Legacy Redeemed (Redeemed, Restored, Reclaimed Book 1)

by Aubrey Grayson

  He nodded miserably. What else could he do? He didn’t follow her, at least not right away. He wouldn’t make it worse by chasing after her in the middle of the night. He’d set it right tomorrow.

  If only he knew what right was.

  Chapter 23

  After the disaster of the night before, Susannah almost left without saying good-bye. But she dreamed of Mr. Robinson and of Letitia, and she couldn’t bring herself to repay their kindness that way. So instead of heading into town to hire a carriage, she and Amy made their way to the vicarage one last time.

  Amy headed straight for the kitchens, and Susannah found Letitia beaming in the morning room. “Susannah! I’m so glad you’ve come! I have news!” She leaned awkwardly forward to pat the chair next to her, and Susannah complied. “I’ve had a letter from Mr. Powell. He will be here in a fortnight!”

  Even in her own desolation, joy rose up in Susannah’s heart. “How lovely for you! I know how you have missed him!”

  Her friend beamed. “Now if I can just hold on for two more weeks, I’ll be so much more at ease. And he can’t wait to meet you either! I’ve told him so much about you.” Susannah lifted a hand to stop her friend, but Letitia didn’t notice. “With both Mr. Powell and Mrs. Stanhope here for this birth, I’ll have no worries at all.” And then she just sat there, smiling at Susannah like she was the answer to prayer. What in heaven’s name made these people believe that?

  She should have just left in the dark, like a thief fleeing. How could she explain to Letitia why she was leaving, without confessing everything? Letitia would hate her for her lies and for her ruin. Now her friend was looking expectantly at her, but Susannah couldn’t find the words, so she just smiled weakly. It was enough for Letitia, who just prattled on.

  Susannah wasn’t really listening, until she heard Letitia say, “It’s a shame he won’t be here in time for the village festival. It is always so diverting! And I’ve had word from Lady Weston that she and the earl plan to stay.”

  At the mention of Nick’s family, the nausea swelled once again, and the panic with it. The last thing she wanted was to cast up her accounts on her friend’s lap. Her hand rose to her mouth, and apparently she changed colors, because Letitia suddenly yelled, “There! In the sideboard! On the left!”

  Susannah opened the required door, and much to her relief found a clean chamber pot. If her friend must witness her humiliation, at least she could keep it off of the floors. Nevertheless, she preferred privacy, so she grabbed her pot and ran through the house toward the back door, where she was less likely to be seen and less likely to ruin something of value.

  She made it to the garden path before she was ill. Perspiration gathered on her brow, and her lungs gasped for air. Thankfully, a cool breeze blew by to cool her. After the dirty business was done, she felt much more herself. She supposed her mother would say she’d gotten rid of all the stress and could start fresh. And she’d had enough stress last night to last a lifetime.

  She found a bucket of drinking water near the back of the house and drank a deep draught before pouring a ladle into the pot and rinsing it into the refuse pile. She was embarrassed for having run away from Letitia, but she had to face her again. Somehow, she needed to get her good-byes in. She couldn’t allow her friend to think she would still be here for the birth of her babe. She had to explain why.

  She gathered her composure as she walked back in. She would simply sit down and explain that she had just realized she must hurry back to London and she would be so sorry to miss the birth of the Powells’ babe. She would offer no further explanation.

  Her plan worked perfectly well until just after the first part—the sitting down part. Just as she was about to move on to the hurry-back-to-London part, she made the mistake of looking at her friend. The concern and genuine caring she read there was her undoing. It had been so long, so very long, since someone looked at her like that.

  And so before she knew it, she found herself pouring out her story.

  Letitia looked shocked when Susannah provided her true name. She looked sorrowful when Susannah described the loss of her parents and the events that put her under the “care” of her guardian. She looked outraged when Susannah described Julian’s defection and her disgraceful attempt to win him back, and her expression filled with disgust when Susannah outlined her guardian’s plan to make Susannah a mistress.

