Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

  “Relaxation room? Can I smoke pot in there?”

  He chuckled. “I guess.” He moved to rub her lower back. His penis was now super-hard, and it looked pretty good, bordered on each side by the milky, white skin of her stunning ass.

  “Maybe I’ll put in a billiard room,” she said before letting out a groan as he worked his fingers firmly into her back. “Please, do my legs and everything else now.”

  He moved off her, turned around, and sat gently on her lower back. He dribbled oil down each leg, then on each cheek, and began to work it in.

  “Yes,” she said softly. “That’s where it hurts.”

  Using both hands, he worked her right leg firmly, starting at the ankle and moving up to the calf and finally to the thigh. Then he did the same to her left leg, and when he reached her thigh on that side, she said, “Yeah, that’s the muscle I pulled.”

  He spent extra time there, and then moved on to her rear end.

  She moaned. “That feels wonderful.”

  He kept working her glutes harder and harder as her moaning intensified. Then he turned his attention to both legs, working each with one hand simultaneously. She sighed and playfully shook her rear. “Please, do my back again.”

  Turning around, he went back to rubbing her upper body. He sat a little farther back, his knees against her hips and his erection gently pressing into her as he returned to rubbing her lower back. She moaned, and he moved back and forth half an inch or so, teasing her. He looked down, admiring the sight.

  “Now you can move on to a muscle that doesn’t hurt.”

  “Can I pick the one I want?”

  Thinking a moment, she shook her bottom a bit to tease him. “Normally, I’d say yes, but you’re not exactly an average-sized guy, and what we did last night has put me back on the wagon for that muscle. I’m a little out of practice.”

  Hovering over her, he smiled at the compliment.

  “Don’t move,” she said.

  He held still as she performed a quick maneuver forward and up and back. Before his eyes, his erection was buried inside her. They both gasped. After pausing for a few seconds, she moved her hips back and forth. She lifted her head and wore a sexy grin. He looked straight ahead, his eyes glazing over from the intense pleasure.

  “You’re probably… exhausted… from giving me a rub. Just hold still. I’ll do everything.”

  She went on to do all the work, and it was amazing.

  After spending every minute together for another day and night, Victoria woke up early, left Jim still asleep, and went to the supermarket to buy what she needed to prepare breakfast. It was the one meal she could actually cook. She put his plate of fried eggs and bacon in the oven to keep warm, stripped down to her bra and panties, and woke him up.

  She softly kissed him on the neck, whispering in his ear, “I’ve got a lot of errands to run today, so I won’t be back until about two.”

  Rolling onto his back, he looked groggily up at her.

  She said, “I have your breakfast in the oven. Do you want to eat it now, or would you rather watch while I have my breakfast right here?”

  Appearing confused, he asked, “Uh, what are you having?”

  Her answer was to rip the sheets from him and move down until her head was just over his boxer shorts. “So, which would you prefer?” she checked.

  “I’m not really hungry right now, so I’ll just watch you… eat.”

  “My preference, as well.” She grasped his boxer shorts, he lifted up off the bed, and she pulled them down. He was unusually soft.

  “Sorry,” he said.

  “I love a challenge.”

  She leaned in and went to work. Soon things were different down there, much different. Lifting off of him, she grinned at her accomplishment. He watched, mesmerized, as she went back to it with surprising early-morning eagerness.

  Taking a deep breath, he gripped the sheet on either side of him so hard that it snapped off the mattress from both corners. Ten seconds later, it was over. Gasping for breath, he shut his eyes and let his head fall to the pillow.

  She pulled up and drank in his body, smiling and fully pleased with her work. “How was that?”

  “Amazing.”

  Victoria returned a few minutes later with his warm plate, dropped it off, kissed him on the cheek, and then headed to the closet. When she came out dressed in her workout clothes, he asked, “Do you want me to drive you?”

  “No, you just relax. I’d like to find you right here when I return. You can return the favor.”

