Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  She loved the way he said her name, so tenderly, so intimately. ‘Is there anything you really don’t want to try?’ he continued, stroking a finger down her cheek.

  Jess looked away from him and took a long swig of beer before answering. ‘Nothing with knives.’ She hated the way her voice broke when she said it and she felt Theo’s arm tighten around her. When he spoke, there was a note of anger in his voice.

  ‘I would never… Jessie?’

  Dammit. Hot tears started to pour down her cheeks. Oh dammit. She didn’t want to think about what Jules had done to her and she really didn’t want to talk about, not with Theo. She didn’t want any second of her time with him spoiled by her past.

  ‘Jessica?’

  No. No. She couldn’t do this. She pushed away from him and scrambled to her feet, stepping back into the apartment. Theo followed her, his handsome face creased with concern.

  ‘Was it something I said?’

  She shook her head not trusting herself to speak. Theo came to her and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. She buried her head in his chest, breathing in his clean smell, fresh laundry and man. Theo’s hand stroked her hair gently.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  She looked up at him. ‘No. I’m sorry…please, let’s change the subject.’

  His eyes were still troubled but he nodded. They stood there for a long minute in silence then Theo kissed the top of her head.

  ‘I’ll never let anyone hurt you, Jessie.’

  And in that moment, she desperately wanted to believe him.

  Freshman year. Jess had saved every last penny from her job at the coffee house to get a small studio apartment in St Anne’s, not wanting to take anything more from Jules than she had to. Her tuition was covered by the provision in her step-father’s will but Jules still held the purse strings. She hated it but worse was the thought of hundreds of dollars of student debt hanging over her forever. Now, though, she thought she’d found a way out. A scholarship. Well, she reminded herself, a possible scholarship. The company offering it had strict guidelines on who could apply for it – only those students with the most pressing need. Trouble was, her family name was well known in Seattle and her step-brother Jules was known to be one of the richest men in the city. Just because she got nothing from him other than her tuition wouldn’t be enough to convince the board she needed that funding – mostly to escape him. Jules had done interviews lately in his position as a handsome eligible millionaire, raving about his ‘close relationship’ with his step-sister. The interviews had made Jess sick to her stomach. If they only knew…

  All which meant she couldn’t plead poverty to the board – unless Jules publicly and notably cut her off.

  He was coming over later to discuss it with her – had even been genial about the idea over the phone. She would frame it as a bonus for him. He would save the few hundred thousand dollars that her degree and her masters would cost. She told herself that would be enough.

  It wasn’t. Of course, it wasn’t.

  Jules listened to her reasoning politely, a supercilious smile on his face and she knew immediately it was no good.

  ‘Well,’ he said, standing and pacing around the room – between her and the door, she noted uneasily as he turned to smile at her. ‘Obviously, I have no intention of…’disowning’ you, Jessica. Why would I?’

  He stood in front of her then, hands deep in his pockets and she could see him stroking himself through the thin material, putting on an exhibition for her. Nausea swept over her and she stood, wanting to push past him.

  But then his hand was on her throat, squeezing hard. He grabbed her and slammed her back down on the couch. Jess struggled against him but knew of old, she had no chance against his strength. They’d been in this situation so many times… except this time, Jules’ eyes glowed with malice. He ground his mouth down on hers, his hand burrowing under her skirt.

  ‘No… no… please st-…’

  His hand clamped over her mouth as he tore her panties from her. Jess bucked frantically trying to push him away but then, grinning, Jules had shown her what he had in his hand. She froze.

  A knife. Oh god, no…

  ‘Stop fighting me, Jessica, or I’ll put this into you. I’ll gut you, Princess, without a second thought. You belong to me, Jessica. I say what you do, where you go. Whether you live or die. Do you understand?’

  Terrified, she could do nothing but nod, tears streaming down her face, as Jules, triumphant, took her with his knife to her throat.

