Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  “Look, I respect the hell out of you,” I let Grant know. “But you have no clue how committed I am to this company. It takes most of my time. I barely make time to eat and shit, for God’s sake.”

  Grant’s laugh makes me laugh as he says, “You find time to get that two-hour workout in every single day. And believe it or not, this company needs you, but not the entire amount of time you put into it. I think you have time for a relationship. If you want one, that is.”

  “Maybe I don’t.” I look at him and finally admit it to him as well as myself, “Maybe I won’t be good at it.”

  “Are you fucking around with me?” he asks me as he laughs again. “I saw the way that woman looked at you. I saw the connection you two had. And I damn sure see the mark she’s left on you. Stop fucking around, man. Go let her know what you really want. Make it work. No matter how much you have to bend to make it work, at least try.”

  I’m more than a little surprised by his reaction. “Grant, to be honest, you’re the last guy I thought would be saying something like this to me. You’re kind of a player.”

  “So,” he says. “Do you think just because I like to live my life a certain way that means I think everyone else should too? Because I don’t. If you find someone, you shouldn’t just throw it away.”

  “Jade told me that so damn many times.” I put my head in my hands and think for a moment. “She has my number and she hasn’t called me. What if she thinks of me as a one-time thing and has moved on? What if she’s found someone else? What if she hasn’t called because she regrets what we did?”

  “Don’t you have her number too?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I answer. “But I told Jade I wouldn’t call and I didn’t want her to call me. I wanted us to stop things between us cold turkey and completely.”

  “Man, are you dumb or what?” Grant asks me. “I mean, damn, Pierce!”

  “What?” I yell. “What was I supposed to do? Let her down slowly? Leave her hanging while I dealt with business? What?”

  “You’re taking the coward’s way out. Not giving things a chance to move forward or end on their own. What the fuck are you afraid of?” he asks me.

  My answer pops out before I think about it, “Her hating me like all the others did.”

  “And there it is. You’re allowing fear to rule you. Hmm. I think that’s interesting, don’t you? A thing we practice all the time in what we do. We face what scares us, don’t we, Pierce?”

  “Fuck!”

  “Fuck!” he shouts back at me. “Get off your ass. I’m telling Maggie you’re taking the next two weeks off. Go find your girl, you fool, before someone else does.”

  Standing up, I make up my mind to do just that. And I won’t be giving her the heads up that I’m coming either. I’ll watch her for a bit to see if she’s gotten her life going or if she’s keeping to herself, missing me the same way I’m missing her.

  Jade

  My therapist walks me to her door, running her arm around my shoulders and giving me a slight squeeze. “You’re progressing so well, Jade. I think you’re finally getting it integrated into your mind that what you and that man had was a thing you’ll treasure forever, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I can’t thank you enough for all your help, Doctor Sheldon. It’s a relief to know I’m not crazy for allowing myself to be treated in such a way.” My heart is still weak from missing Pierce, but at least this woman has given me peace of mind about why I loved what we did.

  I’m really not crazy!

  “I know Charles was hoping for a different outcome. He and I went to college together. I know the man well,” she tells me. “And when he came to me about you, he was confident that you’d been brainwashed or something equally as sordid. I kept my mouth shut about my beliefs so he’d bring you to me. He’s a nice man, Jade. You could do worse. Charles cares about you more than you know.”

  “I know how much he cares about me,” I tell her as I walk out of her office and into the hallway. “But my heart belongs to another.”

  “As we talked about, it’ll take time for that to lose its sharp edge. Little by little, as you see the man has moved on, that hard love you have for him will soften and fade into the background.”

  “I’ll never stop loving him,” I say with a defiant tone.

  “Jade, you don’t have to get me to believe you. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him. I’m merely saying that it will fade in time, so try not to push anyone away because of what you feel right now. I’m not saying to get into anything before you’re ready, but don’t push away a person who might also be a great love, once this one dies.”