  He grinned. “What kind of workout do you do?”

  “Some cardio and weights.”

  “You don’t need to. You look so sexy.”

  “I’ve already told you… do you think this body is an accident? I’m almost forty. If I didn’t work out four days a week, believe me, you wouldn’t want to see my body.”

  “I’d still want to,” he said. She smiled at him, and he asked, “So you’ll be back at two?”

  “I should be. I have a bikini wax at noon and then a nail appointment at one.”

  “You don’t need a bikini wax either.”

  “It’s been three weeks. I do.”

  “I was just there. I mean, like really close in there, and I didn’t see any hair.”

  Rolling her eyes, she pulled down her spandex shorts and thong, and got right next to him, pointing out a few stray hairs here and there.

  “Oh, okay,” he said, unconvinced and now a little horny.

  “Plus, I think I’m going to take all this off.” She ran her fingers through what little hair remained on her tiny landing strip.

  He nodded breathlessly. “Okay, uh, have fun. I’ll be here—right here.”

  Thirty minutes later, after a shave and shower, Jim wandered back to Victoria’s empty extra room and stood, rubbing his chin and thinking. Then it hit him. He walked with purpose to the computer and performed Internet searches for local businesses that had what he needed.

  After borrowing Jillian’s car, Jim drove to two stores, brought some items home, scheduled delivery of other items, and returned to Victoria’s to place online orders for everything else. Exhausted, he sat back on the sofa and checked the time. Victoria was due back in fifteen minutes. He rushed to the bedroom, stripped down, and climbed into bed.

  When she returned a few minutes earlier than expected, he closely—really closely—inspected her new hair-free look for almost thirty minutes, and they spent the rest of the day by the pool.

  27

  Several packages addressed to Jim arrived the next day. Victoria eyed him suspiciously as he carried the heavy boxes through the house. Jim arranged for Jillian to take Victoria out for lunch while he prepared her surprise. The deliverymen arrived on time, and an hour later it was ready.

  When Victoria walked through the door, she found him sitting on the sofa and reading a book. When she entered the room, he hid the book under a pillow and looked at her like he had something to say.

  She gave him a smirk. “What is it?”

  “Nothing.”

  “What is it?”

  Rising quickly, he went to her. “I kind of have a little surprise for you. It’s just… I hope you like it.”

  She lit up. “I love surprises. Is it sex-related?”

  “Well, I guess…” He thought a moment and amended, “No, not really.” She frowned a bit, and he said, “But I think you may like it anyway.”

  “Well, what is it?”

  “I have to show you.” Leading her toward the back of the house, he began, “You know how we talked about that amazing massage I got in Atlantic City?”

  “Sure.”

  “And how the one I gave you in bed was good but a little awkward?”

  “Okay.”

  As he stood outside the closed door to her spare room, he said, “You said you didn’t know what to do with this room, so I…”

  She stared at him and seemed to be holding her breath. He gave her a hopeful look and pu
shed open the door.

  The room was decked out with a top-of-the-line massage table, massage oils, and new matching cocoa-colored towels and sheets. Scanning the room, she took in the decorative feng shui furniture, knick-knacks, and the set of three large candles that matched the towels and were arranged in one corner of the room underneath a grass sculpture. She walked in with her mouth wide open. She glanced back at him, smiling, then looked at everything in the room, speechless.

  He walked in behind her and went to the table. “Look at this. This is my favorite thing.” She stood next to him and looked down at the bowl of smooth rocks with their own heating system. He saw a tear fall from her eye.

  “Have you ever had a hot stone massage?”

  “No, have you?”

  He shook his head. “No, but it’s supposed to be super-relaxing.”

  “No one has ever…” Without finishing her thought, she simply looked at him, dumbfounded. “Where’d you get the money for all this?”

  “I told you about A.C.”

  She nodded breathlessly. “This must have been expensive.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.” He gave her a faux tired look. “Putting everything together did take a lot of coordination, though.”

