by Lee Kerr
I stop and turn, then push them both back. ‘Obey!’ I say, moving forward again. I break into a run, weaving through the masses of people, sensing they are just a step behind me, and pleased they haven’t actually obeyed me.
We don’t stop running until we’re off the sand and back onto wood and concrete, which offer a clear and open route to whatever is happening ahead of us. The waves of people have gone; we’ve fought our way through them, and now find ourselves on a crest of our own fear. The screams have stopped too, replaced with the odd moment of shouting and a few whimpers. Hearing a sudden noise I turn to look at a bush and see two people huddled behind it, their bloodshot eyes and shaking heads telling me they’ve seen something.
‘The beach is probably more comfortable right now,’ I say, looking down at them, waiting for a decision to be made.
They look at the three of us and then to each other, and they decide to run. I choose to push us forward, thinking of the TV and all those reports, and of the inevitable darkness that awaits us all. I run ahead, catching the other two off guard, as my eyes take in things that would never normally be noticed on a casual walk to the beach in flip-flops; the moonlights lined along the bushes, the shadows of the palm trees swaying in the dark of the night.
I notice someone ahead – a Thai woman. Her flawless skin has been scored by lines of anguish; her normally flat and shiny hair is now mangled and torn. I grab her but she pulls away. I pull her back towards me, forcing my arms around her; our eyes lock as I demand that she recognises me. ‘Your name is Cherry, or at least that’s what I’ve been calling you. You clean my room, don’t you? Do you remember me?’
She nods, already pulling away from me. ‘I remember you.’
‘What’s happening?’ I ask, wondering if we will be laughing about this tomorrow as she changes my sheets and I sit out on the sun deck with my oversized shades on, both of us pleased that the natural order of things has returned.
She looks at me but doesn’t answer, her face creased and her body pulling away again.
‘Tell me!’ I say, shaking her. ‘I need to know what’s happening!’
When she realises that she cannot break free she stops moving and stares at me. She doesn’t say anything at first as she seems to take me all in, trying to figure out what it is that she wants to tell me. ‘The devil,’ she eventually says. ‘He comes.’
I nod and quietly release her. She immediately runs away, like a dog let off its lead. I don’t think she knows where she is going but she disappears into the darkness anyway. I wonder where any of us can run now.
‘The devil?’ I say, quietly and only to myself. ‘Is that all?’
*****
We sit quietly in a circle, as if being able to see each other at all times will help the situation. Keeping each other in sight makes this feel real but it doesn’t keep out the fear and it doesn’t explain what is happening. I laugh at the fact that we’re back in the bar, that even the chaos can only last for so long.
‘Whatever they saw spooked the shit out of the locals,’ Eric says.
‘Damn straight,’ Austin says from the other side of the bar. ‘So, who wants another one of my special drinks?’
‘Shouldn’t we stop now?’ Eric says, looking around for someone official for what must be the hundredth time.
‘The management don’t seem to give a shit so I think it’s time for doubles all around,’ Austin says, and winks at Eric. ‘But don’t worry, I’m keeping track.’
Kyle leans in, his head casting a shadow in the candlelight. ‘They told us to wait in here for the boats and if they think we’re paying for any of this they can go fuck themselves. And another thing, I want all my money back. Total refund with bags of compensation.’
‘I think they’ll be okay,’ I say, moving the candle closer to Austin, so he can make my cocktail properly. ‘They have much bigger things to worry about, believe me.’
‘Do you think they’ll have the power back on soon?’ Eric asks, looking at me, obviously assuming that I would have an answer that makes sense. ‘And when do you think the boats will get here? It’s been over an hour.’
‘You know what I know.’
Jessica suddenly lets out a whimper and Kyle grabs her again. This makes for pleasant viewing: she finally gets at least some of the attention she deserves. I move a candle towards her, keen to comfort her as well, and I’m also desperate to know what she knows.
‘What the fuck is going on with you?’ Kyle asks, shaking her, suddenly changing his tone, his big frame surrounding her small and fragile body. He clearly thinks that he can scare an answer out of an already terrified young woman.
She says nothing, just stares down at the drink, carefully crafted by Austin, which she still hasn’t touched; her body is present, but it’s as if her mind has been somehow removed.
Kyle lets out a long groan, followed by much loud muttering about how this thing of beauty has been nothing but ultra-high-maintenance since the moment we arrived. He moans at her, but fixes his eyes on me, and aims his feelings of frustration in my direction. The truth is known to everyone: I paired them together all in the name of a nice holiday. This was true, but it was an experiment that was too good to miss: to find out if he could cope with her, the girl who requires more upkeep in a day than I need in a year. I was desperate to know if he could use everything he had learnt, if he could last longer than I expected.
He finally pushes the table away and storms off, shouting that he could have been with his friends, his real friends, on a fun dudes’ holiday.
‘Tenderness over testosterone,’ I say, loud enough for all to hear, although I’m not sure if Kyle is even listening. I kneel down in front of Jessica and gently touch her knee with one hand. ‘Jessie, sweetie, what happened? What’s going on in your head?’
