Burn Out

by Ruthi Kight

  “Are you planning on murdering me?”

  “No.”

  “Then I should be fine.”

  I shook my head and laughed. His logic was out of left field, but evidently it made complete sense to him. This situation would either end up with both of us looking like idiots...or it would be our saving grace. Either way, there was no way to find out other than jumping in with both feet.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m not the easiest person to live with,” I replied with a smile.

  With a brief nod, he said “Duly noted. Now, get to sleep. Tomorrow will be here sooner than you think.”

  Chapter Five

  The smell of bacon roused me the next morning. It permeated the room, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, as it sizzled and popped in the frying pan. Maybe there was a plus side to being in such small quarters. The kitchen wasn’t too far away, allowing me to have a bacon wake-up call each morning. Lord, I hoped it would be each morning.

  The intense need for a bathroom hit me before my eyes had fully opened. With one appendage out of commission, I had no choice but to call for help.

  “Liam?” I called out his name. The sound of footsteps drew my eyes to the kitchen door. There he was, shirtless, leaning against the door frame. Instant idiot, right here! His body was amazing. Fucking breath taking! My eyes roamed from the top of his well-rounded, muscular shoulders, to his glorious pecs. Finally, my gaze lowered to the happy trail, that covered true six pack abs, and which arrowed straight down, disappearing into the waistline of his shorts.

  “Like what you see?” With a shrug, I played off my shameless ogling.

  “Can you help me to the bathroom?”

  “Depends. Will your hands be exploring me like your eyes just did?”

  I scooted forward and tried to stand without his help. So what if I was checking out the merchandise? They didn’t have guys that looked like that in the loony bin. Everywhere you looked in there you found men with dickey doos. You know...when their bellies stick out farther than their dicks do? Whatever. Moving on.

  “Don’t flatter yourself.” With a grunt, I tried to stand. Of course my ankle wasn’t having that shit today. With a wobble and a few choice words, I collapsed back onto the couch. “Seriously?”

  “Ready to ask for help now?” he asked as he walked over to stand in front of me. His hand was thrust in my face, waiting for me to accept his help. I grabbed hold and let him help me up. Grudgingly, mind you. “Put your arm around my waist. We’ll hobble your gimpy ass to the bathroom slowly.”

  Cocky bastard. I swear! He might be one of the most delicious male specimens I had ever seen, but that didn’t mean that his attitude didn’t suck major donkey dick. There was a time and place for shit like that, and this wasn’t it. Unless he wanted me to piss on his shoe. Hmmm....no. Better not. He might make me clean it up.

  “Just help me to the can. I’ve already been holding it too long.”

  We hobbled to the only other door in the house. Only two doors lead off of the main room...so where the fuck was the bathroom? As he opened the door and helped me inside, I was caught off guard by the fact that we were in his bedroom. And not just that, the room was immaculate. His bed was even made!

  His small dresser was spotless, no clutter taking up space, and his walls were free of pictures. It was so impersonal. So...unwelcoming. The complete opposite from the front room of his house, where his life was on display, picture by picture.

  “Bathroom?” I asked, trying not to stare at the soft bed situated in the corner. After a rough night’s sleep on his lumpy couch, I would have given his left testicle to sleep in a real bed.

  “Over there,” he replied, pointing to the opposite corner of the room.

  We hobbled over quickly and he walked me straight into the bathroom. “I can handle it from here.”

  “You sure? I don’t mind helping. I’ve been told I’m real good at getting ladies out of their panties.” He winked. He fucking winked!

  With a hard shove, he was out of the way and shutting the door. Finally, a moment of privacy. I did my business quickly and then took stock of the bathroom. Like his bedroom, it was devoid of anything personal. His shampoo and body wash were even generic, giving nothing away about him.

  Even if I had wanted to rummage through his shit, I couldn’t, because there wasn’t anything there to go through. Seriously let down, I opened the door and yelled for him. When he didn’t come right away, I leaned against the door frame and tried to keep the weight off of my ankle.