  Jess woke up, panting, trying not to scream. Beside her, Theo slept soundly, his big frame making her bed seem tiny. Jess edged out of the bed and padded silently to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. She drained the glass and refilled it. Her body was trembling from the nightmare – the memory – of Jules that night.

  It hadn’t been the first time he’d raped her, just the first time he’d threatened to kill her and Jess had no doubt he was capable.

  She sat down at the kitchen table and laid her head against the cool wood. She hated that he held this power over her. She’d told him she was going to the police, defiant at last, but he’d gotten to them first with his expensive lawyers and limitless influence. She was unstable, he’d told them; her mother had been committed several times in her life before her suicide. Using her mother’s mental illness against her was both evil and genius. However much she protested after that, she could see it in their eyes: Nut job. Attention seeker. Hysteric. As if this was the eighteen hundreds and not the twenty-first century. Jesus.

  Jules had punished her of course. Breaking into her apartment and beating her – only where it couldn’t be seen in public, of course. She’d stayed away from college for a week, unable to stand because of her bruised abdomen where he’d kicked her so viciously she couldn’t stand up straight for two days.

  After that, she’d almost given up. Buried herself in studying, letting Jules continue to pay for everything, control everything she couldn’t. She moved apartments frequently, whenever her lease was up and never took apartments with longer than a six-month tenure. Jules always, always found her.

  The assaults came less and less as long as she obeyed him and she clung to that. She rarely went out, and she never, ever dated. And each year she squirrelled away money so that one day she could just run. Another country, changing identity, to get away from Jules. That had been her plan.

  Until she met Theo. Until she remembered what affection felt like. What love felt like.

  She walked silently back to the bedroom and lay down beside him. In sleep, the harsh angles of his beautiful face softened, his full mouth curved up slightly in a smile. She pressed her lips gently to kiss and then stroked his face. She studied him for a long minute before closing her own eyes.

  Before she fell back to sleep, she kissed him once more and whispered ‘I love you’.

  A moment later, Theo opened his eyes and smiled. ‘I love you too, beautiful one.’ But she was already asleep.

  Neither of them heard the door to the apartment door creak open. Jules Gachet sneaked through the room until he stood at her bedroom door, staring down at them. The way Jessica was curved around the big man’s body, the protective arm he had wrapped around her. Jules’ gut churned with jealousy, with anger. Fucking whore. He fantasised about having this bastard wake up to find her dead beside him, covered in her blood. Jules grinned nastily to himself. If he could have gotten away with it… but no. Not yet, at least. He moved silently to her side and brushed a fingertip down her soft cheek, pushing a lock of dark brown hair away from her lovely face. If he ended up killing her, he wanted it to be an intimate, unrushed time. He wanted her to die slowly, painfully, looking into his eyes and begging him to spare her life.

  He turned his attention to the man sleepily beside her. He was vaguely familiar but Jules couldn’t place him. Never mind, he didn’t matter. Just the thought of this man inside his Jessica made him want to roar, rage and
to implode with malevolence.

  An idea came to him then and he smiled to himself. If Jessica thought she could be happy with this man… Jules almost laughed aloud. Yes, he was going to enjoy destroying her piece of mind, her security, her new love.

  He’d consider it an appetiser to her murder.

  Theo Storm glanced up as Max came into his office, grinning. ‘Where have you been and what is her name?’ His best friend had raised eyebrows and amused look on his chubby face.

  Theo smiled. ‘Max, buddy…you’ve already lost your dumb bet and you don’t even know it.’

  Max started to scoff then, as he saw how serious Theo was.

  ‘Really?’ He looked sceptical. ‘No. No way, I know you too well. You’re yanking me.’

  Theo barked out a laugh. ‘Projecting as usual. No, I’m serious, Max. Here…’

  He pulled out his cell phone which already had a ton of photos of Jess. He flicked to them and handed it to Max.

  ‘Her name is Jessica – Jess. She’s a Ph.D. graduate at UW. Art restoration.’

