Straight from the Heart

by Linda Warren

  Lucas could see that something was happening to her. Fear and guilt were vanquished. Right before his eyes, he saw her shake off sixteen years of horror and pain.

  In a voice that shook only a little, she admitted what Lucas already knew. “I feel like my emotions have been locked away and suddenly they’re free and I can feel again. I can live again. The terrible things are finally over. They’re over.”

  Lucas knew that what he’d wanted for tonight wasn’t going to happen. Blair wasn’t ready. She was just finding herself and she wasn’t even sure what she wanted.

  Blair felt as if she’d been on a Ferris wheel, going round and round until she was dizzy with all the heartache, but now she’d stepped off that merciless ride and she was standing alone and reveling in feeling.

  She glanced at Lucas and saw his worried expression and she remembered Jim and realized she hadn’t even offered her condolences. “I’m sorry about Jim. With everything that was happening, I forgot to ask about Jim’s wife. How is she?”

  “She’s coping. Her parents are here. That helps. And she said to thank you for the food and the flowers.”

  Blair nodded. She didn’t even ask about his involvement with Stacey. There was no need. Lucas would always be there for his friends.

  She smoothed a wrinkle on her dress. She’d waited all night for Lucas and now that he was here she didn’t know what to say. So she decided to tell him the simple truth. “I went out and bought this dress.” She lifted the broken strap. “Now it’s ruined—like the evening. I had such big plans for us.”

  “Me, too,” he said quietly.

  Her eyes met his. “But now things are…different.”

  “Yes, they’re different.” They didn’t have to say anything else; both knew they had come to an impasse in their relationship. Blair needed time. Lucas needed to understand—and he was trying.

  Blair tried to figure out these new feelings she’d begun to experience. “I’ve been leaning and depending on you like I’d been leaning and depending on Roger. I can’t do that anymore. I have to stand on my own and now I can. I have to make it on my own—without guns, without fear, without help.”

  That didn’t diminish what she felt for Lucas. It was as real as anything she’d ever felt. But was it just the result of circumstances they’d found themselves in or was it something more? She didn’t know, but she had to find out. And the only way to do that was to… Oh God, did she have the strength to walk away from Lucas?

  Sensing her turmoil, he gently tucked her hair behind her ear. “I understand.”

  She knew he would. That was the kind of man he was.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you that night you told me about Ava’s secret.” Lucas had to tell her that. He wanted her to know he’d been wrong.

  She shook her head. “I should have come to you immediately and—”

  “Don’t make excuses for my behavior. I have this fault of believing that people in my life should be perfect. But, hell, I’m not perfect, so what gives me the right to judge others?”

  He was perfect, but she wouldn’t tell him that. She loved him, but she wouldn’t tell him that, either. The time wasn’t right and she began to wonder if it ever would be.

  “Where do we go from here?” she asked.

  Lucas stood up and felt a pain in his chest. “Well, for starters, I’m taking you to your parents’ house—just in case Roger makes bail.”

  She also stood. “My parents are accompanying Blake to London. They want me to go, too.”

  He took a quick breath. “You should,” he said. “Get away from Houston and everything that’s happened. It’ll do you good.”

  Will it?

  As soon as he said the words, he wanted to take them back. But he didn’t. Because he wanted what was best for her.

  The drive to the Logan mansion was made in silence. Lucas killed the engine in the driveway and turned to her. He didn’t know what to say. All he felt was his heart breaking.

  “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Thanks for all you’ve done for me and my family.”

  He tried to swallow the blockage in his throat. “Have a good time in London and enjoy yourself.”

  I don’t think I can without you.

  “I’ll try,” was what she said.

  “Lucas?”

  “Hmm?”

  She leaned over and placed her lips gently against his. The moment she touched him, the fire of their emotions took over. He kissed her deeply and for a moment they were lost in each other. Finally he rested his forehead against hers.

