Wicked Games (Bad Reputation)

by Dylan Heart

  He’s more than angry. He’s more than hurt. He’s feeling betrayed by the first woman he has opened up to since he lost his family all those years ago. The hurt and betrayal I felt when I woke up this morning is a grain of sand in comparison. This all falls on me. Our heartbreak duet began with my cruel intentions.

  “I was a heartless bitch,” I say softly, but I’m unable to look him in the eyes. “That’s not me anymore.”

  “You got what you wanted. You got an ‘A’, a free trip to the beach, and a couple great fucks. But that was all just a bonus on top of the satisfaction you’ve gained by winning some game.” He nods his head, and there’s a sullen look painted around his eyes and lips. “You broke my heart, so I guess congratulations are in order.” His eyes sink like stones, dragging me to the bottom of a bottomless lake. “Congratu-fucking-lations.”

  “I love you…”

  “Here’s a tip. Wipe that puppy dog look off your face and get the hell out of my sight. I never want to see you again.” He’s done with me, forcing me to say goodbye as he turns to head back into class.

  Everyone who has walked into my life has left. Sometimes, I force them out. Other times, they’ve had enough. None of them have ever hurt like this. With everything I have done to the people I’ve met, I don’t deserve a happy ending. I know that, but still I fight against the currents of the inevitable. Losing him would mean going back to the wicked, empty life I’ve created for myself.

  I’m not going down without a fight. “You are not going to put this all on me,” I scream and throw my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around. “I tried telling you, but you wouldn’t hear it.”

  He jerks away from my touch, and his lips quiver with disgust.

  “I like you for everything you are. Don’t change a thing,” I continue. “Do those words sound familiar? They should. You said them.”

  “That’s not fair,” he chokes on the words as they come out in a hollow, hushed whisper.

  “What’s not fair is for you to dump this on me the way you did. I wanted to tell you so bad, but it was never the right moment. You wouldn’t hear it. You were too in love with who you thought I was. And I admit, this started out as something else. You were nothing more than a conquest.” I shrug, but it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because the words don’t come easy. “I didn’t know you then.”

  “You can’t treat people this way, Apple.” His voice comes down a notch, back into a tone in which we can actually converse without anger and bitterness spitting from our lips. “I don’t think it matters one way or the other if you had a change of heart. You can’t change overnight. You can’t stop being who you are like it’s a switch you turn on and off.”

  “I’ve changed.” I step to him, and raise my chin so I can catch a deep look into his eyes. “And I know it’s hard for you to believe because it’s not something you can touch or feel, but I love you and I wish I could make it right.”

  He throws his hands in the air, cleansing himself from the bad situation we’ve found ourselves in. “You can’t fix what was never broken, because it never existed in the first place.”

  When I think he’s going to turn around and leave, he doesn’t. He watches me as if he’s waiting for something, but I can’t discern what. But when I see him standing there, so stern in his resolution I do the one thing I told myself I would never do.

  I break in front of him. It’s quick, and it’s furious. It’s a downpour of rain during a sunny baseball game. It’s unexpected and terrifying, like the first time you jump from a bridge into the river below. It’s heavy—the weight of the world washing over my face.

  My eyes are heavy—the weight of the world pushing them half-shut. My vision goes blurry, and he becomes a shadow; a distant silhouette. My lips tremble, but words don’t come out. Not that they could be heard over the brute force of my emotional break, anyway.

  “Did you care about me at all?” he asks with the kind of emptiness you’d find in a stark-black dream.

  I push away the tears from my eyes, but the tears come too fast, wiping away any sense of temporary clarity. “I think you know the answer.”

  “I want to believe you, but it’s hard.” His shadow falls over me before I realize he’s shifted toward me. “God,” he says through a deep exhale, “it’s so fucking hard.”

  “Can you meet me after class?” I say through muffled sobs. The very thought that he can see me this way, makes me want to vomit. Vulnerability isn’t something that empowers me. It’s something that destroys me.

  “I don’t know.” His actions speak otherwise as he places a palm on my shoulder. There’s a chance, no matter how evasive, that we’ll be able to reach some sort of resolution. “I’m not making a commitment, but I’ll agree to a conversation.” He looks away and cups the length of his mouth with his hand. “I think we owe each other at least that.”

  I place my palm on his hand that rests on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  “You can say it a million times.” He stares down at my hand with empty eyes. “It doesn’t mean anything changes.”

  His words cut through me like glass, digging through my skin in a frantic attempt to tear my heart open, but I fight back the tears. Strong women don’t cry, that’s what I’ve learned. But I’m often wrong, and the greatest teacher in my life—Brick—has often led me adrift.

  “I’m not saying it to change anything. I’m saying it because it’s how I feel. For the first time in my life, I mean it.”

  He flicks his wrist and takes a glance at his watch. “I’ll stop by your house later, but I need to get back in there. We’ve made enough of a scene as it is.”

  I give him a nod, and he returns the gesture before turning to head back into his classroom. We both have major damage control to take care of. I have a foot postmarked for Brick’s dumb ass, and Jensen has to explain away the crazy girl who made a scene in his classroom.