She finally looks at me, but takes her time to realise that I’m here, that I’m with her in this place. She looks around the large room and then back at me, like she has just woken up.
I smile and clamp my hand tighter around her knee, trying to be reassuring, but not sure what I am actually offering her safety from. ‘You can tell me,’ I say.
She nods and then shakes her head, as if trying to show both that she agrees and that she doesn’t know. ‘I’m really not too sure but I definitely saw something.’ Her face suddenly scrunches up, and tears start streaming down her face. ‘Something is here.’
‘What a load of shit,’ Kyle says, who has by now returned to see if I have been more successful than him. ‘All that crap on the TV and then a power cut has sent everyone mental.’
He keeps shouting and people keep looking; he is attracting a growing audience. We all want to agree with him, to believe that nothing sinister is lurking around the corner. I see people scattered across the tables around the bar, the whites of their eyes reflecting the candlelight. They look and they listen but they don’t move, and each small gust of wind threatens to plunge us back into darkness, leaving us alone with our fears and our hopes of boats and daylight.
Kyle continues to rant about how much he needed this holiday, and the fact that he chose to come away with us instead of his football team, which I think means he is admitting in some way that he wants to change things about himself. No one interrupts, and no one challenges him – I don't think anyone cares that much.
I carefully listen to his confessions, trying to pick out the bits of this puzzle that are down to me to solve. I’ve been in his head; I spent several months fucking him like no one else ever has, as he so aptly put it. I believe this qualification from Kyle himself means I was that catalyst for the creation of this new man, the one who is now systematically screaming at each small group of frightened people, telling all of them that he really does deserve more. I think about my room maid and on some level I hope she is right. If hell is going to unleash all of its horrors I hope it starts on Kyle first. It’s almost as tantalising as it is scary.
‘Screw this,’ Kyle says. ‘I need a piss.�
�
Eric suddenly stands up. ‘I’ll come too. I didn’t want to go alone.’
Kyle shakes his head and storms forward. He pushes his way past empty tables, kicking unused chairs out of the way. Eric quickly follows, only two paces behind, taking advantage of the path his brutish companion has created.
I walk away and sit back on my stool. Austin is still on the other side of the bar, and he looks at me and smiles, setting down two empty glasses in front of the two of us. ‘I think I’ve found my new vocation in life,’ he says as he starts to work his magic with the shaker.
I watch as it rattles. His muscles tense and get bigger as his shaking gets faster. I want to jump up and hang off what bulges through his tight T-shirt; I want my legs on his forearms, my hands around his neck, and my bum resting on those pecs that look like firm pillows wrapped in tight sheets. I curse myself for what I must do and for what I know I can never have, no matter how hard I try to manipulate his strong mind. He’s too powerful, too strong for any of my tricks, and I know he deserves more.
I sit back and watch. I always find beauty in the things that I can see but not touch. I think this shows the true difference between love and lust, and is concrete proof that once you have one you cannot have the other. They are simply too much to have in the same space and time. As I start to wonder which one of those Kyle and I both ended on, I turn around and see Jessica. She is still staring at nothing, her body curled up in the small seat as she slowly rocks to some rhythm the rest of us can’t hear.
Austin pushes a glass towards me and holds up the other one. ‘To random shit.’
I laugh and take hold of my new drink. ‘To whatever this night hides.’
‘Girl, that don’t sound good,’ he says, his head shaking but a smile still on show.
‘I don’t think any of this is good, but there is one thing I’m sure of and that’s if this is our last night on earth then I will most definitely need to see you naked.’
He smiles, looking around the room and then back at me. ‘You just don’t quit, do you?’
‘Never quit, Austin. Even when time runs out and the tides change, and you have nowhere to turn it’s important for me to know that you will never quit.’
His head still shakes. ‘Time and tide never run out. They always come back.’
‘That’s deep for someone so young.’
He knocks back his drink, already grabbing the cocktail shaker. ‘I can do deep. Just as deep as you.’
I laugh. ‘You’ll never be able to go as deep as me, I promise you that.’
His eyes narrow; it’s like he’s taking me all in, the good and the bad. ‘Why do you have this exterior of… you know?’
‘A bitch?’
He laughs, his head mindlessly nodding. ‘I was going to say tough girl from the ghetto.’
‘I like that,’ I say, liking him more by the minute. I wonder how much I would like Austin once we finished fucking. Would I want to cuddle and lie on his ample chest, those solid rocks of stability keeping me calm and warm? Or once it was over for both of us would I want his dick out of me and my devious intentions out of his head? Having taken all I could, would I want to move on, or would he be able to remain be a person who kept me interested on many different levels? I look at him and wonder if he has enough layers to occupy my busy mind.
‘You like being a bitch, don’t you?’ he says.
‘I like princesses, too, but I don’t want to be one.’
He shakes his head, still smiling, but his energy is going into the ice bucket, his mind only on the task. ‘You talk in riddles.’
I smile and grip his arm. ‘And yet you still get me.’
He nods. ‘I get you; I just don’t get why I’m here.’
‘But you still agreed to come, still agreed to spend some of your parents’ hard earned money, still got on the plane with us.’