  That was when Susannah knew she had lost her. She had said too much and offended her friend’s sense of propriety. Anything further, any talk about her present predicament…well, it would only serve to further alienate this woman whom she had come to respect and admire. She had to stop talking. Now.

  Her face burned with humiliation that she had deviated from her simple plan and bared so much of her burden. She shook her head, as if to shake off her story. She cleared her throat. “So you see, I am hardly the woman you thought I was. I will spend the rest of the day finding passage back to London and will vacate the cottage as soon as I’m able.”

  Surprise filled Letitia’s face. “Back to London? Why will you return to London?”

  Susannah blinked. “Well, I can’t very well stay here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’ve been lying to you! And because I’ve quite proven myself to be a woman of poor character, and…” She stopped herself before she revealed her greatest sin. “Well, I’ve no future. No hope. No reason to stay and bring the good people I’ve met here down with me.”

  Letitia’s eyes narrowed, quite as though she were working out a difficult math problem. She considered Susannah for a moment, then announced, “There is something you’re not telling me. Out with it, Susannah.”

  Prevarication did not come naturally to Susannah, but she had learned a bit of it over the years of living with her guardian. And this secret was so new, so painful. “I don’t know what you could be talking about.”

  Letitia’s eyes narrowed even further. “My dear Susannah, it is true that I accepted your original story without question, but I am not a stupid woman. There is a reason you are telling me this now, a reason you are considering leaving. And I’ll wager it has something to do with the fact that just moments ago, you raced out of here clutching a chamber pot like it was the bread of life.”

  Susannah felt the blood drain from her face. Letitia already knew. But how could she? Susannah had only realized the truth herself the night before. On the walk home from Poppledown Park, her confusion over Nick’s kiss had turned to nausea. Amy had been waiting up for her to return with news of Gabriel, and had come outside with a cool cloth when she heard Susannah vomiting in the garden. They sat together on the bench, and after a moment, Amy had asked gently when she had last had her courses.

  And suddenly it had all made sense—the nausea, the exhaustion.

  But if Letitia knew the truth already, there was no reason to lie. And before Susannah could stop them, the words tumbled out, hanging there between them, confirming the gaping differences between them, between the fallen woman Susannah and the pure, sweet, pious Letitia.

  “I’m expecting a child too.”

  Susannah sat in silence for a moment, eyes closed against the recrimination she was expecting. She could not bring herself to meet her friend’s gaze.

  Buck up, Susannah. You got yourself into your own mess. You cannot be a coward now. Have the grace to look at your friend, and say your good-byes.

  But when she turned to Letitia, she did not see the shock, the disapproval, the anger she expected. Instead, her friend’s eyes shone with compassion. Susannah choked back a sob.

  “I had wondered,” Letitia said simply.

  Susannah’s eyes popped open in surprise. The words hadn’t carried any of the scorn she had expected. “Wait, what?”

  Letitia gave her a look that seemed to imply that it didn’t take one of London’s Bow Street Runners to work out the mystery. “Yes. You’ve been tired more than usual. And looking a bit green around the gills sometimes. And that’
s not even mentioning the chamber pot incident.”

  It took a minute for Susannah to work out what was happening right now. “But…but why didn’t you cast me out of the cottage?”

  Letitia laughed. “Is that what you think of me? Or Father?”

  No. She supposed it wasn’t. And her father and mother wouldn’t have either. But she would have. In the past, when she was a great believer in God, she had been proud of her own righteousness, and quick to judge those who sinned so openly. She would never have associated knowingly with anyone who had done what she had done. Or even had thoughts of doing the same. Perhaps Letitia didn’t understand.

  “Letitia. I am with child. From a man who was not and never will be my husband.”

  “I see. And is there no chance at all that you will be happy with the father?”

  The heat ran up Susannah’s face so quickly she thought it might burn her skin. Her throat slammed shut, and she had to concentrate on loosening it to get even the single word out. “No.”