  Jensen pushes through the door of the lecture hall, but comes to an abrupt halt. He takes one last careful step into the classroom and familiar sounds echo through my ear—A haunting, enticing slice of déja vu.

  This cannot be happening. I rush to Jensen’s side. Pushing past his frozen body, I peer into the classroom and everything becomes clear.

  Everything.

  Falls.

  Apart.

  Chapter 27

  Jensen pushes me deeper into the mattress. His perfect, round ass is on display for the world to see as he makes slow, careful thrusts into me.

  “Are you okay?” he whispers while he continues making love to me.

  “Yeah.” I nod. “Definitely worth the ‘A’.” It was a harmless joke, but nobody is going to see it that way.

  Every single student is glued to the screen of the projector, watching on in segments of shock, laughter and confusion.

  “Jensen…” I whisper and turn to him, but he’s already gone. “Jensen,” I scream as I dart out into the hall. He marches down the open corridor, paying no attention to my desperate cries. “Jensen…”

  It’s surreal hearing the sound of my own moans as I rush down the hallway. As I pass another full lecture hall, I see a professor fumbling with a dysfunctional remote, trying to shut the video off.

  Everybody knows.

  Jensen’s reputation is destroyed, and so is mine. Brick said that him and I were karma, but I can no longer agree. This is karma. This is what I get for falling in love.

  Jensen throws open the glass door at the end of the hall, slamming it into the exterior brick walls. I race through the open door, taking notice of the broken glass littered along the cement steps that lead down to the sidewalk.

  “Stop,” I command him.

  He twists on his foot. Rage and embarrassment burn red in his face. His eyes are swollen, a side effect of holding something back. “You are so full of tricks.”

  “I didn’t—“

  “This is my life! You won’t stop until you have taken everything away from me.”

/>   “Listen to me,” I plead with him, but I know it’s fruitless.

  “No,” he screams and waves his hands. “I’m done. Finished. Forever.”

  I chew into my lip and shake my head. “You have to believe me.”

  “I don’t have to do shit.” He approaches me and stares me down, his eyes a mere inch from mine. “I look into your eyes and I see the devil. I see contempt. I see a little girl who thinks manipulation is the same thing as power.”

  I should move, but I can’t bring myself to do so. My body doesn’t even flinch. He’s so right and so wrong at the same time. He stares me down a little longer, and I think to myself, I’ll never see those creamy blue eyes again. The heaving in his chest slows and soon he forces a smile and turns away from me.

  His shoulders bounce as he walks quickly to his car and jumps in. He starts the car in record time and I race to him before he can he peel out.

  “Jensen.” I grip onto the door of his convertible. “Please listen to me. This wasn’t me. It had to be Brick.”

  “Really? Because that video was recorded in your room.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “Why should I believe you?”

  I hesitate, because I realize this is my last chance to convince him I had nothing to do with this. “You should believe me because I love you.”

  “Stop saying that.” He throws his head back against the seat and pushes the car into gear. “You can’t love.” He shakes his head, presses on the gas, and the car bumps forward. “You don’t have the capacity. You don’t have that heart.” The saddest smile I have ever seen creases across his lips and the finality sinks in. “Goodbye, Apple.”

  Before I can protest further, he’s gone. He races to the end of the street and whips around a sharp corner without braking, running a stop sign in the process.

  “Ouch,” I hear a familiar voice say from behind me. I crane my head to see Cece. She wears a proud, devious smile. In the five days since I’ve seen her, she has changed. Tight-fitted jeans hug the curves of her body, and her bare breasts peek out of a tight tank top. “What was that about?”

  I dig my hands deep into my hair and let out a long, exhausted exhale. “Nothing,” I say as I plaster a fake smile on my face.

  “Are you sure?” She takes a step toward me, her heels clicking along the cement. She’s taller now, and more sure of herself. “Looked like something to me.”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me.”

  “I fell in love.”

  “That didn’t look like love to me.”

  “No Cece.” I laugh uncomfortably and without humor. “That’s exactly what love is.”

  “I guess I wouldn’t know.”

  She follows me as I take a seat on the curb of the road. “I talked to Rafe.” She places her palm on my thigh, and my eyes drift toward her. “He told me he was interested in me.”

  “That’s great news.”

  “You were supposed to tell me that.”

  “What do you mean?” I have an inkling where this conversation is going, and I don’t have the energy for it.

  “It took me a while to figure it out. I mean, why wouldn’t you tell me he was interested in me? In fact, you went as far as to say he wasn’t interested in people like me, because I wasn’t like you.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Why do you want me to be like you so bad?” She jumps to her feet and stands in the middle of the road. “Why was it so important for you to take a wrecking ball to everything I ever believed in?”

  “I was trying to protect you.”

  “Bullshit,” she sneers at me, carrying a load of acid on her tongue. “You wanted to pass on your legacy to someone, and I was the perfect girl for the torch. But let me tell you something, nobody wants that torch. Nobody wants to be you. You’re a mean girl, and you’re going to die alone.”

  “I’m going to have to cut you off.” I’m seething, but know I deserve everything she’s saying. “You don’t know shit about me.”