He holds up a silencing hand. ‘I earned all this myself and I wanted to come. I needed the break, but now I’m here I don’t get where I fit in, or how I match with any of you.’
I laugh, looking around at Jessie and wishing the other two were here to prove my point. ‘None of us fit in as a group – surely you’ve realised that by now? We are all hiding things; none of us are as we seem.’
He nods. ‘The only constant in this entire group is you, and you have fucked all of them. Am I right?’
I crease my face, offering a smile. ‘Fucked is such a crude term but, if you must know, I am indeed one of the many girls Kyle has fucked.’
He shakes his head. ‘You haven’t been fucked by him. I get you enough to see how your brain works.’
I smile, loving Austin even more, this feeling competing with the lust that has been there since the first time I saw him strip off by the pool. ‘It all started last year when I realised that I had wanted Kyle for a while. He’s the typical football captain and I wanted to take him away from all the cheerleaders who were begging him to pick them. The thought of luring him away through ways and means that were incomprehensible to them turned me on so much, and if I could take him from them it would prove that blonde bimbos cannot rely on their looks alone, especially against an intent and focused mind.’
‘You wanted to fuck the football captain? I expected better from you.’
‘Oh, no, I didn’t just fuck him. Believe me, Kyle is experienced but not talented when it comes to the bedroom, and as deep as I taught his cock to go, I was able to get deeper into his mind. I dominated and rode him like my prize stallion for weeks. The day I found his prostate was the day I realised I could do anything I wanted to him, because once you understand that a man is ruled by his cock then you can get him to bend to any demands you have. The first couple of times, I gave the impression that I was letting him take charge; that was until I realised his set routine was never going to improve. You could say that he brought the body and I added the creativity, and for quite some time he was my greatest lust – the one who performed best after I had trained him. If there were awards for this sort of thing then Kyle would have won “best improved in bed.”’
‘You evil bitch,’ he says, giving away nothing.
I wait for a smile, a laugh or any sign at all that he still gets me. But he continues to say nothing, and I quietly reflect, wondering if I’ve said too much, if I have revealed a monster that even he didn’t expect to see.
‘And what about her?’ he says, looking over at Jessica. ‘Do I want to know?’
‘What are you asking about her?’
‘You know what I’m asking.’
I nod and look over at Jessie, trying to sort out all of her endless complexities in my mind. ‘You have to take your time with a girl like Jessie. She’s a tender thing who had become too used to the quick and rough penetration of simple men. The first time I kissed her down there she first begged me to stop then begged me never to stop. People always want things that aren’t easy to get, and I wanted her. There are things hidden in the depths of everyone’s minds, just waiting to be unlocked, however much they promise themselves it won’t happen. I think I unlocked something within her and she did the same within me, and now I can’t put it away, no matter how hard I try. Even getting her the best jock-on-the-block, the newly trained football captain with an improved appreciation of women, hasn’t helped either of us.’
I turn back to Austin to see him staring at me. ‘People leave your company a little bit fucked in the head, if you don’t mind me saying.’
I can only offer him a silent nod.
‘I’m wondering if I’m next on your list,’ he says, leaning over the bar, edging closer towards me. ‘You know I’m not going to be that easy to crack.’
I stroke his arm and look into his dark eyes. ‘We met because we share a love of gin and we are old souls who want more.’
‘You’re saying I’m like you?’
I shake my head. ‘You’re better than me, Austin. You won’t try to chase what you can’t have. But I can’t help myself. I will always wan
t the impossible. And yes, I would love to lie myself down and spread my legs, feeling you deep inside me, even though I know it will never happen.’
‘Damn, you are one sexy kitten.’
I slowly nod my head. ‘I might be, but not for you. I know what you really like and you might not believe me but I promise you will get it.’
He nods back but I’m not sure he understands or even believes me. ‘What about you and Eric? What’s the deal with you two?’
I down my remaining drink. ‘Eric is yours. I made him for you.’
He spits his drink out, and for the first time I see his mouth fall open.
‘When he comes back you two are going to the beach. You are going to take him to the edge of the shore and you will make tender love to him.’
‘Just like that?’ he says, stepping away from me, making himself busy whilst fussing over the remaining liquor, our realities no longer the same.
‘He will obey me and he will embrace you.’
He leans forward, close enough for me to taste the ice-cold gin on his breath. ‘You can’t just take what you want in this life.’
I quickly grab his T-shirt, pulling this hulk of muscle halfway across the bar, pinning his ear near to my mouth. ‘Time is running out and you will do this, both because you want to and because this is going to be our last night on earth.’ I keep my gaze on his face, my heart beating faster and my breath giving away the loss in my normally controlled exterior.
A tear eventually trickles down my cheek, and he gently holds my head and wipes it away with one calm flick of his thumb. It makes me shudder with unknown passion, before filling with jealousy, which must be obvious to see. I wish that there was more time to figure all this out. Maybe it would take months, maybe years, but eventually I would have seen his love for Eric grow at the same time as he proved his passion for me. A threesome would never have been out of the question, not for me, not with Austin involved.