The N Word (Redefining Me #2)

by Michelle MacQueen

“Yeah.”

  They walked to Nicky’s yellow Camaro. It was showy and so unlike him, but Nari remembered when his father gave it to him for his sixteenth birthday at the beginning of the year.

  She sat and buckled her seatbelt as it purred to life. “Where are we going?”

  Nicky thought for a moment. “Umm…my sort of boyfriend is having a party tonight. Parties aren’t really my thing, so I wasn’t planning to go, but…”

  A grin spread across Nari’s face. “You have a boyfriend?”

  Nicky’s cheeks reddened. “He doesn’t want me telling anyone.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’s not exactly…out.”

  She nodded, getting the whole picture. Nicky was this boy’s secret. It didn’t sit well with her, but she kept her mouth shut.

  They drove in silence across town before pulling into a gated community. Nicky punched in the gate code as if he’d been there a million times before. She saw the house before they reached it. Cars lined the street, and a few people lingered on the porch. Through the wide front window they could see a living room jammed full of people.

  Nicky parked and led her up the long drive. Stone pillars marked the entryway as they passed under a large arch and entered the house without knocking. The last time Nari had gone to a party, it ended in tragedy.

  But she refused to think about that. It was a Friday night, and she sneaked out of her house. She should at least try to enjoy herself.

  Nicky searched the many rooms, his steps quickening across the marble floors. They reached the expansive kitchen, and Nicky froze.

  A girl sat on the counter with an insanely attractive boy standing between her legs, his lips pressed to hers. They didn’t notice their company. They’d have to come up for air to see anyone else.

  Liquor bottles littered the countertops. In the corner, a keg sat with a crowd of people waiting near it, holding their red plastic cups.

  “Nicky,” Nari hissed. He continued to stare at the couple, and Nari squirmed awkwardly.

  Finally, the two broke apart. The girl giggled when she saw them, and the boy jerked his head around, his eyes going wide when they landed on Nicky.

  “Nicky,” Nari said under her breath. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” He yanked a bottle from the counter without stopping to see what he’d grabbed and stormed from the room.

  Nari followed him as he pushed through the crowd to get to the front porch. He paused long enough to take a long drink from the bottle, cringing at the taste.

  Nari snatched it from him and scanned the label. 151 rum. Yikes. She eyed Nicky as his chest heaved.

  “Give that back, Nari.” He lunged for it, wrestling the bottle from her grip before tipping it against his lips again.

  “Slow down, Nicky. Do you realize how strong that stuff is?” It wouldn’t take much to affect someone of Nicky’s size.

  He offered it to her as if she’d want a sip. She only shook her head and pushed out the front door. Thankfully, he followed her.

  Instead of walking back to the car, she took a stone path that meandered along the side of the large house until it reached the back where a deck spanned the width.

  A vast lawn sloped down to wooded property, but Nari’s eyes caught on a pair of swings hanging from a huge oak tree and she walked toward it.

  “We used to play here when we were just kids.” Nicky sat in one of the swings, taking another long gulp from the bottle.

  “That was him, wasn’t it?” Nari lowered herself into the other swing, not taking her eyes from Nicky.

  Nicky nodded and took another sip. “I knew he wasn’t totally sure about the gay thing…but I thought we’d figure it out together. He called himself my boyfriend.” He closed his eyes. “He kissed me like he was.”

  Nari reached out and took his hand. A cold wind blew over them, sending an icy chill through her sweatshirt. If she hadn’t had to sneak out, she could’ve grabbed a coat.

  “He’s a jerk. It’s his loss, honestly.”

  Nicky shook his head, opening his mouth to say something more. Before he could, he lost his balance, falling backward and landing on the packed dirt with a grunt. The bottle landed beside him, spilling out onto the ground. Nicky tried to stop it, but Nari grabbed his arm.

  “You don’t need that stuff.”

  A sob ripped through him. “I know. With Pop the way he is, I shouldn’t want a drop. But after that… Just for one night, I didn’t want to feel anything.”

