Squire Hayseed

by S E Zbasnik

  Was that it? Were they using some secret hand code they didn’t want the others or Lady Battle-ax to overhear? Hayley snickered to herself. Maybe she wasn’t the only sticky-fingered one here.

  Shit. That meant she’d have to get out quick before Finn and Ania pulled off their plans, or else… Hayley’s lips whitened as she pursed them so hard at her next thought. Or they intended to use her, hang her out to dry while they made off with all of the old woman’s gold and jewels. Who would Gavin believe, the faithful servants years in good stead or some cutpurse he picked up out of nowhere?

  Finn and Ania’s little pantomime didn’t seem so quaint anymore.

  While she stewed over the thoughts roiling in her brain, Ania yanked up her water bucket and wandered off towards the kitchen. Finn turned to watch her, which drew his line of sight right to Hayley. Shit.

  “Hey,” he called.

  She tried to turn around, acting as if she didn’t hear him, but the damn boy waved his hand harder and shouted, “What brings you out here?”

  Lifting her head high, Hayley marched towards the well. Her hands patted hard into the bucket and she grunted, “Water.” Hooking it in place, she undid the rope and watched it tumble to the waterline below.

  Finn laughed as if Hayley told a joke. “Great place for it.”

  “I guess,” she grunted again, already tugging on the line. The bucket barely broke the surface but she didn’t care about the geese. All she wanted was to get far from Finn and fast.

  “What’s the water for?” He couldn’t stop talking, apparently having no other work before him. When Hayley didn’t respond, he clucked his tongue, “Let me guess, Ser Gravy has you watering stumps.”

  “Gravy?” Hayley scrunched up her face and whipped her sight right to him.

  “Sure,” Finn shrugged, the sunlight bouncing off his bright teeth. “Gavin, Gravy. I think it’s pretty good.”

  She stared dead at him, then rolled her eyes with a sigh. “They don’t even rhyme,” Hayley muttered while tugging up the bucket. Her arms were tired but she could handle the weight okay. Most of her annoyance was aimed at Finn. Turning from the well, she walked back towards the geese assuming the boy wouldn’t follow.

  “What do you use?” he asked, failing to get the hint. It took him less than two steps to catch up to her, his lanky form easily outpacing the short Hayley. Finn caught her side eye traipsing up to his and he smiled, “Hayseed?”

  Bristling from the top of her head down to her feet, she spat out, “Maybe I don’t use nothing. Maybe I show him respect.”

  “Ha,” Finn chuckled to himself, rolling a strand of grass back and forth between his cheeks. “Sure ya do, Hayseed. Sure ya do. I mean, ain’t as if you been talking back to everyone who’s met ya here.”

  Rather than answer to his juvenile prodding, Hayley marched right through the ring of geese. For the first time they all parted fast, none going for her shins. Almost as if they sensed she was in the mood to kick them in the neck. Dumping the bucket into the small pond, she snarled.

  Why didn’t she have a nickname for her knight? For Gavin, for the love of God. He was as much her knight as that was her bed or this was her sigil on her chest. None of this was hers, it was just a…a point in time. It’d all be gone as fast as a summer rain. No reason to go getting cozy.

  “So,” Finn sidled up close to her, his elbow bouncing into her shoulder. Hayley’s glare should have shattered him in half. “Got one for me? I mean, given the way you can’t stop staring I bet it’s good.”

  “Glaring, the word you’re looking for is glaring.” All around her the geese came running, grunting noises erupting out of their snapping beaks as they dashed for the fresh water. Hayley stood in the mass a moment before stepping back towards the boy.

  “Come on.” He extended his hands wide, his shoulders lifted in a come-what-may. “Give it to me. I can take it,” Finn rolled up his sleeve and took a pinch of flesh between his thumb and finger, “I’ve got a tough hide.”

  Folding her arms tight, the bucket bouncing against her side, Hayley eyed him up. His eyes were sparkling, as if he drowned a laugh in them. No, that wasn’t what she noticed. What she always noticed about him. Through clenched teeth, she spat out, “Forehead.”

  “Forehead?” he said incredulously, an eyebrow trying to scale that sheer cliff. “Really?” Finn slapped a palm over his mighty dome, but it couldn’t hide the skin below. For a beat Hayley froze, uncomfortableness growing in her gut, when he sighed, “That’s the best ya got?”

