Squire Hayseed

by S E Zbasnik

  “That usually works fine.”

  “Or tell Finn to stuff a pinecone where the sun don’t shine,” Hayley muttered to herself, her arms crossing tight.

  At that Ania brayed. “We have one for that. Sort of. Have to think how to incorporate a pinecone.” She cupped her fingers together like she was holding an egg and made a shoving motion but then shook her head as if it was all silly. The two girls put their heads together, trying to find an easy way to mimic a pinecone.

  They eventually moved on to the basics, Ania having to calm some of Hayley’s more acrobatic movements. Neither noticed a change until a dark shadow fell on them. Hayley whipped her head to find its source and the blood drained clean from her cheeks.

  Two Knight-Captains stood in the burning light of the sun, their arms crossed. While her knight looked exhausted and sweaty, his back was straight and chin high. Gavin wasn’t really Hayley’s concern, it was Erin that drew all her attention. The woman was poised and collected, her brown skin cleaned of any sweat and dirt as if she appeared at the estate on the back of a cottony cloud.

  “Squire,” Erin said in her clipped tone.

  Uncertain what to do, Hayley twisted on her shoes to eye up the woman, but for a brief second, she let them wander to Gavin. He was trying very subtly to tell her to salute. Locking her fist tight, Hayley placed it to her chest and bowed. “Ser?”

  “The knight-captain,” Gavin said, easing closer, “is here to evaluate your progress.”

  Thank god her head was hung low so neither of the knights watched Hayley’s eyes try to bug out of her skull. Evaluate her? She hadn’t learned a damn thing! “But I was…I mean, we were called away. And, and had to…” Hayley stuttered, her tongue tripping through excuses. Judging by the cold eye off the knight-captain none of them would fly.

  It was Gavin who held up a hand and in his breathy voice said, “It’ll be alright. She is aware of the limited amount of time to pass.” His tone was so soft, Hayley’s nerves soothed, but she wondered if Ania could hear any of it. The girl remained close, her back also straight while she stared openly at Erin.

  “What…what am I to do?” Hayley tried to run through what few knight and squire things she was capable of. If it was feeding geese, then… She thought back to the day when one of the bastards ripped into the bottom of the bag causing grain and millet to flood the dirt.

  Screwed. She was completely and utterly screwed.

  “You will demonstrate for me your combat skills, Squire,” Knight-Captain Erin said, her tone as impassive as a brick wall.

  “A…” Hayley’s eyes darted around from her knight back to the lead one, “against you?”

  “No, that would be unfair,” Erin chuckled and for a moment Hayley felt better. Maybe she wasn’t being set up to fail. Maybe this was normal. Though, judging by how Gavin looked to be on pins and needles she wasn’t so sure. “Your knight can handle it,” the woman said, dooming Hayley instantly.

  There was no way she could win against him, there was no way she could even get a strike on him. They hadn’t sparred against each other since that first day.

  Gavin sputtered in support, “Perhaps there is another who would suffice. That stableboy could provide a challenge…”

  Hayley flinched at the idea of Finn, with his massive glistening forehead, and laughing eyes staring at her failures. Watching her body as she tried to…to do that attack stuff.

  “I’ll do it!” Ania shouted, causing both Gavin and Erin to hone in on the girl. Her hand was high in the air, the fingertips vibrating in excitement. “I…” she blushed right up against the white mark on her cheek, “I mean, I could provide an opponent if you’d wish.”

  Erin shrugged, her bottom lip flexing through the idea. “Very well. Finish your duties then meet in the courtyard.” With that final order, the knight-captain spun on her heel, Gavin trailing close behind.

  Well, that was a good bit of luck. Hayley smiled to herself, certain she could win this. Then her eyes drifted over to find Ania waving her hand through the air as if she held a sword in it. Her arms were certain, her form steady, and the blow looked as if it could cleave a head straight off the neck.

  Hayley was screwed.

