Payne

by Kimber White

  “I’ll go,” I whispered. “For you, I’ll go.”

  Three

  Payne

  The cave walls felt like a prison. This was the longest I’d been down here in months, preferring to sleep topside and away from everyone else. I paced in the main rotunda feeling three pairs of eyes boring into me. Liam and Mac leaned against one wall. As half-brothers, they had a way of communicating with each other separate from the rest of us. A casual glance or a raised hand was all it took for the two of them to get on the same page. That never bothered me before. Hell, I never even thought about it. Today though, it grated. It made me feel even more separated from the rest of them.

  Molly stood closest to me. She looked at me with those wide brown eyes and smiled. If she were anyone else, it would have annoyed me or felt patronizing. With her, the genuine warmth of her knowing stare made me stop pacing.

  “You’re coming back,” she said. She’d been standing with her arms crossed in front of her. She reached up and put a light hand on my arm.

  “Of course I’m coming back,” I said. I wasn’t actually sure if she’d meant it as a statement or a question. Did she think I’d throw off my responsibilities to the group? No, of course she couldn’t think that. Still, this woman didn’t miss anything. She paid attention when I found more and more ways to be gone and for longer periods of time. How could I explain it to her? Maybe she’d think I didn’t trust myself. Did I?

  “I wish I could go with you,” she said. Liam stepped out of the shadows and put a protective arm around his mate. Even the casual suggestion of Molly taking on such a dangerous mission had his eyes flashing gold.

  “Oh, relax,” she said, reaching back and putting a hand on his jaw. “I said I wish it, not that I’d do it. I just would love to pitch our...uh...medical situation myself. Do you really think the rumors about this shifter doctor they have up near Wild Lake are true?”

  Liam kissed her on the top of her head and rubbed her arm. “We won’t know until we talk to them,” he said. “You sure you got all the information locked in that thick head of yours, Payne?” Liam meant it as a joke, but I could see his expression darken.

  “Derek something or other,” I said. “That’s the wolf you, Mac and Gunnar ran into a couple of years ago near the Ohio border. His mate’s family was with him and they had Wolfkiller ammo like Jett and Gunnar described.”

  “Right,” Mac said, joining us. “Don’t overplay your hand, but Derek Monroe owes us one. Valent’s bounty hunters had him pinned down in an old farmhouse. If we hadn’t been there, Monroe’s people wouldn’t have made it out alive. He offered to let us cross with him then.”

  Molly stiffened in Liam’s arms. It was easy to see what she was thinking. What if Liam, Mac, and Gunnar had taken this Derek Monroe up on his offer? I knew the chances of all three of them making it safely across the border would have been slim, but they might have. They never would have found their fated mates. Without them, Birch Haven would still be in operation. They’d made selfless decisions for the good of the group. I owed so much to these men.

  “Well, it’s settled then,” Molly said. “If you can find their doctor and talk to her or him, do it.”

  I went to Molly, touching her arm. “Whoever and whatever this doctor is, they probably can’t hold a candle to you.”

  She pursed her lips and raised a brow. “Thanks for the flattery, but I’ll still take all the help I can get.”

  She went quiet then, not giving voice to the real worry she had. In front of Mac, Molly would project all the confidence in the world. There was no point not to. The simple truth was, none of us had any idea what would happen when Eve’s time came. Molly had never delivered a shifter baby. The Pack had midwives for that. Every woman we knew before we broke away delivered away from our eyes. There wasn’t a manual for any of it. Molly was scared. That alone should have made my blood run cold. This woman had been fearless since the day Liam brought her to us.

  “I’ll find out what I can,” I said. “Promise. But you’re going to be a rockstar when the time comes. You and Eve both.”

  I met Mac’s eyes over Molly’s head. I could tell from his grave expression he had some things to say to me. Once again, he threw a casual look to Liam and nothing more needed to be said between them.

  “Come on,” Liam said, wrapping his arm around Molly. “I know you want to double check the supplies you packed for Payne twenty more times before he leaves. Might as well get started.”