  With a nod, I turn and leave. I can’t think about my love for Pierce, dying. I won’t allow that to happen. No matter what, I’ll always hold our love in a sacred place in my heart and soul. No one will push it out of the way so they can get in, not even Charles Gilman!

  Walking into the dreary, foggy morning, I take the shortest route possible to get to my first class. After a few moments, I notice the sound of footsteps coming from a little way behind me. The soles of the shoes click and clack at the same rate mine do. I slow down and they slow too. I speed up and they do too. Stopping, I turn around and see no one. The fog is thick, hiding them from me. “Who’s there?”

  “Jade?” comes a male voice.

  “Yes.”

  I wait as the man who’s following me steps forward and I see it’s Charles. “Jade, I thought that was you. I wasn’t certain. I didn’t want to frighten some woman if it wasn’t you. How did your session with Julie go?”

  “Doctor Sheldon and I had a great meeting.” I turn and begin to walk again, with Charles at my side. “I’m afraid you’re not getting what you’d hoped for.”

  “And what is it you believe I was hoping for?” he asks with a grin.

  “Me finding out I was taken against my will or something of that nature. You see, there are people who find that kind of thing not only intriguing, but deeply satisfying. I was one who found so much satisfaction in it that I was changed in ways I didn’t know where possible.”

  “I dare say you are one strong young woman,” he says, then drapes his arm around my shoulders. “I could study up on that type of thing. Perhaps learn to be what you need in a man.”

  “Are you proposing to be my Dom, Charles?” I laugh at the silly notion.

  His grin turns into a frown. “I do have dominating tendencies, Jade. What’s so funny about that?”

  “Nothing. I shouldn’t laugh about your gesture. You do have some of the ways a dominant man does, but you aren’t him, Charles. You aren’t my Dom, or my love.”

  “Your love, as you call the absentee man, has left you behind. Your Dom has left his sub alone and lonely.”

  “That he has. But I take that on myself. I failed at my mission while he succeeded at his. I was supposed to push his commitment limits, and I guess I didn’t do it the right way. I thought I was helping him, but I wasn’t. At least I got him to allow himself to feel love for another person and accept my love. Even if it was for only a short time.”

  “How romantic,” Charles says as he rolls his eyes. Tightening his arm around my shoulders, he gives me a hug. “How about lunch this afternoon? I can pop by the campus and bring you something. I do believe this is your long day, is it not?”

  “It is,” I tell him. “I’ll be stuck at school until six this evening. A nice picnic lunch would be great. I’ll see you at noon then.” Breaking away from his hold on me, I feel his hand move down my arm, grasping my hand and pulling me back to him. “Charles!”

  Pulling me so close our chests smash together, he says with a stern tone, “I can be what you need, Jade. Now be a good girl and give me a kiss.”

  My eyes dart back and forth as his persistence, and now authoritative attitude, does turn me on a bit. A kiss isn’t a thing we’ve done yet, though. “Charles, I’m not about to kiss you. And you should know, while I like being handled a certain way, I do
n’t always give in when told what to do.”

  He lets me go and watches me as I step back. “Jade, you’re a perplexing female. Has anyone ever told you that?”

  “No. See you at lunch.” Walking away from him, I have a distinct feeling that he’s watching me as I go. I can’t explain why he doesn’t do it for me, but he just doesn’t. Perhaps because Pierce is too set inside of me.

  One of the girls in my creative writing class meets me as we get to the door of the lecture hall. “I see your admirer has walked you to school again, Jade.”

  “He has,” I say as I pull the door open and gesture for her to walk in first.

  “When are you two going to make it official that you’re together?” she asks.

  I have to laugh. “Patricia, we’re not even dating.”

  “I think you are dating. I think you’re the only one who doesn’t realize that, Jade.” We walk into the already packed hall and take a couple of seats next to each other.

  “He tried to kiss me just a minute ago,” I whisper.

  “You two haven’t kissed yet?” she asks me with a shocked expression. “Jade, he’s so into you. He’s handsome, rich, and sweet to boot. Are you mental?”