  The two girls scurried into the cordoned off courtyard. Either Gavin or Erin took the time to line bales of straw along the area. Hayley’s eyes drifted towards the knight-captain with her arms crossed over her chest. No chance she dragged the bales around. Maybe Gavin made Finn do it. That’d have been funny to watch. And—

  Her head whipped up, Hayley glaring around the area. Most everyone was busy in the orchard, even Lady Bernadine was parked under the trees enjoying the fine day. No chance of Finn lolling about to watch her make a complete ass out of herself. Thank god for small blessings.

  “Squire,” Gavin’s voice thundered. He looked like someone jammed a flagpole down his shirt and trousers, his head tossed so high it was a wonder he could even see Hayley. She paused in her not much of anything stance and scampered over to him. Ania followed, though she seemed more steady and certain.

  “Select your weapon,” he said, extending his hand to the practice swords and staves lying around. Ania’s fingers drifted to the grip of a longsword while Hayley stared in confusion. She was terrible with all of them. Anyone with sense would know that, yet…

  “I’d take the sword,” her knight whispered to her.

  She stared hard into his eyes, trying to see if he was attempting to rescue or damn her. Was he not expecting this little trial? Or was he not allowed to warn her? Either way, it seemed unfair. Trying to swallow the scowl, Hayley tugged up the dented and dull sword. Everything in her life was unfair.

  Her blade thudded through the air, barely capable of cutting through a spiderweb. Ania’s fingers drifted from the swords to…the damn spear. Of course, she’d pick that. Why not?

  Hayley must have radiated displeasure because Ania’s discerning eyes darted over to size her up. Her palm remained in place just above the spear as if wondering if that was all right. Lapping her tongue over her teeth, Hayley nodded her head and began to stomp off towards the middle of their makeshift arena.

  Before Ania slipped off to join, Gavin said to her, “Hold nothing back.”

  So it was the damning. Hayley whipped her sword a few more times, trying to find the grip. Two fingers, not like strangling a goose. Though, god, she’d love to put a few of them out of their ass-pecking misery. She was so deep into beating up the air, Hayley was startled out of her shoes when the tip of Ania’s spear clanged into her blade.

  The girl smiled with a strain, her shoulders trying to shrug it all away. Hayley’s foolish head bobbed to a silent beat that she was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine.

  “Squire!” Knight-Captain Erin shouted, causing first Hayley then Ania to turn to her. “Show what you’ve learned.”

  Rolling her eyes, Hayley moved to step back to her area of the ring. But before she did, she curled her palm to form the pinecone and jammed it upwards — all while jerking her head towards Erin. Ania’s eyes sparkled as she laughed silently to herself, the girl not twisting her stick the way Gavin did.

  She didn’t lay it over her shoulders, nor comport her body so the legs were spread. With both hands on the far end of the staff, Ania held it high as if she intended to whack Hayley’s brains out or clobber a fox thieving chickens. Well, she couldn’t be as bad as Larissa.

  That was the only thought keeping Hayley from leaping over the straw, running into the fields, and never looking back. No doubt the knight-captain was thinking the same thought, her shrewd eyes trailing Hayley’s every move. Taking one last steadying breath, she slotted the sword safe in her grip and turned to face Ania.

  Silence fell between the two girls, both holding their weapons at the ready. When a slip of straw drifted on the breeze between them, Hayley said at Ania but to Erin, “Is there a…a countdown, or do we say something to start?”

  “Just bloody begin,” the knight-captain sighed,
showing her strain with the whole thing.

  Shrugging, Hayley mouthed to Ania, “Go on.”

  Nodding her head, Ania took one hard step towards Hayley, her arms twisting fast in the wind. Which way was it coming? Up? Down? All the weight was in her knees!

  Hayley lashed her sword up high, the blade banging into wood as she shielded her head. It skittered Ania’s staff back, but Hayley knew better than to let her guard down. She slammed her sword in tight, but Ania was trying to shake off the rattle down her arms from the first blow.

  The girl’s head turned from Hayley — the one holding the sword, to Gavin — the one holding everything else. Hayley wanted to look too, but she knew the second she took her eyes off Ania something bad would happen. Erin would scream her stupid for failing to pay attention to her enemy. Or Gavin would grumble. Or Ania would come out with two bow staffs both weaving for Hayley’s head. Vigilant. Always vigilant.

