Payne

by Kimber White

  “So your loyalty is to the Mammoth Forest wolves? You swear it?”

  “On my life,” I said.

  Luke got in my face. He searched my eyes. My wolf woke and only the dragonsteel kept me from shifting. “I don’t think your life is the most valuable thing you can bargain with, Payne. Try again.”

  My hands trembled with the urge to spring into paws. I clenched them and slowly turned my head toward the only thing that really mattered.

  “I swear in front of my own mate, I will take your precious gift and get it to the men who fight with me. We’ll do everything in our power to take down Able Valent. Though, I can’t promise we’ll succeed.”

  Luke put a hard hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t hold back a predatory growl. His own wolf eyes flashed green, but he gave me a solemn nod.

  “Why?” I asked. I had asked Derek Monroe the same question, but something in Luke’s eyes told me he understood what I meant.

  “Because I’ve fought against the same thing you have and come out the other side,” he said. “I was once under the influence of a Tyrannous Alpha too. He was my brother and it’s a very long story. But, I’m here to tell it if you ever want to listen. These men took me back because they knew the truth of my heart better than I did. They believed I wasn’t the things I was made to do. I’ve convinced them to put that same faith in you. You came here. You didn’t have to. And now you have something good worth fighting for.”

  Luke’s gaze slowly shifted from me to Lena. She couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. Her pain twisted my heart. Pain that I had, in part, caused. I hadn’t marked her against her will. I never would. And yet, I’d been part of the machinery that had made it possible for Able to get to her. She might forgive me for that, but I could never forgive myself.

  I turned back to Luke. I felt a kinship with him that went beyond words. He claimed to understand me. I doubted it. And yet, I also knew he alone was the reason the packs voted how they did. Without him, they would have probably thrown me back into the Ohio River still in chains.

  “It’s settled then,” Derek said. “You’ll leave first thing in the morning. We’ll make sure you get safe passage through Ohio and all the way up to the border. You stay in chains until then. We’ll put you across and give you the guns and ammo. The rest will be up to you.”

  “Thank you,” I said, though it felt woefully inadequate. “Is there anything else I should know about how best to use this stuff?”

  Tinker Lyle stepped forward. “You know how to shoot straight, son?”

  “Yeah,” I answered.

  “Good,” he said. “Just don’t shoot yourself in the damn foot and you’ll be fine. I’ve made some improvements on this stuff over the last year or two. There’s the neurotoxin you seem to be familiar with. It’ll short-circuit a shifter’s central nervous system and maybe even kill him if he’s left without treatment. It’ll kill him straight out if you get him straight through the heart or the brain. These Wild Lake boys put me in touch with a healthy supply of dragonsteel.”

  He reached forward and rattled the chains binding my arms. “Smelted some of it into bullets for the handguns you got there. Call it a double whammy. I know you said Valent is slowing down some. But don’t underestimate his strength. Not ever. You ever get close enough, you hit him twice. Once in the heart, once in the brain. Dragonsteel and my poison. I don’t figure any shifter, Super Alpha or no, could survive that.”

  I lifted my arm. The chains rattled as I extended my hand to shake his. Tinker Lyle gave me a wink as he shook my hand. His skin was like crepe paper, but his grip strong as iron. He patted my shoulder and moved back toward the house.

  “Thank you all,” I said. “I know I alone don’t deserve this. But, the men I came to speak for...you can call them friends for the rest of their lives.”

  “Counting on it,” Derek said. “And I pay my debts. You tell Liam McConnell and Mac Morris that. But the slate is clean now.”

  I dropped my head. “It is,” I said. “But I do have one more thing I have to ask.” Slowly, I lifted my gaze and met Lena’s eyes. She shook her head and tiny lines of worry creased her brow. Of course she knew what I was about to say.

  “No!” she shouted, coming off the porch. She charged me. “No, no! Don’t you dare…”

  “Lena,” I said, my voice was even and calm. It did not match the storm brewing inside me.