  “No, I’m not mental,” I tell her as I now have a therapist who has assured me that I’m normal with a side of exceptional.

  “You should let him kiss you. If there’s no spark, then end it. If there is one, then give the man a shot.”

  Pondering her words, I think about what it’d be like to kiss Charles. It might be okay. But it might not. What would Pierce think if I moved on?

  What if he already has moved on and I’m sitting here, stagnating as I wait for a man who said he was quitting me cold turkey and he’d never see me again?

  Maybe it is time I gave the man who’s made me the center of his attention since I got back home a chance …

  Pierce

  Sunlight finally breaks the damn fog that’s kept me from finding Jade the entire morning. With the hour of noon making the large clock in the campus tower shake as it loudly chimes twelve times, I find a plethora of college students flooding the lawn.

  It seems these Brits love to eat outdoors for lunch. One blanket after another is spread on the lush green grass of the campus lawn. There were a few people with picnics ready to go before the clock started making the loud noise that brought the others out.

  One man in particular stands out to me. He’s tall, has dark hair that’s neatly combed, and a suit that says he works in a nice office somewhere. I sit in the rental car, watching him painstakingly lay out a dark blue blanket, then place China and silverware neatly on it.

  Next, he unloads the basket of food he brought for some lucky person. Perhaps his daughter. He’s a bit older, though maybe not old enough to have a University aged kid.

  I watch as he places a single red rose in a small vase, then sits back and watches the crowd dissipate as they all go their own way. A smile moves over his face as I assume he sees who it is he’s been waiting for and has made such a fuss about.

  He stands up to greet the person and I watch him take a woman of average height and weight into his arms. Her hair is stuffed under a baseball cap and she’s wearing faded jeans and a baggy black T-shirt.

  They look funny together. Their hug is awkward, and when he tries to deliver a kiss to her cheek, she dodges it and plants her ass on the blanket. He’s into her and she’s not really into him. That’s pretty obvious.

  I stop looking at the couple and look for Jade. Scanning the entire hillside, I find I don’t see her at all. My eyes move back to the couple and I watch the man take the cap off his girlfriend, or at least I bet he hopes he can make her his girlfriend.

  “NO!” I shout.

  Gripping the steering wheel, I try not to leap from the car and run to grab her. It’s Jade!

  I can barely breathe as I watch her laugh. Her dark waves bounce around her pretty face. The man runs his hand through it and she eases away from his touch as she bites her lower lip.

  She’s thinking about it. She’s thinking about kissing him!

  Slowly, he leans in as he talks to her. Their eyes are locked and I can’t help myself. I slam my fist on the horn and drop my seat back so they can’t see me.

  Peeking out the back window that has more tint on it than the front one does, I see Jade has moved away from the man. My horn worked, stopping the kiss from happening.

  “Yes!” I say as I pump my fist in the air.

  She’s not lost to me yet!

  I hope …

  As the day progresses, I find myself still sitting in the car and waiting for Jade to come back outside. She and that man had a nice lunch. He hugged her, thought it was uncomfortable looking on Jade’s part, then she went back to classes as he picked up the blanket and the remains of the picnic.

  I was tempted to follow him, but then didn’t want to miss Jade. So I sat and waited. Now the hour of six o’clock has the clock chiming again, and I finally see her coming out of the last door I saw her going into.

  She’s talking to some other young woman. They’re laughing and smiling. Jade looks happy. Not the way I thought she’d look at all. My heart sinks and I start the car.

  This trip was a mistake. All I’ve found out is that Jade is just fine. She’s over me. Sure, she’s not dressing the way I like her to. Her hair is pinned under that stupid baseball cap again and she has no makeup on. I bet she hated it when I made her dress the way I did and wear makeup on occasion.

  I bet she hates me now.

  I know she does!

  She’s nothing like the way I made her be when I had her. She’s natural and likes to wear comfortable clothing, and I made her uncomfortable. I’m an idiot!