  She threw a playful punch into his stomach and smiled. “You just watch it, buddy. Y’all would be lost without me. Every one of you.”

  We all knew it was true. Molly Ravary had brought light and hope into these dark caves from the moment Liam brought her down here. If not for her, Keara’s death might have broken all of us, not just Jagger. God, I owed her. So much. No matter what went through my head or how hard it was to cast the Alpha’s pull out, I would do it. For her. For all of them.

  Molly and Liam left the main rotunda arm in arm. Mac stood before me. He drew in a great breath and let it out slowly. Whatever he meant to say, he’d been working up to it for some time.

  “Don’t,” I said. “I know how important this all is. And I know you’re worried about me. I’m not the diplomat you and Jagger are...or was in his case. I won’t fuck this up. I’ll figure out a way to convince the Wild Lake wolves to help us.”

  Mac dropped his chin, casting his gaze down at his feet. He waited for a few beats, then finally lifted his head, cocking it to the side. “Payne, it isn’t the Wild Lake wolves I’m worried about. It’s you.”

  Here we go. I put a hand up. I didn’t have the same clever way to communicate with him that Liam did. And I was in no damn mood for another lecture. “Don’t be.”

  “The border crossing is your biggest problem,” he said. “Not the Michigan wolf packs. Things aren’t the same out there as they were a year ago or even a few months ago.”

  “Mac,” I said. Mac was big. He was an Alpha just like the rest of us. But, I was bigger. Squaring my shoulders, I had a full two inches on him and probably twenty-five pounds. I knew what he saw when he looked at me. I knew what they all saw. I was dangerous. Lethal. And they were damn glad I was fighting for their side.

  Are you?

  The voice came out of nowhere, sending a shiver of ice straight down my spine. It wasn’t real. Just a ghost or an echo of my own self-doubt. Able Valent couldn’t reach me down here. He never could. So why had I been so gung-ho about leaving lately?

  “I know what’s out there,” I said. “Better than you do. Better than anyone here except for maybe Gunnar. The patrols are heavier. The border’s going to be insane.”

  “It’s not just that,” Mac said. “They know who you are.”

  “They’ve always known who I was.” It was in me to tell him. I worked more closely with the Alpha than Mac realized. Sure, they all assumed. They never pressed me for details. They trusted me. They were also right there at my side when Able almost got ahold of me again at Birch Haven. He’d driven me to my knees, turned my spine to water. For a brief moment, I was helpless against him. Mac and Gunnar had been the ones to pull me back from the brink. Now, I was planning on going out there alone.

  “Okay, okay,” Mac conceded. “But they know who Lena is.”

  “Hey,” I said, putting my hands up in surrender. “This whole thing was your fucking idea. If you’re scared of what could happen to her, don’t send her. You won’t get an argument from me.”

  Mac’s eyes flashed. Real anger bubbled just beneath his skin. I could feel it pouring off him in waves. I don’t think he meant it for me. His rage was based on fear. It was cold and hard; my own wolf could smell it.

  “She can’t survive here,” he said. “She can’t be in a place where there’s a chance the Pack could find her again.”

  “So you want me to waltz her to the border where you know they’ll be looking for her.”

  “I know you can get her across. I know
you’re the only one who can. I also know what I’m asking you.”

  Silence fell between us with the weight of a lead curtain. There was a deeper meaning to his words. At first, I didn’t understand. Then, I did. This was a different kind of oath he meant me to take.

  “She’s been through enough,” Mac said, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. I could feel his pain as it made his wolf stir. “I don’t know what else I can do for her. She needs to heal. She deserves a chance at a normal life.”

  I barked out a hard laugh. “You think she could ever feel normal again after what she’s been through?”

  Maybe it was cruel of me to say it. I didn’t know Lena Morris. I’d only seen her in passing and from a distance. I’d kept mine since the day I staggered back from Birch Haven, wounded, bleeding, desperate. Molly sewed me back together. I left again as soon as I had the strength to. But, Lena had been special to Able Valent. I’d heard the same rumors everyone else had. She’d been given to one of Able’s favorites in payment for God knew what. She’d been marked against her will. Molly had implied Lena refused to talk about it. I couldn’t blame her. We had that in common.

