Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

“No,” she giggled.

  “Because your ass is spectacular. Let’s say they wanted Sandra Bullock to do a shower scene, and she had a thing about showing her ass… you could totally fill in for her.”

  “I hear she does her own ass work.”

  “Well, if she ever stops…”

  Resting her head on the mattress, she smiled widely.

  He shook his head in admiration. “It’s really breathtaking… But wait—that’s interesting.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “I’m not 100 percent sure, but your parts look like they might be a little too close together. Has your primary care doctor or gynecologist ever mentioned anything about—”

  “No!” she shrieked loudly breaking into a laugh.

  “Well, maybe you should have that checked out next time you’re, uh—”

  “Are you done yet?” she interrupted.

  “Not even close. Has anyone ever spent any real quality time getting to know you back here?”

  “No. No one has.” She wiggled her hips, then turned on her side, looking back at him.

  “Please be still. I’m not done with you yet.” He frowned.

  “You’re not?”

  “Nope.” He ran his hands slowly up her thighs then massaged the cheeks of her rear. She settled back down flat, melting with his touch.

  “That feels really good.” She purred.

  “So you really don’t know if incorporating any of this type of… play into your activities is something that you might be interested in at all?”

  She replied softly, unconvincingly, “I already know that it’s not something that I’d be—”

  The second his lips touched the back of her knee, she stopped talking. After placing a gentle kiss there, he pulled up. “You smell amazing. What is that?”

  “It’s a body wash called Moonlight Path. I took a shower this morning while you were still unconscious.”

  Drinking in her scent, he crawled up her body, kissing along the back of her thigh. “That’s a great name, since that just happens to be the path I’m on next.”

  She picked her head up from the mattress, thinking. Once she finally got his moon reference, she smiled and lay her head back down.

  He leaned in and gently kissed her right ass cheek near her hip, and a bolt of electricity shot through her body. She shuddered a bit. “That tickles.”

  He said slowly, “Have you…” then gently kissed her left cheek, “ever wondered…” then back to the right, a little closer to her cleft, “what it might be…” then left again, still closer, “…like to have…” then right, still closer to her sensitive crease.

  Jillian closed her eyes, opened her mouth in pure ecstasy as she gripped the comforter with both hands, and lifted her hips off the bed toward him.

  He kissed her more gently just on the inside of her cheek. “…someone kiss you…” He moved to the other side, and his lips barely touched her as he finished with, “…here?”

  She exhaled deeply with her rear end raised up slightly more off the bed. Lifting his head, he took in the sight of her. Her closed eyes, open mouth and her intense grip on the comforter made it clear she was thoroughly enjoying his attention.

  He asked, “Have you?”

  She said slowly in the sexiest voice ever, “No, that’s… not, uh… Should you really be doing that?”

  His eyes traveled down her body, stopping at her hips, which still held her position, seemingly begging for his kiss. “I could literally stare at you for hours like this.”

  She replied softly and as if she didn’t believe it at all, “Then there’s something wrong with you.”

  He moved his head back to her. Jillian’s pulse quickened as he kissed her again on either side of her sensitive bottom. The tingles flowed all over her body with each gentle brushing of his lips.

  Tilting his chin up, he whispered, “If you don’t like this, maybe I should stop.”

  “Don’t you dare.”

  Brian spent the next twenty minutes pampering Jillian and giving her an experience she would use later to expand Chapter nineteen. After that, they attempted to move onto activities they had just discussed, specifically Natalie’s favorite act, and it didn’t go well at all. Inexperience, nervousness, incorrect angling, and quite possibly improper preparation all led to a mini-disaster. Following the failed endeavor, they bathed together, and then returned to the bedroom and activities that were a little more in their comfort zone. As they relaxed in bed, glowing in postcoital ecstasy, they both agreed, that sometimes you just gotta stick with what works. Well, at least until they knew each other a little better at least.

  They didn’t hit a single tennis ball that weekend, but Brian did read the first draft of the unfinished novel. Jillian had written just up to the point where Brice left to return to college at the end of Spring Break.

  Early on Sunday, Jillian walked Brian to his car. He wore the same outfit as when he arrived. They stood together by his open door, him not wanting to leave and her not wanting to let him go. He frowned. “I probably should have brought my books then I could have stayed a little later… Some clothes would have been nice, too, a toothbrush, even… anything, really.”

  She smiled. “I was thinking of coming to Atlanta the first week of April.”

  “I’ve got exams coming up, but I can drive down some weekend.” He added slowly with his eyes bugged out, “It’s. Only. Nine. Hours.”

  They shared a chuckle. Widening his eyes, he gave her a suggestive look. “Maybe when I come back, we can not play tennis again. This is so much more fun.”

  39

  For the next two months, Jillian and Brian saw each other only four times. Twice he flew into Miami, and twice she made her way to Atlanta, where they spent the weekend at a hotel ordering room service, playing a little tennis, and spending a lot of time in bed. Falling for him, she thought about what might happen after he graduated—about how they should probably stop seeing each other soon. There were a million issues such as the age difference, Rob, and the fact that Brian had a job a thousand miles away from her. Any of these could force them to end it, anyway— collectively it was a steep mountain to climb. But the more time she spent with him, the harder it became to talk to him about it all. She decided she would see him once more after graduation, and that would be the end of their relationship.

