The Unbearable Lightness of Being in Aberystwyth

by Malcolm Pryce

  ‘Why did she cut your hair?’

  ‘She found my application form for Kousin Kevin’s Karnival Kween. She cut it while I was asleep.’

  I nodded and absorbed the information. It could be true. It could be nonsense.

  ‘Rimbaud didn’t hurt Myfanwy.’

  ‘Just tell me what you know.’

  ‘I found him … he was in Meredith’s stable … he was hurt. He said he’d done his ankle in and couldn’t walk. So I took him some food and medicine. He was scared at first, he thought I would give him away to the police. But I didn’t. I used to go and see him every few days and take him food and things.’

  ‘For how long?’

  ‘About six weeks.’

  ‘Is he still there?’

  ‘Yes, but you mustn’t go. He’s made a man-trap. He showed me. It’s got three sharpened sticks like they used to make in Patagonia.’

  ‘What was he doing near the car the day Myfanwy disappeared?’

  ‘I told him not to go out, that there were men looking for him, but he … I don’t know … he couldn’t bear it hiding all the time in the stable so he went for a walk. That’s all.’

  ‘But he spoke to Myfanwy.’

  ‘Honestly, all he did was try and bum a cigarette. That’s all he did.’ Seren stared down at the hands in her lap, hands that were fumbling nervously.

  ‘You can do better than that.’

  She looked up, and wetness formed and sparkled in her eyes, and suddenly I knew.

  ‘He stole the locket didn’t he?’

  She didn’t say anything, just sat there like stone, the only movement the tears that brimmed over, the meniscus of water held suspended for a second like a bubble which then burst and a tear darted down each cheek like rain drops falling.

  ‘He stole the locket,’ I repeated, more to myself than to Seren. She nodded.

  She ran the back of her hand across her nose and snivelled into it. Then she said, ‘It was because I was so kind to him … he came back from his walk and gave me the locket as a present. Then, when they started looking for Myfanwy, I knew what he’d done. I knew he must have stolen it …’

  ‘So you planted it on the dunes to send us all in the wrong direction and give him time to get away?’

  She nodded. ‘So he could cross the bridge to Aberdovey.’

  I walked round the desk and offered her a handkerchief. She looked up, cheeks glistening and said, ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s OK.’

  ‘Are you going to arrest me?’

  ‘I’m going to take you somewhere where you’ll be safe. Where’s your coat?’

  ‘I gave it to Calamity.’

  I blinked. ‘What?’

  ‘When I told her Frankie Mephisto was looking for me she asked if she could borrow my coat.’

  Chapter 20

  ‘IN SUCH A night as this …’ said Llunos.

  ‘When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees

  And they did make no noise, in such a night

  Troilus methinks mounted the Troyan walls …’

  He sat slumped lazily into the seat of the prowl car, one hand resting on the gear stick, the other resting on the door handle with his fingers holding the edge of the wheel. He squinted into the night, cars coming down Penglais, forgetting to dip.

  He hummed a bit and then said, ‘Jurassic Park. It was the one with the dinosaurs, wasn’t it? They found the dinosaur DNA in a mosquito trapped in amber and cloned a dinosaur.’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘And you’re saying they’re going to clone Jesus?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘To save Myfanwy.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That’s quite a scheme.’

  ‘I know. Frankie Mephisto tells Brainbocs to save Myfanwy. He says it will take a miracle, and Frankie says, so make me one.’

  ‘Then what?’

  ‘Bassett says Seren was chosen to give birth to the baby. I don’t know why they chose her. I’m sure Brainbocs had good reasons, he normally does. Maybe because of her blackouts. My guess is they drugged her and then did some sort of IVF pregnancy – performed by that doctor whose body was washed up on Aberdovey beach.’

  ‘The guy from the Clinic for Women’s Problems.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘OK, so Frankie Mephisto has engineered the second coming, what do you want me to do?’

  ‘Arrest him.’

  ‘For what? Cloning Jesus? I’m fresh out of forms for that.’

  ‘I’m glad you think it’s funny.’

