Fantasy Online_The Runestones of Tritinakh

by Harmon Cooper

  “We got company, Doc!” Quantum shouts as he narrowly misses one of her blasts.

  “I’ve got this,” Enway says, her wand appearing in her hand. “Arcane Tide!” A fireball of pink and purple magic flies from the end of her wand to the portal.

  As soon as it hits her, Veenure starts screaming again, her voice shattering any of the windows that haven’t already been shattered.

  His fingers deep in his ears now, Ryuk sees Quantum quickly equip a pair of noise cancelling earmuffs. The black earmuffs securely on his head, he again lifts into the air and zips over to an NPC swordsman, whom he quickly takes down with military precision.

  He drops again, drinks a healing potion, and tosses it away.

  The legendary gamer locks eyes with Doc and both of them nod as they turn to the portal.

  A FIM-92J Stinger with a huge scope materializes in Quantum’s hand and he aims the rocket launcher at the portal. Doc goes for a Fliegerfaust ground-to-air rocket launcher, and gives Quantum the thumbs up.

  “Whoa,” FeeTwix says, sweat forming on his brow as he takes in the mayhem. “It’s beautiful!”

  Not one to be left out, Aiden has equipped a Type 91 Japanese SAM-2 and, like his counterparts, he too aims it at the OMIB portal.

  Doc gives the signal, and the three men fire away, the missiles all striking Veenure at the same time.

  “Hot damn!” Quantum says as their explosions suck air into the OMIB portal.

  As wind whips through the room, Wolf makes a beeline towards one of the final sellswords left standing.

  He leaps, takes the guy down, and gets to tearing apart his throat.

  The Dark Mage fires a fireball at Doc, who bails left to avoid most of the blast, but still ends up catching his little goat tail on fire.

  Aiden comes to his defense in a flash.

  The man known as Morning Assassin cartwheels into a kick that takes the Dark Mage off his feet. He backflips from there and lands with both feet on the mage’s chest.

  Quantum laughs. “You’re backwards.”

  “Dammit!” Aiden hops in a circle so he now stands on the mage’s chest, a Glock pointed at the man’s face.

  Bang!

  Instakill!

  “I love that they added the ‘instakill!’” Quantum shouts.

  Spew Gorge, now free, runs to the exit of the Shinigami’s guildhall, leaving his cousin/father still bound.

  “Fick you, Spewy, untie me!”

  “Fick you, Hiccup!”

  Quantum lands in front of Kodai, his freshly equipped Glock pointed at the Japanese crime lord’s head. “I guess this means you’re the only clown left.”

  “You will all pay for this,” Kodai says, his slingshot aimed at Quantum’s chest.

  “Yeah? How much is it going to cost me? And are you really aiming a goddamn slingshot at me? By the way,” he grins, “goodnight.”

  A foot strikes Kodai in the back of his head, knocking him out cold and forcing the slingshot from his hand.

  -666 HP! Critical hit!

  Quantum laughs. “That was one evil-ass kick, Aiden.”

  “Been working on that one.”

  Aiden lifts Kodai by his scruff and turns him toward Ryuk.

  “He with you?” Quantum calls over to the Ballistics Mage.

  Ryuk nods.

  “Well, you want to do the honors or what?”

  FeeTwix places his hand on Ryuk’s shoulder. “Do it,” the Swede says.

  “Yeah.” Ryuk takes a few steps closer to Quantum and Aiden as his Marble Gun appears in his hand.

  He knows that his brother can just respawn, that he can never inflict the kind of pain on Kodai that Kodai has inflicted on him, but insult to injury will do nonetheless.

  Ryuk pops the mag out of his Marble Gun, clears all the marbles out at the press of a button, and places a single sword marble in.

  Once the mag is reloaded into the back of the gun, Ryuk places the muzzle of his weapon against Kodai’s forehead.

  Aiden stands on one side now, Quantum on the other. Doc is behind them, helping Hiccup get out of his ropes, Oric is off to the right with Wolf, and Enway and FeeTwix are behind him.

  Kodai blinks his eyes open. “Ryuk?” he asks, shock spreading across his face. He glares at his younger brother. “You don’t have the fucking guts to do it.”

  Ryuk digs the muzzle even further into his brother’s head.

