asked.

  “No!” Jim replied. “I had no idea she was here!”

  Jetta said, “He didn’t know, Steve. She just needed a shoulder.”

  Catlin sensed someone standing over her, but couldn’t open her eyes. She remained frozen, listening.

  Steve said softly, “She told me she doesn’t know if she needs me in her life.”

  His voice cut through her like a knife. She willed tears not to fall.

  Jetta spoke up, “Well, excuse me for saying so, but she’s full of shit.”

  Catlin felt a light touch on her arm, then heard Steve say, “She’s wearing my sweater.”

  “Well, there you go.” Jetta’s words said it all.

  Catlin spent the next two days forcing herself to function. Wake up, teach, eat, go to bed. She felt like she was in a twelve-step program, taking one day at a time. The days dragged on unmercifully, so it was more like taking one minute at a time.

  Dana was not in much better of a mood. She and Clint had not worked things out, and she was sullen and unhappy.

  Clint approached Catlin Friday as last hour was winding down, looking for help getting through to Dana.

  Catlin laughed sarcastically. “I’m not touching that one, kiddo. You’re on your own.”

  “I think it’s all about her father. I thought maybe you could put in a good word for me.”

  She looked at him. “Not this time.”

  “Miss M.,” he said quietly. “I know I screwed up. I just—”

  “Clint,” she interrupted “It’s not you. It’s me. Dana’s father and I are not speaking right now.”

  Surprise was obvious on his face. “Oh, Miss M., I’m so sorry.” Clint looked down.

  She patted his arm. “I’m not blaming anybody but myself. This is a good life lesson to learn. Our actions have far reaching effects.” She smiled at him.

  “You’re very kind. Not everyone would be.”

  She felt anything but kind. Words escaped her. “Yeah, I’m a real peach. Have a good weekend kiddo.”

  “You too, Miss M.”

  Not much chance of that. She watched him leave. Catlin gathered up paperwork to take home with her, trying to decide how much she would really get done. She jumped when heard a voice from the hall.

  “Are you busy?” Steve stood in her doorway.

  Catlin’s heart leapt. “Just finishing up,” she said softly. God, he looked good. She loved that blue suit. Did he get his hair cut? When it was first cut, it stood up on top. She liked it that way. Her mind raced as she fought back the urge to fly into his arms. She shook her head to clear it, because nothing had changed between them. “What are you doing here?”

  “I missed you.”

  “What part of ‘taking a break’ don’t you understand? For such a smart man, you sure are dumb sometimes.”

  He laughed. “God, I’ve missed that. Nobody has insulted me all week.”

  She refused to smile. “Then your wife must have left, huh?”

  He leaned against the door frame. “You know she did. Dana’s keeping you up on all the details, I’m sure. Like the fact that Barbara and I slept in separate rooms.”

  “I never assumed otherwise.”

  “Good. How have you been?”

  “Steve.” She crossed her arms. “I really don’t want to talk. I think we need some time to figure things out.”

  “Why do you always think I have things to figure out? I know what I want.”

  “Well, sometimes wanting something is not enough. Once you get it, you have to know how to treat it, in order to keep it.”

  “Ouch. Maybe I do have a few things to figure out.”

  She gathered up her things. “Maybe.”

  “Can I carry your books?”

  “No. You can leave me alone. I’m trying to see if I can learn to live without you.”

  He stood in the doorway and blocked her path. “I bet you can’t.”

  She stared at him incredulously. “I bet I can, you big dumb jerk! God, you are so full of yourself!”

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

  She struggled at first, and then let her purse and papers slip to the floor as she wrapped her arms around him. Their kiss was long and lingering.

  When Steve pulled back, there were tears streaming down her face.

  “Catlin,” he started, but she cut him off.

  “Please don’t say anything. I have to get out of here. I don’t want to be with you right now.”

  “I think you do,” he countered.

  “No!” She pulled away, and started picking up her things. “I told you, I need some time.”

  “How much time?” he insisted. He tried to help her pick up, but she pulled away from him.