  Mac put a hand on my shoulder. I had to brace myself from flinching. My own pain simmered with the same strength as his.

  “If I didn’t have Eve, I’d take her over the border myself. Hell, maybe I’d even go with her. But, Payne, there’s one thing…”

  He didn’t have to finish his sentence. I knew what he was asking me. “If it comes to it,” I said. “If there’s a choice to be made. You want me to make it for her.”

  A muscle jumped in Mac’s jaw. He gave me a tight nod then released his grip on my arm.

  “She won’t talk about it,” Mac said. “I’ve asked her a thousand times in a thousand different ways. I’ve tried to give her space. Give her time. None of it helps. She just withdraws into herself more and more every day. It’s killing me not to know what they did to her.”

  I met his gaze. Mac’s wolf eyes glinted silver. “Brother, you need to hear me. You need to believe me. You do not need to know. And she doesn’t owe you that.”

  “She’s trusting you only because I asked her to,” he said. “I’m worried that won’t carry far. Just, have a care with her. Give her space, but don’t let her out of your sight, you know?”

  “I know,” I said. Dread filled the hollow spaces inside of me. What the hell was I doing? What the hell was Mac thinking? I wasn’t the right man for this job. Sure, I could protect his sister. But, the poor kid was probably going to be scared to death of me the entire time. Men like me allowed men like Able Valent to hurt women like her. Of course she was going to see that about me in two seconds flat. I hadn’t made a conscious choice to do it, but it occurred to me that’s exactly why I’d kept my distance from her.

  “Don’t let them take her again,” Mac said, swallowing hard.

  “I won’t,” I said. I let the weight of my words settle between us but knew it wasn’t enough. Mac needed more.

  I slowly closed my eyes and tried to slow my wildly beating heart. My need to get topside and feel the cool night air in my lungs pulled me more than any telepathic link Able Valent ever had over me. My fingers trembled with that need.

  “I hear you,” I said. “We’re clear.”

  “Say it, Payne.”

  I opened my eyes. To Mac, I knew they would glint green with the wolf inside of me. “If it comes down to it, I’ll give my life to keep them from taking her again.”

  If. A cold premonition settled over me. It wouldn’t be if. It would be when.

  Mac squeezed my shoulder. The air in the cavern shifted and a new shadow danced along the wall.

  Lena Morris held an LED lantern in front of her as she made her way down the narrow passageway toward us. Mac let go of me and turned toward her. He straightened his back and tried to smile. We’d kept our voices so low I knew she hadn’t heard.

  I’d never looked at her before. I mean really looked at her. Mac turned, plastered a smile on his face, and went to her. He put a light hand on her arm and brought her into the brighter light in the middle of the cavern.

  Lena was tall. Probably the tallest woman here in Mammoth Forest. Five ten, I’d guess. And yet, there was a smallness to the way she carried herself as if she tried to hide in plain sight. My heart lurched thinking of all the reasons why she’d want to. How she’d likely had to train herself to do just that.

  “Lena,” Mac said. “Payne’s ready to go. Are you?”

  She stepped away from him and set her lantern down on the ground. When she straightened, her hair fell in front of her face. The color matched Mac’s exactly. Auburn waves cascaded over her shoulders as she looked up at him. She had broad features like Mac did, high cheekbones and a strong, straight nose. Her eyes darted to mine, but she looked immediately back at her brother.

  God, I thought. She had to be scared to death of me. I should do something, I knew. Say something to put her at ease. I had no words. Deep down I knew I was the very thing she thought I was. Dangerous. Lethal. A wolf.

  “I’m ready,” she said, but there was no conviction in her tone. Her voice was flat. She didn’t want this. It didn’t seem like she wanted anything other than to be left alone. We had that in common too.

  “We have to stay to the woods mostly,” I said. “Our faces are too recognizable,” I said, realizing I didn’t really know Lena’s at all. I’d never been this close to her. Over the next few days and weeks, I’d likely have to get closer still. Shit. What the hell had I been thinking saying yes to this?