  Max whistled. ‘She’s a beauty, alright. Where’d you meet her?’

  Theo told him about the commencement speech then gave him a cleaned up version of the last few days. ‘I really want you to meet her. She’s going to be around a long time.’

  Max blinked. ‘Wow. Never seen you like this before. ‘

  Theo grinned a little smugly. ‘Now about that bet…’

  Max scoffed. ‘Bet schmet. When am I going to meet her?’

  Jess choked on her drink – which was a shame because the cocktail was utterly delicious and very expensive – but Theo’s best friend Max was just too funny. He was in the middle of regaling her with stories of his and Theo’s childhood, growing up together, going to an exclusive private school for boys and not behaving as ‘young gentlemen should’ in any way or form.

  Max grinned as she wiped her mouth and tried to stop laughing. Theo was shaking his head good-naturedly, pretending to be disgusted with Max’s loose tongue.

  ‘Seriously, dude, stop trying to kill my girlfriend. Breathe, Jess.’

  Jess sucked in a few deep breaths, trying not to be over-excited about the fact Theo had just called her his girlfriend. She felt like a freakin’ teenager but there was no denying the warmth flooding her every nerve and cell when he called her that. Theo chuckled at her and leaned over to kiss her briefly.

  ‘That’s my cue to get more drinks,’ Max disappeared off to the bar. Theo kissed her again, slower, deeper, his hands cradling her face, his tongue caressing hers. Jess melted into the embrace, sliding her hands around his waist, feeling his muscular body under her fingers. God, she had never wanted anyone this much in her life, wanting to be naked with him all day and all night. Well, she thought a little smugly, she had been for the past few days but tomorrow, she had to get back to work, back to reality. Theo had gone into the office today for an hour or so but had returned just after lunch. She’d been naked and ready for him when he walked into the door – they hadn’t made it to the bedroom before they were tangled in each other and sweating.

  After an afternoon of screwing, she could still feel the ache of him, her vagina pulsed with a pleasant soreness, her thighs stretched and her hips felt like liquid still. His lips were on her throat now and she closed her eyes, concentrating on the sensation.

  ‘At the end of this evening,’ Theo spoke in a low, deep murmur, ’we’ll say goodnight to Max and then I’m going to take you into the alley around the back of this place and fuck you so hard, Jessie, so very hard. Then we’ll go back to my place and do it all over again until you’re helpless in my arms.’

  Jess suppressed her moan of desire but her body trembled and she heard him laugh softly. She buried her face in his neck.

  ‘I want you now.’ She whispered and, moving quickly, he pulled her onto his lap so she was straddling him. Their eyes locked and a silent assent passed between them. Theo reached down and unzipped his fly, freed his already stiffening cock, and pushing her panties to one side, slid into her. She nearly gave them away as she felt his cock fill her, giving a moan which he quickly smothered with a kiss. Rocking gently as if only moving with the kiss, she felt his free hand caressing her sensitive clit, sending shivers of delight through her body. His lips moved against hers as they kissed, tender but firm and Jess wondered how she ever lived before this kind of pleasure. She was glad that they were sitting in a private, secluded booth, that the rest of the club couldn’t see that they were screwing and when Theo started to move in and out of her, the fact they had to be discreet, had to keep the frenzy within was so incredibly erotic, she came quickly. He followed her and for a moment, they stayed connected, breathing hard, gaze locked on the others. Theo looked around then.

  ‘Max is coming back.’

  She slid from his lap and sat, shoving her legs together as Theo tidied himself.

  ‘’Jeez, you’d think there was a world shortage of bar staff,’ Max was moaning, dispersing their drinks to them, completely unaware that Theo’s semen was still inside her. Jess tried not to giggle at the thought and Theo shot her an amused, conspiratorial look. It had been a quick, dirty, thrilling fuck with adrenaline coursing through them at the fear of being caught and she grinned back at him. God, she would do anything for this man. She wondered what else he had planned for their lovemaking. Being tied up, losing part of the control of the situation had been, ironically, more liberating than she had expected and now there was little she would contemplate letting him do.