  “I’ll bet.” She giggled.

  He looked at her, trying to read her expression. “Could you give me some indication whether you like this or not? Did I overstep way too much here and need to take it all back?”

  Sliding down to her knees, she unzipped his fly.

  His eyes got big as saucers. “Wow, so you like it.”

  She looked up at him, nodding with a grateful expression. “I love it. If I don’t do something sexual, I’m going to start bawling.”

  He leaned his head back as she reached into his fly and pulled out his penis. She began stroking it. He sighed in ecstasy before pulling away from her. “Wait.”

  She looked at him, confused, as he put everything back in its place. Taking a step back, he motioned for her to stand. When she did, he looked into her eyes. “This room should be for complete relaxation only. Not sex. You see this feng shui piece of whatever over here?” He motioned with his hand, and she looked at the strange object.

  “That’s supposed to keep the room’s aura at the proper level. You go messing around in here, and you could screw all that up.”

  “Sex is relaxing.”

  “Not really. All I want you to think about when you’re in here is letting go and unwinding. If you want to have sex, you have the rest of the house for that.”

  Smiling, she warmed to the idea. “Okay, okay.”

  He watched as she walked over to the massage table, and he said, “It’s a wood one. They have so many to choose from; I was starting to get confused. Do you like it? If not, I—”

  “It’s the exact one I would have chosen,” she assured him as she rubbed her hand over it. She gave him a surprised look. “It feels so warm!”

  “It’s heated. You can adjust the temperature.”

  “No way.”

  “It is. You want me to give you a massage? I’ve been reading a book about it and want to try out some new techniques.”

  Minutes later, Victoria’s curvy body was splayed out naked on the heated massage table as Jim remained fully clothed and worked every inch of it. Her head was cradled perfectly in the support. She moaned softly as if she were melting away into complete relaxation.

  Twenty minutes into the perfect rub, she opened her eyes. “Are you telling me you aren’t thinking about sex right now?”

  “I’m not saying that at all. You can think about it in here; just don’t spoil the feng shuieshness of the room by doing it.”

  Lifting her head up, she gave him a look. “Feng shuieshness?”

  He nodded. “That’s a word. I’m… pretty sure.”

  She shook her head with a smile before placing it back down.

  He moved to stand near her feet and began working her legs from her ankles all the way up to her perfect, heart-shaped ass. She spread her legs to improve his access to her inner thighs but this also gave him a breathtaking view of her hairless female parts. With each long stroke up her legs, he stared into her twin holes, his shorts becoming more and more crowded. He was hoping Victoria would tell him she’d had enough so the relaxation would stop, and the fun would begin, but he was willing to go as long as she wanted. Staring at and touching her sexy body was just slightly less enjoyable than exploring every inch of it with his penis, tongue, and mouth.

  A few minutes later she turned over and noticed the bulge in his shorts. “You must be uncomfortable.”

  “I’m okay,” he said unconvincingly as he began rubbing her shoulders.

  “I’m so going to take care of you after this,” she said in a sexy voice.

  He stopped rubbing her. “That’s not helping me. No more sex talk. I’m about to explode.”

  “Okay, I’ll be good. Just do my breasts for a few minutes, and then we’ll go to another part of the house, if you know what I mean.”

  He raised his eyebrows. After slowly pouring massage oil over her nipples, he sensually rubbed it in. Her nipples hardened and stood out almost a half inch. His penis was throbbing now ready to burst as he gazed over her dazzling glistening body. He rubbed her breasts a little harder, and she began to moan slowly as if she were close to orgasm.

  Suddenly, she opened her eyes. “I’m done if you are.”

  He smiled with relief. “Let’s go.”

  He rushed from the room, unbuttoning his shorts to relieve the pressure. She was right behind him. They moved into the bedroom, and somehow the sex was the best they’d had so far.