  He darted a look across. ‘Trust me Louie, this is not an example of me thinking something is funny.’

  We drove on in silence for a while and the police radio ran a report of a disturbance outside Meredith’s cottage. News that Seren was pregnant had spread and the gossips, unaware of the divine explanation, had accused Meredith of responsibility. And, of course, the same gossips alleged that he was her father too, so it was sort of bingo for the gossips. Meredith had lain with his own daughter and sired a child by her, an abomination. Although probably good fun to get upset about. A deputy had been despatched to disperse a stone-throwing mob that had broken some of Meredith’s windows.

  ‘How did they find out she was pregnant?’ I asked Llunos.

  ‘She told her best friend in secret and she told her best friend and she told her best friend and so it went on until it reached the ears of a best friend that didn’t also happen to be a best friend of Seren, and she told her mum, and she told a neighbour who told the rest of the village. I expect news has reached Hawaii by now.’

  We skidded to a halt outside the entrance to the Waifery and sprayed the walls with loose gravel. The sister on the door said they were not admitting visitors tonight and Llunos flashed his buzzer and said something rude. Her jaw dropped but no words came out. Sister Cunégonde was in her office, sitting at her desk doing nothing, just staring gloomily at the door as if she’d been expecting something to come through it that wasn’t nice. She looked pale.

  ‘He’s not here,’ she said. ‘He was here earlier, but he’s gone.’

  ‘And who would that be?’ said Llunos, sitting himself down on the corner of her desk.

  ‘Frankie Mephisto. That’s who you want isn’t it?’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Llunos. ‘How’s the fish pond?’

  She winced.

  ‘You wouldn’t know, would you?’ I said. ‘You wouldn’t know about Pope Gregory and the six thousand skulls.’

  Llunos picked up a set of knitting needles lying on the desk. Two little white woollen things hung from it. Booties.

  ‘Expecting a happy event, are we?’ he asked.

  ‘Well, you can’t expect the poor mite to go barefoot.’

  ‘Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time.’

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘We want to know where Myfanwy is.’

  ‘How should I know.’

  ‘Frankie Mephisto knows.’ I said, ‘I thought he might have told you.’

  ‘He doesn’t tell me anything.’

  ‘That’s right, I forgot. He’s been blackmailing you for weeks now and forgot to tell you why.’

  ‘Oh, he told me that.’

  ‘Maybe you’d like to share it with us.’

  ‘He wants to adopt Seren’s baby.’

  There was a pause. No one had thought of that.

  ‘This would be the infant Jesus, I take it,’ said Llunos.

  ‘That’s right. I laughed in his face when he told me about the crazy scheme he cooked up. I told him it was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard. He said it wasn’t stupid, Jesus was going to save Myfanwy. Oh yes, I said, what if He doesn’t feel like it? He said, He’ll feel like it all right, He’ll do as He’s told. No’s not in my dictionary. I said I can’t imagine what makes you think Jesus will help you. I’ve been married to Him for forty years and He’s never lifted a finger to help me.’

  I cast a look up at her alabaster husband. It was
probably my imagination but I’m sure He rolled his eyes and I heard a disembodied voice in my head saying, ‘Women eh? Can’t live with them, can’t shoot ’em.’

  ‘Anyway, I refused. I said I wanted nothing to do with it. I sent him packing.’

  ‘How noble. It’s never too late, I suppose.’

  ‘Yes, you can sneer. I know everyone thinks I’m just some dried-up, mean, scornful old woman with no more charity in her heart than … than … a crow … yes … not like her, not like Miss Sweetness and Light, she can do no wrong can she, the little hussy. Think what you like. See if I care.’

  ‘Where’s Frankie?’

  ‘I told you, he’s gone. And I wouldn’t be in a hurry to find him if I were you. He’s furious because he found out he’s been double-crossed. He said he was going to do Mooncalf and then the guy with the monkey. And a lot else besides. He always did have a temper.’

  ‘Who has double-crossed him?’

