Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  I nod in agreement and run my arm around Kip and lean into him even more. The doctor is right, Tyler is alive, and that’s what counts. Then Samantha breaks into sobs and Levi holds her up as she says, “I’m pregnant.”

  Everyone looks at her in stunned silence. Then Kip says, “Well, congratulations!”

  And here I go crying again!

  Kip

  I hold Peyton tight as I wait for the cab to come and pick me up to take me to the airport. Never have I ever wanted not to leave someone behind in my entire life.

  “I’ll be okay,” she says as she holds onto me. “You’ve made sure my family and I will be together at the hotel and it’s only a few minutes away. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

  “I’ll be back around five in the morning so make sure to answer your phone when I call so you can let me in.” I kiss the top of her head and hold her like I never want to let her go.

  The cab is pulling up and I cup the back of her head and pull her in to kiss me. Our lips touch and a heat spreads through me like wildfire. Her arms wrap tighter around me and mine her.

  Someone clears their throat. “Excuse me, did you call for a ride to the airport, sir?”

  Reluctantly, I release her lips and her body. “I’ll be back soon, love. Stay strong.”

  She nods and steps back. “Bye, Kip.”

  Her eyes are swollen and red-rimmed. I reach out and take her hand. “You know what? I can’t leave you yet. Ride with me to the airport and then the cab can bring you back here. Come, love.” I pull at her and she stands still.

  “I can’t leave, Kip. It’s about to be my turn to go in and see him. I won’t leave.” She pulls her hand out of mine and I feel alone. Completely alone even though she’s standing right in front of me. “Call me when you land safely, will you?”

  I nod and feel a lump forming in my throat. Something about this feels so wrong. “Peyton,” I say as she turns away to walk back inside the hospital. “I love you, baby.”

  She turns back and gives me a weak smile. “I love you too, Kip. Now go do what you have to and I’ll be here. See you in the morning unless you change your mind.”

  “I’m not changing my mind, love. See you then.” I get into the cab and feel like complete shit. The very first time she needs me and I have to go. My life is running me and I’m not happy about it.

  My cell rings and it is Silas. “Yeah,” I answer not stoked at all to be talking to him.

  “Hey, man, you on the way to the airport?”

  “Yes, boss. My girl is crying and at the most critical part of her life so far, but I am on my fuckin’ way. You got what you wanted. Now leave me the fuck alone. I’ll be there in time for the precious show.” I hang up and wish I could throw something.

  After the doctor informed us of how Tyler was, we all went out and ate. The looks Levi and Blake gave me when Peyton told them I got them all rooms near the hospital, but I would have to leave, showed the disappointment they had in me. Levi even came to me afterwards and asked me if there was no way I could make other arrangements so I could stay with Peyton.

  When I told him I had tried everything I could he let out a sigh that told me he saw how this would all end. I’m not a man who is available for her. I can’t always be around. Emergencies can’t stop my schedule. And I am not a person he thinks can be counted on.

  I’m not, it seems. Peyton deserves so much more. She deserves a man who can help her through the tough times in her life, and I can’t be that man. Maybe I should go on and do the tour and leave her alone. Maybe she’s better off without a man who can’t be there when she needs him.

  My father’s face runs through my head and I pick up my cell and give him a call. His voice sounds cheerful as he answers. “Hey there, son. How’s it hanging?”

  “Not so great, Pop.” I hesitate as that damn lump moves up in my throat. “Peyton’s brother was in an accident and he’s in the hospital.”

  “That’s awful. Is he going to be okay?” he asks.

  “He’s alive, but they aren’t sure if his legs are going to work. They won’t know for another few hours. The doctor had told us it would be sooner, but he couldn’t move them when they checked.”

  “How’s Peyton doing?” Pop asks.

  “Not well. And I had to leave. She and her family looked at me with such disappointment, Pop. I can’t really take it. I think she might be better off with someone who can be there for her.”

  “And why can’t you be there, Kip?” he asks.

  “The damn tour. Silas is holding me to the contract. He actually told me her family is really none of my concern. If it were you or Mum then he could cut me a break, but since it’s not a member of my family he can’t let me out of the concert tonight, or any of them.”

  “I told you not to sign with that jackass. So, you left her there?”

  “I had to. What else could I do? She has to be there for her family and she wants to be nowhere else and I don’t blame her. It’s sinking in really fast just how out of control my life is and I’m realizing it’s not a life I should involve anyone in.” Even as the words leave my mouth my heart tells me to stop thinking this way, but my brain tells me I have to.

  Pop sighs and says, “Maybe this is all happening too fast, you know? Maybe it would best for you to do what you have to and if she’s the right one she’ll be there in the end. Your life is complicated, and she needs to know that and see if it’s something she even wants. The life you’re leading right now isn’t a life everyone wants.”

  “I need to let her have a choice, don’t I?” I ask, but I know the answer.

  “It’s something I think is the right thing to do. If she wants to be there for her family, she can’t go on the road with you. You shouldn’t pull her right now. Let her do what she feels she needs to, and I bet that’s being there for her family,” Pop says.