  With another yell, I waited for him to come back to help me. Maybe he had left the house for a minute? Or he couldn’t hear me? No, he was probably ignoring my ass. Figured.

  Determined not to be helpless, I started hopping towards the door. I had only made it a few feet when I ran right into him. My hands came up to his chest as I tried to keep myself from falling over. His hands found my hips and pulled me close, steadying me.

  There we were, in a very intimate position. Let me tell you, it was seriously awkward. You know those scenes in movies, where the two main characters collided and then end up in a ferocious make-out session, simply because they couldn’t control their bodies’ urges? Yeah, that did not happen here.

  “Can’t keep your hands off me, can you?” he asked.

  “You really think highly of yourself, don’t you?”

  He leaned down, bringing his mouth dangerously close to my ear. I could feel his warm breath tickling my skin, sending a flare of heat through my body. “I don’t have to. Your eyes were all over me only a few minutes ago.”

  My body shivered at his words. The excitement coursing through my body was electric. The feel of his body pressed up against me caused my nipples to harden, which I’m sure he could feel through my thin shirt.

  “Come on. Breakfast is ready,” he said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. My shirt had ridden up during our brief exchange, leaving a small sliver of skin exposed above my pants. His hand grazed my sensitive skin and I had to stifle a groan that begged to be released. Just his touch could cause me to come undone.

  ***

  We ate breakfast in silence, which normally would have been uncomfortable, but this time it was un-fucking-bearable. You could almost see the sexual tension rolling off in waves, hovering around us. It was tangible and volatile, a very heady combination.

  No other guy had ever made me feel so alive. Nothing in this world, even setting fires, had ever lit me up like this guy could. He was a drug. An addiction. And definitely someone that I needed to get away from. Fast.

  I could already feel the effects from my medications wearing off. Without them, I would be in a lot of trouble. If I didn’t get to a pharmacy soon, things would go from just plain crazy to holy-shit-batman-is-a-transvestite kind of crazy quickly. And no one wanted that.

  “I need to get a prescription filled. Where’s the nearest pharmacy?” I asked as I hobbled to the sink to clean my plate. The sound of his chair scraping across the floor drew my attention away from my task. When I turned to look at him, he was standing right behind me. “Whoa, back up creeper. Give a girl some space.”

  “Just trying to make sure you made it okay. Didn’t want you falling over and breaking anything.” He smiled at me, the dimples showing in his cheeks. I could have melted right there and then, but I held my shit together. “There’s a Walgreens about a mile up the road. Need a ride?”

  “No, I thought I would just hop my ass down there, just like the fucking Easter Bunny.” I inched back, trying to put some space between us, but he merely took a step forward instead, closing the distance once more. There were mere inches separating our bodies. Just the thought of what could happen with him so close sent my body into overload. “Seriously, I need some space. Now.”

  He eyed me for a minute before finally backing away. “Claustrophobic?” I shook my head no. “Ah, so it’s just my amazing body that sets you off.”

  My fingers began to twitch as my head started to
spin. If he didn’t back off soon, I would lose control. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, desperate to find relief from the intense urges roaring through my body. I could feel my control begin to slip and it scared the shit out of me.

  “Delia,” he called, but it seemed to come from far away, almost as if he was miles away instead of standing right next to me. I could feel his hands grasp my arms, but instead of the tingles from earlier, it felt like my skin was on fire. “Come back to me. Delia!” He shook me, hard. I struggled to open my eyes, as it took all my strength to fight my inner demons.

  “Water,” I choked out. My body was still shaking when he released me. The sound of cabinets slamming, then water running, told me that he was answering my request. When I felt the cold glass touch my palm, I closed my fingers around it.

  “Come on girl. Take a sip,” he urged. I lifted the glass to what I assumed was my mouth, but I missed. Water dribbled down my chin, but I didn’t care. “This would be easier if you would open your eyes.”