  Disappointment flooded Letitia’s features, and Susannah grew even more ashamed. “It’s not that I didn’t try. It’s just that…he didn’t want me in the first place. He told me he did, but then after… Please don’t look at me with such disappointment in your eyes. I really did try.”

  Letitia grabbed Susannah’s hand. “No! No, dear, I am not disappointed in you. We all are human, and we all make mistakes. Especially when we are deceived. If you see disappointment, it is for you, not in you. And only because I know it will be difficult for you in this world we live in.”

  Susannah squeezed her friend’s hand and released it. “Thank you.” She groaned, scrubbing both hands over her face. “Which leads me to the reason I came here in the first place. I must leave Seaton.”

  “No! Don’t be ridiculous! I will talk to father. You will always have a place here!”

  Susannah longed to agree. She wished she could sink into the comfort of her friend’s offer and stay in this happy place forever. But eventually Hector would find her, which most likely meant doom for her baby. And even if Hector never came, she couldn’t bear to stay here, with Nick’s memory looming over her always. Or Gabriel growing up to know of her shame.

  She smiled gently and shook her head. “I cannot. I never planned to stay long. You see, when my parents died, my sisters and I were made wards of a man who is…well, quite a ghastly guardian. He married my sisters off immediately to his cronies. I don’t know why he didn’t do the same with me. He liked to tell me that nobody wanted me, but I don’t think that is true, since apparently someone wanted me enough to pay for me.”

  Letitia looked sick at the thought. She swallowed hard and cleared her throat a bit. “What does Nick say? About Julian, and about…the babe?”

  Susannah’s lips trembled. Her eyes searched the room as though she would find some answer hidden there. “He was kind about Julian. About the babe, I do not know. Truth be told, I don’t intend to find out. There is no reason for my wicked past to burden him. I shall leave Seaton as soon as possible. Today, in fact.”

  Her friend watched her for a long moment. “And where will you go? Not really to London, I presume.”

  Susannah shrugged. “I intend to seek refuge with my sister in Scotland until the child is born. Perhaps her husband will let her raise the child, but if not, I will find someone who will. Then I suppose I will have to return to Hector.”

  Letitia considered for a moment. “You have not asked my opinion, but I shall give it. I see no reason why you should run away from people who love you and care for you, to put yourself at the mercy of your sister’s husband, whom you just named one of Hector’s friends. Stay here.”

  A bitter smile crawled across Susannah’s face. “I won’t stay to bring shame to you and your father. A kind man like your father doesn’t need a harlot in his congregation.”

  “The God my father serves—and my husband, and Nick as well—is a God that clearly states that He forgives, and even erases, our sins if we trust Him, no matter how dark the stain seems to us. Your life can be restored and lived to His glory if you choose to follow him.”

  Yearning filled Susannah. She longed to believe Letitia’s words, but couldn’t.

  Letitia continued. “I know you don’t know what to do. And maybe you even feel like you are being punished. But consider this: I longed for a child for many years. And finally, my dream is happening. Certainly you don’t think that God is ‘punishing’ me by sending me a child. And the same is true for you. A child is always a blessing. How you choose to respond to that blessing is what makes the difference.”

  Susannah’s eyes burned with unshed tears. How many times had she escaped Hector’s torments by dreaming of a someday child? Like Letitia, she had always dreamed of motherhood. Yet how would she feed this child? Educate it? Provide it with a happy home? Her sins would always haunt this child. There was no way around it.

  She knew the recipe that her village midwife had sometimes used to help women rid themselves of unwanted babes. Her mother had insisted she know it, so that she knew what herbs to restrict from her patients. But as she sat with Letitia, and let her words sink in, she knew she wouldn’t make the tincture. This child belonged to her, and somehow she knew that even if she took the tincture, a part of her had changed the moment she discovered her pregnancy. She was a mother already.

