Blame it on the Stars (The Blame Game)

by Hill, Jamie

  “That’s pathetic.”

  “And there’s so much more. I found out yesterday, the one he really loved was my brother.”

  Steve’s eyes widened as he took in the information. “Nick and Craig...?”

  She nodded. “All this time. I never knew, and was naïve enough not to see the signs, I guess.” Her fists clenched in anger. “He used me to squelch the rumors about their sexuality.”

  Steve stood up and paced around the room.

  “I, like a fool, asked Nick if he and Craig were monogamous. He just laughed. He laughed!”

  “This could be bad.” Steve was still pacing.

  “I did ask him if he’d been tested for HIV, and he said he had. It was negative. But he couldn’t remember when the test was.”

  “Shit!” Steve muttered, and squeezed the back of the chair by her bed. His knuckles went white.

  “I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I need you to know that I’d never lie about something this important. Nick and I never slept together.”

  He looked at her, and released the chair. “Seriously?”

  She nodded. “Guess you ruined me for anyone else.”

  He sat down on the edge of her bed again. “That makes me feel better, for a bunch of reasons. We’re still going to have you tested immediately.”

  She nodded. “I’d feel better if we had Chris tested, too. But I don’t want him to know why.”

  “The next time I bring him up, we’ll get a blood test. I’ll tell him it’s routine, or some such nonsense.” He shook his head. “More lies.”

  “You have to, Steve. He can’t know about any of this.”

  “I agree.”

  Catlin rubbed her hands over her stomach. “I can pay the price for my own mistakes. I just hope my baby doesn’t have to pay, too.”

  Steve glanced at her stomach. “My baby.” He looked into her eyes. “Can I say that? Can I finally say that it’s my baby, too?”

  She placed his hands on her stomach. “Yes, you can.”

  His mouth found hers, and he murmured, “Tell me.”

  She murmured back, “Are you sure you should be kissing me?”

  He kept his mouth close to hers. “You can’t get HIV from kissing. And you can’t stop me from kissing you. So tell me whose baby it is. I have yet to hear you say it.”

  She kissed him gently. “It’s your baby, Steve. I am pregnant with your baby.”

  He deepened the kiss and she responded. His arms slipped around her shoulders and she grimaced. “I’m sorry.” He pulled back. “Guess I got carried away. It’s been an awfully long time.”

  She looked into his eyes. “I missed you so much. Every day.”

  His gaze seared into her. “I tried to forget about you. I thought time would make it better. I was a fool. I love you. I want you in my life.”

  “I made so many mistakes.”

  “We both did. I thought I could slip back into my old life, and things would be the same. They sure as hell weren’t. Or maybe they were, but they weren’t the things I wanted anymore.”

  “You told me you weren’t too keen on babies, diaper changes, colic. I remember you said—”

  He interrupted her with a kiss. “Forget what I said. I said a lot of stupid things. I can’t think of anything I want more than to bring you and our baby into my family.”

  “We come with a nine-year-old, too. Full-time, now, it seems.”

  Steve nodded. “I know. It might not be easy, but we’ll make it work.”

  She took a deep breath and exhaled. “We’re going to need some time. We’ve been making plans for a while now, and suddenly everything has changed.”

  “Like your life got thrown up in the air, and its landing as a different sort of life?” He used the words he’d once used on her.

  “Yeah. But it’s landing as a better life, this time. We just have to take it slowly, which is something you and I have never been very good at.”

  “You’re right about that.” He ran the back of his finger down her neck. “In fact, if you weren’t seven months pregnant, bruised, scraped, concussed and hooked up to these monitors, I’d probably jump you right now.”

  She laughed. “God, I’ve missed you. Does it make me a horrible person to tell you how much I still love you, especially after everything we have been through?”

  He smiled sadly. “There are no horrible people in this situation. Just a bunch of regular schmoes, some of whom did some horrible things. Grieve for Nick, Catlin. Especially because of Chris. But don’t let him haunt you, because he did some rotten stuff. Not the least of which was breaking us up. That was unforgivable. I’m glad I don’t have to face him, because this whole thing really hacks me.”

