Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

  “Yeah.”

  “So, maybe if you were sexually active when you were, like, twelve, which for both our sakes, I’m hoping you weren’t.”

  She looked at him, confused. “What do you mean? I’m not a math expert or anything, but aren’t you only twenty-one?”

  He scoffed. “I turned twenty-six in January.”

  After trying to process this, she shook her head. “You and Rob both got fake IDs together.”

  “We did… I really didn’t need it,” he said sheepishly.

  She shook her head, even more confused.

  “Wait, I can explain. I have a late birthday, and I was held back a year because of some learning delay. After high school, I kind of fooled around a little before I started college.”

  She still didn’t appear satisfied, so he added, “Look, I was a twenty-two-year-old freshman, and I didn’t want anyone to think I was a giant loser, so I kinda lied about my age.”

  “And the fake ID?” she asked.

  “Just part of the cover-up.”

  She said, “You have to be the only person on the planet with a fake ID that says he’s younger.”

  After conceding with his eyes that it was completely ridiculous, he lifted his hands and opened his palms to her. “So, I’m, like, thirteen years younger. If you round it down, it’s, like, ten.”

  Smiling at him, she seemed to warm to the idea a little. “But what about Rob? Do you think he would be scarred for life, or anything?”

  “Don’t you think he’ll be a little more than understanding, since he had sex with Natalie and pretty much stole her away from me behind my back? I mean, what could he say?”

  She fell back in her chair, shocked. “Rob slept with Natalie? ‘Leg thing’ Natalie?” Turning her head toward him, she stared, gape-mouthed.

  “He didn’t tell you that?”

  “No, I’m learning all kinds of things today.” She looked off toward the pool, trying to take it all in. Returning her gaze to Brian, she made a sour face. “‘Technical virgin’ Natalie?”

  He nodded, and they sat together, staring at the pool for an awkward moment.

  He turned to her. “Wait, did you give me an… Did you answer my question?”

  “Um…” She met his gaze, sucking her lower lip between her teeth. “Sorry, I was just… I think I—”

  “Wait, I know.” He put on a bright smile. “How about I play you for it tomorrow? I win, and you marry me. You win, and I’ll just be your sex slave for, like, the next fifty years or so.”

  “Either way, that sounds like you win.” After pondering letting fate or their tennis skills decide, her worry melted away into a smile. “Okay, I’ll take that bet, but only if you shave the mustache first.”

  Moving to her chair, he leaned over and kissed her.

  The kiss lasted only a moment before she turned away, giggling. “Could you shave it now? It’s just…” She rubbed the top of her lip, trying not to laugh.

  He pulled back from her rolling his eyes. “All right.”

  44

  Over at the Wilde residence, Victoria and her hunky neighbor, John, were making out furiously on the sofa. Controlling herself perfectly during dinner, Victoria didn’t think about sex at all until she was about to serve dessert. That’s when she found out that John was the head football coach at the university. He invited her to visit his office on campus. When she discovered his office connected to the locker room, she daydreamed about being there and walking through the locker room filled with naked, muscular football players. This completely knocked her off the wagon, and at her suggestion, he agreed to skip dessert. They moved to the sofa, and moments later, they were kissing.

  They were fully clothed, but she was stroking his penis through his pants while his hands were all over her ass. After taking hold of his zipper, she exhaled deeply; reconsidering for a moment, then pulled her hands back and scooted away.

  He looked at her breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”

  “I promised myself I would take it slow.”

  “You’re right. You’re right. This is moving too fast. I’m still getting over my divorce and everything—but you are so gorgeous.”

  “I’m so attracted to you, too.” After standing, she moved a safe distance away to a chair across the coffee table from him.

  Her eyes locked on the still-evident bulge in his pants.

  Following her gaze, he gave her a sorrowful look. “Sorry about that. I… it’s been a while for me, and I… uh…”

  “God you’re so… I hate to leave you like this.”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ll… Really, I’ll be okay.”

