by Marnie Cate
“When the guard dropped me into it, I was this close to one of those beasts.” I stretched my arms out dramatically.
“He threw you?” my mother asked, trembling.
I increased the pressure of my massage. “More like dropped.” I scoffed. “But, Jameson took care of him, and fed him to the spiders before they could get me.”
I began to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. As I blow dried her hair, I caught a glimpse of my mother's reflection in the mirror. She watched me with eyes full of fear. Mother, thinks I have gone mad. The corners of my mouth turned slightly upward. Good, then she won't expect what I plan to do next. No one will.
I twisted the last piece of my mother's red hair up, and kissed her on the cheek. “Now, don't you look lovely? You should never let yourself go like that again. What would people say?”
I had silenced her. Good. If she keeps quiet, she won't make a mistake, I thought.
* * *
As we began the entrée course of our meal, my mother leaned in close. “You are leaking,” she whispered.
“How irritating,” I replied. “Sophia, fetch big leaves of cabbage.”
Tucked away in the corner, Sophia had been quietly waiting for our next request. She barely managed a nod before she rushed into the kitchen. When she returned, I unbuttoned my blouse, and affixed the cool cabbage onto my tender breasts.
“That will be all, Sophia. We'll ring if we need anything else.” I waved my hand dismissively.
The herb chicken smelled amazing, and I took a generous bite. The delicious food soured in my mouth as I thought of the poor Vetur women. “Do you know Snowystra takes their children when they are two years old. She brings them to her castle to train them to be warriors.”
“No more of this talk. I don't want to hear about her world. And you must stop this heathen behavior. Seriously, Blanche, you have shoved a vegetable in your blouse, and in front of the help,” my mother scolded.
“Let me remind you that you are the reason I am familiar with the Vetur lifestyle, and you are the reason I am not nursing my son and eliminating the need to soothe my swollen breasts.” I stabbed my fork into the chicken and jabbed it in her direction. Dropping the chicken, I leaned towards her. “Maybe I can find another motherless child who needs nursing? I found it a rewarding job in the tunnels.”
“Enough!” My mother slammed her hands on the table. “I was sixteen years old when I made the worst decision of my life. I cannot change what I have done. I cannot continue to apologize for the suffering you have experienced. I just can't do this anymore.”
With those words, she ran from the room. I had pushed her too far. Life never gives you second chances, and my family was living proof of that.
* * *
I slowly savored my meal in solitude, and then returned to my old suite. I could not bear to sleep in the suite Roger and I had shared. I promised myself, when Cedric returned to me, I would sleep there, but not until.
Locking my bedroom door, I removed the round pillow I had used to enhance my missing baby bump. I stared at my empty stomach in the mirror. Soon, there would be little evidence I had carried a child. My mind raced. I needed to return to Snowstrum, and find a way to bring my son home. I would do anything Snowystra wanted as long as he was safe.
“You really should dress yourself. Someone might see.” Jameson entered through the patio and eyed my empty stomach.
“The only `someone' that watches me is you,” I snapped.
“Get dressed. Snowystra has summoned you.” Jameson tried to hug me, but I pushed him away.
“I don't feel like going there today. Why don't you pass my message on and see how she reacts.” I shoved him out of my way, and climbed into my bed. Like a child, I pulled the covers over my head.
“You are being a fool, Blanche. Our son needs you.”
I sat up at the mention of our child. “Cedric needs me? Is he ok?”
Jameson walked away without answering. I followed him into my closet. He was returning when I reach the door. Jameson threw a black dress at me. “Put this on, and let's go, now.”
I slipped it on obediently.
Snatching the cabbage from my bra, he threw it in the garbage. “Go get something else to help with that. She will be angered if you present yourself like a tunnel rat.”
I slapped him across his face with all my might. “You will not talk to me this way.”
Jameson laughed at me. When I tried to hit him again, he grabbed my hand. He stared into my eyes deeply. How could I love him? The cruel guard I saw in Snowstrum couldn't have been an act.