  “Do you know what he told me? He said his motivation was to get me to take Chris. He felt like he made a mistake in keeping him all those years ago. ‘His life has been hell’ he told me. Can you believe that? And he had the gall to say it was my fault, that I ruined his life. I believe his next words were ‘payback’s a bitch’.”

  He shook his head. “Payback’s a bitch, all right.”

  She shut her eyes and thought about Nick. He’d been an important part of her life, but she hadn’t loved him for a long time. After his admissions to her yesterday, she almost felt revulsion for him. He used her, and showed no regret or remorse for doing so. She couldn’t help feeling a twinge of relief to be out of his grips, which made her feel guilty, because she knew how hard his death would be on Christian. The two of them had been very close. Catlin sighed, not sure if the guilt she was feeling was for Chris, or the fact that she wasn’t that upset about Nick’s death. She opened her eyes and looked at Steve. “I’m not dreaming, am I?”

  He touched her face. “You asked me that yesterday. No, you’re not dreaming.”

  “For months now you’ve been an unreachable dream. It hurt to let myself think about you. I had to put the damn sweater in the back of the closet so I wouldn’t sit and stare at it.”

  “I almost took it.”

  “I would have marched over to your house and taken it back.”

  “I would have paid to see that.” He mimicked her, “Barb, give me that sweater or I’m going to kick one hundred percent of your ass!”

  Catlin laughed until she had to hold her stomach to keep it from shaking.

  The nurse returned later with lunch. “After you eat, would you like to get cleaned up? The doctor wants us to try to get the sand off you.”

  “Sure.” Catlin looked at Steve. “You have to be hungry. Why don’t you leave for a while? I’ll be fine.”

  He hesitated.

  Margie nodded. “You may as well go now, while I’m here. We’re gonna be bathing her, so you’ll have to leave anyway.”

  He rose. “I could use a shower and a shave, I guess.” He rubbed his chin.

  “I kind of like it.” Catlin waggled her brows at him. “Very GQ.”

  He laughed. “What, stubble? Okay, if you say so. I guess I can check on the kids. But I’ll be back.”

  “Tell Chris I love him.”

  “Will do.” He headed out and mouthed, “I love you.”

  She mouthed it back to him, and then looked at her lunch.

  Margie uncovered the tray. “He really doesn’t know how gorgeous he is, does he?”

  Catlin laughed. “No, he really doesn’t.”

  The woman shook her head as she adjusted the tray table.

  She let Catlin eat, then came back to help her get cleaned up. Margie removed the baby monitor that was wrapped around Catlin’s stomach, and grabbed the IV fluid bag which was attached to her arm. She helped Catlin stand, and held her arm as she shuffled to the bathroom.

  Catlin grimaced when she saw herself in the mirror for the first time. There was a large bandage covering her whole forehead. She had scrapes and bruises on both cheeks and her chin. Letting the hospital gown down off her shoulders, she examined her back in the mirror. Tears formed when she saw the purple discolorations covering
her back and arms. There were long scrapes from her neck to where she couldn’t see any further. Nick must have dragged her a long way. “Oh my God,” she whispered.

  “Come on now.” Margie urged her to look away. “Don’t worry about this. You’ll mend. Just be thankful you and your baby are even here.” She took Catlin’s gown and underwear off. “Sit here.” She motioned to a built-in seat in the shower. “We’re gonna give this a try.”

  Catlin obliged, letting Margie do most of the work. After seeing the backs of her arms, she could tell why it was so hard to lift them. Her whole body felt achy and sore.

  Margie got Catlin cleaned up as much as she could, and washed her hair. Catlin tried to rub her scalp to loosen the sand, but it was caked on and hard to get out.

  She used the bathroom and was slipping a clean gown back on when the first contraction hit. “Oh Jesus!” She doubled over.

  “Let’s go.” Margie led her back to bed. “I’ll page Dr. Jonas.” She got Catlin settled and hooked the baby monitor up. “Just try to relax.”

  “Please, not yet,” Catlin prayed to herself over and over, until the doctor arrived.

  He studied the monitor readings and checked her out quickly. He ordered an injection into her IV, and then looked at Catlin. “This started when you got up?”

