Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

“Working on my toast. What do you think so far?” Standing up, Jim moved to the railing. He stretched the three feet over to Brian and handed him the pad.

  Brian read it out loud, “Jillian and Brian are—” After giving Jim an odd look, he shrugged. “It’s short.”

  “I just started.”

  “It’s a good start.” After rolling his eyes, Brian handed Jim back the pad. As he was leaning over, he paused in deep thought while staring into Jim’s room without focusing. Caroline was still asleep. She was naked and one of her perfect breasts was in full view peeking out from under the sheets. Brian exhaled deeply. Noticing his brother’s odd expression, he followed his gaze.

  When he spotted Caroline’s exposure, he said, “Dude.”

  Brian shook his head and focused in on where his eyes were looking. “I swear I wasn’t looking, well until now…wow, she’s…”

  “You creep.”

  “At least I didn’t shower with her.”

  “Hey, I was in the shower first, Jillian’s the one who—”

  “Good point.” Turning his head, he looked away. “I swear I didn’t even see her until just now. I was just staring at nothing, thinking about the wedding, my job and oh… the lawsuit and everything.”

  “I believe you.”

  Brian looked his brother in the eye. “But she’s cute.”

  “I know, right?”

  “Fuck the toast. Get in there.”

  They both looked into the room just as Caroline turned, exposing her adorable ass outside the sheets. They slowly turned to each other, and Jim said, “I’ll just knock this out later.”

  Brian had to take one more peek as Jim slipped back into the room and closed the blinds. Looking down to his groin, he sighed. “This no-sex rule is going to kill me.”

  Two hours later, wedding guests were sitting down for brunch at the house. At the resort, the rest of the group was also gathering for a meal. Soon afterward, a bus transported the wedding party group to the resort where they picked up the other guests. From there, they all set out on a scenic tour of the island.

  22

  Once the breathtaking five-hour tour ended, everyone returned to his or her room to freshen up. The hotel staff planned a delicious dinner and fun activities for those who remained at the resort, but some closer relatives headed to the house. After a quick wedding rehearsal on the grounds of the mansion, the group of twenty sat down at 8:30 p.m. for the rehearsal dinner.

  Brian’s parents and a few of Brian and Jillian’s friends, who were staying at the Eden Rock, joined them for a spectacular meal featuring lobster, steak and scallops expertly prepared by the resident chef. They ate in the large outdoor covered dining area. The food was excellent, the mood was jovial, the alcohol was flowing and everyone was having a blast.

  All twenty guests’ appetites were more than satisfied. All were a little tipsy except for Victoria, who was drinking apple juice; she claimed it was white wine. Brian’s parents and a few of Jillian’s friends headed back to the resort in time for dessert, just after 11:00 p.m. As the guests tasted the crème brûlée, Victoria felt a little nauseous. “I’ll be right back. Does anyone need anything from the house?”

  “Bring another bottle of that white wine,” Jillian said.

  Rob was sitting between Victoria and Laura. Laura’s hand was resting sensually on his inner upper thigh. At the start of the dinner, it was on his knee, but as time passed, it traveled closer to her intended target. The alcohol had obviously accentuated her libido.

  Reaching for his own drink, Rob knocked over Victoria’s glass, which was half-full. “Oh, sorry.”

  With everyone chatting away, no one noticed. After dabbing up the spill with his napkin, he picked up the unexpected scent of apples and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He glanced back toward the house in time to catch a glimpse of Victoria as she stood outside the door trying to steady herself. He shook his head and surreptitiously picked up her wine glass. He sniffed it then downed what little remained, confirming that it was, in fact, apple juice.

  Jillian said, “Oh, Brian, would you run in and tell her to bring out the German wine, not that other one?”

  “Why run in, when I can use the intercom?” He raised his eyebrows in an inebriated, yet smug grin.

  “Good idea. We should totally get one of those.”

  “I know.”

  Leaning against the kitchen counter, Victoria took several deep breaths. She smiled as her wave of nausea had all but disappeared. Turning to the sink, she grabbed a glass and filled it with water. As she took a sip, Brian’s voice came over the intercom.

  “Victoria. Hey, Victoria, if you’re not too drunk, please report to the intercom.”

  Everyone’s laughter outside also flowed out of the speaker. She smiled and headed over to the box, which was on the wall. She glanced at it confused. “Yes?”

  She heard Brian say, “I’m not sure how this thing works. Maybe she went to the bathroom or something.”

  “Can you hear me? Brian?” She studied the box, which was full of buttons, shook her hands in confusion. She then hit one button after another while repeating, “Brian? Brian?”

  “Oh, good. You’re there. I’m in no condition to make the long trip to the house… please bring out the German wine, not that other crap.”