Carefully, he picked up one of the loose curls framing my face. “You cut your hair.”
“I did. Do you not like it?” I asked, coldly glaring at him.
“You will always be beautiful to me, Blanche.” Jameson yanked me to him, and he began to place small kisses on my shoulders that trailed to my neck.
I stiffened at his touch.
“You no longer love me?” His words sounded desperate.
A pain filled me. I didn't want to hurt him. “My love for you has never changed.” I relented, and wrapped my arms around him.
He hugged me tightly, and then kissed me on my forehead. “Please dress. She expects me to bring you immediately.” His eyes pleaded with me to obey.
I folded my arms over my chest, and stared at him. I would not submit to her game. They would have to drag me back to Snowystra.
He cupped my cheek, and kissed me on the tip of the nose. “For me?”
No, you will not let him in, I told myself. You can't love him anymore. You have lost too much already. Cedric is there. I sighed deeply. “Fine, I will go, but only because I want the off chance of seeing my son.” I moved out of his arms. If I didn't, I would not be able to keep up the Drygen air of strength.
His shoulders slumped, and he moved away from me. “Understood. I'll wait on the patio.”
Staring at myself in the vanity, I did not recognize the woman before me. I lined my eyes with a dark black, extending it out with a wing at the end. I finished with a dark burgundy lipstick. Time to embrace the cruelty you were born into, Blanche. I drew a larger X over my image on the mirror. There is no going back.
* * *
“How nice of you to take time out of your busy schedule to join me, Blanche.” Snowystra's tone was as icy as the room we were in.
Next to the silver doors, guards watched with a look of anticipation. These men were dressed in black leather with spider imprints on the chest. Each man had a silver sword on their waist belt.
Scanning the room for any danger, I realized I was in Snowystra's bedroom. The space was a combination of winter and darkness. The furniture was sculpted from ice. In the middle of the room, there was a bed with a blanket made of snow. There was a silver web, which extended across the wall. The web was covered with thousands of green dots.
“My dorcha,” Snowystra said, noticing I was staring at the web. “You had a close call today with them. Why would that guard be stupid enough to throw you in the pit? Lucky for you, my Jameson was smart enough to sacrifice him to save you.”
Walking to the web, she scooped a handful of spiders from it, and she held them in the palm of her hands. “They are so much more than spiders. They, like my children, are part of me. I give up a piece of myself to give them life. But, my dorcha are so much easier to care for than a human child.”
“Goddess, may I ask why I have been returned to Snowstrum?”
I would not go back to the tunnels. I would tear down her web of spiders, and kill them all, knowing it would be a death sentence for me instead. Going back there was not an option. Ever.
Gently, she put the spiders back on the web, one by one, and turned to glare at me. “The child you gave me is broken.”
My heart began to beat so fast and loud I knew she had to be able to hear it. “Broken?” I asked slowly, trying to keep my voice neutral.
“He refuses to eat. One of the nurses ha
d to devise a way to get the nutrients he needs to live into him. Too much time is wasted on caring for him. After all the difficulties he caused, it turns out the child has no magic in him. Not one ounce. He is quite useless to me, to anyone for that matter. He would be better off if I brought him to the Sephorian Desert to die. I really can't imagine he would be useful in any realm,” she said coldly.
Miselda's powder had worked. His magic was buried deep inside him. However, my hope to protect him may be the reason he dies. I couldn't force myself to find the words to convince her to keep him. A young Vetur girl entered carrying a baby. The child wailed uncontrollably.
'“And, he cries constantly,” Snowystra said, glaring at the girl. “Why can you not make him stop?”
“I'm sorry, Goddess. I've tried everything to make him happy,” the girl trembled.
“Do you want me to see if I can comfort him, Goddess?” I asked, praying I didn't sound as desperate as I felt.