  Reflecting on her failed marriage to George, Jillian considered all the things she might have done differently. During one quiet evening, she called her ex-husband for the first time since the divorce. She told him that she didn’t hold him completely responsible for their breakup, admitting that part of it was her fault, saying that back then, she knew they were growing apart, and yet she did nothing to try to stop it. She told him she still thought he was an ass for cheating on her at the house, but she just wanted him to know that she shared some of the blame.

  Two weeks before graduation, she had a surprise for Brian. She instructed him to go to the Atlanta airport on Friday morning and pick up a ticket for a flight. She would fly out from Miami and meet him at their destination airport. After informing him that he would return on a flight Sunday afternoon, she provided no other details.

  Jillian’s plane landed in Phoenix an hour late, so Brian met her at the gate. She had arranged that a driver from a car service would be waiting to take them to Scottsdale in a black town car. As they approached the resort, Brian recognized it from an article he’d read on tennis resort vacations.

  Staring out at the hotel, he beamed. “No way, we’re staying at the Phoenician?”

  “I booked the Center Court Tennis Package.”

  “They have that Wimbledon Championship grass court. I read about it. I always wanted to play on grass.”

  The car dropped them off, and as they rushed to the front desk with their carry-on bags, she said, “I could only get the court today at four. It was booked up the rest of the weekend.”

  Brian checked the time on his phone. “We have ten minut
es. If we change quickly, we can make it.”

  After checking in, they hurried to the room, arriving exactly at four. Once inside, they placed their bags on the bed, opened them, and began frantically pulling off clothing.

  “I’m going to beat you on grass,” he quipped as he pulled off his shirt. “I’ll be diving all over the court, and I won’t get a scratch. You won’t be able to pass me.”

  She scoffed. “You will be on the grass a lot. But you’ll be looking behind you at the ball.”

  She was down to just her panties, and he was in only boxer briefs when he made the critical mistake of looking at her. There she stood, tossing items from her suitcase, in search of her sports bra, with her gorgeous, uncovered breasts just steps away from him. Standing frozen, breathlessly watching her, he didn’t make any attempt to find his clothes.

  She located the bra. “Found it.”

  As she prepared to put it on, she noticed him staring and not getting dressed. Glancing at Brian in his underwear, she was sidetracked a little herself. “What are you—”

  Before she could get the question out, he rushed to her, wrapped his arms around her, and their mouths flew open wide as they kissed.

  Almost an hour later, Jillian rested blissfully with her head on Brian’s stomach, as she lay perpendicular to him, gazing up at his face. “That was amazing.”

  “I might have been able to make it to the court if you’d found your bra quicker. I saw your, uh, and I couldn’t—”

  “I thought about wearing it on the plane.”

  Nodding in agreement, he smiled at her. “You know, it was pretty presumptuous of you to think you could just whisk me away to this fancy hotel and rush me right out to the court. I’m not your tennis whore, you know. I need to be wined and dined and… other things… first.”

  She bit her lip, fighting back a laugh. “Well, you got your other things.”

  “Yeah, but you didn’t plan it that way. Sometimes I think you take me for granted.” He looked away from her, mock-standoffishly.

  After pausing a moment, she started, “Maybe…” She covered her mouth to stop a laugh and cleared her throat to compose herself. “Maybe I’ll buy you something really nice later. Will that—”

  “Like what?” He looked back at her, unconvinced.

  Flipping over, she slid next to him with her head on his chest. “How about something new to wear on the court? A new pair of shorts, maybe?”

  He gave her a pursed lip nod as if that wasn’t going to cut it. She kissed his chest and then looked at him. “We could have a light dinner first…” She kissed her way up to his neck. “Then maybe you could put on your new shorts, and we could go to one of the tennis courts.” After kissing him on the lips, she added, “… not the grass court, but one of the others, and then we could just see what happens.”

  “Okay,” he grumbled.

  They both held serious faces for a moment, but then became all smiles. She grinned. “When did you come up with this bit?”

  “In the lobby. I was going to use it on the court, but it worked here, too, with a new opening. It was killing me to wait… It was a play on the whole thing. You know, if I was the woman, and you were the man and—”

  “No, I get it, very clever.” She shot him an arrogant look. “I think I played my part well.”

  “Oh, yeah, you were great. Do you think if people heard us, with our constant pseudo-sexual-slash-tennis banter, they would want to kill us?”

  “Definitely. After five minutes, they would beat us to death with our own racquets,” she replied with a casual nod.

  “Personally, I love us,” he said a little sarcastically.

  “Oh, so do I. We are a lot of fun.”

  He looked at her with a grin. “So, can I get those shorts now?”

  Rolling her eyes, she pushed away from him and slipped out of bed. He tilted his head, and with his gaze glued to her shapely naked ass, he watched her disappear into the bathroom.