  “Sure thing.”

  “Thanks,” Brian replied.

  Victoria continued to hear the loud talking over the speaker until she hit a button that cut it off. Turning away from the confusing box, she was unaware that she’d put the system in a broadcast-only mode. She returned to the counter and grabbed the glass of water. She opened the refrigerator and the strong combined odor of the various foods wafted out, quickly overcoming her.

  She rushed to the bathroom just as Rob entered the kitchen area. He heard the unmistakable sounds of her vomiting. He knocked on the bathroom door. “Are you okay?”

  “Oh yeah. I’ll be right out.”

  When Victoria emerged from the bathroom, she spotted him standing in the kitchen. She approached him with a smile. “I think I drank too much wine.”

  “Uh, huh. How is that wine?” He gave her a skeptical look.

  “Oh, it’s really good.”

  He shook his head and just stared at her.

  “What?”

  “I know you’re drinking apple juice.”

  She looked away. “I just switched over with that last glass.”

  Outside, there was a lull in the conversation and laughter just as Rob asked her loudly, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

  The sound flowed out clearly, as if he were standing right there at the table next to them. Everyone turned their attention to the box on the wall wearing stunned expressions.

  In the kitchen, Victoria shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Let’s see… you’re not drinking and you just threw up. I haven’t seen you in a bathing suit since we got here, and you’re normally running around nearly naked. Oh, and your tits are huge. So unless you recently got implants…”

  She glanced down to her chest with a big smile, “Really, you think they look…” Her smile melted away to a frown. “Wait. I, uh, just haven’t been feeling well.”

  “Let me see your stomach.”

  She looked at him nervously. “Why?”

  She glanced around the corner to the door that led to the pool area and didn’t see anyone. Looking back at him, she put her finger in the air for him to wait a second, pointed out the window then said softly, “Keep your voice down.”

  He glanced down to her stomach, grinned and said in a quiet voice, “You totally have a baby in there.”

  He paused to think then his eyes lit up, “That’s why you had me take that blood test. There’s no ancestry gift thing. That was a total load of shit… I knocked you up, didn’t I?”

  Jillian’s eyes bugged open and her jaw hit the table. Brian looked at her, concerned. Everyone else stopped eating dessert and silently wat
ched the box with mouths agape as the conversation continued over the speaker.

  Rob added, “That night we had sex, we didn’t use a condom. We, uh…” There was a long pause and he continued, “I was pretty drunk, but I remember you gave me that blowjob then I went down on you. And uh, I didn’t pull out and shoot on your tits or anything…”

  One of Brian’s college friends, Eric, continued to listen, but also returned to eating his crème brûlée.

  Everyone else at the table wore confused or disgusted looks until Laura spoke up, “He, uh… likes to do that. It’s like some kind of porn star move.”

  The appalled looks slipped away. They all nodded casually.

  Rob continued, “You were sitting on me and I remember exactly…”

  Eric slipped a huge spoonful of the creamy custard in his mouth as Rob continued, “I shot a big load that night. It was huge… I remember it was everywhere and dripping out of you.”

  Eric nearly gagged while everyone else exchanged sickened looks.

  “You’re having my baby. I can’t fucking believe this.”

  “It’s not yours.”

  “When were you going to tell me?”

  “It’s not yours,” Victoria repeated loudly.

  “What? Then why the blood test?”

  “You’re not the only one who needed to take a test.”

  Swallowing hard, Jim looked down at the table.

  Victoria said, “It’s Jim’s baby. All right? He’s the father.”

  Caroline’s face turned pale white.

  All eyes moved to Jim. He glanced around the table in shock. Rising up quickly, he headed toward the intercom box. “Brian, show me how to turn this thing off. This isn’t—”

  Caroline, Laura and Jillian all said in unison, “Don’t touch it!”

  Just as Jim reached the box, Victoria said, “I love him.”

  Rob asked, “What’s he doing here with Caroline if you guys are together?”

  Back in the kitchen, Victoria exhaled deeply. “He doesn’t know about the baby… or about how I feel about him. He’s in love with her and I don’t want to do anything to spoil that. You cannot tell him. He’s going to ask her to marry him after the wedding.”

  “How do you know?”

  “He cleared it with Brian and Jillian. He didn’t want to steal their day. He even asked if it would be weird for me. He’s so thoughtful and caring and sensit—”

  “This is a guy we’re talking about, right?” Rob shot her a look of disgust.

  “Yeah…” She glared at him. “The most amazing one on the planet.”

  Outside, a tear fell from Caroline’s eye as she just stared at Jim. He returned to the table and knelt down beside her. He breathed out hard and opened his mouth to speak at the same instant that the intercom blasted out Rob’s latest gem. “I can’t believe he knocked you up. There’s no way he shot more than I did that night. It had been like a week since I jerked off, if I remember correctly. How much did he shoot?”

