Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

She wasn’t convinced but didn’t push it. “I wish Dan would hurry up and get here, the sooner this is all resolved…”

  “I hate that you’re out there alone.”

  “I’ll be fine. I want to get it done. Besides, I had the locks changed.”

  “You have your gun with you?”

  “I do. Hopefully, it won’t come to that – I’ve been thinking. Maybe we’re all just a little too paranoid about this whole thing. I’ll call you later if anything happens.”

  “Call me anyway. I mean it – even if you just get spooked. And get Finn over there too.”

  “I will. I love you.”

  “Me too, darling. Always.”

  It took her longer to clean up the house than she’d planned. In the rooms she seldom used – especially since Dan had left - a thick layer of dust lay across the furniture. Moving from room to room, she dusted, tidied and removed anything she wanted to keep. There wasn’t much, she realized and felt a pang of regret. Is this what her life added up to? In the kitchen she set out boxes, loading them with her books, her records, her cd”s.

  She looked out of the window to the porch where she’d sat with Dan so many evenings. She tried to reconcile that man with the one who’d left her and returned as…whatever he was now. Had there been signs?

  Trying to shrug off the feeling of unease, she finished her packing upstairs, throwing all her clothes into two suitcases, sweeping all her toiletries and makeup into zip-lock bags. She grinned when she thought of Molly and her vast clothing collection – she would pass out if she saw how Sarah had thrown together her suitcase. Still grinning she lugged the cases downstairs and out to her truck. She was aware the daylight had begun to fade and hurriedly carried the rest of the boxes to the truck.

  She went back into the house to wait for Dan, looking around the silent house. I will never sleep here again, and she knew with certainty the truth of her thought. She checked each room for anything she’d forgotten. In the music room, she sat down at the piano, tapping out a little tune, sadness welling up in her chest. For a while, with Dan, it had seemed like they’d built a good life here. That life seemed a million miles away now.

  She went into the kitchen to make coffee and checked her phone. Be with you as soon as I can. D. Ugh. She hated that he had her cell phone number – she’d ditch it after all this was over.

  Isaac went to the restaurant just after noon. He’d chosen a low key out of the way place and changed from his suit to a casual jeans and tee, stuck a baseball cap over his dark curls.

  The waitress led him to an empty table at the back of the room and took his order. A scotch, straight up. He fidgeted in his chair, checking his phone.

  “Isaac?”

  He looked up into the face of the blonde woman. Her blue eyes were large and innocent, long eyelashes sweeping down to her cheeks – false, he guessed. Her long blonde hair was swept up into a graceful chignon, her clothes simple but expensive. He should know, he thought, half-smiling, he paid for them. She smiled down at him warmly. “It’s so wonderful to see you again.”

  He stood to kiss her cheek. “Clare.” He pulled out her chair for her.

  “Always such a gentlemen.” She sat down opposite him and placed her hand on his. He gently moved his hand away and sat back.

  “Clare, you look good.”

  She smiled coquettishly. “Thank you. Although I pale in comparison to your new girlfriend. She’s a rare beauty. Very exotic, very different from me.”

  So she knew about Sarah. Isaac sighed.

  “Clare, what is it you want?”

  Clare smiled. “I came because…I wanted us to be friends, to be in each other’s lives. We left things so…unfinished.”

  Isaac raised his eyebrows. “Clare, to me, they were totally finished.”

  Her ice blue eyes narrowed. “You send me divorce papers while I’m supposed to be at my mother’s funeral?”

  “The key word there being supposed,” his voice hardened. “Did you really think I didn’t know about the other men? Funny how your mother’s funeral – and I’m glad to hear she’s doing just fine by the way – funny how it coincided with Sebastian Gaspard being at the Cannes film festival, don’t you think?”

  Clare smiled and this time, there was no warmth to it. “What did you expect? You were absent, Isaac, all the time. You were working all hours.” She studied him for a long moment. “Do you make time for her, Isaac?”