  Derek had the decency to look a little embarrassed. He gestured to his pack. They quickly moved off. The rest of the Alphas took his lead and started to disperse. Luke went back up to the house and led Pat and the other humans inside.

  “The barn’s yours,” Derek said. “And you already have our word on the other favor I know you’ll ask.”

  Lena’s eyes swirled with fury as she looked from Derek to me then back. Derek shifted. His wolf was massive and gray. He had a white patch along the left side of his snout, following the path of the scar he bore on his face.

  When we were alone, I turned back to her. Lena’s nostrils flared and her red-rimmed eyes widened with fierce anger.

  “You don’t speak for me,” she said, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Don’t presume to know what I’m thinking or what I need.”

  “Lena,” I said, refusing to let my emotions show. I’d never get through this any other way. “This is what we came here for. The ammo, yes, but you know what I promised your brother.”

  “Fuck my brother,” she yelled. “He doesn’t speak for me either.”

  “You belong here!” I said, struggling to keep a conversational tone. “Lena, you know you do. This place...these people. They can be yours. You’ll be safe. The Bonners have given you sanctuary. The Wild Lake packs will honor it and fight to protect you if it ever comes to it. You will never have to face Able Valent again. You’ll be free.”

  “Free?” She shook her head back and forth almost violently. “Free? I will never be free. I’ll never be like these people. Shelby’s mark...Able’s mark will always be a part of me whether I like it or not. And I belong with…”

  She took a staggering step back, unable to finish her sentence.

  “No,” I said. “You don’t belong with me. Maybe in another lifetime you could have. But, Able’s ruined that, and you know it. I am what he made me. You know what I’ve done. You don’t deserve to be reminded of what he’s done and what happened to you. That’s what I am, Lena. I can do my penance. I can take these weapons to Mac and die fighting. But I can’t change my past. And...I don’t deserve to be with you.”

  She slapped her hands against her thighs. “So that’s it? You get to decide all of this?”

  “Fine,” I said. “So you decide. Right here. Right now. You’re mine. You know how badly I burn for you. I promised you I’d never touch you...never mark you unless you wanted me to. But, I want to. God. Lena. I’m half-crazed with wanting it. If I take you back with me...if I stay with you without...claiming you...it’ll twist me again. I’m not that strong.”

  “Yes you are,” she said, reaching for me. She tried to put her palm on my cheek. I jerked away. I couldn’t bear to have her touch me. That’s not true. I couldn’t bear to stop there.

  “No,” I said, catching her hand. Electric fire arced between us. Her passion. Mine.

  “So you’re giving me an ultimatum?” she said. “Either I let you mark me or you abandon me?”

  “I’m not abandoning you,” I said, though my fucking heart ripped in half. “I’m keeping you safe. Wild Lake can give you what I can’t. The only way I’ll have the strength to keep my sanity and fight against Able without claiming you is if I know you’re safe and far enough away.”

  I dropped her hand. It was my turn to take a faltering step away from her. I hated myself. I hated this. But, I knew it was the only way either of us would survive.

  She stood still as a statue, the color draining from her face as I turned and walked away. Derek and Alec reappeared, waiting to lock me back in the barn.

  Twenty-Three
<
br />   Lena

  Though Payne was the one in chains, I felt them with every step I took as he walked away. He would not look back as they closed the barn door. From the moment he first touched me, I’d felt his heart beating alongside mine. Now, it was silent. He’d done something. Shut me out. Given me back my freedom. Except it felt like he’d taken my heart right along with his.

  “Come on back inside, honey,” Pat called from the porch. I didn’t even know how long I’d been standing there. A minute. An hour. An eternity. I was maybe only twenty feet from the house, but it felt like the longest walk of my life.

  “It’s gonna be all right,” Pat said as she put an arm around me. She had a lasagna baking in the oven and the scent of it seemed like heaven. These were normal smells, comforting, inviting. This was what other people lived like. I wanted to want this. Payne was right about so many things. As much as Shelby’s bite still marked my skin, I could have forgotten all about it, I think. If only I’d found Wild Lake before I found Payne.