  With the last ounce of spunk I could muster, I raised my hand to his face and gave him the international sign to fuck off. He laughed, obviously not phased one bit by my gesture. Slowly, tentatively, I opened my eyes. His face was right there, his eyes boring holes into mine.

  “I’m okay. Promise,” I said before raising the glass once again. I took a small sip, enjoying the cold as it hit my tongue. “Thank you.” He nodded and took the glass from me.

  Our eyes met and I could see the wariness in his gaze. He was about to revoke his offer of a place to stay, I just knew it. With nowhere else to go, I was scared shitless. Where would I go from here? I wouldn’t make it very far with a fucked up ankle.

  “Wanna tell me what that was about?”

  I shook my head. “Not really.”

  “Too bad. I really need to know what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.”

  “You aren’t kicking me out?” I stared at him like he had suddenly sprouted two heads. Seriously, who watches someone have a freak out like that and still want them to stay? This dude was the one who needed mental help, not me.

  His eyebrows shot up into his hairline and his mouth turned down in a deep frown. “Why would I kick you out?”

  “Um...you were here, right? Just a minute ago? You know...when I showed my crazy all over your kitchen?” It was official. He was bat shit crazy.

  “I was here. Looked pretty scary, but you seem fine now.” He walked me over to the table and helped me sit before grabbing a chair himself. “But I am curious about what the hell is going on with you. I’ve never seen someone freak out like that before.”

  With a quick shake of my head, I said “You seriously don’t want to know. I’m not...normal, I guess.”

  “Normal’s overrated, just so you know.”

  “Are you seriously this nice or are you just as fucked up as I am? ‘Cause honestly, I can’t tell just yet.”

  With a quick burst of movement, he was out of his chair and standing at the fridge. His body was tense as he gripped the handle. He was fighting something inside, something that was raging to come out. But what it was...I couldn’t even begin to fathom.

  “How ‘bout I plead the fifth? For now?” he whispered. His body was slowly yielding, relaxing with each breath he took. His shoulders drooped and I watched each muscle relax. While it sucked that he was so tense, I had to admit that watching his muscles move was intoxicating.

  From the top of his shoulders to the base of his spine, it was pure magic. There was only languid movement, his body slipping into a state of rest. I could feel my body respond to his. It wanted to be near him. To touch him. To experience every inch of his golden skin.

  “So...how ‘bout that ride?” I questioned, a hint of laughter in my voice. I didn’t want him to feel uneasy. This was his home I had invaded. His life. He deserved to be comfortable here. If he couldn’t manage that with me here, then I would have to leave.

  He shook his head and slowly faced me. There was no grin this time. The happy fellow from earlier had disappeared, leaving behind a shell of a man. What could have robbed him of such joy? My words hadn’t been meant to wound, but their impact had left us both in a state of limbo, neither of us knowing how to proceed.

  “Yeah. I can handle a ride.”

  He helped me up, his fingers barely touching me this time, and we hobbled out the door. As we made it to the car, I stopped abruptly, pulling him back to my side. Leaning my head back, I focused on his face.

  “What? Do I have something stuck in my teeth?” he asked. His tone was light and flirty, but his eyes were dark, clouded.

  “Nothing. It’s nothing.” I tried to move away, but he pulled me back.

  “Look...I’m so-”

  “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. Just forget it.”

  When he smiled down at me, my heart began to beat a faltering rhythm. In that moment, there was a truce between us. We weren’t concerned with each other’s demons. Instead, we were living in the moment, determined to not be overcome by the past.

  The only thing I couldn’t quite shake was the thought that maybe, just maybe, the skeletons in his closet were as dirty and dusty as mine. If they were, then eventually the truth would have to come out. I was seriously not looking forward to it...