  The damn bastard laughed at her, unaffected and uncaring about her puny attack.

  “Fine!” she spat out.

  “Oh, fine. I like that one. Let’s stick with that,” he rolled over her words quickly, causing Hayley to hiss.

  “Why are you such a…a fartface?”

  “I dunno, Hayseed,” he kept picking, “must be my…” he jabbed a finger at the middle of his brow, “massive forehead.”

  She hurled the bucket to the ground and moved to stomp off when the Fishturd snatched onto her arm. Snarling, Hayley moved to whack him away when he held both hands up. “Wait, wait, before you use all your special knight moves on me…” He scampered back, his head tipping low as if to meet hers on an even field.

  Folding her arms tight, she froze in place but kept one foot extended so he knew she could bolt at a moment’s notice. With a smirk on his pouty lips, Finn swung his head up to her, clearly taking in her glare. “Well…?” Hayley prompted.

  “Once yer finished watering the foul,” he laughed towards the happy geese, “what else ya got to do today?”

  “None of your…” Hayley shifted, about to put all her weight on her extended leg when she paused. “Why?”

  A grin stretched Finn’s cheeks wide, both of them burning in the summer sun.

  “No.”

  Hayley clung tight to the post, splinters digging into her already raw flesh but she barely noticed. Her eyes filled with that damn fish-head tugging on the strip of leather barely keeping the demon creature contained.

  “Come on,” Finn kept needling her. He wouldn’t say a damn word about what his surprise was, but it piqued her curiosity. Now she knew better; whatever that boy wanted was trouble. Big, gut-kicking, foot stomping trouble. Hayley swallowed, trying to shake away the tremors building up her legs.

  “Copper is the biggest baby you’ll ever meet. Ain’t ya, sweetie pie?” His voice drifted higher and into syrup as he turned to the red and blonde creature nuzzling closer. Hayley half expected Finn to plant his lips on the horse’s nose, at which point she’d have to run out the stable to puke. Either sensing her reluctance or plans to flee, he refrained but kept prodding at her.

  “Ain’t never tossed a rider, have ya Coppy?” He scratched his nails along the horse’s back, which drew Hayley’s eyes to it. When the skin twitched and seized as if parts of it were struck by lightning, she gulped and buried her face in her hands.

  “Whatcha got against horses, anyway?”

  “Nothing!” Hayley spat out quick. “Just…not a fan of being kicked to death, or stomped on, or…” She shouldn’t have thought of it — hooves of iron smashing down hard right beside her tiny head. Shaking away the bad, Hayley dropped her shoulders, took a deep breath, and stared Finn straight in the eye. “No.”

  “Ya know,” he sighed, “you’re gonna have to ride ‘em.” His face wore a patronizing, smarmy grin. She wanted to rip it off and stuff it back down his throat. “Knights tend to go around knighting all over the place. And if you do any more running around behind, your feet’ll fall off.”

  He jabbed his finger towards her boots causing Hayley to glance down with him. Foolish. She knew her feet were right where she left them, about to take her far, far away from the horses. “I know that,” Hayley spat at him, “and I’m working on it.”

  “By trembling in the corner?” Finn said, his jerk face screaming for a punch.

  She didn’t have an answer because her real plan was to g
et the hell out of there before she had to figure it out. Avoiding horses was easy when you lived in the sewers. Hayley never planned for one day being expected to touch one, much less ride it. Just wait it out a bit longer and she’d be free. Not that she could tell Finn about any of that.

  “Look,” he sighed, “how’s about I hop on up here,” his head jerked towards the horse as if Hayley might have assumed he would ride around on a trough or something, “and show you how not scary it is?”

  Flies swarmed through the air, randomly landing upon the red-blonde hide of the horse. Sometimes its tail would brush up, like a flogger coming to rest after it was finished. Other times that unholy skin would twitch. Hayley was too focused on that to answer Finn.

  Rolling his eyes, he launched one bandy leg into the stirrup and rose onto the horse. In the barn, there was such low clearance, Finn had to bend a bit to keep his head from striking near the top beam. “See,” he said, “nothing much to it. An ol’ Cop here…” Finn rustled through the mane, shaking the black hair back and forth as the horse bent down to nudge up the ground for food, “will happily stand for days.”