“Give it to me,” she demanded, snatching Cedric from the girl.
Holding my son out in front of her, Snowystra dangled him by his leg. “You think you can make this stop crying? Can you bring out the magic he should have inside him?”
“I can try, Goddess,” I offered.
She raised one eyebrow, and the corner of her mouth curled up. She knew I cared. She was delighted by my anxiety.
“Fine, take him,” she said.
Everything happened as if it was in slow motion. Her fingers lifted from him, and she let him drop. I held my hands out to catch him, and a burst of icy tendrils shot from my fingers. The icy curls twisted around Cedric, holding him suspended in air. Snowystra walked towards Cedric, and she sliced her nail against one of the wisps of magic.
“No, please don't,” I cried. “I will do anything. Don't hurt him.”
“Snowystra, my dearest, why are you toying with mortals,” the rich voice of Amaro called. “I grow bored of waiting for your full attention.”
“Take him out of my sight,” Snowystra snarled. Closing her eyes, she painted on a brilliant smile, and then turned to face him. “More disappointment, I fear. You are correct. Humans have been nothing but a bother to me. You have my full attention now, Amaro.”
He pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her passionately. His eyes were open and staring at me. He released her suddenly, and she turned to see what Amaro was looking at. She frowned when she saw it was me.
“You waste too much energy on the humans. They will not produce the power you want. I have brought you something which will fill you with even more magic than your silly ragni,” he purred.
A goblet appeared in his hand, and he removed a flask from his pocket. Her eyes filled with desire as he poured a thick black liquid. She cupped her hands over his.
“More than my precious dorcha,” she murmured, trying to take the drink from him.
“Ah, ah, ah,” he said. “Not in front of an audience, my beauty.”
Whipping around, she screamed. “I told you to take him and leave.” She cast a stream of dark smoke in our direction. “Everyone out!”
Trembling, I grabbed onto my son tighter, and pulled him to me. As I clung to my baby, the black particles encircled us. The force was so strong I struggled to hold onto him.
I screamed into the wind tunnel containing us, “I will not lose him!”
My words began to echo around me.
I will not lose him…lose him…loose him, and then it all stopped.
* * *
The dust began to clear, and we were no longer in Snowystra's bedroom. Fear filled me because we were not sent home either. Instead, we had been transported to an opulent room. I quickly realized she had just moved us while she amused herself with Amaro.
Looking around, I tried to figure out where exactly we was. The walls were a dark stone and the floor was a black marble with streaks of blood red. In front of a roaring fire, two leather chairs sat.
“Please, sit. You can nurse your child and quiet his mournful tears,” a woman's voice called from the shadows.
“Where are we?” I asked. I squinted, trying to see who was in the room with us.
An enchanting woman stepped into the glow of the fire. Her rich mocha skin and dark hair shimmered as if it had been dusted with gold. The emerald and copper scaled dress she wore was so tight it seemed painted on.
“I am called Raquel. Come, sit. His pain aches my heart,” she said. Taking me by the elbow, she guided me to the chair. “I will return after you have had time to bond with your son.”
Turning, she disappeared into the shadows. Though I had questions, I didn't have time to worry about the strange woman. My attention focused on my son. I had not understood what she meant about Cedric's wailing until I sat down. His cries were heart-wrenching. For the first time since his birth, I held my son in my arms.
“Oh, my sweet boy,” I said, rubbing my finger against his cheek. “I have been a horrible mother to you. Never again will I let anyone harm you.”
I unwrapped the blanket he was swaddled in and could see how tiny he was. Hesitantly, I unbuttoned my blouse. I was afraid. What if he rejected me, too? How long had it been since he was born? My worries were short-lived as Cedric latched on easily, and began hungrily feeding.
Unfortunately, my content was short-lived as well. Something inside me felt wrong. The Winter magic came alive. I could feel it slowly creeping along my skin. Cedric stopped feeding, and he was eerily still. Streaks of red covered his skin.