  “You’re right. I’ll talk to her about things tomorrow. I have a couple of days to spend with her and maybe things will work and maybe they won’t. I can’t take her away from those she loves and love her at such a difficult time in their lives. Thanks for the talk, Pop. Love you, bye.”

  “Love you, son. Bye now.”

  My heart feels like it weighs a million pounds. We reach the airport and I go to the private jet and grab a stiff drink and lie back in the leather seat as we take off. I have to give Peyton rope. I have to let her go so she can do what she needs to, but why does it feel as if she may never find life with me to be anything she can take?

  Peyton

  The bed in the hotel room is one of the most comfortable beds I’ve ever been on, yet I still can’t seem to stay asleep. I drift off only to wake up as I realize Kip’s arms aren’t around me. His body is not behind mine, keeping me warm and safe.

  Too quickly I’ve become dependent on him. If nothing else, this has taught me I’m losing myself. I haven’t even begun my own life and here I am wrapped up in Kip so much his absence from my bed makes it hard for me to sleep.

  This is not healthy!

  My cell phone rings and I see it’s Kip.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey, I’m here, you want to let me in?”

  I get up and go open the door. He smiles, but he looks like hell. A little kiss he gives me then staggers towards the bathroom. “I need to wash this crap off then I’ll join you in bed, baby.”

  I make my way back to bed and feel happy he’s here, but sad that he had to go through so much to get back to me. How hard the long trip must have been for him. I feel like shit that he felt he couldn’t leave me on my own to handle this.

  He comes out of the bathroom looking beat. A dark stubble covers his face as he climbs in behind me. His arms go around me and he kisses the back of my neck. “I love you, baby,” he says in a hoarse whisper.

  “You losing your voice, babe?” I ask.

  “Shh. Let’s sleep. It’ll all be better after I rest for a while.”

  Within seconds I feel his body completely relax and
small snores he makes against my neck. It’s killing me to know how much he’ll do for me. Risk his health and travel all over just for me. And now I’m pissed at my body for betraying me and find I’m falling asleep easily now that he’s here with me.

  Kip

  A knock at the door wakes me up as I hear a female voice on the other side call out, “Room service.”

  Why didn’t I put out the bloody do not disturb sign?

  I turn my head so I don’t shout in Peyton’s ear. “No thank you, come back later.”

  “Sorry,” the lady shouts back and I assume that she leaves.

  My head falls back on the pillow and I realize it must be around ten or so in the morning and I’m sure Peyton wants to be back at the hospital. She’s dead to the world and I’m still tired so I lie my head back down.

  She moans and stretches in my arms. Her round ass backs up until it touches me and presses against my dick. My damn body reacts to hers even though I’m tired. I begin to grow hard and my hand roams over her breast, giving it a squeeze.

  A low groan she makes and leans even further into me. I run my hand down and stroke her softly along the folds and crevices of her southern regions. My dick hardens as I touch the edge of her vagina and find it damp.

  I kiss the back of her neck and whisper, “Wanna wake up for a minute or two, love?”

  She groans and runs her hand over mine, moving it up to her clit and pressing my fingers to it. I chuckle and kiss her neck again then give it a little nip. Moving her to lie on her back, I cover her body with mine. Her eyes never open as she runs her arms around me and I slide my dick into her wet depths.

  We both moan as I do and it hurts me how much I love this. I love the way her body and mine mold to one another’s. I hate the fact I couldn’t sleep on the jet as I kept waking up and wondering where she was. We’re too damn close and it’s seeping into my mind that it’s not a good way to live life, so dependent on someone you have to have them there even for something as simple as sleep.

  I thrust my dick deep into her cunt and with every stroke I feel more and more anger that I’ve come to need her entirely too much. I close my eyes and pound into her, fucking her hard.

  My lips ache to kiss her, but I won’t allow them to have the taste of her sweet lips which I crave like an addict. Like all addictions, it’s important to get them under control.

  Her body is no better than any other woman’s. Her kiss is no sweeter. It’s just the same as any other woman’s. It’s just a fuck, it doesn’t have to be anything more than that. If I can get through this without feeling so damn in love then I can break this addiction that I have to her.

  Her legs wrap around my waist and she arches up to meet my thrusts. Her arms go around me, but I take her hands in mine and hold them back over her head. I don’t want her running them all over me and taking me to the place her touch always does.

  I pound into her and look at the headboard. It takes everything in me to fuck her like this and have no thought in my head about how much I love her and need her. I don’t want to need her. I don’t want her to need me.

  Her legs tighten around me and she moans as I feel her body start to contract around my dick and she climaxes. I want to let go with her, but I hold back. I don’t want to need this, I don’t want to orgasm just because her body begs me to.

  I pull out and flip her over and pull her back so she has to get on her knees. I ram into her from behind and look up at the ceiling so I can’t see her. The way her blonde curls bob around, make me think about all the times I’ve craved to feel them in my fingers.

