Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

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Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy Page 51

by Luke Young


  “Hey!”

  “Sorry, it’s like I’m in prison, and the prison has a great view of the Playboy Mansion.”

  Brian placed his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Sometimes when I look at her, I can’t remember my own name…”

  “Yeah…” Jim nodded slowly.

  “Maybe you can get a girlfriend next semester or, at the very least, a shower with a curtain.”

  “Most likely… the shower,” Jim quipped and they shared a laugh.

  In the backseat of the car, Jillian found herself inadvertently and seductively stroking the grip of her tennis racquet as if it were something else just about that size. When she realized what she was doing, she stopped and studied Brian’s profile as she gazed at him, sitting in the front seat. Moments later they pulled into the empty driveway. Brian smiled. “Mom and Dad must be out.”

  “I think they have something at church today.” Jim mimicked his happy look. As they all headed toward the house, he added, “Brian, you can have the shower first if you want.”

  “Jillian, you want to go before me?” Brian asked.

  “No, I need to cool down.” She gave him a “come hither” look. She had other surprise plans, since they were currently without senior citizen supervision.

  Once inside, she quickly headed to the guest room and removed her shoes and socks, slipped her bra off from under her shirt, and then removed her panties. She was just two pesky garments away from having fun with Brian.

  After stepping into the bathroom, Brian remembered what his brother had told him about his lack of privacy and instead walked to Jim’s room.

  Jim spotted him in the doorway. “What is it?”

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but why don’t you use the bathroom first? Go take care of some business in there.” Jim stared blankly until Brian motioned toward his crotch. “Just think about some hot girl from college, not, uh, anyone else in this general area. I’ll be your lookout and knock on the door, if the lunatics come back.”

  “You’re the best.” Jim gave him a huge smile before he rushed away.

  Brian crossed to the window, where he stood watch.

  Hearing a car outside, Jillian watched as it drove slowly past the house. She smiled when she realized it wasn’t the crazy Nash parents returning.

  She walked out of her room, heard the shower running, and moved to the doorframe of Jim’s room. She heard movement in there, grinned, and hurried to the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, she slipped out of her two garments and was naked in four seconds. She glanced at the naked young man standing in the shower, facing away from her, and smiled. Jim was working himself as he put his head under the spray of cool water. She slid open the shower door and climbed in behind him.

  “Miss me?” she asked, just as Jim turned around mid-stroke, with his hand straining as he worked his erection.

  He opened his eyes and froze, his hand still locked in a death grip around his shaft. She looked down at his penis. “Starting without me, I see.” As she looked closer, she noticed this wasn’t the penis she remembered—it was similar but just a little bit bigger.

  With his eyes glued to her spectacular body, he stammered, “I, uh, think you have the wrong, uh…”

  Her eyes traveled slowly up to his face. “Jim?” She stood, still too shocked to remember to cover up.

  He didn’t blink once as he said slowly, “Yeah.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Her brain finally functioning again, she crossed her arms over her breasts. He looked lower and tilted his head.

  “I, uh…” She stole another glance at his penis and said quickly, “You, uh, should have no trouble getting a girlfriend. I’m just going to go now.”

  She stepped out of the shower, picked up her clothes, and dashed completely naked into the hall. Just then Brian rushed into the hall and spotted Jillian’s bare ass heading away from him. He watched in shock as she disappeared into the guest room.

  He rushed after her and poked his head into her room. “Get dressed!”

  “Why?”

  “My parents are home!”

  “Oh—get the hell out of here!”

  After moving away from the door, he returned. “Wait, why were you running away from the bathroom, naked?”

  She glared at him. “Why weren’t you in the shower?”

  “I had something to do.”

  She pulled on a pair of shorts. “I just took a quick shower with your, uh… brother.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. You both look a lot a like—in almost every way.”

  “You saw him naked?”

  “Well, of course! He was showering… and other things. I…” Jillian sat on the bed and put her head in her hands. “Get out of here and just go talk to him. Tell him I didn’t mean it. He must think I’m a pervert or something.”

  He grinned. “You sure do spy on young, naked men a lot. I think you should talk to someone ab—” He shut up when he saw her angry expression.

  Brian made it into the bathroom just as his parents opened the front door. When he entered the room, he surprised Jim mid-stroke.

  “What the hell!” Jim turned away with his still-hard penis sticking straight out. “I really hate this house.”

  “Geez.” Brian shielded his eyes and then turned away, tipping his head toward the ceiling. “Jillian sent me in here. She said she’s sorry. She thought I was in the shower.”

  “And this news couldn’t wait?” Jim snapped.

  “I thought you’d be… I don’t know…” Brian cringed. “Aren’t you almost done?”

  “Not exactly. Are Mom and Dad back?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, shit. I’ve got a little problem. I can’t, uh… I was just about to when I was interrupted the first time. I’ve been going at it forever now, and I don’t even feel close.”

  “Well, you can’t do it now. Mom will be banging on that door in a few seconds.”

  “Dude, just stay in here and block the door while I finish.”

  “No way!”

  Just then the door pushed open two inches but was stopped by Brian’s shoe. Beverly said, “Who’s in here?”