  Theo watched as Jess and Max fell easily back into conversation. He slid his hand onto the back of Jess’s neck, caressed the muscles there and he was gratified when she squeezed his knee. He let his gaze wander lazily over her body, the full breasts, the slim waist, the almost-flat belly and then her thighs which he noticed she had rammed together, keeping his seed inside of her. She was so beautiful, he could hardly believe it.

  ‘Yo, Theo? Hey, space cadet!’ Max prodded his shoulder and Theo shook himself. Max grinned at him. ‘I gotta go. You –‘ he grabbed Jess’s hand, ‘are a freaking princess. If I wasn’t gay, I’d be fighting Theo for your hand.’

  Jess flushed but Theo noticed the tiniest wince when Max had said ‘princess.’ When Max had gone, Jess leaned back into him and he tipped her chin up so he could kiss her.

  ‘There’s a lot about you I don’t know yet,’ he murmured, brushing his lips against hers, enjoying the sensation of her soft skin against his mouth.

  ‘There’s plenty of time for that… our sordid histories.’ She laughed but again, he detected something else, a hesitance, a wound but he decided tonight wasn’t the right time to pursue it. He stroked her face gently.

  ‘Ready to go?’

  On the way out, he nodded to the security man who led them out of the back door. Outside, rain was plummeting down from the storm that rages overhead – Seattle always knew exactly the best time to throw down with the weather. Theo glanced up then shook his head.

  ‘A literal rain check for our alleyway shenanigan?’

  Jess grinned wickedly and shook her head, skipping past him into the darkest part of the alleyway. Theo followed her then watched in amazement as she slipped out of her clothes and stood before him, naked, rain pouring down her glorious curves. She smiled at him and held out her hand.

  ‘Fuck me, Theo…’

  He didn’t need to be told twice. In two strides he was over to her, pulling at his clothes, almost in a frenzy. She helped him, freeing his ramrod cock from his pants then laughing wildly as he picked her up, pushing her back against the cold, wet wall. He thrust into her hard and she moaned, kissing his fiercely.

  ‘Fuck me hard, Theo …’

  Her eyes were alive and his breath quickened in excitement. He rammed himself into her as hard as he could, slamming against the wall so hard he heard her gasp a ‘yes, yes!’. The rain was a monsoon now, covering their hot bodies as they moved together. The feel of being inside her, her softness, her sweet
, sweet sex was something he could take anytime, anywhere, even in this filthy weather. He loved that she wanted to fuck in the rain. It spoke to her innate sense of humour, of the sense of adventure he thought that she hid most of the time. It meant she trusted him and that – he thought now as he shuddered to a climax - meant the world to him because he knew, knew that something was broken inside this beautiful girl and he desperately wanted to be the one to fix it.

  Jess managed to straighten her soaking wet dress over her body enough so she looked decent. Her skin, her mind felt frenzied with excitement and desire. She was astonished at herself, at the certainty that she wouldn’t have let Theo call off their promised alleyway tryst. She wanted it. Bad. She wanted to do every mad thing with him, experience everything. Everything.

  Theo took her hand now and they walked down the alleyway to where his car was parked. As they rounded the corner, suddenly there were flashes of light and people yelling his name, jostling them. Theo cursed and curved his arms protectively around Jess as he hustled them to his car. Inside, Jess turned away from the windows as the paparazzi crowded around the windows and Theo pulled the car away from the curb.

  After a minute, they both breathed a sigh of relief as the car sped through the night. Theo turned the heat in the car to high and Jess gave an involuntary shiver as the warm air hit her cold body. Theo looked over at her, gave her a grin.

  ‘You okay, beauty?’

  Jess smiled and nodded, let her hand rest on his thigh. Her clothes – and his – were soaked through but she didn’t care. Theo concentrated on the road for a second before shooting her a curious look.