The Road to En-dor

by E. H. Jones

  The situation had its humorous side. With much toil Hill and I had built up in the Turks a belief in the existence of a spirit-world peopled by powerful personalities capable of interfering in mundane affairs and of controlling the actions of us mortals. We had created a spirit who was labouring for us, and to explain why so omnipotent a personality should not at once achieve its aim we had been forced to invent an opposition spirit in whom the Turks believed as fully as in our own Spook. These two great forces were struggling for the strings which moved us human marionettes. Until X came into the arena, all had gone well, and the Turks had been content to remain automata and to obey blindly the pulls at their strings. But now there was a split in our camp. Kiazim was assailed with doubt as to the genuine intentions of our Spook, and, on the other hand, with fears that OOO might eventually prove supreme. But never for a single moment had he any doubts about the mediums. So it came about that our chief jailer gravely pointed out to us the possibility that we might be forced to escape by the unseen powers, which would have dangerous consequences for himself. He knew we would help him to prevent it, if we could, but alas we were mere instruments in the hands of the Unseen. We could give him no advice, except to trust the Spook, which was precisely what he would not do.

  Outwardly Hill and I were like the mother turkey – ‘more than usual calm’; we pretended not to care what happened. But between ourselves we raged at X for his interference, and at our own carelessness in letting our intended movements be known too early. It looked as if all our hard work and our starvation had been in vain. Kiazim was ready, at the first hint of danger, to give up the treasure hunt altogether, and he had quite made up his mind to take no active part in the matter for the future. He would not, for instance, travel with us, or grant leave to Moïse or the Cook, and we knew it would be hopeless to try the ‘lost-in-the-post’ letter.

  Hill and I felt that we had no choice but to give up, for the time being, our kidnapping scheme. Perhaps our nerve was a little broken by X’s unexpected intervention. A few more remarks of that nature, we felt, might switch suspicion on to us. Suspicion might lead to unexpected tests, and unexpected tests to discovery. What the result of that might be we did not like to contemplate.

  We put Matthews’ ‘operation orders’ in the fire next day, and told him we dared not go on. He agreed, regretfully, that we were right.

  Chapter XXI

  In Which We Decide To Become Mad and the Spook Gets Us Certificates of Lunacy

  Our last hope was to go mad, and try for exchange. We came to the decision reluctantly, after a discussion that went on far into the night. Then a thing happened that went far to restore my ebbing human nature. Hill got up from his chair, and after pacing the room a little while, he stopped, facing me.

  ‘I will stand down, old chap,’ he said. ‘If two of us go mad together it will lessen the chances of each not by half, but a hundredfold, and one man, on his own, has a poor enough chance against the Constantinople specialists. So I will stand down, and good luck to you!’

  ‘We have agreed that the mad stunt is now our best – our only chance,’ I objected.

  ‘Yes,’ he admitted. ‘But think of it – two fellows from the same camp going mad at the same time. It is hopeless. I’d love to join you, but I’m not going to spoil your chance. Your only hope is to go alone.’

  I like to think of the half hour that followed, and of the depths it revealed in Hill’s friendship for me. We were at the gloomiest period of the war – April 1918. The German successes lost nothing in the recounting in Turkish newspapers. To every appearance our imprisonment might last for years. Yet Hill tried hard to sacrifice his last faint hope of liberty for my sake. In the end I reminded him that we had pledged ourselves to stick together, and threatened that if he returned to camp I would fulfil my part of the contract by going back with him.

  ‘Well, Bones,’ he said. ‘I’ll come. I don’t know what special kind of miseries the Turks keep for malingering lunatics, but I promise you that without your permission they’ll never find out through me.’

  I made him the same promise. Three months later I was to regret it most bitterly, for Hill then lay at death’s door in Gumush Suyu hospital, and forbade me to say the few words of confession that would have got him the humane treatment he required.