  Her cunt squeezes my dick and I can’t take it anymore and let it all go. Instead of falling on her back and snuggling and telling her how much I love her, I slap her ass and get up and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. I decide that’s a little too much to do so I look back over my shoulder. “Thanks, I’m going to shower.”

  As I get in the shower and rub the shampoo into my hair my heart aches. I feel unfinished and more than a little awful. A lot like a person feels when coming off an addictive substance.

  I’ll have to fight this hard if I am to live my life in a healthy way.

  Peyton

  The small waiting room seems empty and lonely as I walk in, finding only Samantha sitting in it. “Why are you in here all alone?” I ask her.

  She looks up at me with sad eyes. She dabs at the edges with a tissue. “Where’s Kip?” she asks.

  “He stopped off at the gift shop for some damn reason. I told him nothing is allowed in Tyler’s ICU room, but he seemed to want some distance between us. I assume he has to call his manager and set up a time when he has to go to Cheyenne.” I sit down and offer her a bottle of water.

  She takes it and says, “I saw him this morning and he looks so terrible. His legs still aren’t moving and he’s getting more and more afraid they never will.”

  I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter if they never work again. He has his life, and that’s pretty damn good if you ask me. Plus a baby on the way and a beautiful woman who is going to be his wife. That’s a lot to be happy about.”

  “It is and I have to say about those things he is. But he said something about not being able to play catch with his son or some kind of crap like that. He’s having a pity party which I don’t blame him for, but I was kind of hoping he’d be able to focus more on the fact he’s going to be a father. In a good way though instead of how terrible it’ll be if he’s in a wheelchair.” She takes a drink of the water.

  Kip comes in and hands her a little stuffed bear. “Here ya go, Samantha. It’s for the baby. I don’t know if I’ll be around when the tot is born, so I wanted to give you something from good old Uncle Kip.”

  My eyes follow the bear into her hands and the thought runs through my head of why he’d say such a thing. He sits a few chairs away from me and takes out his phone and starts playing some game.

  Samantha leans in close and whispers, “Did you two have a fight?”

  “No, but he seems distant. Off in a way,” I say and find myself wondering if he wants to be set free. Maybe the concert without me was a lot better, and he wants that back, but doesn’t know how to tell me that.

  Mom and Dad come into the waiting room. “Okay, two more of you can go in,” Dad says with a frown.

  I look over at Kip who only politely nodded at my parents when they came in. “Kip, you want to go. He’s not nearly as groggy as yesterday.”

  “Nah, you and Sam can go. I’ll wait,” he says without ever looking up at me.

  I get up and go along with Samantha and look back at him over my shoulder. He doesn’t seem to be the same man at all and my heart hurts as I walk away to go see my brother.

  A young nurse is fusing over Tyler as we go into his room. His eyes go straight to Samantha and she hugs him, gently. “Hi, baby,” she murmurs.

  His hand runs over her still flat stomach and he smiles at her. Their exchange nearly brings me to tears. Not only because I’m happy as hell for my brother and Samantha, but also because Kip isn’t looking at me like that for some damn reason.

  “You look better,” I say as I push that crap out of my head.

  “I feel better.” He smiles and tosses the blanket back, exposing his legs and then we see why as he wiggles his sock covered toes.

  Samantha starts crying and I jump up and down and clap. “Tyler! I can’t believe Mom and Dad kept this a secret,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t let them in on this yet. I wanted Samantha to be the first to know.”

  It hits me like a brick in the head. He held off letting his own parents know he isn’t paralyzed to tell her first. He holds her the closest to his heart. She kisses his lips so gently and he takes her head and pulls it so she has to kiss him harder. The nurse and I exchange glances and exit the room to give them time alone.

  I make my way back to the waiting room and have no idea if Tyler wants to tell our parents the good news on his own so I stop at the door.
“Kip, come here, please.”

  He looks up and gets up, putting the phone in his pocket. “Yeah, what do you want?”

  His body seems as if he’s holding it wrong. As if he’s holding it back away from me. I reach out to touch him and he lets me, but he flinches a bit. “Hey, you wanna get out of here for a while. My brother and Samantha want to be alone and I see no reason to sit around here. He wants her with him, not me.”

  “I would, actually.” He says as he pulls his arm out of my loose grip. “We need to talk.”

  His words make my stomach clench and I look at the ring he gave me and I can’t help but wonder just how much longer I’ll be wearing it. He’s not acting the same, not one bit.

  I follow him out to the car and without saying a word we go back to the hotel room. Once inside he sits at the little table and I sit on the edge of the bed. “Something’s wrong,” I say.

  He looks at me for the first time all day. He stares at me a while without saying a word. His eyes begin to glisten and he looks away. “This is unhealthy.”

  The same words had come to me last night and I think he’s feeling some of the same things I have. “I agree.”

  His eyes cut back to mine and he blinks the tears back. “I’m glad you agree. This doesn’t have to be a knock down drag out fight. There is no one who is right and no one who is wrong. This is just unhealthy is all.”

  “I couldn’t sleep until you came back,” I say and find I can’t look at him.