  Lena finally turned to me. Tall as she was, I still towered over her by a good eight inches. She kept her back straight, defiant. I knew instantly that it mattered to her not to show me the slightest trace of fear. And yet, there was no way to avoid it. My wolf senses pricked. She was terrified. Tiny beads of sweat formed at her temples near her hairline. She absently curved a lock behind her ear and let her eyes travel up, finally meeting mine.

  Hers were stunning. Hazel with green and gold flecks. She was human, but a shifter’s daughter. Her very existence forced by the Alpha himself when he chose her mother to mate with one of his soldiers. I knew how it worked back then. All of our mothers suffered the same fate. Strong men like me, loyal to Able Valent, had rounded up the ones he wanted and brought them to him. He gave them out as gifts to reward loyalty from his top generals. But, there was a more sinister purpose behind it. He wanted to produce more soldiers he could control. The matings were designed to match women strong enough to bear a shifter’s child. Able selected men who were strong enough to fight for him, but not against him. He’d learned too many Alphas posed a threat. For two generations, he’d been breeding them out. Strong betas were what he was after.

  “I can handle that,” she said jutting her chin. Her hair fell away even more, revealing a cruel scar running from her right brow that cut through her cheek. A claw made that mark. I knew she bore another one at the base of her neck where she’d been bitten against her will. There were other scars too. A fine webbing of old claw marks covered her arms. She’d fought hard and survived. My gut clenched with suppressed rage. I didn’t want her to see that side of me. It would scare her even more than she already was.

  “Good,” I said. Mac still stood between us. But, this wasn’t about him anymore. This was my journey and Lena’s. For our own reasons and for Mac, we’d committed to making it. But now, we had to forge our way through this together. Somehow. God, what had I been thinking? How was I going to spend the next days or weeks at this woman’s side?

  “It’ll be safer to travel at night.”

  Lena nodded. “I’ve seen the route,” she said. “Jett went over it with me at least a dozen times. She showed me where we’ll find tunnels. The rivers are our best bet.”

  “You won’t be totally alone,” Mac said. “We have friends the further north you go.”

  “To a point,” I said. “And this is different. We haven’t attempted a border crossing
in a long time. It’s been too dangerous. Now…”

  “Now,” Lena said. “Ever since Birch Haven, it’ll be riskier than it’s ever been. I know what we’re up against.”

  There was a coldness to her last sentence that cut straight through me. I know it did for Mac too. Who the hell were we to tell her what kind of cruelty she might face if the Pack found her? If I wasn’t cunning or strong enough to keep her safe. But, I would be. As I stood before her, taking the full brunt of her blistering gaze, I knew I’d have to be.

  I also knew Mac was right. Mammoth Forest was no place for Lena. She deserved a second chance far away from the Chief Pack. If she were my sister, I’d want the same for her. I made a promise to Mac just a few moments ago. Now, it mattered that I make the same one to her face with her brother as my witness.

  “I want to tell you not to be afraid,” I said. “I know you should be.”

  “I can take care of myself,” Lena said. Her eyes flashed with fire and strength. Her words were meant for Mac as much as they were for me. “But I know I can’t make it to the border without help. So, it looks like we’re stuck with each other.”

  I cleared my throat. With her words and eyes, she just blasted away any other part of the speech I’d prepared. “Fair enough,” I said. “I’ll make sure...I won’t.” Dammit. She had me damn near stammering. I cleared my throat one more time. “I’ll watch over you,” I said. “You have my word.”

  Lena took a step forward. She tilted her head to the side in a gesture identical to one her brother had given me. “You’re a wolf,” she said. “And I’ve heard that before.”

  She shot a withering glance at Mac, adjusted her backpack over her shoulder, then moved past the pair of us and headed toward the light.

  Four

  Lena

  I didn’t want them to catch my scent, but there was no way to avoid it. Mac followed close behind as we made our way out of the caves and into the denser part of the forest. Late June and the sticky heat of summer clung to us. It was better this way. We would have to spend most of this trip outdoors and on foot, at least until we got to the border.