He nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Jem. I bet you don’t know what to think anymore.’
‘If I’m honest, I’m trying not to think at the moment. Have a good journey back tomorrow.’ I dug into my bag and handed him a package. ‘Can you deliver this to Leah for me? It’s the Ju-Sea Jem Bear she wanted. And send them all my love.’
Scott took the bear. ‘Okay. I’ll be back soon.’
I nodded. ‘Look me up when you are. I’ll miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you too.’ He leaned forward and gently kissed me on the lips, lingering for a moment. Electricity zipped through me as I reached my hands up to his face. Our eyes connected for a moment and then our lips joined again, my hands in his hair, his in mine. Oh. My. God. Take me to bed right now! His tongue played with mine and I pressed my body closer to his, my heart and pulse racing like mad. I had to stop this. I slowed the kiss and gently pulled away. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Call it a goodbye kiss for a very special friend.’
Sam smiled. ‘I hope you don’t kiss all your friends goodbye like that.’
I smiled too. ‘Could you imagine Drew’s face if I’d done that to him when I left London? Take care of yourself, Sam.’
‘Don’t leave.’
‘I have to, Sam. I’m sorry.’ Then I turned and quickly headed up Castle Street, tears raining down my cheeks once more as it struck me how deeply I’d fallen in love with Sam. I had to stay strong and keep walking. I couldn’t do the distance relationship thing with him because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it would destroy us both.
Chapter 42
Sam
I stood on the same spot, staring down Castle Street, until the crowds of shoppers swamped Jemma and I couldn’t see her anymore. I touched my fingers to my lips. What a kiss. What a way to say goodbye. Except I didn’t want to say goodbye and, judging by the passion in that kiss, neither did Jemma.
I wanted to talk to her about Scott and how she felt about it. I wanted to share our experiences of grief. But I needed to leave her be so that she could do that in her own time with whomever she chose. She had some great friends in Karen, Tiff, Leah and Drew. She was close to her mum. They’d all be there for her. I was a distraction and I’d slow down the grieving process if I was around. Which I wasn’t. And that, in itself, clearly presented one of the biggest barriers to making a go of things with Jemma. It was time to do something about it.
* To Jack
Are you and Millie around this afternoon or this evening? I need to talk to you. And to apologise
* From Jack
We’re in now. Connie’s just removed Saffron’s nappy and swung it around her head in the middle of the lounge. Couldn’t have timed it better as Saffron had just taken a dump. You can join in the cleaning effort. Sounds like a great way to apologise!
* To Jack
I told you before that you needed to work on your sales technique! I’ll be there in 15 mins with my surgical mask and gloves!
I looked back towards Castle Street. I could make out the teddy bear shaped shop sign on the left hand side towards the end of the street. Bear With Me. It seemed to be our motto. First me, then Jemma, then me, and now Jemma again. I could and would bear with her because, if I waited, I could have the chance to bear with her forever. And that was very appealing.
Chapter 43
Jemma
Six weeks later
‘Mum! Jem! Mrs Denholm’s moving out.’
Joining Sean at the lounge window, I peered out as two men exited the cab of a small removals van and walked towards Mrs Denholm’s front door. Well into her nineties, Mrs Denholm had lived in that cottage for decades and had always been a lovely neighbour; the sort who’d do anything for you without expecting favours in return. She was fit as a fiddle but her eyesight was failing. She knew she’d have to give up driving soon and the bus service to Little Sandby didn’t run regularly enough to be a viable alternative. Faced with becoming isolated in the village or moving into Bay View Care Home in town where she had several friends, she’d realised there was only one sensible decision to make.
I returned to the sofa. ‘I didn’t think she’d move out so quickly. I thought there were no places at Bay View.’
Mum pulled a face. ‘Someone died.’
‘Oh. That’s sad. But good for her.’
‘Will another old lady move in?’ Sean asked, still watching the removals men.
