by S E Zbasnik
A cruel snort shot out of her nose, the tears born of the liquid ice from the final circle of hell. Her soul sat right next to the Devil’s bosom in an eternal lake of ice. Where the betrayers went.
“Who do you think sold me to them?” Hayley said with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Mary’s Blood,” Finn cursed, his face whiter than snow.
They didn’t want her because she was awful. A terrible burden on them, never happy or smiles like the other children. She’d spill things, break rules, turn any and everyone away just by existing. By being wrong. It was no wonder she went up to the market stage before she lost a baby tooth.
“Hay…” Finn whispered, his palm skirting over her shoulder.
She couldn’t turn to face him, to see the same tortured look on his face that everyone else wore when near her. “I’m not good,” Hayley spat out, her cheeks burning from the tracts of salt.
“That ain’t true,” Finn insisted, and she whipped her head to him.
“I steal, I lie, I take what I can and run. Nothing in that makes me good. Nothing in that makes me…” Worth keeping around. Worth casting a second glance at. She’d had dogs sent after her, fetid water dumped on her, been attacked by everything a person could throw from stones to a shoe. Her whole life was one eternal constant — the only person she could count on was herself. The only person who put up with her was herself, and even that was hard some days.
One day Gavin would finally wake to realize the truth. Larissa and all the rest would be proven right, that he made a mistake. Saving face by gritting his teeth and suffering under the yoke of a shit squire would prove to be too much. Didn’t matter if she became the best squire in the history of forever. No one liked Hayley.
No one chose Hayley.
No one cared.
The hand around her shoulder spun Hayley in place. She couldn’t lift her cried-out eyes, exhaustion weighing her head down deep to her chest. But Finn didn’t shout at her, didn’t make some jab at how she was blubbering over stupid shit in the past. He took that second arm of his and wrapped her deep into a hug. Hayley’s face splattered into his reedy chest, her arms dangling down to her thighs, but he didn’t let go.
If anything, he dug in tighter, scooping his chin over the top of her head as he hung on. Her first hug since…since she could remember. Arms enveloping her safe as if she could be something as if she could ever matter.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Finn said in a voice clean of his sarcastic dirt and debris. The hands around her back rubbed circles as he brushed his cheek over her hat. “I’m glad Gravy picked you out of the other options.”
Stupid. Finn didn’t even know them. He could have had a horse partner with Marco, or traded quick-witted barbs with Abed, or…fallen madly in love with Larissa. Something stronger than anger flared through Hayley; a more intoxicating emotion took hold as she pictured Finn stumbling for words while he locked eyes with the pretty redhead. He’d never call her anything but Lady. No stupid nicknames, no threatening her with a horse ride she didn’t want.
He’d probably bring a girl like that flowers and cakes. For Hayley, it was cutting jokes, and cruel pranks, and…holding her tight while she bawled her eyes out.
Hayley’s arms lifted from their paralysis, both sliding along Finn’s back. The body under the coat was warm and firm, her fingers digging into the spare ounce of muscle along his shoulders. She nuzzled deeper into the embrace, drawn to the warmth of his heart that melted away the cold inside her chest.
“Finn…?” she whispered, her chin planting to his sternum as she craned her head back to look at him.
He was the purest boy she’d ever seen, all of those frills and facades stripped right off him. Those crystal clean eyes were what turned from staring at the horizon to look right into hers. Bunching her lips together as tight as possible, Hayley raised up on her toes and pressed them to Finn’s mouth.
It felt like she was kissing a slab of liver, all dead and dry. Hayley was about to slink away in confusion when Finn locked his arms tighter to her back. The lips under hers molded, forming an embracing heat around hers. When Finn kissed back, a spark shot down Hayley’s spine. She pulsed her fingers into his flesh, lost in the thrum of energy zapping over her body.
Finn was the first to pull away, Hayley’s lips still pursed as if she didn’t want it to end.
Oh god, she kissed a boy. Willingly planted her lips on him without him saying a word. That was stage one of winding up with child. What happened next? What was she supposed to do? Was he going to get mad that she did that?