  “You see,” Jim whispered.

  “It’s just us.”

  “Who?” Beverly shot back.

  Brian pushed the door closed. “Uh, Jim and me… Brian!”

  “Where’s Jillian?”

  “Oh, she’s in here, too. She’s washing our backs,” Brian said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

  “Oh, my word!” Beverly yelled back.

  “Gee! I’m kidding, Mom. She’s probably in the guest room.”

  “Well, what are you doing in there?”

  “Jim’s taking a shower, and I really had to go to the bathroom.”

  “Oh, okay, but please hurry up.”

  “Why?” Brian yelled back.

  “I need to talk to you both.”

  “All right.” Brian sighed.

  “Okay, I’ll be waiting for you.”

  Jim whispered, “You see what the fuck I’m dealing with?”

  Brian put the toilet lid down, sat on the seat, and faced the door with his foot wedged up against the bottom of the door. “Okay, do it,” he said to his brother, “but hurry up.”

  “Awesome, but don’t look at me, dude.”

  Brian winced. “Why the hell would I look at you?”

  “I don’t know, just don’t.”

  “Why are we talking about this? Just do it and be quiet.”

  Brian closed his eyes and covered his ears with his hands, as Jim started working it. Shaking his head, Brian murmured, “I can’t fucking believe I’m doing this. Who lives like this?”

  Working himself faster and faster, Jim held his breath, tensed every freaking muscle in his body, and screamed loudly. Startled by the outburst, Brian looked toward the shower just as Jim exploded with four huge blasts of semen all over the tile wall. Brian just happened to catch the fireworks display, and his jaw dro
pped.

  “What’s going on in there?” Beverly yelled through the door as she pushed it open. It struck Brian’s foot and stopped. She attempted to peer through the eight-inch slit.

  Brian planted his foot harder into the floor to keep her out. “Come on, Mom.”

  “Are you guys having gay fornication?”

  “No! Geez, Mom!” He paused, thinking, and grinned. “I’m constipated, and it hurts.”

  Jim leaned against the wall, exhausted but laughing at the exchange between his crazy mother and his brother.

  Beverly screamed in, “I’ll get you a laxative.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Brian held his head in his hands. Turning toward the shower, he whispered, “Holy fuck, dude, was that all you?”

  “That was a lot, wasn’t it?”

  “Well, not if you’re a racehorse.”

  Jim turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around his waist and looked down at his creation. “Dude, you’ve got to see it all. Is this the, uh, right amount, or…”

  Brian cringed. “Seriously?”

  “Come on, you know about this stuff, right?”

  “I guess.”

  Sliding open the shower door, Brian sighed. “Okay, where is it?”

  Jim pointed, and Brian took a close look at the huge load of semen dripping down the green tile wall. “Holy shit. Is that what you normally, you know… produce?”

  “I don’t know, because I live in an insane asylum.”

  Brian stared at it, dumbfounded. “Oh, yeah right.”

  “Is that too much?”

  “I don’t know. When’s the last time you, uh, had one?” Brian asked hesitantly.

  Stepping out of the shower, Jim searched his memory. “I think I had a wet dream maybe a year ago.”

  Brian widened his eyes. “Do it again in a couple days, and if it’s still like that, go see a doctor immediately.”

  “Uh, okay.”

  Brian gave him a tired look. “Can I leave now?”

  “Yeah, go.”

  After opening the door, Brian turned back. “Hey, clean that up. You leave that for me, and I’ll kill you.”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry.”

  Brian met his mother in the hall as she carried the laxative and a spoon. “Found it.”

  “I feel much better now. I got it out.”

  “You got it out?”

  Brian gave his mother a serious look. Grabbing her by the shoulders, he looked her right in the eye. “Mom, I love you and everything, but you need to lighten the heck up. I’m going to go into the guest room. I have something to tell Jillian. I’m not going to fornicate with her, and I don’t plan to have gay sex with my brother anytime soon. Can you handle all that?”

  “Oh, okay,” she nodded slowly while appearing a bit overwhelmed.

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Were you burned with cigarettes or something, like, every day when you were a child?”

  “No, why?”

  “Then were you abused mentally or… ?”

  “No.” Thinking, she paused a moment. “I did go to an all girls’ Catholic school for twelve years. The nuns were very mean.”

  After nodding, satisfied with her explanation, he let go of her shoulders. “So you won’t follow me or stand outside the door, listening, or set up any surveillance equipment or anything?”

  “No, I trust you.”

  “Oh, okay. Good,” he said casually and headed toward Jillian’s room, shaking his head with a look that screamed, “Get me the fuck out of here!”

  He knocked once, and then slipped into Jillian’s room. He found her sitting on the bed. She looked up at him, obviously embarrassed. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine. It probably did him some good.” He paused then made a face. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “How much semen is too much?”

  “What?”

  “Never mind.” He knelt on the floor and put his head in her lap. “Please take me away from all this.”

  “Okay.”

  “Promise you won’t send me back here.”

  “I promise.”