  “Come on,” Quantum whispers.

  “You fucking pus–”

  Instakill!

  The sword marble tears through the back of Kodai’s head and plinks against the floor.

  “Fick yeah!” Hiccup shouts, a mixture of blood and healing potion spewing from his lips.

  Epilogue

  Ryuk and the rest of the Mitherfickers respawn at Lothar’s bakery. Quantum, Aiden, and Doc aren’t with them – they said something about hitting up Barfly’s in Aramis – and Ryuk can tell that FeeTwix would have invited himself had it not been for the fact that Zaena was suffering from pyro affliction.

  “I hope this works,” the Swede mumbles as his avatar takes shape. Ryuk knows that he’s gone through a plethora of opposite emotions over the last hour, from the adrenaline of battle to the excitement of seeing his hero to returning to the woman he cares deeply for.

  “All we can do is hope,” Enway says as they enter the bakery.

  Ryuk catches a glimpse of Yangu in the yard next to the bakery. He gets the urge to run over and greet the snow dragon, but suppresses it.

  There are more pressing things at hand.

  “Fick, we should probably pray too,” Hiccup says. “And I’m fickin’ good at praying, if anyone’s asking.”

  Since being rescued, the goblin has gone through a case of healing potions given to him by the Fickers. He has another case waiting for him, Ryuk knows because FeeTwix privately messaged him about it, but the Swede is trying to stop the goblin from overindulging.

  “It will be nice to see my old friend,” Oric says after he and Wolf have spawned. “It’s been a while.”

  “I still find it hard to believe you have friends, He-Man, but that’s just me.”

  “I think the same thing about you, goblin,” Oric says as he and Wolf enter the bakery.

  “Yeah? Well fick you too.” The goblin stops and turns away from Ryuk just as a squealer zips from his nethercheeks. “I didn’t want you to face the wrath of that one, Marbles.”

  “Um, thanks?” he says, the putrid air still reaching his nostrils.

  Enway, now inside the bakery, places her hand on her neck and makes a choking gesture to Ryuk.

  FeeTwix is going through some shit, but Ryuk is too, especially after what Tamana did. Still, there is something about the buster sword that she gave him, and he could have sworn she communicated with him through the weapon.

  Also, capping his brother – what pleasure that brought him. Ryuk isn’t keen to explore these feelings, but they’re there. Before he can follow this thought pattern down the rabbit hole, Hiccup sticks his mechanical hand out.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Fick, Marbles, you act like I’m trying to give you a horizontal handie or something.”

  “What?”

  “I’m trying to shake your fickin’ hand, kid.”

  Ryuk eyes his mechanical hand suspiciously with his Extreme Focus ability. Hiccup’s hand is grimy, scratched, there’s a dried booger on Hiccup’s pointer finger, and there is dried blood on his palm.

  “We bow in Japanese culture,” Ryuk says, figuring now is as good a time as any to create a teachable moment.

  “Bow? Fick me, Marbles, I’m nobody’s bowing fickboy.” The goblin adjusts his girth and grunts. “But if that’s what wets your chalupa.” Hiccup bends his head forward. “Thank you for saving my ass. And Spew Gorge’s ass, even though he’s an ungrateful little ficker. But thank you, Marbles, and the rest too, but they don’t need to see me bowing. How’s my hair by the way? Yoy, this gesture hurts the back of my neck.”
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  “Your hair is great, and thank you as well,” Ryuk says, bowing.

  “What are you thanking me for?” Hiccup asks, looking up at him.

  “For always saving our asses.”

  The goblin chortles. “That’s right, I do usually save our asses. I’d pat myself on the back, but that would require effort.” He yawns. “Any-fickin’-hoo, let’s get in there and see about curing Liz’s scaly, yet perfectly shaped and nicely taut, green ass. Then let’s get some rest. I need a gobnap.”

  (0)__(0)

  They head into the bakery and are greeted by Lothar’s wife. She’s behind the counter, her face red as she rotates some of the pastries, putting the fresh ones in the front of the display case and the older ones closer to the back.

  She smiles thinly, and nods upstairs.

  “Don’t have to tell me twice,” Hiccup says as he approaches the human-sized stairs. “Fick, I really don’t want to climb those. Any chance I could get a piggyback ride?”