  She paused a moment with her mind racing. “What if we could take it slow, but not? I mean, not leave here unsatisfied.”

  He looked at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “I have a friend who told me about this thing she… uh… they called it friends with… limited benefits, or something like that.”

  Looking at her, intrigued, he adjusted his still-crowded pants. “That sounds interesting.”

  “She was attracted to this younger guy. He’s her son’s best friend, and they didn’t want to have sex, so they came up with this idea.”

  “What happened?”

  “They were naked out in the pool and almost got caught by her son,” she said casually.

  “So skinny dipping is allowed?”

  “It’s within the rules.” After pausing a moment to think, she frowned. “Oh, but we already broke one of the rules—no kissing.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “But we haven’t done anything else, so maybe we could just not kiss any more… for now. What are the other rules?”

  She smiled as she went through them matter-of-factly. “No sex, of course… No mouth kissing, no kissing of parts…” She opened her eyes wide as he looked at her, a little baffled. To clarify, she pointed to her breasts and crotch. “No fun parts.”

  After his facial expression morphed into one of understanding, he nodded in agreement. “Well, that makes sense.”

  “No touching those same parts, and uh, no telling anyone about friends with limited benefits.”

  He looked away, smiling, and then back to her, puzzled. “If you can’t tell anyone, then how did you find out?”

  “She told me. That last rule is more of a guideline.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Should we maybe try it?” She smiled at him, waiting for his reply.

  “I think we should. Do you want to go skinny dipping?”

  “No, not really.” She looked at him hesitantly. “What were you going to do when you got home?”

  “Go to sleep, I guess.”

  “You weren’t going to do… anything before that?” She stared down with a sultry gaze at his still semi-bulging groin.

  Looking down at his crotch, he smiled. “Oh, maybe if I couldn’t sleep, I, uh…”

  She gave him a skeptical look. “Just maybe?”

  He exhaled deeply and then smiled. “Well as soon as we stopped kissing all I could think of, was running home and jerking off while I thought about you. You are so beautiful and sexy. If you must know, I was going to do it as soon as I got into the house.”

  She grinned at him. “I was planning on doing the same.” After bringing her finger to her lips, she widened her eyes. “Since we were going to do it anyway, why not do it here, in front of each other?”

  He looked at her, obviously contemplating, with his mouth open as he adjusted his penis in his pants once again. “Do you think we’ll be able to—”

  “I promise I can control myself. I won’t touch you or break any of the rules.”

  “I can control myself, as long as you stay over there.”

  “Okay, great.” After spreading her legs, she brought a hand to her knee and touched it seductively.

  He exhaled deeply as he squeezed his bulge through his pants. “So are we just going to do it? I mean, should I just…?”

  She licked her lips
then slumped down in the chair as she lifted the short black dress up and folded it to her waist.

  His eyes locked on what her nonexistent panties should have been covering. He grinned. “You were planning on taking it slow, but you didn’t wear underwear?”

  “I had them on, but I got so wet during dinner that I took them off.”

  “Oh.” Exhaling deeply, he quickly unbuttoned his pants, unzipped them, and unveiled his prize. She ran her finger slowly between her legs as she hungrily eyed him.

  “You’re so big.”

  “Are you really wet?”

  “Soaked.” After letting out a soft moan, she ran her tongue seductively around her lips.

  “My dick is so hard.” He stroked it up and down slowly. “You are so hot.”

  Lifting her legs up on the arms of the chair, she spread them wide. Her ass cheeks, fully exposed to him, curved down deliciously. He stared at her, mesmerized, as he continued to touch himself. Stopping, he squeezed the base of his cock wearing an expression that said he was about to come. “You have such a beautiful body, and your pussy is gorgeous.”

  She closed her eyes, imagining that John was tonguing her and whispered, “Thanks.” With her fingers still busy, she opened her eyes and looked at his erection. After sighing, she held her hand still. “These rules they are…”

  “What about them?”

