by Marnie Cate
A soft breeze surrounded Cedric. The air quickly turned warm, carrying the sound of children's laughter and the smell of fresh cut grass. His tiny body began to glow with a soft violet light. Danu had blessed my child.
“The choices you make will determine the future of your child,” Raquel said softly.
“Who are you really? Why are you trying to help me? Did Amaro —” I began asking, but she cut me off.
“Never say his name in my presence. That vile creature has nothing to do with me other than being a leech in my realm,” she replied.
“I'm sorry. He seemed like he was trying to help me, and then I ended up here,” I apologized.
“I brought you here. I should have been more clear in my introductions. You are in the Shadow realm, my domain. In the shadows, one can more clearly see the truth. My brother is an unfortunate evil. Mortals are easy prey for him, and his Mrak. You humans are so full of strong emotions to feed them, to strengthen them.”
“He told me he could stop her.”
“He would stop her by enslaving you. He would use you to feed his children. You saw what he offered. You would give up one torment for another. What do you want, Blanche?” she asked, cocking her head to the side, and staring deeply into my eyes.
“I want her to leave my family alone. I want my child to be safe. My future children to be safe,” I spat out.
“I believe Snowystra has realized you were not the key to keeping her power. She thinks your child is broken, but you and I know better. We both know your deceit.”
“Should I have not blocked the magic? Should I undo what I have done? Seek out the gypsy and reverse the protection?”
“And give her your son?”
“If she thought he was powerful, she would care for him, and treat him like a king.”
“She would until he angered her. Until she realized she would never have enough power to fill her insatiable need for more.”
“What should I do? What are you telling me I should do? I don't want to lose Cedric or give her any future children.” I sighed in frustration.
“Do not have any more children. You will have enough to care for with the boy,” she said, flatly.
My heart ached at her words. My dreams of a family were gone. I would never escape the Drygen curse of unhappiness.
“I cannot tell you how to live. I can only offer the realities I see before me. First, you cannot stay here. You will return to your home today, and what you decide there is up to you.”
Jameson stepped out of the shadows. “Why have I been summoned Raquel?” He growled.
Ignoring his impolite question, she simply addressed me. “He will return you to Starten.”
When he realized I was there, Jameson rushed to me. “I was worried. I couldn't find you,” he said, cupping my face. Looking down on Cedric, he said, “Our son glows with Danu's magic. If we return to Snowystra, we can show her how full of magic our son is, and she will accept him.”
“How quickly you forgot the Miezitari, Jameson,” Raquel chided.
Standing up, he stood close to her. “I have never forgotten where I have come from.”
“Why are you choosing to give your son this life, then?”
“With my son, I could rise to power, and eventually, defeat her. I could free my people,” he declared.
“Is that what is truly your desire? I fear you are not strong enough to face the darkness, which will consume you. No, there will not be a Shah of Snowstrum until the silver butterfly is released,” she said, walking around him. “You alone will be the key to your son's future. Your choices will have an impact on the battle between Light and Darkness. Chaos must not prevail.”
Waving her hand over me, she enclosed Cedric and me in a golden bubble. In the silence of my containment, I could hear the soft breathing of my child. I knew I could not trust Jameson. His desire for power was too strong. Still, this didn't stop my yearning to be with him forever.
“How will I convince my heart what my mind already knows, Cedric?” I asked in a near whisper.
The lavender light surrounding him began to grow so bright I had to close my eyes. The essence of magic brushed against my cheek. Through my closed eyes, I could tell the light was dimming. When I opened them again, we were in the suite Roger and I had shared. A bassinet with a silver cover was set up next to the master bed. Kissing Cedric on the cheek, I laid him down.
Climbing into the bed, I inhaled the lingering scent of Roger's cologne. The evening he died played, over and over, in my mind. If I had just stayed in our bed or apologized, things would have been different. My son would have had a real father. It would have been hard to work out our issues, but Roger would have forgiven me the minute I put his son into his arms.
Wishing this was useless. Snowystra would have taken my child anyway. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to save him. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to a sleep, full of wishes that would never be.
Chapter 20
Five Years Later
“Mother, I want an ice cream cone. You promised,” Cedric begged, tugging on my arm. Stopping at the door to Jackson's, he pleaded with his doe like eyes at me to give in.
“I did not promise, Cedric. I said maybe,” I scolded.
He stuck out his bottom lip and let it quiver. I laughed at his attempt of manipulation.
“I give up. You win. We shall have an early dinner here tonight,” I told him.
We were seated in a booth near the store front window. I watched as families walked by. The envy I once felt was not as strong. Cedric was more than enough to fill my days.
Upon returning from Raquel, I had asked my mother to visit Miselda for more tonic for Cedric. He would never know of his magic. It was too great of a risk. My son would have to appear mortal in every way if I wanted Snowystra to leave us alone.
My plan had worked so far, but as the days went by, I began to worry. Jameson had come to visit only once, on Cedric's second birthday. I had told him Danu had stripped her gift from him. Jameson didn't believe me, but he had no way to prove I was lying. I cried when he left me, knowing we would never be together.