“Help me. My son needs help,” I cried.
Raquel appeared from the shadows again. Her body was not solid at first, but made of mist. Touching his cheek, she smiled.
“Your boy sleeps. Call the gift of Danu to encircle him, and release the chill of Winter.”
“She took it from me,” I replied softly. My cheeks warmed as I blushed in embarrassment.
“Call your magic. I think you will be surprised to find out how wrong you were about Danu's words,” she said.
“You're wrong. I felt her take my magic,” I argued.
“You felt her encircle your child and pull the darkness you carried,” she corrected. “Speak from your heart to the elements, and you will be answered.”
How could I speak to the elements? I knew nothing about the gifts inside me. If I thought about Fire, I would burn Cedric. It was hopeless. I was hopeless. I knew nothing about being a mother. I couldn't care for my son. He might have been better under the care of Snowystra. The women, who were caring for him, were kind and, more importantly, fit to be mothers. If I hadn't taken the powder from the gypsy in the forest, he would have held the magic of his mother and father. Snowystra would have treated him like a king.
“There is no use crying over the choices you made. The child belongs with you. You once had the gift of Fire, correct?” The scales on Raquel's dress began to change colors.
I nodded, afraid I would cry harder if I spoke.
“Your mother has the same gift. What did she tell you about the magic when you were a little girl?”
“Nothing,” I said.
Her eyes flashed, and a stream of gold dust blew at me. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the dust away. An amber light began to glow, and an image of my mother running through blue flowers in the forest came to mind. I could feel my mother's arms holding me tightly. I had been four or five years old, but it felt like I was in the moment again.
Stopping in a clearing, she spun me, round and round, until we fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. Setting me in her lap, she tucked a red flower behind my ear, and told me a story.
Once, there was a dragon, called Red. This dragon was very beautiful because of the ruby scales covering her body. Red had three friends, who had lovely scales of silver, blue and emerald. Besides their beauty, all four had been given a golden heart and a special gift from the Mother of Light.
Silver could fly through the air at amazing speeds. Red could breathe fire to ward of any enemies. Aqua could dive deep into the
ocean, seeking out all the treasures the water held. And, Emerald could move the earth, and make the plants grow.
Red spent all her time with her friends, practicing their gifts — until Red became greedy and selfish. She would use her fire to scare people, and to get the things she wanted. Her friends saw her new behavior and warned her that her gift was not given for that purpose. They told her they could no longer be her friend until she changed her ways. Red just laughed at them, and said they were just jealous of her great power.
One day, a magnificent bird with silver wings found Red as she was basking in the sun. The bird warned her that she would soon lose her gift because of her friends' jealousy. Red was angered. How could her friends steal her fire! The bird promised she would protect her gift on one condition.
“You must promise your loyalty to me, and only me,” the bird crowed.
Red was foolish, and she agreed. As a reward, the bird brought Red bushels of the rare zizzleberry. As she filled herself with the fresh berries, she felt sick inside. Now, breathing fire only made her sad. As the days went by, her red scales began to fade. Soon, she was the color of midnight, and was no longer beautiful.
One day, the bird returned, and told Red she wanted payment for her gift. The payment would be the only part of her which had not changed — her golden heart. Red cried, but allowed the bird to remove the only piece of herself that was still good.
As the cruel bird, flew away, Red screamed into the wind. Her cries were for her lost friends. “Silver of the west, I ask you to clarify my thoughts. Embers of the south, burn away the anger I have inside me. Aqua of the west, wash away my fears. Stone of the north, strengthen me. Mother of Light, I beg for your forgiveness and blessings.”
But, no one came. Red was alone forever because she forgot what was truly important.
Shaking off the vivid memory, I realized my mother had told me how to call the elemental magic with her fairytale.
“Fire, I call you to strengthen and protect my son from not only the magic running through his veins but the darkness I have allowed to enter his heart,” I whispered.