  She nodded.

  “I guess that tells us something. Stay in bed.”

  “I can’t stay here forever,” she complained.

  “I never said forever. Give yourself more time, Catlin. It’s just too soon.”

  He continued to monitor the readings and finally said, “That looks better. Contractions stopped?”

  She nodded again.

  “Okay. Get some rest. And let’s keep visitors to a minimum.” He looked around. “Where’s your security guard?”

  She smiled. “He’ll be back.”

  “Okay.” Dr. Jonas nodded. “Stay in bed. Use the bedpan. Have them call me if you need me. Otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Thank you.” She settled back into her bed. Her hair was still wrapped in a towel, but she didn’t have the strength to deal with it. It would have to wait.

  Her door opened, and Jetta peeked in. “Is it okay?” she asked softly.

  “Sure!” Catlin reached for her, and Jetta gave her a hug. Catlin wiped at her eyes “Sorry, I’m pretty weepy today.”

  “No problem.” Jim gave her a hug, and handed her a big box of candy. He waved some yellow roses at her. “I’ll put these in water.”

  “Thank you so much. You shouldn’t have.” Catlin smiled through her tears.

  Jetta reached for the candy. “Well, if you don’t want it.”

  Catlin clutched the box to her chest. “I never said that.”

  Jetta sat on the chair next to the bed. “We’re so sorry, sweetie.”

  “It was pretty horrible. We were arguing. I’m sure that’s why we crashed.”

  Jim said, “Now don’t say that. Shit happens. Isn’t that your motto? Well, it’s true. Sometimes things just happen.”

  Jetta touched Catlin’s arm. “Sometimes things happen for a reason, too. You should have seen Steve yesterday, honey. He was in charge, involved and in control. The rest of us stood back and said ‘yes, sir’.”

  “He said you helped him track Chris down. Thanks for that.”

  “Shoot.” Jim waved his hand. “He just needed me for the squad car. He didn’t want Josh’s parents turning Chris over to strangers.”

  Catlin looked at Jetta. “Thanks for trying to help take care of him. Steve said he was pretty devastated.”

  “That kid has a temper. Did Steve tell you Chris was throwing things and smashing up stuff at his house?”

  “No!” Catlin was surprised. “I’ve never seen him that upset.”

  Jim said, “He was in shock. That’s tough news for anyone to hear, let alone a little kid.”

  “Steve was really sweet with him, Catlin. You should have seen him.” Jetta smiled at her “He still loves you, you know. It’s written all over his face.”

  “I know. He hasn’t left my side until a little while ago. I made him leave to get something to eat.”

  Her door opened again, and they all looked up as Steve walked in. “Should I stand outside and listen, or are you going to stop talking about me now?”

  “Hey.” Catlin smiled at him, and the red roses he brought in. “Those are beautiful.”

  “Looks like somebody beat me to it.” Steve smelled the roses Jim brought, and set his vase next to them.

  “They’re all wonderful.” Catlin looked at Steve’s other hand. “What did you bring?”

  He held up her small suitcase. “I stopped by your place and threw a few things in for you. I thought you might be more comfortable in your own nightgowns.”

  “Oh, thank you! These hospital gowns leave a lot to be desired...like a back!”

  They chuckled and she crossed her fingers. “I don’t suppose you grabbed a hair brush?” She held up the tiny plastic comb the hospital provided. “This isn’t going to do a thing for my hair.”

  They laughed again, as Steve set the bag on the bed by her. “Oh, I threw all kinds of stuff in here. Let’s see...brush, instant conditioner...”

  “Yippee!” Catlin clapped her hands together, and grabbed them out. She handed them to Jetta. “Do you mind? I can barely lift my arms.”

  “Why sure.” Jetta helped Catlin into a sitting position, and removed the towel from her hair. She caught a glimpse of Catlin’s back and muttered, “Jesus.”

  “What?” Jim asked, and Jetta shook her head.

  “It’s okay.” Catlin wiggled her shoulders. “I’ve seen it. Pretty scary, huh?”

  “Uh, yeah.” Jetta gulped.