  But having made that one decision, she still faced many others. Would she accept Letitia’s offer of staying in the village? How would she provide for herself? She supposed she could assist the midwife. Her alternatives included throwing herself on the mercy of either Hector, a known evil, or her sister’s husband, whom she didn’t know, apart from the fact that he associated with the likes of Hector. Maybe she would be better taking her chances here in Seaton after all.

  The problem was that she was not her own woman. Hector might seek her out, and if he did, he was her guardian and had every right to take her back to London. And take her straight to one of the brothels he frequented so that the madam could rid her of the babe the same way she did with her employees. Mr. Robinson was wonderful and kind but didn’t have the standing in society to resist Hector. And after Nick and his brother found out about the babe, she could not hope for help from that quarter.

  Letitia had left her to her thoughts for a few moments, but now she gently cleared her throat to regain Susannah’s attention. “Please, give Nick a chance to make up his own mind. He’s a good man.” There was a look of urgency in her eyes that Susannah didn’t understand until the door opened and Nick Daventry walked in.

  Chapter 24

  It had been late when they had returned Gabriel to his bed, and even later by the time Susannah had left him alone in the attics. Nick had done his best to sleep, but it had been a fruitless effort. He’d waited to get up until he’d heard the first servants rustling about, and then he’d gone down to the stables. Maybe a nice long country ride would help him sort through his confusion.

  He nudged the horse westward, away from the vicarage and Susannah’s cottage, so he wouldn’t be tempted to stop in before breakfast. Thoughts tumbled through his head unbidden, and he needed to make some sort of order out of them.

  Susannah had claimed he couldn’t marry her because she was a fallen woman. Because society would never accept her. And she wasn’t wrong. If he married a woman with a ruined reputation, it would affect him and possibly his family. He had worked hard to build a reputation as a righteous and godly man, which was almost unheard of in the decadent world of the ton. The possibility that he would now be seen as a hypocrite was discomfiting, to say the least.

  But on the other hand, wasn’t the very basis of his belief the idea of redemption and restoration? That if one turned from sin and began again, God would forgive? And if God could forgive Susannah, who was he to continue to hold her sin against her?

  He had to wonder how much of his unwillingness to forgive came from jealousy of her relationship with Julian. Certainly, it wasn’t fair t
o punish her for his own feelings.

  And perhaps he was even holding his own sin, his own lust for her, against her. As though that were her fault.

  The godly thing would be to marry her. Which was really fortunate, because it was also what he wanted desperately. He had realized days ago that she was a part of every future scenario he imagined, though he hadn’t been able to admit it. When something bad happened, he wanted her comfort. When something good happened, he wanted her to share his gladness. And he wanted her to be in Gabriel’s life as well, which was something he had never even fathomed as possible with another woman.

  He had told her that he wanted to marry her to save her from Hector and to help Nick keep Poppledown Park. But maybe their marriage could be more than one of convenience. Perhaps if his feelings for her were already this powerful, maybe theirs could be a love match after all.

  He returned home and passed his horse off to the groom. He cleaned himself up before ducking out without greeting his family or eating breakfast. He was sorry to disturb Susannah so early, but he couldn’t imagine wasting any more of his life without her.

  His conviction stumbled slightly when no one answered his knock. After some time, he tried the door, which opened easily. “Susannah?” No response. “Amy?” he tried, though she would have responded to his first call regardless of whom he’d named.

  The room was perfectly neat, perfectly tidy. No sign of anyone inhabiting it. He ventured to the bedroom and saw the luggage packed and ready to go.

  He froze. She was leaving. Leaving Seaton and the vicarage and the sea. Leaving Poppledown Park, and most importantly, leaving him.

  He knew why, of course. But it stung just the same.

  He strode to the vicarage, praying he could catch her. With her mind made up, it would be difficult to sway her, but he’d be a fool not to try.

  He had no memory of the path from the cottage to the vicarage, though he was certain he had walked it more quickly than ever before. He opened the door himself, without waiting for his knock to be answered, and he fairly burst in on them, Letitia and Susannah in the drawing room.