  “Nope.”

  Ryuk takes two stairs at a time to get away from Hiccup.

  “And all the nice things I just fickin’ said…”

  Everyone has gathered around a small cot in the open space of Lothar’s library. Zaena rests on the cot, her infected arm across her chest. Wolf is near her, sniffing the air, his tail tucked between his legs, and while it seems like Lothar and Oric would like to catch up, they’ve focused solely on the task at hand.

  “...We can discuss that later,” Lothar says as he finishes greeting Oric. The giant turns to the Hourglass Mage, who stands with her Book of Time tucked under her arm. “This was something I didn’t think I’d ever grant someone.”

  “If it works, it works,” FeeTwix says. “You can take it away later.”

  “No,” Lothar says with a sad smile, “I can’t. These types of spells, if they get into the wrong hands, can augment the base D-NAS of Tritania. It is like opening Pandora’s Box.”

  “You can trust me with it,” Enway says.

  “I’m sure I can, but this is a great power, and with great power…”

  “Fick me, are we really going with that quote, Big Guy?” Hiccup asks, out of breath. “Look, if you know a way to heal Liz’s one percent tush, then let’s fickin’ do it. She’s the best we got. Yeah, we have Tarzan too, but he’s a loner and I fickin’ hate loners.”

  Oric shakes his head.

  “Chill, Hiccup,” Ryuk says, placing his hand on the goblin’s shoulder.

  “Chill? Pfft! Marbles, Liz is over there with a fire burning inside her and the only thing standing in the way is the big ficker. I’m not fickin’ chilling for shit.” He aims his mechanical finger at the giant. “Let’s get this Ponygirl show on the road.”

  “I will ignore the goblin’s threats,” Lothar says coolly. “It is clear that they are driven by passion.”

  “Hunger too, I’m getting hangry over here. And tired.”

  “We will eat pastries later and then you can rest.” Lothar removes his glasses, cleans them on his blue apron, and uses the glasses to point to the top shelf of his bookcase. “Oric, can you use that ladder over there to get that wooden box.”

  “The one beneath the First Artifact?” Oric asks.

  “That’s the one.”

  “Doesn’t seem like a very clever hiding place,” Hiccup mumbles.

  “I’m very much a hidden in plain sight kind of guy, Hiccup,” Lothar tells him. Ryuk feels something electric move past his leg and he steps aside.

  He knows exactly what it is, and before Oric can reach the wall with the bookshelf ladder, the box in question is floating in the air.

  “Please, Princess Zaena,” Lothar says, “save your strength.”

  “My strength isn’t at fault here,” she says as she uses her ghost limb to lower the box to the ground.

  “Thanks,” Oric says as he takes the box from her. “Where’s the key, Lothar?”

  The wooden box is sealed shut, and from where Ryuk’s standing, he can’t actually see a keyhole. Next to him now, FeeTwix bites his nails, his eyes blue as he watches Oric bring the box to the ground.

  “You’re the key, Oric,” Lothar says. “Both you and I can open it.”

  “Fingerprint recognition?” FeeTwix asks.

  Lothar laughs. “You think you’re the only one with alien technology? Oric, place your finger on the golden square on the box’s top.”

  Oric does as instructed and the clasps keeping the box together loosen and fade away. The Unigaean warrior opens the top to reveal a collection of pages that have been torn from the Book of Time.

  “It’s the second one from the top,” Lothar says.

  Oric finds the page in question and hands it to Enway.

  The Hourglass Mage sits on the carpet and opens the Book of Time in her lap. As soon as she touches the page, it zips into the air and stitches itself back into the book.

  The red tear on Enway’s face glows as she reads the spell. She gulps, looks over at Zaena, and equips her odd wand, the receiving end black and rotten, the handle fresh wood.

  “I hope this works,” Oric whispers. Wolf whines, walks away, and doubles back, his ears alert as Enway lifts her wand.

  “It will work,” FeeTwix says with uncertainty. “I feel like it will.”

  Seeing the concern on the Swede’s face is really taking its toll on Ryuk. He feels terrible for him; he knows very well what it is like to think you’re about to lose someone. The urge to go over to FeeTwix and console him swells in Ryuk’s chest. He holds it in, not wanting to interfere in the moment.