  I went through the motions that night. Pat’s lasagna tasted even better than it smelled. Her son Luke joined us. Suzanne Olivet too. A few of the pack members tromped in and out, taking plates to go. But, they were agitated still and spoiling for a hunt. When the sun went down, I heard their howls all along the perimeter. I knew it had to drive Payne crazy with longing. A different kind of longing tugged at my heart.

  Later, I sat alone in Pat’s guest bedroom. She’d given me a clean pair of cotton shorts and a tank top. She thought another hot bath would do me good and it did. But, I still felt like a zombie as I sat in front of the vanity dresser, tearing a brush through my damp hair.

  I barely recognized the woman staring back at me. My cheeks had hollowed out. The scars Shelby gave me stood out in stark contrast to my white skin. In the end, maybe it was all Payne could see. I was damaged. Wounded. It seemed I could never get past it and follow the fate I felt burning in my heart.

  My hatred for Able and the Chief Pack burned like acid in my mouth. They’d done this to me. They’d twisted everything that should have felt normal and good and made me question who I was. Now, I had to wear the face they gave me for the rest of my life. Rage more powerful than anything I’d ever known bubbled to the surface. I hurled the hairbrush as hard as I could, cracking the mirror in a dozen places that webbed out, though the glass held firm.

  Running footsteps thundered down the hall. Pat came to the doorway, breathless. She had Suzanne and Olivia Martel right behind her.

  I dropped my hands into my lap and hung my head. “I’m sorry,” I said. I wanted to make up some lame excuse about losing my grip on the brush handle. My stomach churned with guilt as I realized that vanity was probably an antique. I was a guest in Pat’s home and I’d just vandalized her property.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, covering my face with my hand. “I’m just...so sorry.” I wanted to tell her I would leave except I had nowhere else to go. The cold truth of it slammed into me, shattering my heart just like the mirror glass.

  “Oh, honey,” Pat said. There was no judgment or anger in her tone. It wasn’t pity either. She just seemed to...know. A look passed between her and Olivia. They came into the room together and sat at the edge of the bed, facing me.

  “He’s leaving,” I said as much to myself as to them.

  “I figured as much,” Pat said. “So you’ll stay with us?”

  Slowly, I met her eyes. “That was the plan. It’s what my brother wants. And Payne too.”

  Pat nodded. “But, it’s not what you want, is it?”

  I hadn’t meant to let go. I’d built a dam around my heart and Pat’s innocent question made it burst. It was like I had no medium button anymore. I could be hot or cold; I couldn’t be cool or anything in between. Tears spilled freely and I hiccupped into a full-on ugly cry.

  Pat moved first. She came to my side and slid an arm around my waist. “It’s going to be all right. He’s doing what he thinks is best for you. Honey, you can’t go back to Kentucky. Not like this.”

  “How did you do it?” I looked straight at Olivia. I’d asked her this question before. “Tell me the truth. Tell me all of it. How could you let Alec claim you after...after.”

  “I’ve never really liked that word,” Olivia said, sighing. “I mean sure, it’s got a certain erotic thrill to it. And at the moment, well, it’s what you want. But you want to know the truth? The boys like to say they’re claiming a mate, but that’s not it. More than anything it’s the other way around. You claim your Alpha. And then you both become something you weren’t before. Something new. Something…”

  “Better,” Pat finished. She had a wistful look in her eyes that surprised me. Did she know? What I did next I hadn’t planned. But, she was sitting so close to me and I pressed my fingers to back of her neck. Sure enough, Pat Bonner had a thin, faded, crescent-shaped scar.

  “You?” I asked, shocked.

  She blushed. “Oh, yes, honey. I claimed two Alphas in my day. I mean...not at the same time. Though, that might be interesting.”

  “And you didn’t feel like you lost...control?”

  “Ah,” Pat smiled. “Sometimes that’s the best part. But no, you don’t. You gain new control. It’s not easy at first, feeling like your heart isn’t just your own anymore. It takes getting used to. With true fated mates though, you don’t give anything up. You gain.”