  “So,” Hayley gripped tighter to her chest, “ride the horse around. To, to show me how it’s done.” She had on the tiniest fake smile, hoping the second Finn and the horse had their asses turned she could bolt.

  Finn jammed his tongue so far in his cheek it bulged like a tumor as he nodded his head. “Kay, I can do that.” Thank god. He picked up the reins in one hand and moved to tuck his knees in when he suddenly turned to look right at Hayley’s chest. The move was so brazen her cheeks burned like red fire.

  “Hayseed!” he shouted, “Look out, there’s a spider on ya!”

  “What?” she whipped down to follow his gaze, her hands falling out of their grip to tug down her tunic. She couldn’t see any spindly legs crawling about. “Where?”

  Suddenly a hand lashed around the back of her waist. Before she could understand what was happening, Hayley was lifted up into the air. The fingers bit into her ribs, causing her to dig her heel into the back of his in the stirrup to try and escape the pain. Shit shit shit! Her other knee nearly came in contact with the horse’s hide. Hayley froze, trying to hold her thigh up while her right leg extended backwards. She should fall to the ground, but the bastard had a tight grip.

  “I’d sit down if I were you,” Finn said.

  “Why?” she snarled, prepared to remain like that all day until he let her go.

  Chuckling, the asshole tugged back on the reins, gave a click of his tongue, and the horse bolted out of the barn. Hayley’s leg slammed down on the other side, her ass bounding into the spine below her. Jagged vertebra jammed up into her tailbone, Hayley bobbing and weaving from a thousand pounds of muscle and bone shifting under her.

  “Grab on,” Finn ordered, his hand snaking around to snatch onto hers. She wanted to rip his fingers off, but he placed her palm against his stomach. Suddenly, the horse lurched upward, causing Hayley’s ass to go flying through thin air. Shrieking, she wrapped both her arms tight to Finn’s chest and slammed her face into his upper back.

  Continuous curses erupted from her lips while that traitor chuckled. The ground below her pitched and rolled, her teeth knocking about along with her brains. She couldn’t see the scenery, her eyes slammed tight in terror, but the wind whipped past her cheeks as if a storm was about to start.

  “I hate you!” she cried, tears streaming off her cheeks and flying into the wind.

  Finn either didn’t hear her or didn’t care, his legs shifting and arm pulling the horse to the right. Not expecting it, Hayley’s hands both slipped lower, a palm slamming down on his thigh so she didn’t wind up as meaty gravel churned apart from the hooves. Under her fingers, the muscle of his leg tightened and rolled, tempting her to reach to follow.

  “Ah!” Hayley shouted, another small leap of the horse sending her skittering back to the safety of his stomach. Not that it was very safe. If she let go for a second, her body would be whipped away on the rampaging winds. Hurled to the rock-strewn ground below, she’d be shattered, bones prodding out of broken flesh. She’d be nothing more than a pile of goo.

  That thought, and also the urge to pummel Finn with everything inside of her, kept churning through her mind. She didn’t look up, didn’t look to the sides. It didn’t matter that Hayley had no idea where he was taking her, there was no way she’d survive the trip.

  “Look,” his voice cut over the horse’s nose spitting out air and the rhythmic pounding of hooves on hard dirt. She shook her head against his shoulders, locking her arms tighter and tugging Finn back into her. A hand scooped back along her elbow but there was no way he could reach her face.

  “Really,” he assured. She felt the hand fall off her and jab towards something as he continued, “it’ll be okay.”

  Risking everything, Hayley opened her eyes a sliver. At first, she could only see the vomit-brown tunic strapped to Finn’s back, but with a steadying breath she glanced towards the side. The land was open skies, forests cleared to the edges for fields which held bean plants bathing in the sunlight. Flying beside them through the vast blue, as if keeping pace, was a hawk. Its silhouette tipped and weaved through the clouds, a cry ripping out of its throat when it dove towards food.