  Picking his head up, he whispered, “My parents are not normal. My mom is…” He made a face, and Jillian cracked up. “I just had to guard the door while my brother… jerked off… while my mother was banging on the door and accusing us of having gay sex. I need to get out of here for a while, or I’m going to lose it.”

  Opening up her robe, she exposed her naked body to him. “Look I shaved completely before we left.”

  He looked closely between her thighs, and she spread her legs and ran her fingertip over herself. He smiled, wearing an almost dizzied expression. “You have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”

  She grinned. “You want to drive to a cheap motel and do it on dirty sheets?”

  “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Let’s not even take a shower first.”

  “Okay, but how do we get out of here?”

  After pausing to think, her eyes lit up. “Tell them I lost my cell phone, and we think I left it on the court.” Grabbing him by the shirt, she pulled him up for a kiss before pushing him away and batting her eyes at him. “No telling how long it will take us to find it. I doubt it’s on the court. It could be almost, uh, anywhere.”

  After sharing a smile, he moved to the door while she reached for her clothes.

  Jillian sat in the passenger seat, and Brian had just put the car in reverse when Jim came running out of the house to the car. Sighing, Brian lowered the window. “Sorry. Mind if I borrow your car?”

  Jim asked, “Where are you going?”

  “Just out for a while.”

  “Mom said you’re looking for Jillian’s cell phone.”

  Brian glanced at Jillian then back to Jim. “Yeah, that’s right.”

  Jim scoffed. “I saw her pick it up off the court. She has it.”

  “Yeah, so…”

  “So, you’re going somewhere fun. Take me with you. I’m begging you.”

  After Brian’s eyes met Jillian’s blank expression, he turned back to Jim and stammered, “We’re, um, just going for a drive.”

  Jim’s face lit up. “You guys are going somewhere to have sex aren’t you?”

  She cringed, busted. Sighing, Brian hung his head low while gripping the steering wheel tightly. He turned to Jim and admitted, “We’re going to a motel to be alone, yes.”

  “Take me with you, or I’ll tell mom that Jillian took a shower with me just before we had gay sex and that you are lying about the cell phone.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “No, I wouldn’t, but please take me with you.”

  “Don’t tell me you want to watch.”

  Jim looked sickened. “No fucking way. I’ll get another room and watch TV, or something. Anything, just take me away from them. They want to play Scrabble. You get double points for any religious word.”

  After sharing a wide-eyed look with Jillian, Brian said, “Get in.”

  Ten minutes later, Jim spotted a sign for Atlantic City. He said excitedly, “It’s only ninety minutes from here. We can get nice rooms, and you guys can have some room service and do whatever you want…”

  Jillian and Brian gave each other a “what-the-fuck” look, and then Brian put his foot on the gas and headed onto the expressway.

  17

  Calling from the road, Jim told his parents they were on their way to visit one of Brian’s college friends, and they were spending the night. Ninety minutes later, they arrived at the Borgatta and went to the front desk. Jillian booked two standard rooms and put them on her card. Jim convinced Brian to loan him his ID and $200 so he could get into the casino. Brian handed Jim his wallet, and he and Jillian rushed up to their room, where they ordered a meal and some champagne. They took a shower, ate, drank, and fucked like rabbits as Jim went to the casino and experienced a lucky streak that wouldn’t end.

  At midnight, Jim had turned Brian’s $
200 into $4,000, mostly by playing blackjack. As he headed out of the casino, he placed one last bet at the roulette table on 20. He placed a one hundred dollar chip down as the ball began to spin on the wheel. The ball popped around, then landed on 20 and stuck there. He walked away with $3,500 more.

  A young woman noticed his win streak and followed him to the bar. Wearing a tight black dress, she was trim, sexy, and gorgeous. She sat across from him for a moment, made eye contact, and then moved to the stool next to him. Jim took a sip from his beer and looked nervously at her.

  “My name is Tatiana,” she said with a Russian accent.

  After looking around to see if she was speaking to someone else, he realized they were alone. “Hi, uh, I’m Jimmy—I mean, Jim.”

  Smiling, she leaned in closer to him. He glanced down at her cleavage and gave her a nervous smile.

  “Will you buy me drink?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Seven and Seven.”

  The drink arrived, and Tatiana asked, “You staying here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you looking for company tonight?”

  He said, “Uh, sure.”

  “Five hundred for an hour or two thousand for the whole night.”

  His eyes widened in shock. She noticed, smiled, and added, “For that price, we can do anything you want. Well, except the anal. You want that, it cost another thousand.”

  He gave her a casual nod. “That makes sense.” After pausing a moment to let the offer sink in, he rubbed his chin. “So, for $3,000 I can have anal sex with you all night long.”

  “Yes.”

  Tatiana leaned in an inch from his face. “And you never forget it.”

  He believed her; he really fucking believed her! Leaning back, he took a deep breath. “Look, you are gorgeous, but I can’t. I’m actually, uh, a virgin and—”

  “You are virgin? Seriously?”

  He nodded quickly.

  After skeptically studying him for a moment, she smiled. “In that case, you probably don’t want anal.”

  He shook his head no.

  “How about one thousand for whole night? I suck your cock slowly for an hour, and I won’t even make you wear condom.”

 

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