“What brings you both here today?” Simon asked, scooting into the booth next to me.
“I am having a cheeseburger with onion rings and a chocolate sundae ice for dinner, but don't tell Grandmother,” Cedric said, cupping his hand over his mouth as if doing so would return the secret he shared. “She gets cranky if I eat too many sweets.”
“Of course,” Simon laughed. “It will just be our secret.” He mimed zipping his mouth, locking it and throwing away the key.
Cedric laughed hysterically.
Simon set a handful of wooden coins on the table and slid them over to Cedric. “Why don't you take these, and tell me what you think of the games we added.”
Cedric's eyes lit up, but soon slowly extinguished. “Mother says I cannot wander off without her,” he pouted.
“Well, it is just over there.” Simon pointed to a small space in the back. “She can sit in your spot and watch you the entire time. I will put in your order. By the time you spend all your money, your food will be waiting.”
Cedric looked at me for approval. I had never lied to my son about the dangers surrounding us. I never had to worry about him going very far for his fear of being put in a dorcha pit. I sometimes felt it had been cruel to tell him about the spiders, but I had to keep him safe at all costs.
“It will be fine, but you must stay where I can see you,” I said.
Sliding the coins into his hand, he jumped up. “I promise I will.”
“Wait. Cedric, have you forgotten your manners?” I chided.
“Thank you, Mr. Jackson,” he said, nodding his head in respect.
“You're very welcome, Cedric,” Simon replied, tousling his hair.
As one of the waitress passed by, he called her over to our table, and rattled off our order. He either thought we were very, very hungry or he planned on joining us.
“We could
never eat all of that, Simon,” I said, coyly.
Sliding into the booth next to me, he whispered in my ear, “Spend Saturday with me, Blanche. Enough time has passed since Roger died. You are still a young woman.”
A tingling feeling ran through me. The feelings I had for him rushed back. I couldn't say yes, but I didn't want to say no. Had enough time passed for us to be safe from Snowystra? I put my hand on his leg.
“I'll take that as a yes,” he said, grinning at me.
“Let's take Cedric on the yacht,” I suggested. “We can have a picnic, and when he naps, we can be alone.”
Cedric ran to the table. “Look what I won,” Cedric said breathlessly. He held up a brown teddy bear. “On my first try! Isn't he great? I got him all by myself.”
“I am so proud of you, darling,” I praised. “How lucky to win so fast, and you are just in time for your meal.”
When the waitress sat down our food, Cedric looked at Simon suspiciously. “What secret were you telling my mother?”
Simon let out a loud boisterous laugh. “If you promise not to tell anyone, I will let you know my secret.”
Cedric's face grew serious, and he leaned in closer. “I promise,” he whispered.
Simon copied his body language, and leaned in conspiratorially. “I was telling your mother how much I loved Sparrow Lake and guess what? She said we can all go for a ride on your yacht this weekend.”
“Really?” he asked with widening eyes. “Will we be able to sleep there even?”
“Maybe, if we are good, she will let us stay a few nights,” Simon offered in a hopeful voice.
“Oh, I'll be good,” Cedric promised, taking a big bite of his hamburger.
Simon had won over my son without realizing it. He had not known how often Cedric had begged me to take him on the boat. Simon was such a good man. How did I ever let him go?
Tread lightly, Blanche, I warned myself. You lose everything you love, eventually.
* * *
“I do not like this, Blanche,” my mother said as I carried the small overnight bag down the stairs. “What will people say?”
“Good for you, Blanche. It's about time you start enjoying life?”
At the bottom of the stairs, I took her hand. The stress of worrying about our safety had aged her prematurely. She was much thinner than she'd ever been and her eyes, surrounded with dark circles, were somewhat sunken in. She had become so frail. I shouldn't leave her alone. The thought flashed past as quickly as I had it.
“Mother, do you want to join us?” I asked. What are you doing? Simon wants to be alone with you, not your mother and child.
“No, but thank you for offering,” my mother answered with a soft smile “You can wipe that look of relief off your face, darling. It is very unattractive. You are right. It has been enough time since Roger passed. You deserve to find love again. Try to enjoy your day.”
“I'm ready, Mother!” Cedric yelled, clomping down the steps. He was dragging a suitcase twice the size of him.
“Cedric, we are going for one day,” I scolded. “What do you have in your bag?”
Flopping it down onto the floor, he opened it. It was filled with toys, and even a pillow.
“You will not have time to play with all of this, and you did not pack any clothes,” I chuckled as I shut the case and handed it to Sophia. “Take this back to the nursery.”
“But, I need it,” Cedric cried.
“I have already packed your clothes and toothbrush for you,” I said, picking him up. “You will have plenty to explore on the yacht.”
He pouted, but did not argue.
Setting him down, I said, “Now, say goodbye to your grandmother. We don't want to keep Simon waiting.”
* * *
“Have you caught anything yet?” Simon asked Cedric, who was intently staring down at the water.
“Not yet.” He turned and grinned. “I put some of my sandwich on the hook. Fish eat pb&j, right?”
“It is their favorite,” Simon replied, resting his hand on his shoulder.