  “I don’t know! How should I know? Please, just go.”

  “I hate to see you crying.” He took a step out into the hall.

  “Then you won’t want to see me for a while.” She closed the classroom door between them, leaned against it, and sobbed.

  Catlin spent a quiet, lonely weekend by herself. She watched movies and tried to keep herself busy. She thought about calling Jetta, but knew she wasn’t good company. So she stayed home by herself, painfully alone.

  The next week proved to be more of the same. In some ways it was easier to go to school and keep busy. At least there were people to talk to. But in other ways, it was easier to curl up and be alone with her misery. That’s what Catlin was doing on Friday night, contemplating another long weekend ahead of her, when her doorbell rang.

  She answered to find Steve, blue suit and a dozen roses, on her doorstep.

  “For God’s sake, what are you doing here?” She turned away, and wiped her face with the wad of crumpled up tissues in her hand.

  He stepped in. “Are you still crying?”

  She faced him “I suppose that makes you happy?”

  He grinned. “Yes it does.” He added softly, “And no, it doesn’t. Oh Catlin, haven’t you had enough time to figure out that we need each other? We’re happy when we’re together. What kind of a life is this?” He picked up the box of tissue on the table and dropped it again. He touched her shoulder, which was encased in his same old sweater. “And don’t you have anything else to wear?”

  “It doesn’t even smell like you anymore,” she admitted. “I’ve worn it too much.”

  Steve lay the bouquet of roses on the table “Can you accept the apology of an ignorant man who has seen the error of his ways?”

  She shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize. That’s not what this is all about.”

  “I know.” He held her shoulders squarely. “This is about me figuring out my priorities. And while you know my children will always be up there in that number one spot, I have made room up there for someone else.”

  “Oh, yeah?” She sniffled.

  “Yeah.” He smiled. “Catlin, I understand that I haven’t handled things the best. All I can say is I’m sorry. This is all new to me, too. But these last two weeks have helped me realize what’s important, and also, what you were trying to say to me.”

  “You think you’ve figured that out?”

  He nodded. “I do. You and I are a good team.” He pulled her close and pressed himself against her. “We’re an excellent team when we’re alone...”

  He
r heart zinged with the thrill of being back in his arms.

  “But to have you in my life, I’ve got to learn how to make you my partner, and not treat you like one of my kids.”

  “Pretty much what I said two weeks ago. It takes things a while to sink into that thick head of yours, doesn’t it?”

  He chuckled. “I guess it does. But there’s one more thing. Barbara.”

  “Yeah.” She wasn’t happy to hear the name, but couldn’t stop smiling now that she was back in his arms with his body pressed against hers.

  “She’s always going to be in the children’s lives.”

  “I know.” Catlin stared into his deep, dark eyes.

  “But she doesn’t have to be in mine. I’ll be polite, but no more jumping through hoops.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. You are the most important person in my life. I’m going to make sure you realize that, every day. I promise to treat you with respect. I’ll consult you about things and I’ll stand behind the decisions you make on your own. No more second banana for you. I intend to put you first in my life, from now to eternity.”

  “No more second banana?” She smiled.

  “No more,” he repeated, never breaking their eye contact.

  “Well, I know who you’ve been talking to.” She recalled her conversation with Jetta. Steve was pulling phrases from it. “But that’s okay.”

  “That’s okay?” he asked her softly.

  “Yeah.” She felt a wave of soothing comfort slide over her as he pulled her close for a long, loving kiss.

  “Oh, there’s one more thing,” he whispered.

  “More promises?” She watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out.

  “Actually, yes.” He opened a small box and showed Catlin the most beautiful tear-drop shaped diamond ring she had ever seen.

  “Oh my God!”

  He slipped it out of the box and touched it to the tip of her left ring finger. “If I promise to keep all my afore-mentioned promises, and to love you and cherish you all the days of our lives, will you marry me?”

  Her eyes went from the ring to his eyes and back again. “Oh, yes!” she squealed, and he slipped the ring on her finger.