  “Lena,” Olivia said. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. What happened to you was horrible. It’s natural for you to be cautious. And it’s natural for you to need time.”

  “We can give that to you here,” Pat said. “As much of it as you need. You deserve peace now. The war that’s coming to Mammoth Forest isn’t going to be easy. I know shifters like Payne though. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s better if he knows you’re safe so he can focus on what he needs to do. Same with your brother. I imagine that’s exactly why he took the risk of sending you to us. Those men love you very much.”

  “I love them too,” I said, choking past a sob. God, I did. That was the truth of it. I loved Mac. But, I loved Payne. Too much to let him just leave. Though I hadn’t said the last part, both Pat and Olivia seemed to understand it just from my eyes.

  “Come on,” Pat said. “You need sleep. You didn’t get much last night.” I blushed at the implication. “Everything will look a lot better in the morning. Plus, I’m making French toast. The boys always do better on a full stomach. Alec and Derek are escorting Payne back to the border. You can sort everything out then.”

  “Thank you,” I said. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Pat Bonner’s French toast had some sort of magic powers. She gave me a motherly pat on the back when she and Olivia rose to leave.

  They made it sound so simple. I knew it was anything but.

  * * *

  True to her word, I woke to the heavenly scent of nutmeg, cinnamon, and Pat Bonner’s magic breakfast. Stretching, I got out of bed and took a quick shower. My hair was still wet when I made my way to the kitchen. Pat and Harold were the only ones there. A tower of dirty plates was stacked next to the sink.

  The farm seemed quiet and peaceful. As I said good morning and felt pulled to the coffee pot like a tractor beam, my heart dropped.

  It was too quiet.

  I left Pat and Harold sipping their coffee as I raced to the front door. The barn door was wide open but Derek’s fleet of SUVs was still parked outside. Running across the yard, my pulse thundered with terror. Save for the horses, the barn was empty.

  I turned back toward the house. Pat had come out on the porch, her hair flying wild all around her. “What’s the matter, honey?”

  “They’re gone! Payne’s gone!”

  “What?” she said, seeming as shocked as I was. She made her way down the porch steps with an awkward, sideways gait that told me her hips must ache. Barefoot, she moved with alarming speed for someone her age and girth. Peering into the barn, she set her jaw hard.

  “Well, those shits,” she sa
id.

  “You didn’t know?”

  “I most certainly did not,” she said. “Luke, Mal, and Bas ate up my French toast like always. They didn’t say a fucking thing. Let me find Olivia. If Alec left for Ohio, she’ll know.”

  But, she didn’t. When Olivia came out, she seemed just as surprised. Then, the cold clarity of what happened hit me. Payne had done it on purpose. He knew if he tried to say goodbye again, I might convince him not to go or to let me come with him. Once again, he was trying to cut me off.

  It’s what we agreed to, a voice told me. It was as if I could hear my brother’s voice. Damn him. Damn Payne. I was sick and tired of other people making decisions for me. I knew I should want the safety and distance of Wild Lake. But, the idea of Payne cutting me off sent terror streaking through me. I didn’t want safety. I wanted him.

  Before I made a conscious decision, I was running.

  “Lena!” Pat called after me. I got to the nearest SUV and threw the door open. The keys were lying on the seat.

  “What are you planning, honey?”

  “He can’t just leave,” I said. “You said it yourself. This fight that’s coming. It won’t be easy. They won’t all survive it. If anything happens to him...if I don’t…”

  “Well, shit,” Harold said it. He came down from the house to see what the hell was the matter. “She’s his mate, Pat. The damn fool thinks he’ll be able to fight stronger if she’s away from him. How many times have you known that to work out?”

  Pat put her hands on her hips and dropped her chin. “Exactly, never. You sure about this, honey?”

  My heart raced as I considered my answer. I looked from Pat to Harold, then to the house and the open barn behind me. I reached out with my mind and closed my eyes. Payne was out there. I felt him. A wall went up, slamming against my heart as he felt me too and tried to push me back.

  When my eyes snapped open, I made my choice.

  “I’m sure,” I said. “This is my fight too.”