‘I’ve no idea,’ I said. ‘Could be a young couple.’
Sean turned around, his face animated. ‘Ooh, what about a family with a boy my age?’
I shrugged. ‘I doubt it. It’s only got two bedrooms. It’s not really a family home.’
‘It could be,’ Mum said. ‘The rooms are huge. One of the bedrooms could easily be split into two. There’s a big roof space that could be built into and it’s on a bigger plot than ours so lots of land for extensions. If someone’s prepared to take on a project, it’s got massive developmental potential.’
‘That’s true.’ It had been a long time since I’d been in Mrs Denholm’s cottage, but I did remember that the rooms were massive, although they were also very dated. Even if the new owner didn’t want to expand, it was definitely a project. I don’t think she’d redecorated since the 1970s.
I stood up. ‘Are you both ready?’
Mum nodded. ‘Quick wee and I’m good.’
‘I just need my bag and my trainers,’ Sean said.
‘Why’s Dr Steadman suddenly decided to see you again two days before Christmas? And why does he want me to go with you? He’s barely acknowledged my presence before.’
‘I don’t know,’ Mum said. ‘I just do as I’m told. Don’t worry. Annie and Liv will be fine opening the shop and we’ll be there before it gets too busy.’
I pulled on my coat and boots while they both sorted themselves out, smiling at the change in Mum over the last month or so. She had a new mantra: “Parkinson’s does not control me. I control Parkinson’s.” And it seemed to work. She was exercising regularly with Karen, attending counselling, and she was seeing her GP for stress management and depression. She’d taken a massive step back from the business and the suggestion that Annie and Liv would be fine without us showed me how far she’d come as she’d have normally been worried about queues and replenishing stock so close to Christmas. She’d also met up with her friendly stalker’s sister every week, who’d introduced her to a few other locals with Parkinson’s.
For me, the weeks had passed by ridiculously quickly. I’d steadily taken on more responsibility at Bear With Me, including running a couple of bear-making workshops, which I’d loved. I’d been interviewed for Mum’s valuation jobs and had secured both. I wouldn’t officially start the local role until the New Year but there’d been an auction in early December in London so I’d started with that auctioneer immediately. I’d stayed with Leah, Tiff and Drew for three nights. It was strange being back in my old room without any of my belongings. I’d expected them to have found a new lodger but they insisted I was irreplaceable which was lovely.
Whilst in London, I’d also visited Owen and delivered a pair of Ju-Sea Jem Bears as promised, although we’d put a date in the diary for him to visit Whitsborough Bay in January.
Sam and I kept in touch by text, email and Facebook, but we never spoke. He’d called me a few times but I didn’t return his calls. I couldn’t bear the thought of an awkward conversation where the unspoken hung in the air.
When I knew I was going to London, I nearly called him so many times, but had to stop myself. Once in London, the pull to call him, to see him, to hold him was almost unbearable, but I needed to stay strong. If I saw him, I wouldn’t be able to resist him.
He hadn’t been home since our goodbye kiss, but he’d messaged to say he was taking some leave and would be home for Christmas. Instantly, an image of the two of us below the mistletoe po
pped into my mind and wouldn’t leave.
I longed to see him, to talk to him, to laugh with him and, yes, I longed for a future with him. Alone in bed at night, I’d kick myself for letting him go, worried that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. But I knew that a distance relationship would have been a mistake too as my paranoia would have torn us apart. I’d just have to keep hoping that a job opportunity would eventually arise, he’d move back to Whitsborough Bay, and we could finally go on a proper date and see where it took us.
I dropped Sean off at Rachel’s before driving Mum to the hospital in my shiny new lease car. Rachel was taking him and Eden for lunch then to see the latest Disney release at the cinema on South Beach.
‘You grab a seat,’ Mum said, approaching the reception desk. ‘I’ll tell them we’re here.’
A few minutes later, she sat down beside me.
‘I wonder if he knows that I’ve put in all those complaints about him,’ I said.