  Ania’s arms bulged, her knuckles whitening from her tightened grip. She took a step forward with her right foot, and that was from where the staff came — the right. Twisting fast, Hayley swiped the sword across her body, quickly shaking the attack off, but Ania wasn’t finished. Another blow came for Hayley’s left.

  Shit! She twisted on her feet, her elbow suckering in tight to try and knock the staff away. It struck her blade’s edge hard, the grip of the sword ripping apart her palm’s pads. She hissed from the burn but didn’t dare check to see if it was injured. Ania moved to whack her staff into Hayley’s side.

  The last move was a total disaster, nearly wrenching the sword from her hand, her teeth and body still rattled. What else should she do? It was coming fast, ready to pound her ribs to dust. A thought struck Hayley just as she moved to make it happen. Stretching her arm farther, she lashed her sword nearly straight out. The edge met with the staff, but rather than put all her muscle into tossing the attack away, Hayley spun in place. She twisted the staff along with her sword and, using her free hand, grabbed onto the damn stick.

  Before Ania could course correct, Hayley hurled it to the ground. Her foot slammed tight to the fallen end of the staff, effectively trapping it. Hurling the sword to her left hand, Hayley twisted over her shoulder and aimed the blade nearish to Ania’s chest. The girl’s hands were both still locked around the staff, though she was bent over and struggling to raise it out from under all of Hayley.

  Slowly, Ania raised her head. With exaggerated movements, she opened her hands to allow the staff to fall fully to the ground. Holy shit. Did…did Hayley just win?

  The slow sounds of hands brought together caused both squire and knights to whip over towards a stand of red hair and giant forehead. At the knights’ glowers, Finn managed another quick applause and moved to leap out of the way fast. Before he vanished, he caught Hayley’s eye and gave an ornery wink and smile.

  Pinecone, for sure.

  “Not bad, Squire,” Knight-Captain Erin said. Not bad? She damn well won. Not even a scratch on her too.

  With her chest stuck out, Hayley turned to Gavin. His face was impassive, a hand curled up in the scruff along his chin, but at his squire’s stare, he bowed his head slightly. Had she surprised him too?

  Shit, she surprised herself. She’d been so damn certain she’d wind up sprawled all over the mud and now…

  “But defensive maneuvers are not all there is,” Erin droned on. “Show me what you are capable of in the offensive.”

  Crap. Hayley’s head hung heavy, her eyes skirting from under the brim of her hat right to Gavin. He too looked perturbed because they never touched on any of that. All of his techniques were on Hayley doing her best to survive. Attacking someone was…

  She swallowed hard, watching Ania yank up her staff. Something changed in her too, the staff now sliding right across her front. She held her arms extended slightly, elbows bent. The blood drained from Hayley’s face. She’d never seen that formation before. Never fought it.

  “Well…Squire?” the knight-captain prompted.

  Slamming her eyes shut, Hayley made the smallest of prayers to whichever saint took pity on scraggly girls that wanted to be squires. With the sword wrenched back and over her shoulders, Hayley gave a great scream. She’d watched others do it in both arenas and when they were wasting time before that non-battlefield. Perhaps it helped.

  Ania noticed that Hayley’s mouth was open, but seemed staid in the face of her war shout. Probably couldn’t even hear it. Lashing out fast, Hayley bashed her sword for Ania’s shoulder. She didn’t want to hit her hard, but the knights were watching. Going easy wasn’t an option, apparently.

  Just before the dull edge had a chance to ruffle Ania’s apron, the staff whipped up and knocked her blade away. Hayley tried for the head, a fairly large target, but Ania clearly expected that too. Her strikes were lightning fast slapping away every single attempt by the squire. Hayley’s arm was starting to wane, her sword nearly wrenched from her hands by the last blow.

  Ania, meanwhile, looked like she just swatted away an obstinate fly. Her staff returned to its starting point, the one it barely seemed to move out of to block Hayley. What in the hell could she do? The sides didn’t work, the head didn’t work.

  The feet? Hayley tried something she’d only heard about, her hand moving high for a feint. When Ania shifted the staff up, prepared to defend her head, Hayley switched and drove at her knees. It wasn’t fair, probably, but it might get this over with.

