Swallowing Fire

by ERIN BEDFORD

  “Lovers?” Gretchen snarl-whispered. “That’s all we were? Lovers? Or did you forget about the part where we were to be mated until your uncle sent you to her?!” She pointed her table knife at me with a vengeance. “Did you forget what you promised me?” She shook her knife with barely contained rage. “Is sharing her with other men really so good that you’d throw away everything we had?”

  As Jack’s eyes flitted between us, his mouth opened and closed like a dying fish, and with each moment that passed, my heart sank further into my feet. I’d felt the bitter sting of betrayal, and it had never hurt this much before. I reached into my boot and withdrew the dagger Jack had given me. I twisted it in my hands as I stared at the elegant blade. Taking a deep breath, I brought my eyes up and steadied them on Jack. “Did you lie to me?”

  “Maya,” Jack’s voice broke, and that was all the answer I needed. When I’d found the dagger, I’d had this very thought. It had belonged to an old lover, someone he still held in his heart. When I had confronted him about it, he had told me the exact opposite, that he had meant it for me. Obviously, that was a lie as well.

  I shoved my chair back, the feet of it scrapping the floor. Raiden and Firestar shifted as if to stand up but one look from me and they stayed seated. Jack stood as well, trying to get me to listen to him, but I was tired of hearing lies. I’d gotten myself into enough trouble with them that I didn’t need any more burdening me.

  “Don’t.” I pulled away from him, the tears wavering in my eyes making everything blur. “Don’t stand there and lie to me again.” I turned to Gretchen and threw the dagger on the table with a sad smile. “I suppose this belongs to you. I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you.”

  Aware that the whole table was watching, Gretchen didn’t seem to let that bother her as stared at me as if I’d grown three heads and reached for the dagger, but Jack grabbed it before she could, causing her to growl. I didn’t stay to find out what happened next, and my feet already carrying me out of the dining hall and down the corridor. The tears slipped free and slid down my face. I didn’t bother to brush them away as I kept moving. I started to angle my path toward my bedroom but knew that would be the first place Jack would look for me. I didn’t want to see him or anyone right now.

  Funny how a few minutes could completely change your wants. Just before that, I had wanted nothing more than to curl up with my men and bask in their presence. Now, I wished I was back on Earth, eating bad food with Ryan, making fun of insta-love movies where the couple always ended with a happily ever after.

  But real life wasn’t like that. It was cold and ruthless. It didn’t care if you were happy before. That gave it all the more reason to bitch slap you with reality.

  I shoved through the main doors and into the cold air, but I barely felt it against my hot cheeks. I trudged down the hay-covered path, my arms wrapped around myself as if they would keep the hurt inside me from bursting out. A few people hung around outside, their curious gazes watching me as I passed by. I ignored them, not caring what anyone thought of me. It wasn’t like they knew who I was.

  The smell of roasted nuts hit my nose and the nausea I had been able to hold back all day hit me full force. I had a split second to rush off the path before my stomach emptied itself beside a merchant’s booth. A warm hand patted my back as the heaves subsided, and I dared to look back.

  “Are you, all right?” the old man from the first day asked me.

  Flushing with embarrassment, I nodded. “Yeah, just one of the many pleasures of being pregnant.” I gave a bitter chuckle.

  The man gave me a sympathetic look before scooping up some snow from the ground. “Here, for your mouth.”

  I looked at it curiously and then accepted it, taking some into my mouth before spitting it out and using the rest to wipe off my face. When I was clean, and my mouth didn’t taste like a dead rat, I turned to the man. “Thank you.”

  “No trouble at all.” The old man smiled. “I’m Marcus. Why don’t you come to my home and warm up? You shouldn’t be out here without a coat in your condition.”

  I rubbed my arms and nodded gratefully for the offer. At least I won’t run into anyone I knew at his home.

  Marcus led me away from the center square and to a modestly sized home.

  “My late wife and I built this home ourselves right after we were married,” Marcus explained, quite proud of himself. As he should be.

  “It’s lovely.”

  He nodded his head and reached for something on the shelf next to him and handed it to me. “We had five children.”

  I glanced down at the picture he had handed me, the large group of smiling faces made my jaw drop.

  Marcus laughed at my gaping mouth. “I know quite a lot for most dragons, but my lovely bride always wanted a big family and, so she had it.”

  “Do you get to see them often?” I asked as we sat down before the fire in his home. The inside reflected the man across from me, worn but well loved. I hoped one day to have someone come into my home and think the same thing.

  “Not a lot,” he said, sadness on his face, but then he smiled. “But they will all be here to celebrate the winter’s games. I look forward to it every year.”

  “Yes, I hear it’s a lot of fun,” I commented with a nod as I rubbed my hands and pointed them toward the fire. I could feel my toes again finally.

  “Are you going to participate?” Marcus asked curiously. “Many women do, even in your condition.”

  I frowned and shook my head. “No, my ...” I hesitated not sure how to explain my relationship with all three men but then decided to just be honest. “My mates are pretty overprotective. They don’t want me to get hurt.”

  “Mates huh?” Marcus smiled a twinkled of mischief in his eyes. “You are lucky to have so many who love you, especially with our dear Jack as your companion.”