  Our Spook had a delicate task regaining its full authority over Kiazim. It began by developing the Commandant’s own plan – a process to which he could hardly object – and laying stress on its desire to keep Kiazim in the background. It reminded us that in order to avoid OOO’s interference it was better for us not to know what method would be ultimately adopted. But there was no harm in preparing for a trip to Constantinople to read the thoughts of AAA. And if we failed, which was unlikely, we could try some other method when we returned to Yozgad. Meantime, Kiazim need do nothing but tell the truth, in which there was never any harm. It did not reprove Kiazim for lack of faith, or pretend to know anything about his temporary secession, but went on quietly as if nothing had occurred.

  The Commandant was perfectly ready to tell the truth, but wanted to know to whom he was to tell it, and what he was to say! The Spook told him. He was to call in the Turkish doctors and make them the following statement, which he should learn by heart:

  ‘I am anxious about two of my prisoners, and I want your professional advice that I may act on it. I have reason to believe they are mentally affected, and that the English doctor is endeavouring to conceal the fact.60 A certain number of the prisoners, amongst whom Jones and Hill were prominent, have been studying occultism ever since they arrived. They admittedly practise telepathy, and were arrested for communication with people outside on military matters. For direct evidence as to their conduct during their confinement I refer you to my Interpreter (Moïse) and my orderly (the Cook) who have seen a good deal of them. If they have become mentally unhinged I fear they may do something desperate, and would like you to send them to Constantinople where they can be properly looked after, or do whatever you think is best for them.’

  The Commandant would then produce the Cook. His story to the doctors was to be as follows:

  ‘By the Commandant’s orders I attended Hill and Jones in their imprisonment, as they were not allowed to communicate with other prisoners. I took them their food (from Posh Castle). At first I noticed nothing peculiar. After a few days, in brushing out their room, I began to find bits of meat hidden away in the corners. I used to give these to my chickens. I do not know why the meat was thus thrown away because the prisoners cannot talk Turkish. I also found charred remains of bread and other food in the stove. A few days ago the prisoners forbade me to sweep out their room. I do not know why. They usually look depressed and silent. That is all I know.’

  Then the Pimple:

  Figure 27: The ‘Posh-Castle Mess’ who fed us in our imprisonment.

  ‘I know both Jones and Hill well. When they first arrived they were both smart and soldierlike. They have gradually become more and more untidy and slovenly. For over a year they have been studying occultism, and I know they achieved some extraordinary results, e.g., they got the first news that came to Yozgad of the taking of Baghdad. There were many other things. At one time spirit-communiqués were published in the camp. All the other prisoners knew of it and many believed in it. The first peculiarity I noticed was that occasionally one or the other of them would write an extraordinary letter, abusing certain officers and the camp in general. I thought at the time these letters were due to drink, and tore them up. This was many months ago. I remonstrated with them for using such language about their fellow officers.61 I do not know when they began what they call ‘telepathy’, but I used to come upon them studying together. I was present at their public exhibition (description follows). Nobody has ever given me a satisfactory explanation of their powers.

  ‘When Hill and Jones were imprisoned on 7th March it was my duty to visit them every day and try to elicit the name of their correspondent, which the Commanda
nt wanted. Sometimes they were rude to me, sometimes polite, sometimes sullen. At first they got food sent in from Major Baylay’s mess (Posh Castle). I now remember that soon after they were locked up they began to ask me if Major Baylay was abusing them. About 20th March or a little before they began to beg to be allowed to cook their own food, or for the Turks to cook it. When I asked why, they first said they did not want to cause trouble in the camp. I saw Major Baylay and Price, of the Posh Castle mess, who said it was no trouble, and they would continue sending food. When I told this to Hill and Jones they got excited, insisted that they must not give trouble, and finally told me in confidence that Major Baylay was putting poison in the meat, and that they were afraid he would poison the other food too. I thought they were joking about the poison, and that the real reason was they did not wish to give trouble, but I arranged for them to cook their own food. I now understand that they did not intend it as a joke – their belief explains why they hid the meat which the Cook found.