  28

  The next day, Jim and Victoria went to the movies in the afternoon, and out to dinner again with Brian and Jillian that evening. Then they returned home to try out the massage table, but on that night it would be Jim’s turn. Victoria waited while he stripped down, whistling like a sailor as he climbed onto the table and had to adjust his half-hard penis so he could lie flat without being in too much pain.

  “Ahh,” he groaned as he guided it down between his legs and lifted his hips to relieve the pressure.

  After noticing his condition and giving it some thought, she rolled up a towel. “Here. Try this.”

  He got up on his elbows, and she placed the towel just above his pubic bone. He lay back down, with just a tad more room for his equipment.

  “How’s that?”

  Placing his head in the rest, he exhaled, relieved. “Much better.”

  She moved behind him and dribbled oil on his legs and worked it in. Glancing at his thick penis, she grinned. “I think they need to put another hole in these tables.” As she rubbed oil into his shaft, she added, “One for that.”

  He pulled his head up quickly. “Hey, none of that. You know the rule.”

  “I’m not the one with a boner.”

  “That’s not quite a boner.”

  Giggling, she returned to working the muscles in the back of his legs. He moaned as he lay back down. “This is actually better than the professional massage I got in Atlantic City.”

  “I’m good at many things.”

  He nodded in agreement.

  After a few minutes of working his legs, she moved to his upper body and rubbed his back, shoulders, and neck. Moving to the side of the table, she poured way too much oil all over his buttocks. She smiled as she watched it drip down his equipment.

  “Hey, what are you doing?”

  “Just giving you a massage.”

  “I don’t think you’re really embracing the ‘no-sex’ policy.”

  “Relax.”

  “I was relaxed.”

  She worked the oil into the firm cheeks of his ass, spreading them, barely brushing her fingertips over some sensitive areas as she stared at him, grinning. In between slipping an inadvertent finger onto an incredibly sensitive area, she worked his inner thighs. He lifted his hips to give her better access as his breathing became more labored.
She ran a heavily oiled finger from his lower back straight down the cleft of his ass, over his seam, and down his perineum, slowly between his balls, and completely down the length of his fully erect penis. He groaned loudly, his hands gripping the sides of the table.

  “Okay, that’s it.” Pushing himself up, he turned around and sat on the edge of the table with his manhood pointing skyward.

  She eyed it hungrily. “Wow. You don’t look relaxed at all.”

  After glancing at it, he cockily flashed his eyes at her. “Well, not anymore.”

  “You want me to do your front now?”

  He shook his head, disappointed, and then broke into a smile. “Yes, but not in here.”

  After he showered, she finished his massage in the bedroom. They spent the next half hour having sex, then drifted off to sleep, spooning like a young married couple. He never wanted it to end.

  29

  The next morning at the Grayson home, Brian’s alarm pulled him from a sound sleep at six, and he reluctantly left Jillian in bed to shower for another day of work at the Miami office. Before he left, he lifted the covers and glanced at her perfect, naked body. After sighing, he walked out the door, wearing a frown.

  A few hours later Jillian woke up, reached over to touch him, and ended up caressing his pillow instead. After glancing at the clock, she frowned and rolled over. She was missing him and in the mood for wake-up sex. She needed him home with her all the time. Afternoon sex was her favorite. They were both wide awake, and her orgasms were usually so much more intense during the day. Next, she enjoyed a groggy-morning romp, and her least favorite was sex at night. Although it was certainly fun, it was nothing compared to a long, drawn-out, fantastic afternoon session.

  He had been leaving for work early and usually working long hours. She knew he hated his boss, and she suspected he hated his job just as much. He never complained about the work, but she could tell.

  Grabbing her laptop, she checked e-mail and read a message from her agent, Albert Blair, about the on-sale date being moved up for her new novel. The message also detailed a recent increase in sales of her other titles, along with a request for her to call him when she had time. She smiled as she dialed his number. Albert was on a call, so she left a message with his assistant.