by L A Cotton
I might have lost my brother, but I’d gained his life.
A life I’d never wanted.
If it wasn’t for him, I’d still have been at San Diego. At least there, I had some degree of freedom.
Victoria’s eyes drilled holes into the top of my head.
“What?” I growled, finally lifting my eyes to hers.
“You’re so angry all the time. It isn’t good for you, Zach.”
“Neither is sniffing around your boyfriend’s brother.”
Her sharp intake of breath made me feel like shit. But I couldn’t help what came out of my mouth sometimes.
“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” I ground out. “I’m just so fucking sick of this crap, and the season hasn’t even started yet.”
Vic moved closer, laying a hand on my arm. “You need this, Zach. It’s in your blood, your DNA. You’re a Messiah, basketball is who you are.”
For fuck’s sake. She was starting to sound like my old man.
“Were you pleased with the fundraiser?” I asked, needing a break from the heavy stuff.
Victoria helped herself to a beer and joined me at the counter. “Yeah, it was a good night. I sense a few budding romances if some of the kisses were anything to go by.” Mischief sparkled in her eyes. “Did you see Joel and Josie’s friend? Holy shit, that was hot.”
My fist clenched against my thigh. “Can’t say as I noticed,” I gritted out.
“Are you blind?” Her eyes danced with amusement. “It was the hottest kiss of the night.”
Giving her a dismissive shrug, I drained the rest of my beer before going to get another one.
“You should set them up.” She suggested.
My head snapped around to her. “Me? Why the fuck would I do that?”
“Joel likes you and he’s so shy around the ladies.”
“Do I look like Cupid?”
Vic chuckled. “I guess I could ask Josie. She’d do it, I bet.”
“You do that.”
What the fuck was happening right now?
“A bunch of us could go out, make it seem less formal. I bet Brad wouldn’t mind getting some alone time with Josie.”
“You noticed that, huh?”
“So obvious.” She rolled her eyes, but her expression quickly sobered. “You know, I wouldn’t ever cheat on Declan, Zach.” Vic’s voice cracked a little. “I was just lonely. I mean, I am lonely. And hanging out with you... it makes me feel closer to him somehow.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck!
My chest squeezed at her words. I’d known all along what this was, but it didn’t make it any less hard to hear.
Vic wasn’t here for me. She was here for herself. For my brother.
“Good to know,” I mumbled, the urge to crack open a bottle of vodka burning through me.
But I’d arranged to meet the guys at the court first thing in the morning for a little three on three action.
“That’s not... That was a dumb thing to say.” Vic pouted. “I just meant—”
“I got it the first time. I’m not Declan.” I’ll never be Declan.
I’d heard it my entire life. But hearing it from Victoria, the one person I thought was on my side through this shit show... well, it stung. But deep down, I got it. She was lonely and she was hurting and no one else understood.
Except me.
Our mutual loss bonded us. It gave us common ground. But that’s all it was.
“So what do you think? Shall I set it up?”
“Whatever.” I took a long pull on my beer.
Victoria would do it with or without my blessing, so there was really no use in protesting.
“Yay.” She clapped her hands. “It’ll be fun. You’ll see.” There was something in her gaze. A glint of mischief that if I wasn’t a few beers in probably would have raised my suspicions.
But I knew Victoria well enough to know she was always working some scheme. It was just my fucking luck she’d decided to turn her attention to Calli and Joel.
“The fair is in town this weekend, it’s perfect.”
Jesus. I ran my hand down my face. This was really happening. She was going to set up Joel and Calli on a date, and I was going to stand by and watch it happen.
My teeth ground together.
“Are you okay?” Vic asked, eyeing me with concern.
“Yeah. I need to get some sleep. Are you staying or going?”
She flinched at the severity in my voice. “Can I stay?” It was barely a whisper.
This was the Victoria I liked—the girl who let her walls come down.
I gave her a curt nod as I stood and moved to the hall. “You know where to find me.”
“Foul,” Brad yelled as I pushed Dev off me.
“Watch your fucking hands,” I gritted out, clutching the ball to my chest.
“I barely touched you,” he snickered.
“Come at me again like that and we’ll have a problem.”
“Relax, Messiah,” Joel jogged over to us. “It’s your free throw.”
“Damn right it is.” I edged to the free throw line and pulled my jersey up to wipe the sweat off my face. It was only a little after ten, but the sun was already soaring high in the sky. It was going to be a hot one.
“Drop back, D,” Joel said to Dev. “I’ve got him covered.”
“You think, Molineux?” I smirked, spinning the ball in my hands.
“Just take the damn shot, Messiah. We all know it’s a sure thing.” He rolled his eyes.
“Nothing in life is certain, Joely boy.” I lined up the shot, bending my knees slightly and snapping my wrist to release the ball. He jumped, throwing his arms high but nothing was going to stop it from slicing through the air, hitting the backboard and dropping through the hoop.
“And that’s how you do it,” Brad hollered.