  Standing, Jim glared at Brian with the veins popping out of his head. “Turn that fucking thing off now!”

  Brian rushed over and turned it off as Jim returned his attention to Caroline. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Obviously…” She folded her arms. “Were you truly planning to ask me to marry you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love her.”

  “I love you.”

  “That’s not… what does it matter? You two are having a baby. She’s in love with you. I know you still have feelings for her.”

  Caroline stood up just as Rob and Victoria walked out the back door. Looking at Victoria, Caroline growled, “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  Laura rose to her feet. “I’ll go with you.”

  Rob and Victoria reached the dining area just as the two women stepped onto the path that led toward the house. Laura and Caroline stood there glaring at Victoria. Victoria and Rob scanned the shocked faces of the silent crowd and were completely at a loss, utterly confused by what they were seeing.

  After catching Jillian’s glare, Victoria asked, “What the hell is going on out here?”

  No one said a word until Caroline looked at Victoria and said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “Congrats.”

  Laura added, “Are there any guys here you haven’t banged?”

  Victoria scanned the room for a moment instinctively and did a quick count while thinking then said, “I haven’t even slept with half the men here—well unless you count holding Brian’s penis, but, shit, who would count that?”

  Laura slapped Rob hard across the face as everyone looked on in shock. Pushing past him, she rushed toward the house. Victoria looked completely mystified as her eyes went from Jim to Caroline, then to the group staring at her from the table.

  Brian said, “Uh, the intercom was on when you two were talking in the kitchen… we kinda heard everything.”

  Victoria’s mouth fell open in horror. “Look, I, uh—”

  Caroline interrupted, “He’s in love with you. I hope you two will be very happy together.” She turned to Jim. “You should know that I slept with Jeff a couple weeks ago. I didn’t intend to, it just happened. Evidently, I still have feelings for him. So now you don’t need to feel guilty at all.”

  Jim looked at her, crushed.

  “Come on, let’s go,” Laura called out to Caroline, while giving Rob another icy stare.

  Rob turned to Laura. “You and I weren’t even going out when this happened. We hadn’t even seen each other. How can—”

  Laura sneered at him and yelled, “You’ll never touch me again. I don’t want to see you or speak to you ever again.”

  Caroline disappeared into the house as Rob rushed to Laura. “I was drunk. We were broken up. I made a mistake. I love you.”

  As they stood alone near the house, she leaned in and whispered while glaring at him as if she wanted to kill him, “I’m not really mad. This is pretty hot, right?”

  He looked at her confused as she continued softly, “Let’s have amazing make-up sex.”

  “What?” he asked softly.

  “Just go with it.”

  He took hold of her arm gently. She pulled it away and yelled, “Don’t put your hands on me.”

  Laura whispered, “I’m going to find a hotel, and I want you in my ass.”

  Rob whispered, “Really?”

  Everyone at the table was straining to hear what they were saying. None of them got a word of the good stuff.

  He grinned for a moment and she said softly, “Don’t break character.”

  Rob said loudly with a slightly lame performance, “Yes, well… I’ll die if I can never see you again.”

  “Well, I guess you’ll die then.”

  Rob whispered, “Nice touch.”

  She moved close to his ear. “When we fuck, be angry. I don’t want to be able to walk when you’re done.”

  She pulled away and he nodded. He leaned in and whispered, “I’m so hard right now.”

  Laura sighed, as she glanced down to his bulge. After looking him in the eye, she growled something unintelligible at him and headed toward the house. She turned back, rushed to him and said softly, “I’ll text you the hotel and room number… Uh, I’m sure the hotels here are expensive, do you have any cash?”

  He leaned in and whispered, “My wallet’s in the room.”

  She scoffed in mock disgust and slapped him even harder than the first time across the face. Everyone at the table gasped. Rob rubbed his jaw as he stared at her, desperate to be inside her instead of watching her walk into the house.

  All eyes returned to Victoria. Her gaze traveled from face to face until landing on Jillian. “It was that night Rob found out about you two. He was upset. I was depressed thinking about David. I was drunk and it just…”

  Jillian just shook her head as Brian put his hand on her shoulder.

  Eric said, “Well this is a rehearsal dinner that
you’ll never, ever forget.” All eyes went to him. He shrugged. “What?”

  Victoria glanced back to Jillian who refused to look at her. She sighed. “Sorry everyone for spoiling an otherwise beautiful evening.” Then she slowly walked toward the house with everyone watching.

  End of Excerpt. Friends with More Benefits is available now. You can also read for FREE on Kindle Unlimited.