  Please don’t go, he wanted to say but didn’t. He couldn’t. Her emotions were in turmoil and if they were meant to be together, she’d find her way back to him. She slowly got out. Lucas waited until she’d entered the house, then drove away. Love hurt like hell, he decided. Jacob had never told him that. Hell, Jacob didn’t have to tell him that. He knew. That was why he’d avoided it for so many years. But he also knew, finally, what real love was all about. It was letting go, thinking of the other person more than you thought of yourself, and feeling a selflessness that burned all the way to your heart.

  FALL ARRIVED with cooler temperatures, football games and the holidays. Lucas resigned from Harris and Harris. Clive and George talked and talked, trying to get him to change his mind. They raised his salary and his bonus, but still Lucas refused to stay. It wasn’t about money. That restlessness he’d felt in the spring was back, and he now realized what it was. Not restlessness. Emptiness. Blair had filled it over the summer and with her gone, it was worse than ever. He had to get away. He had to get out of Houston.

  Derek, Frank and Theo came to see him. They said they’d talked to Sam, and the offer was still on the table. Lucas declined. He wasn’t making any career decisions in his present mood. He had to clear his head. He had to have peace and quiet. And he knew exactly where to find that. He packed his clothes and headed off to see Jacob, Miranda and the kids.

  Lucas hadn’t talked to Blair, but Tim Mayer called and said Blair wouldn’t press charges against Roger if he got psychiatric help. That sounded just like her. Compassionate. He knew, too, that she wanted to put all the heartache behind her. Lucas just hoped she didn’t leave him behind, as well.

  Over the next few weeks, Lucas was up before daylight helping Jacob and the ranch hands. He hauled hay to feed cattle, fixed fence, cleared brush and did every other menial ranch chore known to man. He worked until his hands were callused and his muscles ached.

  And Jacob laughed at him. Just like when they were kids, teasing and joking companionably. Jacob had always worked with his muscles and Lucas with his mind. Now Lucas understood why Jacob needed to work hard. It exhausted the body as well as the mind. And Lucas needed that, too. As he needed Jacob and his family.

  He and Jacob talked a lot. They talked about Roger; Jacob said that after Roger’s wife left him and took their kids to Colorado, Roger hadn’t been the same. But he didn’t understand how Roger could do something like that to Blair. Lucas didn’t, either, and as always his thoughts returned to her.

  The times he spent with the kids were his favorite. He wrestled, played ball and rode horses with the boys. He dressed dolls and drank tea from tiny cups with two-and-a-half-year-old Lizzie and he rocked nine-month-old Gracie to sleep when she was fussy. There was so much warmth and love in Jacob’s house that he never wanted to leave.

  Except when he thought about Blair.

  He wondered what she was doing. Was she enjoying herself? Had she finally found that elusive happiness? There were doubts in his mind and he knew why. He wanted her to find that happiness with him. Now all he could do was wait.

  THANKSGIVING WAS a big affair in the Culver house. Miranda’s whole family came, plus Blackhawk and Maria, the ranch foreman and his wife. Even Howard showed up. The house smelled of pumpkin, cinnamon and apples. Miranda had worked hard to make the day special; Lucas knew these times meant a lot to her. The kids were on their best behavior. Jacob carved the big turkey an
d everyone was absorbed in conversation.

  But Lucas was absorbed in his memories of Blair.

  That afternoon Howard told him that he’d heard from Ava, and everyone was having a good time, especially Blair and Blake. Ava said they were like kids again—laughing and plotting with their dark heads together. He added that Blake even got Blair to dance around a fountain in a town square.

  That vision stayed with Lucas the rest of the day. Blair was happy. She was dancing—without him.

  Later that evening, after everyone had left, Lucas sat in a rocker holding Gracie in one arm and Lizzie in the other. The three boys hovered around his chair and Bandit, now an elderly dog, lay at Jacob’s feet. Jacob and Miranda sat on the sofa—close together. Jacob’s arm was around her shoulder and he played idly with her hair. Miranda’s hand gently caressed Jacob’s thigh. Lucas noticed Jacob catching her hand with that “later” look in his eyes. Lucas suddenly recognized that he wanted the same closeness, the same love that Jacob and Miranda shared. He was through nursing his wounded pride. He knew what he had to do.

  “Why you look so sad, Uncle Lucas?” six-year-old Jake asked.