“Nice one.” Joel held out his fist. I stared at it for a second, but then bumped mine against it. “So did Vic mention the thing to you?”
“Thing?” I played dumb as we walked off court to get some liquid refreshment.
“Yeah, the fair tonight? She said she mentioned it.”
“Oh that, yeah. Sounds cool.”
“And you’re okay with it?” He side-eyed me as he chugged his water. “With me asking Calli to come along as my date?”
Date.
I fucking hated that word.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. I kind of got the impression you two—”
“Hey, man. I saw the kiss.” I clapped him on the back a little harder than necessary. “It was fire.”
“Yeah.” His chest puffed. “It was pretty fucking awesome.”
I liked Joel. Well, I had until he’d laid eyes on my girl.
She’s not your fucking girl.
But hearing him talking about Calli made me want to rip his tongue out of his mouth.
I could have told him right then and there who she was. It would have put an end to whatever he hoped could develop between them. But where was the fun in that?
Calli had walked away from me last night with the upper hand. She’d won the battle, but the war wasn’t over yet.
Not by a long shot.
Maybe Victoria was right. Maybe tonight would be fun.
“You bringing someone to the fair tonight?” I turned my attention to Brad.
“I... uh... what?”
“The fair. There’s a bunch of us going. Joel is going to ask Calli. Hey, you should ask Josie and—”
“What the hell, Messiah? That’s my sister you’re talking about.” Joel growled the words.
“Yeah, so? She’s fair game now she’s a freshman.”
“You know the rules.” His eyes turned hard. “Sisters are off-limits.”
As if I needed reminding.
“It’s a group thing. It doesn’t mean anything,” I added.
“You know what B
rad is like,” Joel grumbled.
“Hey, fucker, I’m standing right here.” A dejected look washed over Brad’s face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a dog, bro. I’m surprised your dick hasn’t fallen off yet.”
“I was with Reese for almost six months.”
“Yeah and look how that turned out.”
Brad arched a brow. “She cheated on me.”
“After you got caught kissing that volleyball player.”
“I was giving her mouth to mouth.” His eyes twinkled with amusement. “Me and Reese were... open like that.”
“Yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if you keep your hands away from my sister.”
Brad pinned me a hard look, and I shrugged. I wasn’t the one sexting my teammate’s sister.
No, you had your fingers inside one’s pussy though.
It was different. Semantics. Calli and I had history.
Unresolved history.
And there was no chance of it becoming anything more than that. Unlike Brad and Josie who mooned at each other every time they crossed paths.
“Are you fuckers going to stand around all day, or are we going to finish this?” Dev yelled from the court. He threw the ball in our direction and I intercepted it, bouncing it a couple of times at my feet.
“You that eager to lose, D?” Saul yelled.
A small crowd had formed in the bleachers, all eager to watch the Steinbeck Scorpions shoot hoops. Most were girls, giggling and pointing, watching with eager eyes and seductive smiles. But there was a handful of teenage boys too, watching with stars in their eyes as they imagined the day they got to walk in our shoes.
Steinbeck wasn’t just a college town; it was a basketball town. People lived, breathed, and bled basketball. The game that had, somewhere along the way, become my lifeline. The feel of rubber in my palm settled something inside me. It was strange—to need the thing you hated.
Calli’s face popped into my mind, but I quickly shook it away as I went back into the center of the court.
I didn’t need Calli.
I hadn’t needed her in years.
But I wasn’t stubborn enough to deny that some part of me still wanted her. She had those soft, curved, pouty lips, and I was a hot-blooded guy. It was biological. A simple case of chemistry.
Evolution.
My body remembered her. Her smell, her taste, the way she trembled beneath my touch. It remembered, and it wanted more.
It wanted to destroy her kiss by stolen kiss, dismantle her bravado touch by dirty, desperate touch.
Fuck. It wanted her to remember.
And then it wanted to ruin her the way she’d ruined me.
“Let’s go, Messiah. Quit stalling.” Dev flashed me a shit-eating grin. He was really pushing my buttons, but that was his style.
The guy was a cocky fucker. He should have learned by now that I didn’t play to lose.
Ever.
It was almost six and I was due to meet Victoria and the guys in thirty minutes. So when my cell rang and I saw my father’s number, I let out a frustrated groan. He was the last person I wanted to talk to.
“Zachary,” he said with a hint of agitation. “I’ve been calling.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Yes, well, it wouldn’t hurt you to find ten minutes of your schedule to return my call. How are classes?”
“They’re okay.”
“A little more enthusiasm, Son. School is important.”
“Could have fooled me,” I mumbled.
“And the team? How is it being back?”
“The team is as well as to be expected.”
“Coach Baxter says you’re pushing it too hard.”
Of course he had.
Frustration skated up my spine as I bit back the words on the tip of my tongue. “There’s nothing wrong with working out, Dad. Kinda comes with the territory.”
“I know full well what it takes to be at the top of your game. But you can’t push too hard, not before the season has even begun. This year is important, Son. You can’t do anything to jeopardize it.”
As if I could forget.