  Her sword’s point skimmed along Ania’s skirt, the brown ruffles puckering in, when a flash of oak smashed so hard into Hayley’s hand her blade flew through the air. Ania twirled her staff around, easily shaking off the attack on her knees. Hayley moved to skitter back and reach for the sword prostrated in the mud when a good ten pounds of staff with all the muscles in Ania’s upper body smashed right into her gut.

  Gasping in a breath, Hayley crumpled to her knees. Her hand reached to shield her stomach, pain erupting from the jab when she felt the staff breeze right to her cheek. Eyes squeezed tight, Hayley waited for the bolt to bash into her jaw, but it never came. After a breath, she looked up to find Ania with the staff yanked away, and a hand dangling down to help.

  Happy to accept it, and not a broken tooth, Hayley staggered to her feet. She pawed at the grass and straw dug into her hose, trying to clean herself up as best she could.

  “Did I hurt you?” Ania asked, her usually flat tone rising sharp.

  “Nah.” Hayley shook her head wide when a tremor of pain flared up from her lower gut. She instinctively gripped onto it, her eyes shut as she spat out, “Maybe a little.”

  “Sorry,” the girl said and she pressed Hayley’s dropped sword into her fingers.

  Shit. She wasn’t supposed to drop that. She wasn’t supposed to wind up helpless on her knees. And she really wasn’t supposed to take a staff check to the gut. All around total failure. Kick her out now. Only answer.

  Even with those dour thoughts banging on her skull, Hayley turned to take the punishment she knew was coming. Knight-Captain Erin had a finger pressed to her lip, each tap of it dragging the red-pink insides further out over the brown.

  “Well…” Hayley prompted. If she was going to be kicked back to the gutters she’d rather it be done now instead of facing another beating from Ania.

  Erin turned to Gavin and said, “You have taught her some. Though…” Now the calculating stare turned right to the vagabond in their midst. “She will require much more work.”

  “I am aware,” Gavin said.

  “The tourney is…” Erin began, but Gavin cut her off quickly.

  “My greater concern is keeping her alive. A tourney is…of lesser consequence.”

  That seemed to shock Erin, her entire upper half pivoting to the taller knight as she sputtered. “You know that your squire’s performance will reflect upon yours.”

  It would? Hayley scrunched her nose up at that. That didn’t seem fair. Granted, she didn’t really know what this grand tourney was, nor did she much car
e. She’d be long gone by the time it rolled around, which meant her performance didn’t really matter.

  Gavin, smiling broadly, nodded his head, “I am aware.” After casting the smile fully on Hayley, who felt a flush burn in her body, he turned to Erin, “If you are finished with your assessment, there are some missives I need to discuss with you.”

  The knight-captain’s eyes drifted towards Hayley, but she didn’t drag her out by the scruff of her neck. “Very well,” the woman in charge of all the squires acquiesced. She seemed to have an “It’s your rope; if you wish to hang yourself with it who am I to stop you?” mentality.

  Extending his hand towards their little house, Gavin moved to guide Erin to whatever else he needed. But before stepping away he turned to Hayley and whispered, “You did well.”

  A moronic grin stretched across her cheeks, Hayley trying to tamp it down even as her knight vanished from view. An odd feeling rose up from her gut, making her feel warmer inside than she thought possible. Clanging drew her attention to where Ania was putting back her staff.

  “How are you so good at all that?” Hayley asked, her fingers still clinging to the sword.

  “Good at what?”

  “The staff swipes and jabs?” Her hand caressed her tender, still complaining gut. “Especially the jabs.”

  “I…” Ania’s cheeks burned bright, “I like to be prepared, is all.”

  She was hiding something. Ania’s eyes darted around, for once refusing to lock on Hayley’s face. But Hayley was hiding even more, so…what did she care? With a great shrug, Hayley placed her sword onto the pile of equipment.

  Ania eyed it up a moment, then asked, “Are you supposed to put this away?”

  Ah shit, was she? Hayley was about to ask when her guts groaned. “I have to go and, uh, take a water leak.” She jabbed towards the privacy bushes for pissing in and leapt towards the ones behind the house.