  The other woman and Jade are standing there, talking away, and then I see the man’s car pull up. Right next to mine!

  “Shit!” I say out loud.

  He sits in the car, waiting patiently for Jade to finish her conversation with her friend. Taking his cell out, I see him swipe it, then I look at Jade and see her taking her cell out of her pocket. She waves at him and holds up one finger, telling him to hang on a moment.

  “Yeah, wait, jerk!” I say as I look at him.

  Then he looks at me and I have to look away quickly. When I bring my eyes up, I see Jade. And when she walks back into the door she came out of, I sneak a peek at the guy who’s waiting for her and see he’s getting out of the car.

  He’s tired of waiting and is going in after her. But she’s not really wanting to be with the guy. I know Jade. If she was into him then she’d have told her friend she had to go and would’ve come running to him.

  She didn’t do that. She told him to wait and then she went back inside for some reason. And here he is, pushing himself on her!

  I should do something. I know I should.

  Instead of getting out, I pick up my cell out of the center console. Maybe I’ll call her. Maybe I’ll see if she’ll answer my call.

  Before I can make up my mind, I see them both coming out of the classroom and Jade’s shaking her head as they stop and talk. He’s throwing his hands up in the air and she’s got her head down.

  She’s being submissive to him and I find myself hating it. Has she found herself another Dom? Has she gotten herself into something she thought would be comparable to what we had but has turned out terrible?

  What if he’s hurt her? What if he’s demanding too much out of her? What if she wants out of their agreement and he won’t let her out?

  I told her not to get involved with another Dom!

  My heart pounds as I try to decide what I should do. I’m not afraid of getting into a confrontation with the guy. It’s not that at all. It’s Jade I’m afraid of.

  What if she tells me to get lost? What if she tells me she belongs to that guy? What if she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore?

  The fear flows through me like a river of hot lava. And that’s what makes me stop being a little bitch and letting fear r
ule me. Opening my door, I get out and wait a moment to try to hear what they’re saying.

  I find I can’t make it out at all. It’s all just mumbles and grumbles. Moving around the car, I find Jade still looking down. “Jade!” I shout to get her attention.

  Her head turns slowly as she hears my voice. She’s stone still as she looks my way. Her cap comes off as she puts her hand up to hood her eyes. It’s only then that I realize the sun’s setting behind me. I must look like a dark figure to her and nothing more.

  Moving toward her, I shout again, “Jade!”

  “Pierce?” she asks as she comes to me. “Pierce, is that you?”

  “Jade!” I shout again as I walk a bit faster. “It’s me! It’s Pierce!”

  With a jump, she flat out runs to me. Her arms are outstretched as she shouts, “Pierce!”

  And then we collide with a burst of energy that defies nature. I can’t figure out where she ends and I begin as I run my hands all over her and our mouths meet. Our tongues swirl together like old friends who’ve missed one another desperately.

  Then a voice interferes with our sweet reunion. “So this is the man who made you the way you are, Jade.”

  With soft kisses, we stop our kiss, but can’t seem to let the other out of the hold we have on each other. “This is Pierce. The man who made me what I am today.” Her hand flows over my cheek. “You’ve shaved.”

  With a nod, I take her hand and hold it, running it over my smooth cheek. “I did. And your gorgeous face is a sight for sore eyes, baby. Did you miss me at all?”

  Tears start to run down her cheeks as she chokes back a sob. “More than I knew was possible. Does you being here mean what I think it means, Pierce?”

  “Are you even going to bother introducing us, Jade?” the moron who should be hitting the bricks and leaving us alone asks.

  “Oh, uh. Well, Pierce, this is Charles.” Jade pats my chest. “Charles, this is Pierce. And we should get going. He and I have tons to talk about.” She looks up at me with shimmering eyes. “Mind giving me a lift, Pierce?”

  Wiping away the tears that she’s shed, I answer, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”