  “The Reverse Time spell, especially at higher levels, can reverse any amount of time,” Lothar says. “But doing so in certain situations can put a great strain on the OMIB, and create what are essentially black holes in the Proxima world proper, holes which cannot be closed. These can ruin a Proxima world, which is why I’ve kept the spell here.”

  “I can give it back to you,” Enway says, her eyes flashing red.

  “No, you can’t. Like I said, once you’ve learned the spell, it doesn’t matter if it is in your Book of Time or not. You could tear it to shreds and burn the shreds and it would reassemble, force the book open, and reform its page. Only after you’ve hung up the avatar can we take the page back out. Are you ready, Princess Zaena?”

  “Just Zaena,” she says, a scowl on her face and her eyes clenched shut.

  Ryuk swallows hard.

  The Thulean’s infected arm across her chest and the flames slowly flickering off her flesh create a terribly tragic image. Even odder, there is no smell associated with the flames. The flames are just there, blue tips with slivers of purple running through them.

  Enway aims her wand at Zaena’s arm.

  “I really hope this works,” Hiccup says, his eyes wide with fear. He starts to sob. “Fick me, Marbles, don’t be such a crybaby. Fick. Come on, Zaena, I mean, Liz, pull through.”

  Ryuk places his hand on Hiccup’s shoulder again.

  “I’m nobody’s fickboy,” the goblin blathers as pink magic moves down Enway’s arm and to the tip of her wand.

  She gulps, and a flash of magic strikes Zaena’s infected arm.

  The air is sucked out of the room as everyone looks to see the result of Enway’s Reverse Time spell. Pink magic envelops the wound, bubbling at its edges. The pink magic slowly dissipates; nothing has changed about the wound.

  “Oh my,” Lothar begins to say.

  “Fick, I knew it wouldn’t work.”

  “Dammit.” FeeTwix bites his fist and turns away.

  Suddenly, the flames start to subside.

  They begin to disappear, starting from her elbow and working towards her wrist. It’s as if they were never there. Her greenish skin reforms, stitching over the molten lava and charred flesh from the infection.

  A flash of pink magic threads across her arm, no sign of the affliction evident.

  Oric gasps. “It worked. Lothar, it worked!”

  “It did!”

  A
bright smile paints across Enway’s face as she lowers her wand. Behind her, Wolf barks excitedly, running in a small circle.

  “Fick yeah!” Hiccup nearly does a jump kick.

  Ryuk instinctively bows to Lothar, his arms at his sides.

  FeeTwix is beside himself with joy as he rushes over to Zaena.

  “Thank you,” Zaena says, tears in her eyes as FeeTwix reaches her.

  “Fick me,” Hiccup wipes his tears away. “I fickin’ love happy endings. Get the fick over here, Marbles, and don’t get any funny ideas.”

  He hugs Ryuk, and for once, Ryuk doesn’t push the goblin away.

  The end.

  Ryuk Matsuzaki’s Character Sheet

  *As of the end of book three

  Ryuk Matsuzaki Level 28 Ballistics Mage

  HP: 1156/1156

  ATK: 157

  MATK: 211

  DEF: 118

  MDF: 89

  LUCK: 24

  Skill: Tonsil Shot

  Level Three: 1 in 9 chance of connecting.

  Damage: 28% if enemy is less than level 30; 15% if enemy is greater than level 30.

  Odds of instakill: 11%

  Requirements for instakill: LUCK > 9

  ----

  Skill: A Simple Request

  Level Five: 1 in 5.95 chance of a request being granted.

  Caveat: Only works with a clear marble.

  Requirements: LUCK > 15

  ---

  Skill: Cherry Poppin’ Daddy

  Level Three: 1 in 9 chance of connecting. Enemy’s backside must be exposed. Higher levels increase damage and chance for an instakill.

  Damage: 51% if enemy is less than level 30; 15% if enemy is greater than level thirty.

  Odds of instakill: 16%

  Requirements for instakill: LUCK > 7

  ---

  Skill: Extreme Focus

  Level Four: Can detect approach of camouflaged/concealed/stealthed enemies and objects.

  Mage bonus: Higher levels allow sleuthing and increased accuracy. Also increases magic detection range when used in tandem with Magic Eye.

  ---