  “Because he has a broken heart.” Jacob smiled at his brother.

  “Oh, does it hurt?” five-year-old Daniel wanted to know.

  Before Lucas could answer, four-year-old Ben jumped up. “I know, I know,” he shouted and ran into the kitchen. They could hear him rummaging in drawers.

  “One of us should go see what he’s doing,” Miranda said to Jacob.

  “Let him surprise us,” was Jacob’s response.

  Bandit grunted, got lazily to his feet and trotted into the kitchen. Clearly he was making sure that Ben was all right.

  Jacob laughed. “See, we don’t have to worry. Bandit’s on duty.”

  In a moment, Ben and Bandit were back. Ben handed Lucas a tube of glue. “Daddy fixes all my broken toys with that. It fixes everything.”

  As Lucas took the glue, he had to suppress a burst of laughter—as did Jacob and Miranda.

  “Glue can’t fix hearts,” little Jake told him indignantly.

  “Why not?” Ben demanded.

  Jacob reached out and pulled Ben onto his lap. “Son, I was just teasing your uncle. He’s fine—just fine. Aren’t you?” Jacob glanced at Lucas.

  Lucas shot Jacob a sneaky glance, wanting to pay him back, but he knew it would only confuse Ben more. “I’m fine, Ben,” he said with a genuine smile.

  “Luv yu, Unk ’ucas,” Lizzie murmured sleepily against him, and Lucas felt his heart swell with so much love, so much happiness—but it wasn’t complete. Not yet.

  “Time for baths and bed,” Miranda said, getting to her feet.

  “Ah, Momma,” Jake complained.

  “Son,” was all Jacob had to say and Jake quickly acquiesced. The three boys gave Lucas and Jacob quick kisses and dashed up the stairs. Bandit followed slowly.

  “I’ll bring the girls,” Jacob said.

  Miranda reached down to kiss him. “And don’t forget yourself,” she murmured wickedly.

  Jacob cupped her face and kissed her, too. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “You, Jacob Culver, I never worry about,” Miranda said. She turned to Lucas and kissed the top of his head. “Good night, Lucas.”

  Lucas smiled at her. She wore a white cashmere sweater and a long maroon print skirt that whispered around her ankles. She was beautiful—inside and out. “Thanks for the wonderful day,” he said. “I’m sorry I was such lousy company.”

  “And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you really wanted,” she replied, then added, “Don’t let your Culver pride keep you from going after what you want.”

  “She’s the one who left,” Lucas said more sharply than he’d intended, and he immediately apologized. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” He understood that Blair had needed time, but he’d been hoping for a postcard, a phone call—something. As each day passed, the gulf between them seemed to grow.

  Miranda kissed each of her daughters and gazed into Lucas’s hurt eyes. “You Culver men are so stubborn.” She kissed his cheek and hurried after her sons.

  “She’s right,” Jacob said.

  “I know,” Lucas admitted. “I’m through fighting it. I’m leaving in the morning.” He’d given Blair time and now he had to see her. He couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Going to see Blair?”

  “Yes.”

  “Took you long enough.”

  BLAIR FELT renewed in spirit, body and soul. She was thoroughly enjoying this time with Blake and her parents. The nightmare was finally over. They’d all made mistakes and learned from them. Now they were free—free to live again.

  But she missed Lucas.

  They stayed in a small hotel not far from Blake’s flat. Blake showed them where he worked and lived. Blake and Sam were talking, getting to know each other. Ava didn’t interfere and Blair was proud of her for that. While Blake and Sam spent their days together, Ava and Blair went to the theater and the ballet. They visited Buckingham Palace and saw the changing of the guard. They toured castles and all the quaint little places that were steeped in history and tradition.

  But she missed Lucas.

  Blair found the food atrocious—except for the many Indian restaurants—and the people friendly and reserved, but the city was ageless. The centuries had left their mark and it was awe-inspiring to gaze at the achievements of generations past.

  But she missed Lucas.

  He was present in every minute of her day, and she looked for him everywhere. She’d see a tall man with dark hair and think it was him. She’d hear a manly laugh and she’d think of him. She’d see a couple embracing and she’d think of him.