  ‘I don’t know. Everyone, I suppose. It was because of what I said. He was telling me about this ridiculous scheme and saying how they did it last week and I said, it doesn’t make sense to me, someone must have got the dates wrong. And he says it all makes perfect sense. And I said, so you say, but I know for a fact that the girl is two months gone. And he looked a bit taken aback to hear that and said that was impossible they only did it last week. And I said well you can say what you like but she’s missed twice now and he called me a stupid old lying bitch and I said yes I may be stupid and dumb and anything else you care to call me but there are a few things that I do know about and I’m telling you Seren is two months gone. And he looked really angry now and asked how such a thing could have happened. And I said, she probably did it the same way everybody else does it, no need for Divine intervention, it’s quite a popular pastime in Borth, so I’m told. And then he demanded to know who the father was. And I said how should I know. And he said he ’d kill whoever did it. So I told him, you’ll have a long list of people to kill. Who did it? he asked. And I said I really had no idea, she doesn’t tell me anything, but judging from the way she puts herself about it could be anyone, it could be the postman for all I know. Of course the fools from the village are all saying it is Meredith—’

  And as she said the word her hand shot up to her mouth and she said, ‘Oh my God!’

  ‘In such a night as this …’ said Llunos.

  We walked along the ridge of a scree of stones beneath a sky of violet stained glass. Away to our left, the lights of Aberdovey scintillated on the dark waters of the estuary. Somewhere there, too, was a beach which we couldn’t see. But it had to be there. It was yesterday.

  ‘When the sweet wind did gently kiss …’

  The stones gave way in a noisy cascade and the movement impelled us down to the sand and the invisible sea that never stopped sucking the detritus off the beach. A meteor fizzed like a fairy’s wand across the night sky. We walked along the water’s edge.

  ‘I’ve got a confession to make,’ said Llunos.

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘You remember those guys who took you to the engine sheds to give you a message from Ll and hit you on the head with a shovel?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Ever wondered who Ll was?’

  ‘Yes, I have.’

  ‘It’s short for Llunos.’

  ‘Funny, that’s your name.’

  ‘Yes. I’m sorry. They were working for me. I told them to put a fright into you, not knock you unconscious with a shovel.’

  ‘Since it’s the night for confession, would you care to tell me why you did such a strange thing?’

  ‘I wanted Calamity to stop investigating the Nanteos case.’

  ‘Did the reputation of your great-grandfather really mean so much?’

  ‘Actually, I didn’t give a damn about him.’

  ‘So why did I get a sore head?’

  ‘It was because of my mam. You’ve met my mam?’

  ‘Once or twice.’

  ‘She’s a good sort. Getting on a bit, but a heart of gold. Never says a bad word about anyone. That’s rare round here.’

  ‘Rare anywhere.’

  ‘She’s never really had much out of life. Doesn’t complain about it but, you know, she’s never really had much. She doesn’t have any fancy things, or anything like that, you know.’

  ‘I can understand that.’

  ‘Except one. It’s a … it’s a … it’s a necklace.’

  ‘Oh really?’

  ‘She adores it, only nice thing she’s got. It’s a bit of a family heirloom.’

  ‘Oval, flat-cut garnets set in gold with close-backed foil collets, concealed clasp and pear-shaped garnet drop?’

  ‘Yeah, something like that. A beauty it is. I’d hate to have to ask her to give it back.’

  I laughed. And then he began quoting again.

  ‘In such a night

  Did pretty Jessica, like a little shrew,

  Slander her love, and he forgave it her.’

  Across the dark water the car headlamps flashed in Aberdovey and an answering voice came from the blackness that was the sea.

  ‘I would out-night you, did no body come;

  But, hark, I hear the footing of a man …’

  It was a boy’s voice. Coming from the direction of the water. We stopped and peered into the darkness. Llunos took out a flashlight and wafted the beam across the surface of the water. The shaft of light picked out a dark shape that shouldn’t have been there. It moved.

  ‘Louie,’ a voice said. ‘What an unexpected pleasure.’

  It was Dai Brainbocs wearing a thick fisherman’s jacket, up to his chest in the water.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Dying.’

  ‘Where’s your wheelchair?’

  ‘I’m sitting on it.’

  ‘Is Frankie Mephisto here?’