  “They’re not like official rules, or anything. There’s no reason why we can’t change them a little or make up our own rules.”

  “That makes sense. They are a little restrictive.” He nodded wholeheartedly.

  “I know, aren’t they?”

  They both gazed at each other’s parts with open mouths. He shook his head with a grimace. “If you ask me, all these rules are kind of stupid, in fact. What did you have in mind?”

  “What if we just had oral sex?” She raised an eyebrow. “We wouldn’t go all the way, but we could…” Her words trailed away as she dipped a finger deeper between her legs.

  He exhaled sharply and he narrowed his eyes. “What was that?”

  “Oral sex—we could do just that. What do you think?”

  “Oh.” He nodded as a big smile spread over his face. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  Popping up out of his seat, he rushed over to her. He got between her legs and gazed at her for a moment. She held her breath as his mouth slowly lowered to her. As John pressed his tongue gently into her folds, Victoria threw her head back and moaned. Blindly she reached her hand out and ran it through his hair before pulling his head closer into her. He obviously got the message and stepped it up a notch plunging his tongue into her harder and licking her feverously. Her eyelids fluttered away dreamily and she gasped.

  Just as John came up for air, Jillian and Brian stood together in the master bathroom. She sat on the edge of her large soaking tub as he looked over at her with shaving cream covering his upper lip. “Can we do it with you in that deviant leg derriere thing position tonight?”

  She didn’t bother correcting him but frowned. “That really hurts. I don’t think so.” Giving her a disappointed look, he turned to the mirror and began to shave his pathetic mustache.

  She gave him a hopeful smile. “But I could get into the arabesque position, and we could give that a try.”

  He rinsed and dried his face and then pondered that while he met her gaze as she looked at him through the mirror. Turning to her, he smiled. “I have no idea what that is, but it sounds hot.”

  She popped to her feet, grinning. He tossed the towel on the sink and met her in the middle of the bathroom. There, they kissed; it was a long, deep kiss. Pulling back from him, she rubbed her finger gently over his smooth upper lip and smiled. “Much better.”

  They kissed again. With the heat rising between them, he ran his hands down to her ass and scooped her off the floor. Still locked in a kiss, she wrapped her legs around him. He turned and slowly headed to the bedroom.

  Their sex that night was extraordinary and a lot like the McEnroe-Borg Wimbledon tiebreak; lots of sweating, long rallies and heavy breathing, and it went on and on for what seemed like forever. This time, though, there were two winners.

  THE END…

  I hope you enjoyed this first installment in the seven-book Friends with Benefits series. I hope you’ll follow the continuing story of these fun and sexy characters in FRIENDS WITH FULL BENEFITS (The full second book is included below the author’s note).

  I love hearing from fans of the series. Feel free to email me with any questions, to maybe share a scene that you enjoyed or just to say hi at lukebyoung@gmail.com

  Please help spread the word about this series by posting a review online, telling friends or simply by liking my facebook author page by clicking here. It’s not easy to find new readers and I would sure appreciate your help spreading the word.

  Don’t miss the Friends with Partial Benefits short film, which was adapted from one of my favorite scenes in this book. We shot it poolside out in Los Angeles in December 2013 on an unusually cold, thirty-four degree, California night. Click here to watch it on YouTube.

  If you’d like a copy of the perfect pancake or chocolate mouse ganache cake recipes mentioned in this book, you can find them here.

  Click here to be placed on a mailing list to receive updates about new releases, special offers and giveaways.