“I knew it,” Cedric said under his breath.
Watching them together made me sad. My son would never know this kind of relationship with his own father. Jameson could have chosen to play a part in his life… if he wanted to be a part of it, but he clearly did not. Simon looked back at me, and winked.
We spent the day on the top deck. Simon and Cedric fished and talked while I read a book. We ate dinner on the main deck together, and it felt like we were a family. When we finished our meal, Simon insisted we watch the sunset. The three of us watched the orange sky fade to pink, and then turn to a deep red and purple with Simon's arms around us.
“I wish we could live on the boat.” Cedric yawned sleepily.
“Why don't we get this little guy off to bed,” Simon suggested, scooping him up.
I led Simon down to the bed chambers. Cedric could barely keep his eyes open as I changed him into his pajamas. Tucking him under the covers, I kissed him on the cheek.
“Sleep sweet, my love,” I said.
He wrapped his arms tightly around my neck. “Can Simon be my father?” he whispered in my ear.
I pulled back. “You have a father already, Cedric. Roger Kingston was your father, and he is in the Afterlife.”
His eyes welled with tears.
“Simon is a very good friend to both of us. Let's just enjoy the time we get to spend with him, ok?” I asked softer.
“Ok, Mommy,” he said, and closed his eyes.
I smiled down at him. Mommy. Such a loving word, he used when he forgot to be formal. A name I did not deserve.
“I think he's asleep, Blanche,” Simon said, touching my shoulder. “Come share a night cap with me.” When I hesitated, he said, “Nothing more than a drink between friends.”
* * *
Settled on the loveseat on the main deck, Simon and I sipped the red wine he had brought for us. Being with Simon was so easy. He was charming and handsome. I felt lost in his blue eyes as he told me the plans for his future.
“It looks like you could use a refill,” Simon noted, pouring me another glass.
“Why have you never married?” I asked in a soft voice.
“I asked a girl to marry me once, but she rejected me,” he replied.
“She never wanted to say no,” I said, taking the drink from his hand and setting it down with mine. I slid closer to him.
“I'm a prominent business man. Your mother couldn't object now. And more importantly, I have never stopped loving you. Our years apart have been a mistake. There has never been anyone but you. Marry me. Tell the world you always loved me, and always will,” he said, taking my hand and slipping a diamond ring onto it.
“Simon, my son is sleeping below. We have just reconnected after so long,” I muttered, trying to take the ring off.
He stopped me. “I've missed you, Blanche. Don't say no. Think about it first. I love you, and I could be a father to your son,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath on my neck gave me the chills.
Still breathless from his touch, I placed my hands on his chest. “You don't know who I am anymore. You don't know…” I stopped myself from telling him everything.
“Let's sleep on it. Tomorrow will be clearer,” he said.
* * *
In the glow of the flickering candles, Simon cradled me in his arms, and kissed me. The familiarity of his lips and touch were intoxicating. Making love to him had been too easy. Who had I become?
In his arms, I began to rationalize the situation. I was young still. I could have love again. Couldn't I? Cedric did need a father, and he already had a fondness for Simon. I had loved Simon and I could easily feel myself falling again. There was nothing I should be ashamed of.
“What are you thinking?” Simon asked, kissing my temple.
“I was thinking how different everything could have been if we would have run away and married all those years ago.”
“You can't think like th
at,” he said. “We are together now.”
“Simon, loving me is a curse. You should run while you can,” I warned.
“Never. I am not letting you push me away again. Accept reality. We are destined to be together,” he said, pulling me closer to him. “You are tired. It has been a long day in the sun. Close your eyes, and when you wake, it will all be clearer.”
Resting my head on his chest, I allowed myself to fall asleep.
* * *
Something rustled in the room. My eyes opened, and I found Jameson glaring down at me. Simon had not heard him. He was softly breathing. Removing his arms from me, he moaned and rolled over. I grabbed a robe and covered myself. I left the bedroom and went up to the main deck.
Whirling around on him, I snapped, “What do you want? I have not seen you in over three years, and you choose tonight to show up.”
“What are you doing with him? You know you love me,” Jameson said.
“How I feel for you is irrelevant. You are not part of our life anymore. I need to make a new life for myself.”
“A life with him?”
“Yes, with him. I loved him before, and I can love him again,” I said.
Before I knew what was happening, I was in Jameson's arms, and he was kissing me. The tingling sensation of his magic ran through me. Abruptly, he released his embrace, and stepped away from me.
“I did not come here for this,” he said. “I came to warn you that Snowystra has been talking about giving you another chance to give her a child. She has been talking to your mother.”
“You lie. My mother would have told me,” I snapped.
“I wouldn't lie to you. Camille has been to see the gypsy. She asked her for a potion to make you infertile,” Jameson replied.
“What? She wouldn't do that to me,” I said.
“Don't believe me. See for yourself. She has it in her vanity, in the third drawer, in a tissue box.”
“Your lies won't work on me anymore, Jameson,” I said, storming away from him.
As I slipped back into bed, Simon's eyes opened a bit. Smiling, he said, “I thought you ran away from me.”