  “Don’t I? The funny thing about Brick is that he’s an absolute monster, but he’s an honest one.”

  “You are so naïve.” I shake my head. “Do you really think he told you whatever the fuck he told you, out of the kindness of his heart? Please, don’t make me fucking laugh.”

  “Sweetie, you don’t need to worry about that, because you’re not laughing. You’re crying. I saw it with my own eyes.”

  “You said you don’t want to be like me? Too late.” I measure her from top to toes with my eyes. “Look at you. You’re exactly like me.”

  “And whose fault is that?”

  “No.” I shake my head again. “Nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do.”

  “Tell me then, did you dream of growing up to be an intolerable bitch?”

  “You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Everything I am is because of the—“

  “Really, Apple?” she asks in a condescending tone, mocking me. “Nobody can make you become someone you don’t want to be.”

  “We’re done here.” I push past her, knocking my shoulder against her chest.

  “You’re right.” She spins around. “I’ve taken everything from you. Your impending degree is on the line. Jensen will never talk to you again, and Brick… Well, I don’t want to ruin all the surprises.”

  “I’m sorry.” That’s all I can bring myself to say. I want off this merry-go-round of daggers. For the second time today, those two words echo off the edge of my lips with truthfulness. I don’t recognize who I’m becoming. She scares me. She surprises me. She’s a better woman than who she was yesterday. Too many times in life, we are challenged by our identities. Too often, we find out who we really are when it’s already too late.

  The last glimpse I get of Cece is one of mixed emotions. I can tell the weight of her actions weighs heavy on her soul, as her eyes are sunken with guilt. This in turn gives me the tiniest bit of satisfaction. Not because she got what she deserved, but because she stands a chance to not become the woman I did.

  I march down the streets of campus, wandering around aimlessly for hours. It’s in these quiet hours of solitariness that I realize what I have to do.

  Chapter 28

  Professor Apple Malloy reporting for class. Welcome to How To Not Piss Off A Woman 101. This semester, you are going to learn the three biggest ways to piss off a woman, and the consequences for doing so. I would like to direct you to the syllabus below.

  Lesson A: Do not interfere with matters of the heart. Consequence: Castration

  Lesson B: Do not lie to a woman who has trusted you. Consequence: Castration

  Lesson C: Do not—under any circumstances—ever fuck with an angry woman. Consequence: Castration.

  Brick’s going to wish he were dead when I’m done with him. Unfortunately, I’m not looking to spend the next ten-to-fifteen years in prison for assault or attempted murder, so social castration is going to have to work.

  He’s stolen Jensen from me, so now I’m going to destroy anything and everything he has left. He may not love anything in this world, but I can still hit him where it hurts. I will ensure no girl within a fifty-mile radius will ever sleep with him again.

  I twist the key into the lock of his apartment door, let myself in and slam the door shut behind me. I want him to know I’ve arrived, and hell hath no fury like a bitch scorned.

  The first person I see isn’t Brick. It’s someone else. A girl with flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s petite, but has a larger-than-life commanding presence.

  “Brick,” she calls out and shifts her head toward the bedroom. “Someone is here for you.” She turns back to me. “Who are you?” she asks in the sweetest tone.

  “A friend.” I smile and take a seat beside her, a little too close for her comfort as she flinches away from me. “Are you Tyra?”

  “Yeah.” She’s taken aback
that I seem to know of her, but she is in no way the meek girl I thought she would be. “How did you know?”

  “I’ve heard so much about you.” I lean my head past her to make sure Brick isn’t coming out of the bedroom yet. Then, it’s back to business. “Pack your shit and get the hell out of here.”

  “Excuse me?” She leaps to her feet. “Who do you think you are?”

  “Don’t make me say it again,” I threaten her, just enough that she collects an oversized purse from the floor and shoves a history textbook into it. I’ve intimidated her into leaving, and now I have to tell her why. I latch my hand around her arm, and her eyes swim with fear. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “Then get your hand off me,” she seethes.

  I do as she requests and hurry my speech when I hear the toilet flush. “Stay the hell away from him. He’s the fucking devil and he will drag you to hell with him.”

  “What are you talking about,” she scoffs and cranes her head to the bedroom, waiting for her knight to save her from the crazy lady. “I’m his tutor.”

  “You are so naïve. So was I, but if you listen to one stranger in your life, listen to me.” I stroke a finger through her silky hair, trying to remember a time before I knew him—a time when I could have been happy if I would have chosen a different path. “He’ll destroy you. He’ll rip your soul from your chest.”

  She finds her bravery and leans in close. “You need serious help, thinking you can talk to a complete stranger this way.”

  “You are not his tutor by accident. It’s all a part of his plan to get you into bed.”

  She scoffs again. “You are ridiculous,” she snaps. “I have a moral code, and sleeping with strangers is so far off the map, it’s over in Russia. “

  “I made a bet with him that I could sleep with my professor before he could sleep with you.” It’s not a word-for-word retelling of the wager, but it’s boiled down to the basics so she’ll be able to understand. “You are the virgin daughter of a sitting U.S. Senator. You’re a prize to him, and when he’s done with you, he will leave you and your father with your reputations destroyed in the press.”