  ‘On the 1st of April the order came from Constantinople to release them. When I told them of this they were very frightened. They asked me to keep the door locked, and said this order did not really come from Constantinople, but was an arrangement between Major Baylay and the postmaster who had been paid ten liras to forge a telegram. They said the real object of the telegram was to stop them writing to the British War Office about Baylay (it forbade them write any letters), and to get them outside so that they could be murdered. This alarmed me, as they were obviously serious. I fetched in the English camp doctor, but did not tell him my suspicions about their sanity. I was present during the doctor’s examination, and noticed the two prisoners were reticent and said nothing about Baylay. The doctor seemed puzzled. He paid several visits and was vague when I questioned him. He mentioned neurasthenia, but when I asked if that meant nervous trouble he shut up and did not answer. He was obviously alarmed about them. To please them and give the doctor a chance, the door was kept locked for several days, in spite of the War Office order to liberate them. Then I had to inform the camp that they were free. Hill and Jones were terrified and begged me not to allow any English officers to visit them.

  ‘When visitors came Hill and Jones got very excited. They were rude to many of their friends. They complained to me that these officers had been sent by Major Baylay and Colonel Maule to murder them. They complained that one officer – Captain Colbeck – had asked them to come out, with the object of killing them, and when they refused to go had threatened to take them by force.62 I found out that the truth was their visitor was alarmed by their altered appearance, and thought it would do them good to have tea in Baylay’s garden. Hill and Jones thought they were being enticed out to be killed. They also complained to me that Baylay had visited them,63 and had scattered poison about the room, and had poisoned some bread, which they had to burn in consequence. When asked why they would not allow the Cook to sweep the room they said if he did so it would liberate the poison which Baylay had put in the dust. They next began to distrust the English doctor and to think he was an emissary of Baylay’s. They pretended to take his medicine, but confided to me that they dared not do so, and showed me a bottle of Dover Powder which the doctor had given them, pointing out that it was labelled “POISON”.’ (O’Farrell had provided us with medicines for his ‘neurasthenia’ diagnosis, but had instructed us not to take them.)

  ‘When Constantinople, in their telegram of 1st April, prohibited Hill and Jones from writing to England, they began to write extraordinary letters to high Turkish officials and also to the Sultan. This alarmed me. I could get no satisfaction from the English doctor. I therefore asked you gentlemen to tell me the early symptoms of madness’ – (This was true enough. Moïse had done so, acting under instructions from the Spook) – ‘and learned enough to make me fairly certain that the English doctor was concealing the truth. With the Commandant’s consent I then questioned the English doctor.’ (This interview was also ordered by the Spook, O’Farrell having been previously warned by us.) ‘He was again vague, said the two men could be treated and looked after here, and appeared to be afraid of a Turkish asylum. I reported what O’Farrell had said to the Commandant, and he decided he must have proper medical advice, as they are gradually getting more violent.’

  Moïse was then to produce the letters we had written to the ‘high Turkish officials’. The Spook told us these letters were written by himself. We pretended, at the time of writing them, that we were ‘under control’ and quite unconscious of what we were writing. Moïse and the Commandant, of course, quite believed this.

  I give below two specimens of the many letters we wrote. In my letters the handwriting was very scrawly and hurried, there were frequent repetitions, and occasionally words were left out. The first is to the Sultan, the second to Enver Pasha. Hill was supposed to be forced to write by me.

  To the Light of the World, the Ruler of the Universe, and Protector of the Poor, the Sword & Breastplate of the True Faith, his most gracious Majesty Abdul Hamid of Turkey, Greeting: This is the humble petition of two of your Majesty’s prisoners of War now at Yozgad in Anatolia. We humbly ask your most gracious protection. We remain here in danger of our lives owing to the plots of the camp against us. They are all in league against us. Baylay is determined to poison us. He tried to drag us into the garden to murder us. He is in league with all the camp against us. We cannot eat the food they send because he puts poison in it. Colonel Maule has said to the Commandant he is going to get rid of us. Also the doctor who was our friend until Baylay persuaded him to give us poison instead of medicine. Please protect us. The Commandant is our friend. When Baylay tried to he said no and put us in a nice house please give him a high decoration for his kindness we cannot go out because Baylay will kill us and all the camp hate us who shall in duty bound ever pray for your gracious Majesty.