  He looked back at her evenly. “I’d give up the business for her. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  Clare flinched. “Does she know about me?”

  Isaac hesitated a beat too long and Clare grinned. “Oh, you bad man.” She giggled. “Well, I suppose you don’t want her to know about your little secret.”

  The threat was implicit. Isaac’s chin lifted. “I haven’t told her because there’s nothing to tell. Our marriage lasted less than six months, Clare. As far as I’m concerned, it wasn’t anything close to resembling a marriage. And don’t forget, I pay you a very generous alimony to stay away.”

  Clare nodded her head in ascent. “You do, I won’t deny that. But, Isaac, do you really want to start your new life with her with a lie?”

  Isaac sighed, pulled out his wallet and threw some money on the table. “Try anything and see how fast your good life disappears, Clare. No, do us both a favor. Go back to New York and enjoy the lifestyle my money pays for.”

  He stood. “Goodbye, Clare.” And he stalked out of the restaurant.

  Shit, shit, shit. Isaac walked back to his office, his mind racing. Well, this was easily solved. He ruled out his cell phone and called Sarah.

  “Hey, babe.”

  Her voice made warmth flood through him. “Hey yourself, gorgeous. Dan showed up yet?”

  He heard her frustrated sigh. “Nope. Asshole is playing a power game. He won’t win, I’m determined to wait him out, however late he may turn up.”

  Isaac frowned. “Sarah…I mean it, I don’t like you out there all alone.”

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, the cavalry’s outside. Finn’s parked in the woods like a blonde ninja. God forbid any actual crime happens on the island today.” She sounded amused and Isaac relaxed a little.

  “Look, sweetheart, we need to talk about a couple of things and this isn’t the ideal time to tell you this but - and keep in mind that it has no bearing on us – I used to be married.”

  There it was, it was out, quick, brutal. Isaac waited for her hang up or yell or cry.

  “Okay.”

  He blinked. “Okay?”

  Sarah laughed softly. “Okay. Like you said, it has no bearing on us now. You’re divorced, right?”

  “For a long time. It was a huge mistake from the beginning and it lasted less than six months. She cheated practically from the moment the vows were said.”

  Sarah made a disgusted noise. “What an idiot, I mean, have you seen you? I do have one question. Why tell me now?”

  Isaac sighed. “Because she just got in touch. I just met with her – in public – and I’m still none the wiser why she got in touch now except she knows about you. Maybe she just wanted to make trouble.”

  “You know what, Iss? I’m getting real tired of ex-spouses.” But there was humor in her voice and Isaac, relief flooding through him, laughed.

  “Me too. The sooner we are married the better, I think. Show the world it’s you and me forever.”

  “You had me at forever. We’ll talk about it tomorrow when you get back.”

  “You’ll be at the coffee house?”

  “All day.”

  “I love you. Stay safe, beautiful…and kick your ex’s ass.”

  Sarah laughed. “I will. Enjoy San Francisco, I’ll miss you.”

  When she opened the door, Dan was smiling. He held out a bottle of champagne. “A peace offering. For my visit to the hospital. I didn’t mean to upset you, truly.”

  Sarah took it warily. “Thank you.” She glanced at the clock. Eleven-thirty p.m. She’d b
een asleep on the couch when she heard Dan’s car pull up. For a second she thought about ignoring his knock but he’d knocked on the window, waved at her. Asshole. He’d waited until they’d given up for the day. She’d sent Finn home. Stupid, stupid.

  Dan smiled at her.

  “May I come in?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Dan…it’s almost midnight”

  He put a hand on her arm. “Sarah, please. Let me come and apologize properly.” Wanting to deal with this situation won out over irritation so she stepped aside to let him in and followed him into the kitchen. She shoved the table against the back door, still not trusting it to hold after she’d broken in the day Buddy had died. The boxes she’d packed were already safely in her truck; all she wanted was to get this over and done with leave this place forever.

  Dan immediately pulled the table away from the door, into the exact position it had been when he’d lived there, his smile almost a rictus. He sat down and looked at her expectantly.