‘Aren’t they meant to be confidential?’
‘Yeah, but I’d like to think they investigate the complaints and, if they do, he’ll know it’s me.’
‘Maybe that’s why he’s called you in today, then, to tell you what he thinks of you.’ Mum laughed at my shocked expression. ‘I’m joking. I expect that, in the absence of a spouse, he just wants to find out how you think I’m coping with things.’
‘Julie Browne?’ the receptionist called. ‘You can go through.’
Mum stood up and shuffled down the corridor. She was having what she now called a “slow day” rather than a “bad day”. She knocked on a door and pushed it open. I followed her in, closing the door behind me as she sat down, already feeling prickly about facing that idiot, Dr Steadman.
‘Morning,’ he said. I turned around with a fake smile plastered on my face. But it wasn’t him. It was…
‘Sam!’ I looked from him to Mum and back to him again. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘It turns out that there’ve been several complaints about Dr Steadman and, when my brother, Jack, mentioned to the Head of Department that I might be interested in having my old job back, he was straight on the phone to me, asking how quickly I could return.’
‘Did my complaints get Dr Steadman sacked?’ I hadn’t liked him, but I didn’t like the idea of being responsible for someone losing their job.
‘Don’t worry. You were one of many.’
‘So you’re back in Whitsborough Bay? For good?’
He grinned. ‘For good. London wasn’t for me. I guess old habits die hard because I ran away. Again. But for the last time.’ He held my gaze while fireworks exploded in my tummy, then he turned to Mum. ‘So, Julie, how’s it going? I’ve been looking through your notes and it seems that Dr Steadman did sort out that MRI scan but nothing came up on it so…’
I couldn’t focus on what he was saying to Mum. I just sat and stared at him with what I’m sure was a stupid grin on my face. He’d come back. For me? I hoped so. He asked Mum lots of questions, and she told him lots of things, but I have no idea what either of them said. My mind was in a whirl. Sam was here. In Whitsborough Bay. For good.
Mum stood up and pulled her coat on, thanking Sam for his time. It was over? In a daze, I pulled my coat on too and followed her out of the door, grinning at Sam who signalled that he’d phone me.
‘My scarf!’ I said, touching my neck moments later.
‘As if you didn’t do that deliberately,’ Mum said.
‘I didn’t.’
I knocked and entered Sam’s office again.
‘I think you’ve forgotten something,’ he said, holding up my scarf. ‘Can’t have you catching a chill out there.’ He opened the scarf out and placed it over my head but he kept hold of it and gently pulled me towards him. ‘I thought it was customary for you to give a goodbye kiss to your special friends.’
He didn’t need to pull me closer. I was there already, my lips caressing his, and my body pressed against his.
‘Your next patient’s here,’ a voice said, startling me and breaking our kiss apart far too soon.
Sam pressed a button on his desk phone. ‘Two minutes, thanks, Pam.’ He looked at me with longing in his eyes. ‘Sorry. Work calls. Are you doing anything tonight?’
I shook my head. If I had been, I’d have cancelled it in a heartbeat.
‘I promised I’d take you out for a meal and I never did that. Can I pick you up at seven and take you for tea someplace special?’
‘Where?’
‘It’s a secret, but I think you’ll like it. Plus, I have a Christmas gift for you.’
‘Just as well I’ve got you something too or that could have been awkward.’
He leaned forward and gave me another breath-stealing kiss. ‘Till seven, then.’
‘You look gorgeous,’ Sam said, taking my hand as we headed down Mum’s drive towards Thor that evening. Picking an outfit had been a bit of a nightmare. I didn’t want to get dressed up if he was taking me to Blue Savannah but I didn’t want to be too casual if he was taking me somewhere more sophisticated. In the end, I settled for a petrol blue A-line dress with short sleeves and a fitted waist, opaque tights, and boots.
‘Thank you,’ I said, taking in his dark jeans and purple shirt. ‘So do you.’