It was Declan’s senior year, his final season. Except, he wouldn’t get to play it. I would.
It was so fucking messed up.
“Your mom wishes you would stop by. She misses you.”
My eyes shuttered at the insinuation in his voice. That somehow by avoiding the house, avoiding the heavy atmosphere, I was a bad son.
It also didn’t escape me that he hadn’t said they missed me. Because things between me and my dad hadn’t been right for a long time. Declan was his golden child, his favorite. Always had been. And I’d been the rebel child, the one he needed to force to fit the Messiah mold.
But he’d gotten his wish in the end. I was here. Living out his dream for me. Sure, no one could have anticipated that Declan would take that jet ski out and hit that buoy, but the sentiment was the same.
“We were disappointed you didn’t come with Victoria to see your brother. She’s such a good girl, standing by his side. Would it really hurt you to—”
“Not this again, Dad. I can’t...” I swallowed over the lump in my throat.
“You should have been there. You are a part of this family. Declan needs us. He needs you, Zachary.”
“I’m here aren’t I?” Wasn’t that enough?
The breath he exhaled made me wince. “It’s hard on everyone, but he needs us. Declan needs to know his family are with him through this.”
My fist clenched around the cell phone until the blood drained from my knuckles. Declan didn’t even know when someone was there. He was in a medically induced coma for fuck’s sake. But my parents didn’t want to hear it. It wasn’t the Messiah way.
“If there’s nothing else,” I said, done with his third degree. “I have plans.”
“With the team?” His voice held a trace of relief.
“Yeah. A few of us are going to check out the fair that’s in town.”
“Declan always did love the fair.”
My spine went rigid, my teeth grinding together. “Sure thing, Dad. Say hi to Mom for me.”
“I will. But you know, Zach, you can’t hide from this forever.”
I hung up, unwilling to listen to anymore of his lectures.
I wasn’t hiding, I just wasn’t living with my head in the clouds.
Calli
“I’m not sure about this,” I said, eyeing Josie in the mirror.
She fluffed her hair again, blotting her lips. “It’s a group thing, it’ll be fun.”
“With Joel and Zach there? I’m not sure that’s my idea of fun.” In fact, I couldn’t think of anything worse.
“What’s the worst that can happen? You and my brother hook up and Zach realizes he let you slip through his fingers again?”
“I don’t like the idea of playing games.” Despite the fact I was already in some game of push and pull with Zach.
“Joel invited you, right?”
I nodded.
“And he was upfront about Zach going too?”
Another nod.
“So, what’s the problem? Clearly Zach has no issue with you and Joel—”
“I thought you just said it was a group thing?”
“It is.” Her smirk did little to ease the knot in my stomach. “But it could be a you and Joel thing too. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”
“Ugh, don’t.” I flopped back on the bed, letting out an exasperated breath.
SU was supposed to be my fresh start. A chance to move on. Instead, I’d landed myself in the middle of some nightmare. Zach was here, taunting me at every corner. Callum was treating me like I was invisible. And Josie—my only friend here—knew nothing about me, not really.
“My mom died,” I blurted out, clapping a hand over my mouth.
“What?” Her hand flew to her own mouth. “Oh my god, Calli, I’m so sorry.”
Sitting up slowly, I blinked
away the tears. “Almost three months ago. Cancer.”
“But Callum didn’t—”
“Tell anyone? Yeah, I figured.” God, what was wrong with him?
Our mom had died. She’d had a slow, painful, lingering death and he hadn’t told the team.
That wasn’t normal.
“Jesus, babe.” Josie sat down beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. It’s still raw, you know?”
She smiled sadly, nodding.
“I cared for her, toward the end. Sat with her as she slipped away.” Silent tears streamed down my face as I let myself give in to the grief.
It was a funny thing. People talked about time healing you. But time didn’t heal you, it just made the pain lessen. The hole left would never fully heal. She was my mom, my best friend in the entire world. Time would never erase witnessing her lose the fight against such an ugly and brutal disease. It would always be a part of me. Ingrained in my memories, imprinted on my soul. As the days went on, you just learned how to harness the grief instead of drowning in it.
“Does Zach know?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“If he does, he hasn’t said anything.”
“So, let me get this right. Your brother didn’t tell you about Declan, and he didn’t tell Zach about your mom?”
I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug. When she said it like that it did sound completely ridiculous.
“You have to tell him.”
“Who, Callum?” I blanched.
“No, silly. Zach.”
“It won’t change anything.” Zach harbored some deep-seated hatred for me. It bled from his pores every time he was close to me.
I just wish I knew why.
“Anyway, I thought you were Team Calli and Joel?”
“I am.” She shrugged. “But it’s good to have options.”
“Okay, that’s just weird.”
“You’re a young, single, independent woman. It’s okay to play the field a little, babe.”
“That sounds... like a lot of work.”
Josie nudged my shoulder with hers. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
“So you and Brad are...”
“As far as my brother is concerned, we’re nothing.” Her brow quirked.
“And as far as he isn’t concerned?”