  To find out more about the author and his work, see http://www.lukeyoungbooks.com/

  Author’s note:

  I hope you enjoyed Friends with Partial Benefits. I’ve had this story in my head since a girl, I won’t mention by name, actually broke my heart in college in pretty much the exact way outlined in this book. She really could do that thing with her leg and when I saw her do it at a party, I was hooked. Okay, so I was a shallow pathetic inexperienced loser… ‘Miss flexibility’ did end up secretly dating my suite mate and stringing me along. I really do think she enjoyed messing with my head just as much as Natalie did in the story. I did go on that spring break trip with my suite mate (while all this was going on), but it was Texas and not Miami. I was as clueless as Brian… Those two crazy real-life kids got married and I assume had like twelve kids together or something. Unfortunately, that’s where the ‘based on the truth’ part of the story ends and my imagination takes over. There was no hot mother, no ‘technical virgin’ story line, no super-fun Victoria or any of the other stuff you hopefully found hilarious. I do sometimes wonder if the girl in question can still do that thing with her leg because I really would… Sorry not sure where I was going with that.

  And one note about tennis; McEnroe was the reason that I started playing. I rented the DVD of that match I quote in the book (the 1980 Wimbledon final) and wow has the game changed. Don’t get me wrong; it was a great match. One of the best. But like so many other sports, the players are faster, the equipment better and today’s players somehow hit the ball much harder now. I did enjoy watching all of McEnroe’s finals during most of the eighties. He seemed to be in just about every one of them and I loved his style of play. I still miss those days and those rivalries compared to the ones from today.

  I hope you’ll read the rest of the series and learn what happens next. I’m having a blast writing it. Please check out the beginning of Friends with Full Benefits below.

  Luke Young

  FRIENDS WITH FULL BENEFITS

  1

  Miami hadn’t seen three straight days of drenching rain in more than a year. But as Brian waited to hold a tennis match with Jillian, with her response to his marriage proposal hanging in the balance, the rain came. It came hard. He was fine with the lack of acceptance of his proposal for the entire first day while they were joking about the match “rain delay;” by the second day, he was sure she would have accepted his proposal, but she hadn’t. He didn’t start to worry until Day Three, when neither of them mentioned the proposal or the match or any of it. Everything else was fine in the relationship—actually, it was perfect otherwise.

  Perfec
t except for that one “little” thing—he’d proposed three nights ago out by the pool, and he still didn’t have an answer. And when she didn’t respond immediately, he’d tried to provide some levity by suggesting they play for it. He was really only joking; he saw it as just a formality. Even if she did happen to beat him when they played, he was sure she would still just say yes. But at 7:00 p.m. on Day Three, he was still waiting. It had stopped raining an hour or so earlier, but the court was still wet. Plus, Jillian’s best friend Victoria had invited them over for dinner, and they were just about to walk out the door. He was in a slightly better mood since he’d learned the next day was going to be beautiful—perfect tennis weather. It was to be an unusual day for late June in southern Florida, eighty degrees with low humidity. He was psyched and ready to play.

  Brian was behind the wheel of Jillian’s car, and she sat in the passenger seat, holding a perfect-looking chocolate mousse ganache cake in her lap. They had baked it together that morning and not had sex afterward. They always had sex after they cooked together. There was something about being in the kitchen together and the sensuality of the whole cooking process that got her worked up, but not today.

  Before pulling out of the driveway, he glanced out the windshield to the sky. “It looks like it’s clearing up.”

  “Mm-hmm.” She gazed out the window, preoccupied.

  As they neared Victoria’s house, he rolled his eyes and thought, “Mm-hmm…mm hmm”—that’s it? Not, “Oh good, we can finally get our big match in”? What the hell is she thinking?

  Out of the blue, Jillian announced, “I shaved everything for you today.”

  “Everything?”

  “Yep.” She flashed him a sexy smile.

  “Wow, um, great…” Talk about changing the subject—that was the best segue he’d ever heard. The best by far.

  “Let’s get drunk tonight and just have sex; like, amazing sex. We’ll walk home if we have to.”

  “Okay.” He grinned excitedly, thinking that this was getting good. He had just been promised clean-shaven lady parts and drunken, wild sex. His favorite…