  “Awkward, this table being like that. What happened?” He smirked.

  Sarah felt her stomach twist with irritation.

  “I lost my key. I had to break in. Look, Dan, I’m tired, let’s get this over with.”

  He held his hands up. “Of course, I’m sorry.”

  She studied him, his easy manner seeming to jar with the self-satisfaction in his eyes. “Dan, we are over. You must know that. We were over the minute you left.”

  “Do you want to know why I left?”

  She sighed. “Do I want to know? You tell me. Was it something I did?”

  Dan smiled. “Sarah, please sit down with me. Just want to clear the air between us.” She sat down reluctantly. “Sarah, I left because….well, you obviously found the letter from my family’s lawyer. I left because of that. My real name is Ray Petersen. I was estranged from my family for many years because of the abuse they subjected me to when I was a child. As soon as I could I left, changed my name, made a new life for myself. Met the most beautiful girl.” He smiled, his face soft. “Married her, made a good life here in this wonderful place.”

  Sarah listened in silence, trying to read his eyes. For some reason, she believed him. “Why did you leave?” Her voice cracked and she felt all the old feelings of sadness flood through her. “Why did you change so much, become so controlling?”

  He looked at her with a steady gaze. “Because I panicked. They’d found me. I thought if I could get you to understand – “

  “ – and you thought that I wouldn’t? With my past?” She was incredulous. Dan put his hand over hers.

  “It was because of your past – I didn’t think that you’d want to be a part of another horrific situation. I thought you’d leave me. And I was jealous of your relationship with Finn Jewell.”

  She threw up her hands. “Jesus, Finn and I are friends. We have always been just friends.”

  “Always?”

  She hesitated and he leaped on it. “See? It was the reason I had an affair with Finn’s wife. God, that’s so messed up but I was angry, jealous.”

  She was angry now. “So you leaving me was my fault?”

  “God, no, no, that’s not what I meant. God, I’m not explaining myself very well. What it came down to was I was terrified you’d leave me. When it became apparent my family wouldn’t leave me alone then I reasoned – and it seems madness now – I’d rather you grieved for me than hated me.”

  Dan’s eyes were sad now and Sarah felt a sad shift in her, a sympathy. “Dan…Ray…whatever your name is, it’s all in the past now. I’ve moved on, you need to as well. Although preferably not with Caroline Jewell.” She gave him a small grin and he smiled back.

  “Sarah do me a favor – for you, I’m always Dan. Ray is part of my past I’d rather forget.”

  Sarah studied him. “Fine, Dan. But you must realize we can’t go back. Even if I weren’t with Isaac, you would still be about to have a child with the woman I hate.”

  He grimaced but smoothed out his expression when she frowned at him. “I know, it’s not the kid’s fault.”

  “You made your bed.”

  “Yep.”

  They sat in silence for long moments then Sarah took a deep breath in. “Look, Dan, I have to know – and these questions might seem, I don’t know, outrageous or unbelievable but things seem too coincidental, events that have happened leading up to you coming back so I need to know the truth.”

  Dan nodded, his eyes serious. “I understand. Just ask me, anything, darl- Sarah,” he amended and earned a grateful smile.

  She hesitated. “Did you have anything to do with George’s murder? Buddy? Lindsey Chung? Was it you who attacked me here? Molly?”

  “No. God, no. I was very fond of George, I’m so terribly sorry about what happened to him. Buddy was a friend, if you could call Buddy someone who would have had a friend. And Lindsey, God, Sarah, she was so young. It’s heart-breaking. And no, Sarah, I could never hurt you – not physically”

  He met her eyes and she could see nothing in them to contradict what he was saying. “I understand why you would suspect me. Because of the way I behaved,” he started slowly, “because of the way I left…I think you have built me up into this…monster. I swear to you, Sarah, I may be a world class fuck up but I’m not a killer.”

  Sarah thought about his words for a long time, staring out at the darkness outside the window.

  “Sarah?”