Hate her forever?
His soft lips that tasted like a meadow lifted in a smile, “Here I thought the fat forehead put you off.”
“It…” A blush burned up Hayley’s cheeks, the girl crumpling tighter into the neck of her tunic. It felt crusty from the salt of all her tears. “I got used to it.”
Finn snickered to himself, his head tipping to the side. “Good,” he whispered before diving back to her lips for a second kiss. This time they were both ready.
By the time Hayley and Finn returned to the estate, with him up in the saddle and her stumbling close to the side, the place was in an uproar. It wasn’t Gavin who met them, but Ania. Her kerchief was nearly torn off in the run as the girl bounded around a mass of hunters piled together beside the well. Their great war horses were dunking their faces into a trough, guzzling up all the water meant for Copper and the rest. Hayley barely glanced their way, terrified that with one look they’d suss out her secret.
“What’s going on?” Finn shouted. His hands tried to signal to the girl but that caused him to tug on poor Cop’s bridle. The horse whinnied in annoyance at the confusing commands while Hayley reached out to grab onto Ania’s arms.
The girl looked panic-stricken, her eyes nearly engulfing her face as she stared at nothing. Hayley tried to twist herself higher so Ania would look at her, but she was truly spooked.
“Hey,” Finn reached over the saddle and, without any by your leave, flicked into the back of her ear.
Both Hayley and Ania frowned up at him, but the boy shrugged it off, “What the bloody nails of Christ happened?”
Ania shivered at the curse but took in a deep breath. She smiled painfully at Hayley who released her grip. “The hunters…” Ania began when Finn interrupted.
“Are all lounging about as if they own the place.”
Why was he being such an ass again? Hayley wanted to knock him off the horse so he’d stop acting like he didn’t care. He sure as shit cared out in the grove.
“They found him,” Ania gasped, “the slave they were searching for.”
Oh god. Hayley scrunched her eyes up tight, her heart bounding a threatening flush across every inch of her body. It drummed fear through her stronger than any she felt while standing before the castle in the middle of the night staring at a flagpole. That was a danger she could only guess at, this was a nightmare that haunted her every step.
To her shock, Finn’s ear-flicking hand soothed against the back of her neck. It wasn’t more than a moment, but it caused her to look at him and find comfort. Sucking in a breath, Hayley asked, “Where is he?”
“Who?” Ania was chewing on her fingernails.
“Who?” Finn repeated. “The bloody slave, of course. No, I want you to find Saint Stephen for me.”
It wasn’t the sarcasm that caused Ania to full body flinch but his use of the word bloody. With trembling hand, she pointed towards what Hayley thought was a sack of fertilizer stretched out on the dirt. “His body’s there, and it’s…”
“Body?” Finn asked first, trying to rise up in the saddle to see what Hayley realized was mud clinging to the tattered flesh of a corpse. Through grass seedlings sprouting from the head, she caught a flash of white. Bone white. Shit.
That’s the skull. The skin was ripped from it when they dragged him here.
Finn fell down hard into his seat as he whispered towards Ania, “Did they kill him? Are they killing peopl
e?”
The girl had scrunched her face up, not catching what Finn asked so Hayley repeated his question. “No,” she shook her head fast, “they found him at the bottom of a cliff. Think he fell, but…that body is…” Ania shrieked, her hands covering her face. “It has no eyes,” she whispered, her shoulders shaking in terror.
Hayley glanced over to the boy in the saddle, but he was glaring at the mound of hunters. While she tried to console Ania, Finn sneered, “We sure they didn’t just push him?”
“No,” Hayley shook her head, “their bounty’d be next to nothing. They get more if they come in alive.” Each bruise and cut were tallied, deductions taken off the final purse for spoiling someone else’s property.
“Gods and bobbins,” Ania kept crying, taking this really hard. Had she never seen death before? Or… Hayley drew her hand up to Ania’s wrist and cupped the palm right over the inside. The tears halted as the girl looked at her shielding that most sensitive part. How one stupid choice could render you to little more than livestock in the eyes of the law. Hayley had no idea what she was doing or why, but she cupped her hand fully around Ania’s wrist and made a mental promise.