  ‘I saw him about two hours ago. With a shotgun. I’d steer clear of him if I were you, he’s not in one of his best moods. Who’s that with you?’

  ‘Llunos.’

  ‘Good evening, Llunos,’ said Brainbocs.

  ‘I’ll go and get help.’

  ‘No point, Louie. The chair has sunk into the quicksand up to my waist.’

  ‘We could get a boat.’

  ‘There isn’t time.’

  The water had reached just below his shoulders and as we spoke there was a black invisible surge that took it to just under his chin.

  ‘But you’ll drown.’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘You’ve caused a lot of trouble, you have,’ said Llunos.

  ‘It’s no use you trying to throw a guilt-trip on me, what was I supposed to do? Frankie Mephisto was going to make me someone’s girlfriend.’

  ‘But what about the poor girl, Seren?’

  ‘I wouldn’t worry too much about her. Mooncalf says the doctor from the clinic refused to have anything to do with the plan. He said it was against every imaginable ethical and moral principle. Mooncalf killed him and fed the DNA mixture to that feral donkey that’s been hanging around. The one with a missing ear.’

  ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘There’s a deputy on guard outside Meredith’s cottage – he can radio the coastguard.’

  ‘Please don’t trouble yourselves, Louie. I don’t want to be saved. I want to die and join Myfanwy.’

  Sister Cunégonde beat us to Meredith’s cottage. We saw her disappearing through the front door when we arrived. The light was on in the kitchen but there was no sign of the deputy. I knocked on the door and a voice shouted from within.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘We need to use the phone, there’s someone in trouble – in the water.’

  The voice said, ‘come in’ and we pushed the door open and walked in.

  Meredith was sitting on the floor of his cottage with his back pressed against the wall. The coarse grey plaster above his head was smeared with his blood. It began midway up in a blob and then slalomed down in a wide, drunken stain, as if
someone had thrown a flan against the wall and it had slithered to the floor. ‘Welcome to the party,’ said Frankie, cradling a pump action shotgun in his lap like a favourite kitten. He jerked the shotgun to indicate that we should walk over to join Sister Cunégonde at the table. One of the tough guys I’d seen on the platform at Shrewsbury stood next to Frankie, also holding a shotgun.

  ‘Need to use the phone did you say? Who’s in trouble?’

  ‘Brainbocs,’ I said stupidly.

  Frankie aimed the gun casually at the phone and pulled the trigger. It was one of those old-fashioned phones with a dial and a braided black cord. It disintegrated in a shower of bakelite fragments.

  ‘We’ve been trying to work out who got the girl up the duff,’ said Frankie. ‘This chap says it wasn’t him.’

  Meredith made no acknowledgement but there was still a gleam in his eyes, the last embers of consciousness or maybe just the torch of the caretaker locking up as he left. Frankie looked accusingly at Sister Cunégonde.

  ‘I never told you it was him.’

  ‘You never told me it wasn’t either, did you, you stupid bitch?’

  He walked over to Meredith, hefted the shotgun, looked inquiringly at Sister Cunégonde and said, ‘So who was it?’ He rammed the butt of the gun down into the side of Meredith’s head. He let out a soft groan. Sister Cunégonde jumped up and ran at Frankie Mephisto and he casually swung the gun round and caught her on the ear with the end of the barrel. She stopped in her tracks and fell to the floor and then started crawling towards Meredith. Frankie put the sole of his foot on her and shoved her across the room.

  ‘So who?’ he said again.

  ‘Does it matter?’ asked Llunos.

  A spasm flashed in the muscles of Frankie’s face. He turned a gaze of withering intensity on Llunos and whispered, ‘Don’t you tempt me, copper.’

  ‘No one knows who the father is,’ said Sister Cunégonde. ‘Only Seren.’ There was a deep gash above her ear and the side of her head glistened wet in the dimly lit kitchen.

  ‘That’s a lie for a start. Even I know it takes two.’ He kicked Meredith in the chest wound where the shotgun discharge was concentrated. Everyone in the room winced. Frankie chuckled. ‘Give us a clue, Cunybongy.’