  E. H. JONES. C. W. HILL.

  DEAR MR. ENVER PASHA,

  I don’t suppose your Excellency will know who I am, but Jones says he knows you. He met you in Mosul. Will you help us? The other prisoners want to kill us. The ringleader is Major Baylay. He gave a letter to the Turks and said we wrote it. He thought the Commandant would hang us. But the Commandant was very kind to us and gave us a house to ourselves and locked the door so that Baylay could not get at us. We were very happy until Baylay started poisoning our food. Then the Commandant said we could cook our own food and now he leaves the door open and we are in terror lest Major Baylay comes and kills us he did come one day and tried to entice us into the garden and he now sends the doctor to give us poison the doctor pretends it is medicine but we know better. Will you please write to the Commandant and ask him to lock the door.

  Your obedient servants,

  C. W. HILL. E. H. JONES.

  Such was the case that was laid before the two official Turkish doctors in Yozgad, Major Osman and Captain Suhbi Fahri, by the principal officials of the prisoners’ camp on the morning of 13th April 1918. We knew nothing of the medical attainments of Major Osman or Captain Suhbi Fahri, but we calculated that if the officers in charge of a camp of German prisoners in England made similar statements about two prisoners to the local English doctors, and told them (as the Turks were told) that the German doctor in the camp was trying to conceal the true state of affairs with a view to keeping the two men from the horrors of an English asylum, it ought to create an atmosphere most favourable to malingerers. In Yozgad we had the additional advantage that the Turkish doctors were very jealous of O’Farrell, whose medical skill had created a great impression amongst the local officials, and were only too delighted at a chance of proving him wrong. But the outstanding merit of the scheme was that it avoided implicating O’Farrell. We would face the Constantinople specialists purely on the recommendation of the Turks, and O’Farrell’s disagreement with the local doctors would make him perfectly safe if we were found out. Also O’Farrell’s whole attitude towards us, his fellow prisoners, would help us to deceive the specialists, because
it would be a strong argument against the theory that we were malingering, for it would be natural to suppose that the English doctor would seek to help rather than hinder us to leave Yozgad. The Turks are not sufficiently conversant with poker to recognize a bluff of the second degree.

  Figure 28: Hill with a British ‘warm’ up to his ears sat huddled motionless over the red-hot stove. On the other side of the stove I wrote furiously.

  The Spook had promised the Commandant to place us under control and make us seem mad when the doctors visited us. It succeeded to perfection, for we had left no stone unturned to deceive the Turks.

  We were unshaven, unwashed, and looked utterly disreputable. For over three weeks we had been living on a very short ration of dry bread and tea. For the last three days we had eaten next to nothing, and by the 13th April we were literally starving. We sat up all night on the 12th, that our eyes might be dull when the doctors came, and we took heavy doses of phenacetin at frequent intervals, to slow down our pulses. All night we kept the windows and doors shut, and the stove red-hot and roaring, and smoked hard, so that by morning the atmosphere was indescribable. We scattered filth about the room, which had already remained a week unswept, and strewed it with slop-pails, empty tins, torn paper, and clothing. Near the door we upset a bucket of dirty water; in the centre of the floor was a heap of soiled linen, and close beside it what looked like the remains of a morning meal. Over all we sprinkled a precious bottle of Elliman’s Embrocation, adding a new odour to the awful atmosphere. An hour before the doctors were due, Hill began smoking strong plug tobacco, which always makes him sick. The Turks, being Turks, were ninety minutes late. Hill kept puffing valiantly at his pipe, and by the time they arrived he had the horrible, greeny-yellow hue that is known to those who go down to the sea in ships.