Blame it on the Stars (The Blame Game)

by Hill, Jamie

  She laughed out loud. “We will have moved long before the baby gets here. You and I are going to pick out a place that we love. We’ll have a room for you, and a room for the baby.”

  “And a room for you and dad.”

  “Yeah. Big enough for our whole family.”

  “Cool!” Chris grinned from ear to ear.

  Catlin tried to reach Nick by phone that night, but he never returned her call. She was interested in knowing how the picture got to People Magazine. Something deep down told her she didn’t really want to know.

  Dana was gone from school for the rest of the week. Frank and Catlin decided not to take further action against her, provided nothing like that happened again.

  Catlin’s classes went smoothly. The students liked her, and were supportive of her. She hoped the parents would be, as well, once the word had spread.

  Nick finally called at the end of the week.

  “I left you a bunch of messages.” She tried not to sound accusing.

  “We’ve been so busy. Plus, the time zone thing. I can never remember what time it is anywhere.”

  “Do they have People Magazine over there?”

  “Yeah. It was a good picture, wasn’t it?”

  “Nick!” she exclaimed “I’m still catching hell for it. I thought we weren’t going to tell anyone about the baby for a while.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. It’s good P.R. The agency likes to get us all the exposure they can.”

  Catlin twirled a piece of her hair around her finger. “So I’m good P.R.? Is that why you married me, really?”

  “Catlin, I’m tired and I don’t want to get into this shit. You know why we got married. It benefited you more than me.”

  “Not if I lose my job, which still might happen.”

  “Can I talk to Chris, please? I need to say hi, and then go.”

  “Yeah.” Anger coursed through her veins, but she tried to reel it in. “Chris, it’s your dad.”

  He grabbed the phone happily, and Catlin walked off. She went in her bedroom and looked in the mirror. Pulling her shirt up, she studied her body profile. Her stomach was starting to grow.

  She went through her closet, tossing aside all the clothes she couldn’t wear. There were a few that still fit, and she hung them in front. She’d have to do some shopping before long. In the back of the closet she spotted Steve’s sweater. Pulling it out, she slipped it on over her shirt. She lay down on the bed and cried for a few minutes, until she heard Chris get off the phone. She tried to dry her eyes as he bounded into her room.

  “Dad sounds good!” He flopped on the bed next to her.

  “Yeah.” She smiled, fighting a negative comment. Oh, my sweet boy. If you only knew.

  None of this was his fault. She’d never take anything out on either of her children, regardless what their fathers did.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I was trying on clothes.”

  “Oh.” He looked at her. “I like the sweater.”

  “Me too.”

  Dana returned to school the next week a much subdued person. Catlin didn’t know what Steve had said to her or David, for that matter, but they were both on their best behavior. As each day passed she allowed herself to breathe a little easier.

  January turned to February. The passage of time eased the aching Catlin felt for Steve every night when she lay alone in her bed. She got to the point of thinking about him only two or three times a day, rather than fifty.

  Her belly grew rounder. She was thin to begin with; and didn’t really show for a long time. But at almost five months along, she was definitely showing. The baby moved and kicked inside her almost constantly. She and Chris talked to the baby, and sang songs. They read together most nights, having worked their way through the seven Narnia Chronicles and partway through the Harry Potter series.

  It promised to be an early spring. The weather at the end of February was more like May, so they spent a lot of time outside. Chris played on the playground after school each day, giving Catlin time to finish up her work.

  They talked to Nick occasionally. He seemed distant to Catlin, but she decided it was probably because there was an ocean between them. She held good hopes that it would all be fine when he got home in a month. She’d even started house hunting. Nick didn’t want to live in the city, and there were some beautiful places out by the lake. She put some energy into that, hoping to find a place to rent by the time he got back.

  The school term was also going well. Catlin had settled into an unspoken understanding with the Naughton children. They didn’t speak to each other unless it was class-related, and then it was brief, and civil. Catlin made it through parent-teacher conferences by printing out David and Dana’s grade sheets and giving them to Jetta, who passed them on. Fortunately, both kids were “A” students. Catlin would have hated to get into an argument about their grades.

  Catlin and Chris decorated their house with streamers, balloons, and a big ‘Welcome Home’ banner, on the sunny March day that Nick was to arrive home. The band was flying into Kansas City that morning, and Nick would be in Marshall by early evening. Chris was bursting with excitement to see his father. Catlin tried to feel the same way, but was very nervous.

  By ten p.m. Chris was falling asleep. Catlin tucked him in, promising to wake him when Nick arrived. She paced around the room for a while, and finally decided to call Craig at his house. Maybe he could tell her what time Nick left.

  Nick answered the phone.

  “What are you doing there? I thought you’d be here by now.”

  “Our plane was delayed. We just got here a little while ago.”

  “Chris was going nuts! Why didn’t you call?”

  “I told you, I just got here. I can’t help the God-damned delay,” he snapped.

  She was taken aback. “I know that.”

  “I’m sorry I jumped on you,” he muttered. “I’m tired as hell. I just want to get some sleep.”

  “Maybe you should get some rest before you try to drive here,” she said slowly.