  Catlin nodded to Jim and Steve. “You might as well check it out, too. Get a glimpse of what Frankenstein’s monster looked like in real life.”

  Jetta loosened the tie string around Catlin’s neck, and lowered her gown in the back. The three of them peered down Catlin’s back at the bruises and scrapes.

  Jim whistled softly. “That looks like three different kinds of pain.”

  Steve gently took the straps and tied them again. He planted a kiss on the nape of her neck. “It’ll all disappear before you know it, and I’ll be rubbing suntan lotion back there as we lie on a beach in Cancun.”

  They chuckled again, and Jetta started detangling Catlin’s hair. “I hope we’ll also be lying on that beach.” She looked at her husband.

  He shrugged. “I assumed we’d be stuck home baby-sitting for the crew they’re leaving behind.”

  Catlin and Steve laughed. “I like the sound of that,” Steve said “No worries, knowing everyone is in good hands.”

  Catlin grinned and shut her eyes. “Especially me. I’ll be in the best hands of all!”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “You’re just going to have to stay in bed.” Steve folded his arms across his chest.

  Catlin rolled her eyes. “That’s easier said than done. Are you forgetting I have a son to take care of?”

  “No. I saw him a little while ago. He said to tell you ‘hi’, and he wants to come up and see you again tonight. He’s doing okay, Catlin, really he is. Dana and Teresa are spoiling him rotten, in fact.”

  She smiled with relief. “Thank you.”

  He kissed her as he murmured, “Anything for you, my love.”

  They didn’t hear her door open, so Dr. Marcus cleared his throat loudly. Steve pulled back and they looked at the doctor sheepishly. He said, “I know I told you to relax. I guess I should have been more specific.”

  Steve stood and made room for the doctor.

  Catlin said, “Sorry.”

  The doctor looked at her, then Steve, and back at her. “No, you’re not.” He smiled as he grabbed her chart, and did a quick examination.

  “How’s the headache?”

  “Gone, mostly.”

  “I think we’ll wean you off the pain meds. We’ll get rid of the
IV, but we’ll leave the port in place for a while, so Dr. Jonas can give you a quick injection if he needs to.”

  “In case the contractions start up again?”

  “Yes. But you’re looking good. Just stay in bed, use the stupid bedpan, and don’t give the nurses a hard time. That’s my advice for today.”

  She tossed up her hands. “Okay then. Send me your bill.”

  He raised his eyebrows up and down a couple times. “Oh, I will.” He looked at Steve, then back at Catlin. “There is one other issue I needed to mention. Evidently your— husband—” he said it questioningly, and Catlin interrupted,

  “Nick, yeah, he was my...estranged husband.”

  The doctor glanced at Steve who said, “It’s a long story. If I’m paying you by the hour, then you don’t have time to hear it.”

  He laughed. “Okay. Anyway, apparently he was somebody famous? We’re fielding a ton of phone calls, most of them from the media.”

  Catlin looked at Steve. “I never thought of that.”

  Steve turned to the doctor. “We’ll put out a press release with the information they want to know. Hopefully that will get rid of most of them.”

  “Good.” The doctor nodded, and started out.

  Steve added, “Oh, Dr. Marcus, there is one more thing. We have reason to believe that Catlin might have been exposed to HIV. Can you do a test for that, please?”

  “Oh my.” The doctor looked at her. “When do you think the exposure was?”

  “It started in December,” she replied. “I never had any actual physical contact, but with the baby and all…”

  He nodded. “I’ll have the nurse draw some blood. Let’s hope nothing shows up.” He walked to the door. “I’ll see you in the morning. Get some rest!”

  “Thank you.” She looked at Steve. “He’s nice.”

  “Yeah.” Steve stretched. “I’m going to wait and talk to Craig before I put out the press release about your strange husband.”

  She smiled. “I said estranged.”

  “Oh.” Steve grinned as if he didn’t know that. “Anyway, Craig said he was coming today, so I expect he’ll be here soon.”

  She nodded, and looked toward the door as Craig came in. His hair was pulled back sloppily into a ponytail, and he was wearing his glasses instead of contacts. Catlin frowned. “Speak of the devil. You look like hell.”