  She got off her swing and crouched in front of him. “It doesn’t make you stop feeling, Nick. It only makes you stop caring how others feel.”

  He wiped his face and wobbled as he got to his feet. Nari gripped his waist to stabilize him. “You’re going to have to drive us home.”

  Nari pushed her glasses up her nose and peered up at him. “Um…would now be a bad time to tell you I don’t know how to drive?”

  A sound between a laugh and a sob burst from him. “Yeah. Terrible timing. I’d rather you have told me after you crashed my stupid car.”

  She shook her head, a small smile appearing. At least his sense of humor was still intact. “Hand me your phone. My mom has mine.” Once he did, she debated who to call. Certainly not her parents. Peyton and Cam had gone out of town for the weekend.

  That left only one person.

  She navigated to Nicky’s contacts and pressed her finger over Avery’s name. It only rang once before his voice was in her ear.

  “Nicky, I can’t really talk right now.” Voices sounded behind him as if he too was at a party.

  “Avery!” Meghan said, her words slightly slurred.

  “What is it, Nicky?” Avery asked harshly.

  Nari realized she hadn’t said a word. “It’s not Nicky.”

  “Nari?” Surprise rang in his tone. How did he recognize her voice?

  “Yeah. Look, I know you’re probably out having whatever kind of fun you golden people have, but Nicky is drunk and can’t drive us home, and I never learned how to drive.”

  He barely waited for her to finish before jumping in. “Text me the address. I’m on my way.”

  Avery arrived ten minutes later, but he wasn’t alone. Meghan sat in the passenger seat, her eyes closed as she leaned against the window.

  Nari lifted a brow as she helped Nicky in and sat beside him. Nicky immediately curled up against the door and fell asleep. Nari met Avery’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

  “Why is my brother drunk?” There was a coldness in his voice.

  “I don’t really think it’s my place to tell you that.”

  His nostrils flared. “He’s my brother.”

  “And he’s fine. He just had a rough night.”

  “Nicky doesn’t drink.”

  She shrugged and looked out the window. They drove through the sleeping town. It was the weekend, and still, Twin Rivers showed no life after eight o’clock. Typical. “Glad to see you and Meghan are back together.” She didn’t know why she said it.

  Avery flicked his eyes over his shoulder before focusing on the road again. “We’re not. She’s dating one of my teammates now.” But he wanted her back. She could tell by his posture.

  “Yet you’re the one driving her home.”

  He only shrugged.

  Nari wasn’t Avery’s biggest fan, but she knew he deserved better than the blond in his front seat. She sighed. “When you two were together, she tried to seduce Cameron just to hurt Peyton.”

  His shoulders tensed. “What’s your point in telling me now, Nari?”

  Had she wanted to hurt him? To hurt Meghan? The girl that caused so much pain on a daily basis. “I don’t know. Thought you should know, I guess.”

  “Well, at least you’re honest.”

  Yep. That was her. Honest Nari. Nothing more. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the window.

  “Thank you.” The words were so quiet she almost missed them.

  She met his eyes in the mirror again. “For w
hat?”

  “For taking care of Nicky.”

  Her lips tipped up. “He’s my friend, Avery. What was I supposed to do?”

  He sighed, the sound seeming to come from deep inside him. “Not every friend is like you.”

  Her eyes flicked to Meghan. “You are.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t start thinking I’m better than I am, Nari.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’d be wrong.”

  It was only then she realized they were outside her house. She didn’t know where he was taking Meghan, but at that moment, the only thing she cared about was getting as far away from Avery St. Germaine and the weird feeling inside her as she could.

  She slid from the car, not allowing her eyes to rest on him. “Thanks for the ride.”

  Running across the pebbles, she stopped at her window, stepping on the bush for leverage as she pushed it open and pulled herself through.

  An empty bedroom greeted her. After changing into a pair of old sweats, she crawled onto her bed, praying for a dreamless sleep.

  6

  Avery

  “When you two were together, she tried to seduce Cameron...” Nari’s words ran on a loop through Avery’s mind as he drove to Meghan’s house. Nicky snored in the back seat, and Meghan was out cold.