  She turned back to him. “Do you want this house? I don’t want it, it’s all yours if you want it. It would be a good place to raise a kid.” She hated the idea of Caroline Jewell living here but now she just wanted to move on.

  Dan looked surprised. “No, I couldn’t.”

  “Yes, yes, you could. In fact –,” she got up and grabbed her purse, pulling out a large manila envelope. “I’ve got the deeds already written up. Sign them and the house is yours.”

  Dan took the envelope from her, skimmed through the contents. A small smile played on his lips as he reached the notes at the end. “On condition I never contact you again?”

  She nodded. “Closure. Finally.”

  Dan shoved the papers back into the envelope. “I’ll think about it.”

  She sighed inwardly but then gave him a smile. Anything to keep things civil. “Of course.”

  She walked him to the door.

  He looked around the darkened hallway. “You staying here, tonight?” She shook her head.

  “No, I’m going to Molly’s.”

  “Can I give you a ride?” At that moment, he so reminded her of the Dan she first met, that her heart ached.

  “No, thanks, I have the truck.”

  She watched him drive away; acknowledging the whole meeting had left her feeling confused. Dan was right, she had built him up to be a monster but he was the only person in her life who she felt was capable of doing such horrific things. She closed her eyes and leaned against the doorframe. Thank god that was over. She was dog-tired now, not realizing how stuff and achy her body felt from the release of anxiousness. She grabbed her purse and keys and locked the house behind her.

  She got in her truck and drove away from the house she and Dan had shared without ever glancing backward.

  “Doesn’t it seem all a little too coincidental, a little too easy?” It was three days later and Sarah was lying naked on top of Isaac, their bodies damp from sweat, glowing from making love. Isaac, his question hanging in the air, raised his eyebrows at her. “Well?”

  She half-smiled. “You’re asking me to give you a reasoned, considered answer when you’ve just fucked my brains out? Give me a minute.”

  He grinned. “I love your potty mouth.”

  She wiggled her body. “Especially when it’s wrapped around your massive cock.”

  “Especially then,” he agreed.

  Sarah sighed happily, rested her chin on his chest, and looked up at him. “Are you talking about our delightful ex-spouses?”

  “I am.”

  “Forget
them. Nothing can touch us now.”

  He smoothed the hair over her ear. “So, how soon can we get married?”

  Sarah smiled down at him, brushed her lips gently against his. “Whenever you want.”

  Isaac’s face lit up. “Then, Miss Bailey, I say we do it soon.

  “When were you thinking?”

  Isaac tightened his arms around her. “What are you doing this Friday?”

  She gaped at him. “You’re serious?”

  “Yup.”

  Sarah started to laugh. “Then I say hell yes, Mr. Quinn, yes…”

  The day was cool, late September.

  Sarah put her arms around Isaac, as he prepared to leave for the day.

  “Okay, baby. Just be careful. Call me when you can.”

  He nodded and kissed her. “I love you.”

  She smiled, worry in her eyes. “I love you too baby.”

  She watched as he pulled away, went back into the house and made some tea. As the kettle boiled she kept wandering out of the back door to breathe in the cool air. As the water reached boiling point, the kettle whistled, and she turned to go back into the house.

  And the pain hit.

  Her back arched to counteract the searing pain in her left kidney. She gasped and staggered back into the kitchen. She couldn’t breathe. There was confusion, bewilderment. She tried to drag oxygen into her lungs but nothing would come. She put her hand on her back where the stinging pain had been. It was wet. Blood. She didn’t understand but now her legs had lost all their strength. She sank to the floor and felt around where the blood had been, her fingers searching. A small hole in her back was gushing blood. A bullet hole. She’d been shot. Disbelief. Fear. She lay on the floor of the kitchen trying to breathe, feeling the blood spread out beneath her.

  “Isaac…” Her voice was a whisper. Her head whirled. She closed her eyes and when she opened them her world was one of unimaginable horror. Dan stood above her, a gun with a silencer in his hand.