  “I’m going to. I’ve got a few things to take care of; I should be there by Friday.”

  “Friday!” she exclaimed “That’s three more days! Chris will be heartbroken.”

  “Dammit Catlin, get off my ass. I’m beat. I’ve got a few things to do, and then I’ll see you this weekend. Tell the boy I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  “Well, okay,” she stammered, as she heard the phone click on the other end. Something was not right.

  It was nine o’clock Friday night when Nick rolled in. Chris was in his arms before Nick was even through the door.

  “I missed you!” Chris hugged his neck.

  “I missed you too, boy.” Nick ruffled his son’s hair. “I see you got a haircut. Your mom talk you into that?”

  Chris smiled. “Maybe a little.”

  Nick nodded. “Well, it looks good.” He looked at Catlin. “You look good, too. Big.”

  “Well, thanks,” she chuckled nervously.

  Nick gave Catlin a quick peck on the cheek, and turned back to Chris. “Help me bring in my stuff. I may have gotten something for you.”

  “All right!” Chris hollered, and they went out to Nick’s car. They came back with two bags.

  “Is that all you have?” Catlin asked.

  He nodded, and started unpacking one bag. It was full of souvenirs for Chris, and a few for Catlin. There was one teddy bear for the baby. Catlin watched as Nick unpacked the bag, and told Chris stories from the road. Chris was thrilled, but she knew something wasn’t right. Why would Nick just bring one small bag for himself if he was planning on staying?

  She didn’t say anything, just let Nick and Chris have that time. It was almost eleven-thirty when Chris finally nodded off, against his will. Nick tucked in his son, and looked at his wife. “I’m beat. I’m going to turn in, too.”

  “I think we need to talk,” Catlin said softly.

  Nick waved his hand at her and wal
ked into the bedroom. “Tomorrow, okay?”

  She could hear him getting ready for bed, and sighing as he climbed in. She stayed in the front room, curled up on the sofa, for hours.

  Saturday, Chris went to Josh’s house to play. Catlin talked Nick into driving out to the lake and looking at the house she’d rented. It was vacant, and the owners were anxious to get a tenant, so she’d already signed the lease. “I hope you like it as much as I do. I really didn’t want to make a decision until you got home, but these people wouldn’t wait.”

  He looked around, not saying much.

  Catlin felt the need to ramble on. “I don’t like the roads getting out here. Spillway Road is a curvy mess. But I just love the house…” She trailed off, staring at him.

  Nick sighed. “Catlin, you need to find a place that will make you happy.”

  She smiled nervously. She’d been on pins and needles since he arrived, and now was no different. “Well, I like this place. See, it has a fireplace, and a double garage. There are four bedrooms, which is plenty of space. If you like, you can use the extra room as an office or something. Whatever you want.”

  Nick inhaled and finally blurted out, “I’m not moving to Marshall.”

  “What do you mean?” She was confused.

  “Just what I said. I can’t move here. My work is centered out of Kansas City. That’s where I want to be.”

  She turned and looked out the window. “Well, I had never considered leaving Marshall. I really love it here. But if you think we need to be in Kansas City—”

  He cut her off. “Catlin, I said I need to be in Kansas City. You can stay in Marshall.”

  She turned to face him. Tears welled in her eyes. “But what about Chris? I can’t lose him again! I won’t live two hours away from him! I need him in my life.”

  “You can have Chris,” Nick said simply.

  She looked at him questioningly. “What?”

  Nick turned so he was now looking out the window. “That’s what this was all about anyway. I made a mistake, Catlin. I never should have taken him.” He faced her. “You don’t know what it’s been like, trying to raise a kid and build a band at the same time. My life has been hell.”

  She was shocked. He had never given her any indication that life with Chris was stressing him out.

  He laughed bitterly. “My parents helped out when he was small, but once he got older, well, you know my mother. Would you want to live with her? Chris hated it. We fought about it all the time. If it hadn’t been for Craig, I don’t know what I would have done.”

  Catlin nodded. “He was always a good friend to you.”

  Nick looked at her. “It was more than that, Catlin.”

  Realization dawned in her as she figured out that Nick and Craig were lovers. “Oh my God!” She paced around the room. “How could I not see it? The signs were everywhere!” She picked up an empty cardboard box and threw it at him. “So why the fuck did you have to ruin my life? I would have taken Chris and left you alone.”

  Nick shrugged. “You needed me. You needed to be married.”

  “I was going to be married. But you…our wedding…”

  “All for your benefit.”

  “But why?” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? I was so happy with Steve.” She whirled around and pounded her fist on the wall.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to see if I could win you back.”

  She turned around slowly to face him, her tears still falling. “It was just a game to you, wasn’t it? You never had any intention of living with us.”

  He shrugged again. “Payback’s a bitch. You ruined my life.”

  “It’s sad that you feel that way, Nick. I didn’t make you keep Chris. I was going to place him for adoption. But you made your own choice. So you see, I don’t think he or I ruined your life. I think you managed to do that all by yourself.”

  “I suppose you’re partly right,” he admitted. “And I’ve been scrambling to cover up my mistakes for years.”

  “The picture in People Magazine. That was that for your benefit?”