  “I’m such an idiot,” he muttered. She made a play for Cameron almost the moment he’d returned. He knew Meghan had some strange vendetta against Peyton, but was that the only reason? Or was Cam just another potential deep-pocketed mark? He didn’t know which would make him hate her more. And now she was dating Andrew, the son of a wealthy governor, and behind Avery, one of the best players on the team since he’d transferred from Defiance Academy last year. Drew was going to play for Ohio State, and it seemed Meghan was just looking for a free ride right into the spotlight.

  Avery gripped the steering wheel when what he really wanted to do was wrap his hands around Meghan’s shoulders to shake some sense into her. Meghan had good grades. She was beautiful and athletic with a talent for gymnastics, and her family had plenty of money. She could make her own future. Why was she hell-bent on riding coattails right out of Twin Rivers?

  He watched her now in the red hue cast by the traffic light, her face pressed up against the window, her mascara and most of her makeup running down her face. Was that what he really wanted in a partner? Someone whose greatest aspiration in life was to be a trophy girlfriend to the guy with the fattest wallet?

  Avery shook his head, pressing on the gas pedal. For a long time, Avery saw Meghan as a sweet girl with just the right amount of sarcastic humor to fit his personality. They were great together. But now he wondered why it had taken him so long to see past the illusion she presented to him. Even now, he almost didn’t recognize her without her flawless makeup and hair. He didn’t know who this raccoon-eyed, drunken mess was, but he knew one thing for certain. He was over Meghan Lewis. He just wished everyone else would realize that.

  His phone vibrated as he came to a stop in front of Meghan’s house at the end of the cul-de-sac. He glanced down at his texts to see several pictures of Meghan and Drew all over each other. Avery’s shoulders tensed in frustration. He was over this, too. The way his friends sent him these pics out of some kind of bizarre concern. It was total bullshit how he’d broken up with Meghan, but in the end, everyone saw him as the pathetic one. The last text was from Becks.

  Beckett: This is who you’re pining over? You can do better than this hot mess.

  He’d attached a video of Meghan puking her guts out in the bathroom at the party they’d just left. Drew stood in the doorway recording her misery and laughing and drinking with his stupid buddies. Not long after this video, Avery found Meghan trying to borrow a friend’s car to drive herself home. That was how she’d ended up passed out in Avery’s car. He wasn’t about to let her get behind the wheel. I should have just called her an Uber. But at the time, he’d wanted one more chance to be the hero. To see if there was enough of their relationship left to salvage. That was before Nari forced him to see the truth. There was nothing worth saving.

  “Come on, Meghan, wake up.” Avery shook her shoulder until she moaned and clutched her head.

  “What? Avery? Ugh, what are you doing here?” She sat up, rubbing the gunk from her eyes and the dried puke on her mouth.

  “I found you trying to drive yourself home.” He shrugged. “We’re at your house, so you can go in. Drink some water, and sleep it off.”

  She gave him the smile that used to get her everything she wanted. It no longer had the same effect on him. “Why don’t you come in and put me to bed like old times?” Her tone lowered, and she moved across the seat closer to him, stroking his thigh through his jeans.

  “We’re not together, so no, I’m not carrying you into your house like I used to.” Avery moved her hand and clicked the auto locks so she could get out.

  “Are you serious right now?” She sat back, a bewildered look on her face. “You’re turning me down?”

  “We broke up, Meghan. You should leave.”

  “You always were a weak-ass excuse of a boyfriend.”

  “Listen, Meghan.” Avery’s voice grew serious. “Setting aside all the crap between us, you really need to do a better job of picking your boyfriends. When you’re this drunk, you need to be with someone who cares enough about you to get you home safe. Not some asshole who takes videos of you puking over the toilet.”

  “Mind your business, Avery St. Germaine.” She shook her head. “You think you’re so much better than everyone else.”