“I should,” Ania drew back, smoothing out her skirt and adjusting the wrenched open hair scarf, “I should attend to my duties. At least…” Her wan face turned to the men sharing a drink beside the body, some of them hurling their backwash onto the corpse. “They’ll be gone soon.”
They’d never be gone. They may not be physically present, but they were always here. Always watching. Always waiting to take their pound of flesh. After getting herself presentable, Ania stepped cautiously into the courtyard. She gave a wide berth to the cluster of men quickly succumbing to drink, her steps leading her near Gavin who was just outside the little house watching. At least he could protect her should things get really out of hand.
“All of that, days riding up and down the hills,” Finn scoffed, “and their prize just goes and falls off a cliff.”
“He didn’t fall,” Hayley stated, her fingers locked around her own wrist. She wrung it tight, remembering the bite of iron when she wasn’t even ten years old. “He jumped.”
“How’s that?” Finn stuttered, his tongue clicking to guide Copper forward. “How do you know?”
Her eyes burned into his as Hayley repeated, “He didn’t fall.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Higher, please.”
Hayley gritted her teeth, uncertain if it was the disinterest in her knight’s voice or the fact he wouldn’t give her a damn inch for managing over twenty of them up the rope. Granted, her body was trapped in the middle of the climb, the beam looking as far away as the ground while she clung helplessly to the swinging middle.
“Gah,” Hayley grunted reaching far into the sky with her right hand. Just as she was about to clamp down, the left slipped free. Rope burns dug deep into the protective calluses, slicing most of them off and Hayley hissed in pain. But she didn’t let go. For starters, it’d be giving up. It’d also hurt a lot, the ground bone dry after two weeks of no rain.
She might even take some snow at this point, though it’d look out of place in the balmy breeze from out of the south.
“Squire…” Gavin locked his arms in a cross, his head lifting. “Have you even been practicing?”
“Yes,” she spat out, her body clinging to the dangling rope, “Sort of. Sometimes.”
His amber eyes rolled sky-high as he sighed. “If you only practice sometimes, you shall only be somewhat good.”
Blah blah blah. He may be some angel-demon on the battlefield, but his motivational speeches were like a wine-soaked aunt prattling on to her army of cats. Hayley gritted her teeth and moved to reach higher again when a voice appeared as if from thin air.
“So this is what draws your attention on a bright spring day?”
Hayley could only watch from the side of her eye as Gavin leapt clean out of his boots. A massive blush rose on his cheeks as he turned to find the mysterious new woman’s voice. “My…my Lady,” was all he could gasp, openly staring at her.
Okay, Hayley had to see who it was, though she had a guess forming in the back of her brain. Still clinging to the rope, she wiggled her hips back and forth to try and encourage the knotting spiral. Twisting in place, she watched as a woman with golden blonde hair, a peachy complexion, and soul striking green eyes stood rather close to her knight.
It was the mystery woman from before, the one Gavin had been…
“Oh shit!” Hayley’s palms, suddenly dewy from her salivating embarrassment, released off the rope. She moved fast, leaping back and tucking her knees up. That helped to reduce the shockwave when the ground rattled clean up her bones and into her brain. Praying she didn’t fall flat on her ass in front of the mystery woman, Hayley waved her arms and mercifully stuck the landing. With a laugh at her maneuver, she stood up triumphantly to stare into her knight’s weary eyes.
“I see you have perfected falling from the rope, climbing it, however…” he began, when the mystery lady laughed.
“Talk a good game, but how long was it until you could climb such a thing?”
“It…” There was that strange magic again. Anyone else and Gavin was a statue, be it flirting, prodding, or general noble cruelty. Nothing could get to him, but one line from her and his stoic facade washed clean away. “I was only, there are reasons for…”
He gulped and started again. “What brings you to the estate? There was no mention of…a visit from the merchant.”
The mystery blonde shrugged, the tie at the bottom of her full hair tumbling off her shoulder. “I have numerous dealings with the nobles in the area, and our dear Duchess requested her items be hand delivered.”