  Hayley turned her head to spy the bird of prey taking flight, the raptor rising from the green foliage with something clutched tight in its talons. She watched until she couldn’t, the tans of the bird fading to a soft black, then little more than a line over the horizon as it returned to its nest. Perhaps there were chicks that needed feeding, or it wanted a meal on its own.

  “I wish I could do that,” Finn mused, his voice loud to compensate for the beat of hooves.

  “What? Eat a rat?”

  He snickered, “Fly. Soar through the clouds staring down at everything in my path, not caring a whit what toils below. Just moving, never stopping for nothing unless it catches my eye.”

  Hayley raised higher off her haunches, her hand digging into Finn’s spine so she could try and catch the final glimpse of the hawk. “Me too,” she admitted.

  “Hey, Hayseed,” Finn shouted, pulling her away from the still pond sky above.

  “What?” she frowned.

  It took a moment before he answered, his head bobbing to try and look over his shoulder at her. With a great grin, he announced, “You’re on a horse.”

  “Shit!” she shouted, her body locking tight as her senses pummeled into her brain — the stench of horse sweat, the sound of iron shoes digging up dirt, the throbbing of her ass as it bounced against the monster’s. Finn’s only response was to laugh as Hayley once again buried her face deep into his back.

  She didn’t come out until he tugged on the reins, cried “Whoa” a few times, told her it was over, insisted it was safe, and finally yanked apart her clinging hands. Hayley looked towards the ground, safe friendly ground, jammed both her palms onto the horse’s spine and flung herself backwards off the thing. Her legs screamed at the move, the thighs in particular in agony after she’d clung tooth and nail to keep from falling off. Hayley nearly plummeted right to her ass, but by some stubborn miracle she remained upright if not hobbling.

  Finn took his time spinning in the saddle to look at her. “That’s one way to do it,” he clucked while easily swinging his long gait over the side and dismounting. The horse stood still until her passengers were off, then she shifted on her hooves, causing Hayley to skitter away. Finn glanced over at the girl in confusion but beamed the rest of his attention upon the horse.

  “Great job, Cop,” he cooed while scratching up and down her nose. Finn turned to his hostage, “You should thank her for giving you a ride.”

  “I didn’t ask for it!” Hayley hissed, her arms crossed tight to her chest. She gave a quick once over of their stopping point and, to her surprise, spotted a road barely a yard away. For how hard her ass had been bouncing she assumed he took her straight into the thickets. The little copse wasn’
t much, trees pressing near but not quite on them.

  “Neither did she,” he continued, acting as if it was a whim of God that plopped Hayley on the horse instead of him. Ass. “Come on, just a quick scratch of the nose. She won’t bite.” Finn reached for Hayley’s hand, which was cupped over her chest.

  His fingers froze an inch away from scooping right against her breast. For a beat, he lapped his tongue along his lips then beamed his eyes right into Hayley’s. He looked like he was pleading with her to pet the stupid horse. Groaning, she lashed her hand out to land into his.

  “Fine,” she spat while letting Finn drag her closer. With the palm of his hand pressed to the back of hers, he encouraged her to rustle through the bristly hairs of the horse. She cringed at the first touch, “Feels like a boar hair brush.”

  The boy sighed, “You’re barely touching her. Come on, try.”

  Rolling her eyes, Hayley scratched her nails up and down the long stripe on the horse’s nose. She kept her hands in place while Copper moved to find the right spot. As the snout twisted to the right, Hayley found herself staring eye to eye with the horse while her hand was willingly clawing away at an itch along the jaw.

  As the thought struck her, her heart thundered in her chest. Horse. You’re touching a horse. Why are you touching a horse?!

  “See,” Finn smiled, the boy patting into her side, “you’re best friends now.”

  Hayley’s hand plummeted, but she didn’t step away as Finn fished out some carrots from his pocket. That instantly pulled Copper’s attention, her upper lip already tugging on his collar and slicking down the arm for the treat. “Oi, ya big baby. Wait a second,” he shouted as if trying to restrain a lap dog. Rolling his hand flat, he let the horse snatch two carrots off his palm.

  “You want to give it a try?” he asked his hostage and Hayley threw up her hands, shaking her head. “Okay, but she’s real gentle, and her tongue tickles!” Finn cried as the horse began to nuzzle towards the pocket full of carrots, her inquisitive lip trying to excise more.