  Jillian called her editor, who somehow pulled the right string and was able to secure a special after hours slot on the grass court for them the next day. The blissfully, happy couple had a great match that he, in fact, did win. They spent the rest of the time eating, drinking, playing tennis on the hard courts, and having amazing sex.

  Jillian’s plane was scheduled to depart before Brian’s, so he waited with her at her gate. When her section was called to board, they shared a long goodbye kiss. Afterward, she pulled away, gazed into his eyes and smiled. “I have a big thing planned for you for after graduation. I can’t wait… I’ve been working on it for weeks.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he gave her an intrigued look. “Don’t ruin it… I can stay until June 6th. I don’t have to report to the bank until Tuesday now.”

  Her smile faded a little when she was reminded they would see each other for only a week before he had to start work. Together they walked to the empty gate. After handing her ticket to the agent, she turned to him with her smile only a faint memory. “Goodbye.”

  He gave her a quick kiss and smiled. “Hey, when you finally finish the book, e-mail me the last chapters. I’m dying to find out how it ends.”

  Nodding slightly with her expression unreadable, she turned and then rushed away before he could see her tears. As she walked into the tunnel, she softly said, “Me, too.”

  As her plane took off, Jillian fought to hold back her emotions while thinking about Brian and their fabulous weekend together. She stared blankly out the window as the jet soared through the wispy clouds set against the backdrop of the azure blue sky. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. She shook her head with determination then grabbed her computer from her bag. Opening her laptop, she typed the ending to their story with the tears sliding down her cheeks.

  40

  At the graduation for the Georgia State University Class of 2011, Jillian had two men to be proud of, her son, for whom she could openly celebrate, and Brian, for whom she had to cheer secretly. She saw Brian alone for only a few minutes during the couple of days she was in Atlanta. Brian’s parents and younger brother, Jim, also attended, and the two families went to dinner together after the ceremony. Outside the restroom, Jillian and Brian shared some words and a quick kiss, but only on the cheek, which was within the F.W.P.B. rules. Back at the table, Jillian proposed a toast, which she prepared for the two new graduates.

  She smiled. “I’m so proud of you, Rob. You’ve grown into a responsible, caring, and motivated young man, and Brian, although, I’ve only known you a couple of months, I feel, um…” She began to get choked up and her lip quivered as everyone at the table looked on. They all appeared touched by her emotion. After taking a sip of water, she started again, “Sorry. My baby boy is now a college graduate and it… um… I can’t explain it…”

  Rob rolled his eyes, and Laura squeezed his knee under the table.

  Jillian sniffled. “Anyway, good luck to you both, and I kind of stole this off the Internet, so don’t hate me… I’m a writer, and I should be able to come up with this stuff on my own, but this was so good I had to use it.”

  She held the note card with one hand and her wineglass in the other as everyone lifted his or her glass. “I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your imagination, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart…” She covered her mouth for a moment then struggled to finish. “… has ever longed… for.”

  Both of Brian’s parents and his brother were tearing up a little, along with Jillian, Laura, and even Jillian’s cheating bastard of an ex-husband, George. They lifted their glasses, all said cheers, and took a sip.

  After pausing to collect herself a bit, she added, “I did change, like, three words in that, it was pretty perfect already, but I kind of had to make it my own.”

  Jillian and Brian shared a glance and a knowing smile. She noticed that he seemed to be fighting back his own tears. She wondered how much of her emotional reac
tion to this graduation she could attribute to her son growing up versus her coming to terms with the likely end of her relationship with Brian. She already felt bad enough and decided that was an area best left unexplored. She felt horrible that she had put herself in this position to begin with. But she thought if she could go back, she wouldn’t have changed a thing.

  With all that was going on, Jillian and Brian didn’t get a chance to spend much time together that night either. The next day, as Brian drove back to Delaware with his parents, Jillian returned to Miami with her son.

  41

  A week later, Jillian picked up Brian from the airport. On the way to her house, they spoke about how she had sent Rob and Laura on the longest cruise she could find. Discovering an eleven-day cruise to the Caribbean, which set sail on the exact day of Brian’s arrival, was a blessing for her, if not one hell of a graduation gift for her son. Neither said much else during the short drive, although Jillian did comment on the mustache that Brian had grown since graduation. It looked ridiculous on him, but she told him she liked it. She reminded him that she had that belated graduation present for him, and he told her he had a surprise for her, as well.

  When they arrived back at the house, they went up to the bedroom. After tossing his bag on the floor, he grabbed her. “I missed you.”

  They kissed, and it grew heated as they began groping each other as if they hadn’t seen each other in months. Placing her hands on his chest, she pulled back from him a little, flustered. “Me, too, but, uh, let’s save this for later, after my surprise.”

  “Yeah, I’d like to wait until later also.” He widened his eyes as he took a step back from her, trying to regain his composure.

  She shrugged. “So, what should we do?”

  After sharing a knowing look, he grinned. “Do you want to hit some?”

  She ripped her shirt off, as did he…

  It was late in the day and the sun was blaring onto the court at an annoying angle. They both wore sunglasses to fight it off, especially while serving. Jillian won the first set, and Brian took the second. The third set was tied six-all, and they went into a tiebreak.