  Chapter Six

  After arguing with the pharmacist for an hour, I was leaving with no prescription. With no insurance, there wasn’t any way that I could afford my medication. I begged and pleaded, hoping that there was something that could be done, but no. There were no programs to help me, no condolences, just a simple fuck you.

  Okay, so she didn’t exactly say those words, but her tone implied it. She didn’t give a rat’s ass what my circumstances were. Money. It was the driving factor in our exchange. She wanted it and I had none.

  Story of my life.

  “Well, what about a job? You could save the money,” Liam said as we walked to his car. He was so optimistic. So naïve. With no work experience, how was I supposed to find a job? Oh, and add on that, the entire town was scared to death of me. Nope, that avenue was probably going to be a dead end.

  “I’ll figure it out,” I replied, slipping into the passenger seat. I had no choice but to figure it out. Without those meds, and no therapy available anymore, I was a ticking time bomb. My disorder wasn’t something that would just disappear. It was a living, breathing part of me that lurked in the shadows, biding its time until the perfect moment.

  That moment was usually at the worst fucking time possible.

  “Want to grab some lunch? My treat?” he asked. I shook my head no. The last thing I wanted was to eat. My mind was focused solely on what to do next. “Come on. You have to eat. Look, everything will work itself out, okay? Stop stressing.”

  “You don’t get it, do you? Without those meds, I’m fucked. No reach around. No lube. Just straight fucked. I don’t give a shit about food right now.” His quick intake of breath was the only sign that he had been affected by my words. He kept his face a mask, never showing any sign that I had just verbally punched him in the balls.

  I couldn’t stand to look at him. The shit-tastic life that I had been dealt wasn’t his fault, but he was the only one around. He was destined to get the raw end of the deal just because of proximity. Deep down, I knew that I owed him an apology, but at that point, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the window.

  It was comforting to watch the world go by. The palm trees blurred by, the lines in the road became one solid, cohesive unit. There was something calming about the view...at least the one out the window.

  When we pulled up to his place, I reached for the handle to get out, but his hands stopped me. He pulled, twisting my body so that I was facing him instead of the door. Great. A heart to heart was on its way. Just what I wanted when I was already feeling low as hell.

  “I’ve got errands to run. I’ll be back later on,” he said as he slipped his lone house key into my hand. It was cold and hard, lying in my p
alm, the edges sharp and unyielding. On a deeper level, I felt like that key. Useless most of the time, able to hurt someone with one tiny swipe.

  I didn’t respond, simply got out of the car and hobbled up the short walkway. I turned just in time to see him, and his car, peel out onto the main road. He was upset, clearly. Maybe I could talk to him when he got back. Try to smooth things over. No amount of explanation or apologizing would make up for the fact that I had been a melodramatic bitch, but it was a step in the right direction.

  Besides, Liam was officially holding my future in the palm of his hand. I had nowhere else to go. If he kicked me out...I shuddered. No point in dwelling on it. Bad shit happened every day. I would be fine, just like I planned. There were other options. Sure, they were harder and less pleasant, but they were still options.

  One way or another, my life wouldn’t be over. I would make it work.

  ***

  The pain. The melting of flesh from my bones. Smoke was filling my lungs, suffocating me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream. The fire was growing larger by the minute and all I could do was watch.

  I wanted to yell for them. To tell them that this was the end. They wouldn’t make it out. They never did. There was no alternate future for them, no matter how many times I watched this play out.

  My ears were ringing from the sounds of the flames popping. The flames were my comfort, no matter what damage they inflicted. Their sole reason for existing was for my pleasure. Sure, they wreaked unimaginable havoc.

  They destroyed lives. They laughed in my face as I cried for the people that I loved. But they were still a part of me. Anytime I wanted them back, they would be there for me. Fierce and hot, by my side, no matter what.

  I felt my hand twitching, my fingers seeking their solace. Just one. One tiny flicker and I would be sated. It could be quick and no one would ever know.