  She tried to figure out what she was feeling, but she knew. She’d known all along. She loved him, and it wasn’t because of circumstance or the trial or what she’d been through. Her feelings were true and they came straight from the heart. It was clear to her now. Even though she missed Lucas, she didn’t regret these weeks away. She’d needed this distance from her real life. But now all she needed was Lucas.

  She bought a ticket home and no one tried to dissuade her. She was flying back to Lucas. She had to tell him how she felt—had felt for a long time—and she hoped he wanted to hear what she had to say.

  She knew all the rumors about Lucas and other women, and the thought crossed her mind that he could be dating someone else by now. But in her heart she knew that he wasn’t. She didn’t know where she got such confidence, but she knew Lucas. He believed in truth and honesty, and what they had shared was special. That was the truth.

  I’m coming home, Lucas.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  THE FIRST THING Lucas did when he got to Houston was buy a ticket to London, but the flight wasn’t until the next day, so he collected his mail and went over to his house. Joan had been watching things while he was away. When Lucas resigned from Harris and Harris, Joan retired to stay home with her family. She was a good friend, and Lucas was going to miss her.

  Lucas sorted through his mail. He had a letter from Stacey; she and the kids were in Arizona with her family, and she said they were planning to stay. She thanked Lucas for his help and support.

  Restless, he started to check his messages, then didn’t bother. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but Blair. He slipped on a pair of jogging pants and went for a run. The exhaustion didn’t help; he still wanted to see Blair. He wanted to see her so badly he ached. Tomorrow seemed so far away.

  He took a shower and plopped down on the sofa. Again he noticed the blinking red light on his answering machine and ignored it. Then he thought that one of those calls was probably from Jacob or Miranda, ensuring that he’d made it home okay. They’d put up with his shifting moods for weeks, so the least he could do was call them back.

  He got up and pressed the button. A barrage of messages came on, from friends and colleagues. He lay back on the sofa listening, but the last message had him sit
ting up straight. He knew that voice.

  “Lucas, it’s Blair—just wanted to let you know I’m back.”

  Jumping up, he listened for more, but that was it. He grabbed the phone and dialed her apartment—no answer. He called the Logan house. The maid said they were still in London and she hadn’t heard from Blair.

  “Where are you, Blair?” he asked out loud. “Where are you?”

  The room didn’t answer.

  He changed quickly into jeans, a long-sleeved green shirt and put on his leather jacket. He didn’t know where she was, but he was determined to find her. He got into his vehicle, still reflecting. She wasn’t at her apartment or at her parents’. So where could she be?

  God, Blair, why didn’t you say something more—anything? Okay. He calmed down. He could find her. He just had to think. If she wasn’t at the two most obvious places, where could she be? Where— Of course! His hand hit the steering wheel. The farm—her favorite place. He backed out of the driveway and headed for the 610 Loop.

  Soon he was turning off the freeway onto country roads, relying on memory. Then he found the entrance and his heart started to beat a little faster. When he saw the farmhouse, he drove around back and there was her car. He smiled and felt a sense of relief unlike any he’d ever felt before. She was here. Thank God, she was here.

  As he opened the back door, he heard classical music. He walked through the kitchen and stopped abruptly when he saw her. She wore black stretch pants and a white long-sleeved sweater. Her hair was longer and fell disheveled to her shoulders. A fire roared in the fireplace, and a quilt and a pillow lay on the floor in front of it.

  In a second, he took all of this in, but his eyes were riveted on her. She danced around the living room in sure, graceful movements, her feet bare. Her face was enraptured and his heart pounded so fast he could barely breathe. She was so beautiful—so everything he wanted in a woman.

  She pirouetted and came to a complete stop when she saw him. With a hand to her chest, she breathed, “Lucas.”

  Blair had waited weeks for this moment, and now that Lucas was here all she could do was stare at him. He looked wonderful. His dark hair curled into the collar of his leather jacket and his jeans molded his long legs, but her eyes were on his face and his smoldering eyes. God, she loved him. How could she ever have thought it was anything else?