  “There had been some speculation about our sexual preferences. Craig and I thought we needed to do some damage control.”

  “Who cares anymore? I can’t believe in this day and age that anybody would give a shit if you’re gay.”

  He chuckled bitterly. “Then you are sadly naïve. Lots of people care, and it impacts tours and record sales. Some people are cool with it, sure. But Craig and I—”

  “Craig and I. Craig and I. You were in this whole thing together, weren’t you? You manipulative bastards. I can’t believe you did this to me. And Chris...he spoke to Steve that day. Did you put him up to that?”

  “No, that was a surprise. Funny as hell, too.”

  She saw red. “It was not funny, it was awful! Why would he do that to me?”

  “He wasn’t doing anything ‘to you’—he was trying to get his parents back together. He was desperate for a real family.”

  “I just can’t believe this.” She shook her head again.

  “Oh quit bitching.” Nick scoffed at her. “Your life can go on as you want it. I’ll give you a well-publicized divorce, and a huge settlement. And custody of the children.”

  “The children,” she repeated, and put her hands on her stomach. Something occurred to her, and she asked him “Were you and Craig monogamous?”

  He laughed at the question, and Catlin’s heart sunk. “Have you ever been tested for HIV?” she asked softly.

  “Yeah, we’ve been tested a few times. It always comes out negative.”

  “Recently?” She got in his face.

  “I don’t know. What’s your problem?”

  “My problem? My problem is I was close to you! We’ve kissed, shared a bed—”

  “In the most literal sense of the word only. We never fucked, Catlin. You can’t get HIV from kissing.”

  She scowled at him, but he was probably right. She understood the facts. They’d just never applied to her before. Something else came to mind and she froze. “What about Chris? Have you ever had him tested?”

  “He’s fine, quit wigging out.”

  “How do you know that?” She swung her purse at him like a club.

  “Hey! Stop it!” He grabbed for the swinging bag.

  Catlin pulled her purse back and stomped through the house. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  Nick ran after her, pulling doors closed behind him. “Catlin, give me the keys. You’re in no condition to drive.”

  She glared at him. “I hate you. I can’t believe this shit.”

  “I know, I know. It sucks to be you. Same song, different year.” He snatched the car keys and shoved her lightly into the passenger side of the Jaguar.

  Hurrying around to the driver’s side, he slid in and started up the car.

  She was still crying angrily. “Just take me home! Then I want you to get out! I don’t care if I ever see you again.”

  Nick slammed the car into gear and squealed out of the drive.

  “Slow down.” She reached for her seatbelt. The car tires squealed again as he peeled off the gravel drive and on to Spillway Road. “Nick, you’re going too fast.” There was a tricky turn coming up that she was used to, but he wasn’t. “Nick!” she screamed as the car went out of control and headed over the embankment.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Catlin woke up and looked around. Her head was pounding and her eyes were blurry. She saw a face, and tried to focus on it. “Steve? Am I dreaming?”

  Steve picked up her hand and squeezed it. “No, you’re not dreaming. How do you feel?”

  She glanced from side to side. She was lying in a bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines. “Where am I?”

  “You’re in the hospital, Catlin. You’ve been in an accident.”

  “I remember, I think.” She touched her forehead and felt a bandage. “Oh God.” She started to cry.

&
nbsp; “It’s okay.” Steve sat on the edge of her bed. “You’re going to be fine. You’re just bumped and bruised a little.”

  Panic gripped her and she reached for her stomach. “My baby?”

  “He’s fine.” Steve touched her hand. “They’ve got him hooked up to a monitor—see?” he motioned to one of the screens beside the bed.

  She tried to focus in on the squiggly lines. “It’s okay, really?”

  “He.” Steve smiled. “They did an ultrasound. It’s a boy.”

  “A boy.” She closed her eyes, and then they popped back open. “Christian? Is he okay?”

  Steve nodded. “He wasn’t with you. He’s fine.”

  “Where is he?”

  “We’re taking care of him, Catlin. Don’t worry.”

  She closed her eyes again. She was so sleepy.

  “Catlin, can you hear me?”

  She opened her eyes, but didn’t recognize the face.

  “Hi, I’m Dr. Marcus.” The tall, dark skinned-man smiled at her. “How are you feeling?”

  “Sleepy,” she whispered.

  “Part of that is the medication we’re giving you. Can you try to answer a couple questions for me?”

  She nodded.

  “Can you tell me your name?”

  “Catlin McCall—uh, Prescott. Catlin Prescott.” That reminded her, and she asked, “How’s Nick?”

  “He’s being looked at in the other room. Do you remember what happened?”

  “Accident. How’s my car?”

  The doctor winced. “Not as good as you are. I suspect it’s seen its last day.”

  Tears welled in her eyes.

  Steve stepped up and took her hand. “Don’t worry about your car, Catlin. Just thank God you’re alive.”

  She looked at him. “What are you doing here?”

  He smiled. “Where else would I be?”

  “How did you find out I was here?”

  “I was working when the report came in. I’ve got to tell you, my heart leaped into my throat when I heard someone rolled a Jag on Spillway Road.”

  “We rolled?” She scratched at the bandage on her forehead.