‘No footwear disaster this time,’ he said, pointing to his black shoes.
I placed his Christmas gift in the back of the campervan, then climbed into the front. ‘Where are we going?’
‘A little way down the coast.’
‘Are you going to be more specific?’
He grinned at me as he started the engine. ‘Nope. It’s not far so you’ll soon find out.’
‘I thought we might be going to Blue Savannah.’
Sam shook his head. ‘I thought about it but I wanted to take you somewhere that we’ve both been before but not with Nikki or Scott; somewhere special just for us.’
‘Somewhere I’ve been before?’ I frowned. ‘Now I’m intrigued. I can’t think of any pubs or restaurants I’ve been to down the coast.’
‘Who said anything about a pub or restaurant?’
‘Now I’m even more intrigued.’
Ten minutes later, we pulled into a car park. ‘The Stuffed Bun,’ I said. ‘I thought it was a café. I haven’t been here since I was a kid.’
‘Neither had I until recently,’ Sam said. ‘Jack and Millie come here often. It’s still a café but it’s been refurbished and can be hired for private functions.’
‘So there’s a function on tonight?’
‘A private one. Yes.’
We got out. ‘Shall I bring your Christmas present with me?’ I hadn’t seen his gift for me in the back of Thor but it could have been in a cupboard.
‘If you like. Yours is inside already.’
A blonde woman in her early thirties greeted us at the door. ‘Welcome to The Stuffed Bun. I’m Hollie and I’m your host for this evening. Your table’s upstairs.’
We followed her into the café. It couldn’t have been more different to how I remembered it. Refurbished and extended, pine tables and plastic tablecloths had given way to a New England seaside-themed classy décor, which I absolutely loved.
‘Are we the only ones here?’ I asked, aware that I could hear music but no voices.
‘We might be,’ Sam said.
Hollie led us upstairs and into a function room with stunning views across the sea. It was dark outside but the moon lit up the inky waters, and lights from distant ships twinkled in the distance. I’d have to come back during the day to fully appreciate the view.
A table for two was set in the middle of the room. Lights twinkled on a tree in the corner. I propped Sam’s present up against the wall and handed Hollie my coat.
‘Your drinks are on the table,’ she said. ‘I’ll be up in about ten min
utes with your starters.’
‘Have a seat,’ Sam said, pulling out a chair. ‘Wine?’
‘Yes please.’ He poured a glass, then placed it on the table and filled his own glass from the jug of water.
‘I don’t drink and drive,’ he said, seeing me watch him. ‘Not even a drop. It’s not worth it.’
‘I feel the same,’ I said, my throat tightening. ‘Especially after my dad…’ I smiled, not wanting to go down that road. ‘This is lovely, Sam.’ I noticed a scroll tied up with a red ribbon on my side plate. There wasn’t one on Sam’s plate so it couldn’t be a menu.
‘What’s this?’ I asked, holding it up.
He looked at the scroll and wrinkled his nose. ‘I’m no writer and I’m certainly no poet, but it popped into my head and, well, I’ve never written anything for anyone before so…’
‘You’ve written me a poem?’ Even the thought of it made me go misty-eyed, no matter how badly written or corny it might be. ‘Nobody’s ever written me a poem.’
‘And you’ll probably be glad of that when you see my effort.’
‘Can I read it now?’
Sam’s cheeks reddened. ‘It seemed like a good idea a the time…’
My fingers paused at the end of one of the ribbons. ‘I won’t untie it if it makes you uncomfortable. Although I’m dying to read it.’
He nodded. ‘Okay. You can read it, but please don’t read it aloud.’
I untied the ribbon and unfurled the paper, then started reading in my head:
Bear With Me
I Thor-t the sky was black and dull and always filled with rain
I Thor-t that when I lost them, I would never live again
I Thor-t that it was too hard here. I turned and ran away
I Thor-t that life was painful as it limped from day to day
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