  “Zip it, train wreck,” Nicky groaned from the back seat. “Your shrill voice is like an icepick in my brain. I think my brother said you should go.” He sat up, his hair sticking up on end, and blinked at Meghan with her ruined makeup. “Who let in the clown?”

  “Ugh, I’m leaving.” Meghan grappled with the door handle and stumbled out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

  “You should take your own advice, bro.” Nicky stretched out across the back seat with a yawn. “Do a better job of picking your girlfriends. Maybe I’ll take the same advice and choose a better boyfriend.”

  “Mind your business, Nicky.” He groaned as he used the same phrase Meghan had. “And don’t think we aren't going to have a long talk about you drinking. Wait, please don’t tell me we’re talking about that douchebag from Defiance Academy. What did he do? Do I need to go have a chat with him?” Avery shot a glance over his shoulder, but Nicky’s loud snore was his only response.

  He was probably right. Avery could do a lot better than Meghan—and he wasn’t just talking about appearances. He needed something else in a girl, but he wasn’t exactly sure what that was yet.

  Avery’s thoughts drifted to Nari and the way she’d dropped everything to help Nicky get home safely. He didn’t know what was going on with Nicky or why he’d had such a shitty night, but he was glad his brother had someone like Nari in his corner.

  “Son of a bitch.” Avery slammed on the brakes in their driveway. “Shake it off, Nick. The police are here, and Mom’s trying to drag Pop back in the house. Looks like he’s arguing with the cop.”

  “What?” Nicky sat up, looking like he wanted to puke.

  “If you hurl in my car, I will kill you.”

  Nicky watched their mother struggle with their unconscious father. “As long as I live, I will never take another drink again.” He turned his anxious eyes to Avery. “How is this our life?”

  “This is not your life, kid. You’re not going to let that man mess with your head. Go inside, take a shower, and get to bed. Sleep it off.”

  “I’m not letting Mom drag that sorry sack of shit into the house by herself.” Nicky bolted out of the car.

  “Nick, you’ve been drinking,” Avery reminded him, following him to the back of the house. “Just stay away from the cops. I’ll handle this.”

  “Evening, Officers,” Avery said politely. “Hey, Pop, what’s going on?”
>
  “Oh, your silly pop had a few too many drinks down at the pub and got a little overzealous when the bartender cut him off,” Rebecca St. Germaine said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You boys go on inside.”

  “Mrs. St. Germaine, we’re happy to help you get Mr. St. Germaine into the house,” the young officer said, clearly thrilled to meet the famous NFL player. “It’s no trouble, we’ve all been there.”

  “Why don’t you wait in the car,” the older officer said, waiting for the reluctant rookie to leave them in private.

  “I can’t keep doing this, Rebecca.” The officer said. “Next time, I’m going to have to arrest him for drunk and disorderly.”

  “I understand, Officer McManus. Maybe that’s what he needs to get it through his thick skull.”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m a child!” Grayson shouted. “Can’t a man have a drink in a bar anymore, or is that against the law?”

  “Come on, Pop,” Avery said. “Let’s get you in the house.” He eased his father’s weight off his mother and tried to shoulder him toward the house.

  “I can do it on my own.” He shrugged out of Avery’s grip, almost knocking his mother to the ground.

  “Easy there, St. Germaine,” Officer McManus said.

  “We’ve got this, Officer,” Avery said. “Thanks for bringing him home. Avery shot a look over his shoulder at his brother’s white face. He was furious and embarrassed over their father’s behavior.

  “Let him sleep it off out here, Mom,” Nicky said after the cops left. His voice trembled with anger.

  “I have half a mind to, but he’ll just freeze to death.” She let out a frustrated breath. “It’s supposed to snow.”

  “He wouldn’t freeze with all that alcohol in him. No one would miss him.”

  “Nicky, I’m not an idiot, you’ve been drinking just as much, haven’t you?” she shot back at him. “I thought my boys were smarter than that. He’s your father,” she added in a softer tone, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  “Is that supposed to mean something to me? He calls me his queer son! Let him rot in the Goddamned street.”