“You’ve been traveling the roads?” Gavin’s needless blushing faded and he seemed to gulp from the bottom of his gut. “It can be dangerous out there. Bandits and wolves.”
“And bears, and brigands, and fairies come to steal away children. I have been at this for a few years,” she laughed at him before turning to Hayley. “Is he always this way?”
Hayley’s head shook no hard, which caused Gavin to flinch. The amber glare burned near Hayley but not directly at her, so maybe she was only in kind-of trouble. Pretend he and the blonde woman didn’t…weren’t, uh…practicing together?
“How long are you at the estate?” Gavin asked directly at the woman. He sounded slightly cross, but his eyes caressed over her face as if memorizing each pore.
Her smile could blind birds in the sky. “A few days, Lady Bernadine was insistent that I take my time and not rush it. What with there being bandit wolves and all.”
Incrementally, the two slid closer and closer, neither touching but the heat snapping off them was so intense Hayley had to wander back lest she be caught in the crossfire. Her gut still boiled sometimes if she thought of the thing she shouldn’t have seen. It wasn’t right, but it wouldn’t leave her brain either.
“Do you have much yet to attend to, Ser Knight?” the woman asked as if she were wondering about the fall of rain for the week.
“I…” Gavin’s eyes for a breath darted over to the squire he was supposed to be yelling at until she got up the rope. Then they went right back to where they seemed to belong, drowning in the woman’s greens. “I intended to drill for the afternoon.”
“That must be exhausting,” her voice grew breathier, the edges crackling as it dipped deeper.
“Depends on how long I do it,” Gavin whispered, his face drifting ever closer to the woman. It nearly hid under the wide brim of her hat. Yup, he fully forgot Hayley was there. Maybe if she didn’t make a peep he wouldn’t notice she had no idea how to get out of this.
“Man of your stature,” the woman’s eyes boldly took in the cut of Gavin’s muscles, “must last for quite some time.”
“I hope so,” he breathed, his lips puckering and heading straight towards mystery woman’s.
“Hayseed!” Finn’s shout broke right over the sound
s of the farm to shred whatever heat was set to boiling off of the two adults about to kiss. Gavin yanked his head up and wandered towards the goose trough as if he suddenly needed to be there. For her part, the mystery woman remained in place, but she found checking the pins in her hat vitally important. Unaware of anything he did, Finn came dashing over, his forehead mottled red from the run.
“Ah, uh…Sir,” Finn tipped his head to Gavin who still wouldn’t turn to him, then the lady, “Ma’am.”
“I was…I should read over and respond to those recent missives from the Order,” Gavin shouted over Finn.
Hayley finally stuck her foot back into the conversation, “Do you need my help?”
“No!” Gavin shouted. “I mean that I can…handle it on my own, Squire.” He barely watched Hayley shrug before he turned on his heels and walked as fast as humanly possible towards the little house. The mystery woman watched him go, her eyes swinging towards the curved back portion before she too wandered away. For her, it was in the opposite direction, but Hayley wasn’t stupid. She knew where the blonde would wind up.
Before Gavin got too far away, Hayley shouted, “Do you want me to do anything else today?”
“What? No, I don’t…train,” was all he could think to shout before he dashed himself behind a closed door.
Finn draped an arm over Hayley’s shoulder, his face drifting close to her cheek as he asked, “What in the seven circles was that all about?”
“Do you know her?” Hayley asked, pointing towards the mystery blonde still wandering with purpose around the grounds.
“Yeah, she’s some merchant. Merchant’s daughter. Comes by every once in a while when our dear Duchess can’t get her arse to the market. Why?”
He couldn’t be that blind. Hayley’s eyes narrowed as she stared directly at Finn, but the boy looked disturbingly innocent. That was stupid. There wasn’t an innocent bone in his body. “Just curious,” she said, deciding to keep her knight’s secret.
“So…” more of his weight slumped onto her tiny frame, the boy practically dangling off her like a pack, “can’t help but notice you ain’t got nothing to do today.”