  The mention of Jack caused a pang of pain in my chest. I gave him a small smile, trying my best not to reveal how tormented I felt. “Yes, I’m very lucky.”

  “And a child as well. The gods must be looking down on you. Too many dragonesses live their whole life without ever knowing the love of a child.”

  I laughed. “If I am blessed by the gods, you must be a favorite. Five children and even more grandchildren.” I raised a brow, and we smiled together.

  “Yes, I suppose I am,” Marcus murmured to himself, his eyes going to the fire. After a moment, he opened his mouth to tell me something else but then stopped, his attention going to the door. Not a second later, someone pounded on it.

  Standing from his seat, he made his way to the door. He opened it slightly, but I couldn’t see who it was from my spot by the fire. There was a soft exchange of words before Marcus led whoever it was into the house.

  Firestar. My eyes widened when I saw the large man, and then my gaze fell onto my lap. Just seeing him reminded me of my pain.

  “Maya,” Firestar started, kneeling at my feet. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” I lowered my head further, knowing I shouldn’t have left alone. We’d just had a discussion about my safety, and here I was making rash decisions once more.

  “It’s all right.” Firestar smoothed his hand down my back and then urged me to my feet. “Let’s just get you home and to bed. Are you hungry? I can have food brought to your room.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.” I let Firestar lead me to the front door, but stopped so I could thank Marcus. “I really appreciate your hospitality.”

  “You are always welcome in this home,” the older man replied with a genuine grin. “Now, you take care of those men of yours and don’t let them smother you too much. A dragoness needs to be free to fly, or she will die.” This time his words were directed at Firestar who only huffed in response.

  We were silent on our way back to the house. Firestar thankfully didn’t pry, and I could keep my emotions bundled up where they belonged. At least for now.

  When h
e brought me back to my room, I held onto his sleeve, not letting him leave me. “Please, just stay with me tonight.” My lip wavered as I asked, and I knew my time of being brave was almost over.

  Firestar inclined his head and opened the bedroom door just as Jack came out of his. His pale eyes landed on me, and I had to duck behind Firestar to keep him from coming up to me.

  “Maya,” Jack pleaded, his voice full of distress. “Please let me explain.”

  “Not tonight,” Firestar snapped, his hand coming up to stop Jack from getting to me.

  “Get out of my way,” Jack growled in return, something I’d rarely heard him do.

  His threat was wasted on Firestar. The fire dragon shook his head and shoved Jack back a step. “She’s been through enough today. If she wants to talk to you, she will, but either way, it’s not happening tonight.” This time his tone left no room for argument as he ushered me into my bedroom, slamming the door shut before locking it for good measure.

  “Thank you,” I breathed when we were finally alone.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  He didn’t say anything more as I dressed for bed. After Firestar did the same, we climbed into bed, and he pulled me to him so that I was curled into his front. That was when the tears started. Unlike before, these weren’t silent tears but wracking sobs that I would definitely be embarrassed about later but right now, I couldn’t care less.

  Firestar rubbed my back, making shushing noises as he rocked me. He didn’t try to talk to me or ask me to explain, something I was grateful for. He was simply there.

  It ironic that my one mate was comforting me about my other mate. It really wasn’t a situation I would have ever thought I’d be in. I made a choking laugh that had Firestar’s hand pausing mid rub.

  “What is it?” he asked, glancing down at me.

  Eyes pricking with tears, I gave him a watery smile. “I was just thinking how messed up we are. You comforting me because my other boyfriend made me cry.”

  Firestar snorted. “Not messed up at all. Even if we weren’t mated, I would still be here for you.”

  “To get in my pants you mean.”

  He shook his head with a serious look on his face. “No. While I do enjoy every part of your delectable little body, I would never take advantage of you while you were hurting.” Firestar stroked a thumb over my cheek catching the moisture that had fallen. “I’ve loved you since before all this, and I will love you still even if you end up only wanting one of us.”

  I shook my head, unable to hide my smile. “Never going to happen. You’re a part of me now, you couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried.” I brushed my lips across his and then sank back into his embrace, my heart not hurting quite as much as before.

  Even if Jack was an inconsiderate asshole at least I had Firestar and Raiden to keep me from completely falling apart. With that thought, my eyes grew heavy, tired of all the drama but before I could drift off to sleep, a knock came to the door.

  I glanced up at Firestar who answered, “Who is it?”

  “It’s me,” Raiden’s voice came through the other side.

  Firestar glanced down at me, and I nodded my consent to let him in. Sliding from the bed, he unlocked the door but only opened it slightly, making sure it was really him. When satisfied, he moved aside to let Raiden in before closing and locking the door again.

  “Hey, love.” Raiden came over to the other side of the bed. Firestar crawled back into his spot, pulling me back into his arms.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” was all I could croak out before burying my face back into Firestar’s chest.

  “That’s all right.” Raiden’s side of the bed shifted, and his body lined up along the back of mine. “I’m just going to be here if you need me. No talking required.”

  I sighed and leaned into him. The feeling of being surrounded should have made me feel claustrophobic, but at that moment I only felt protected. Too bad that with all their muscle, they couldn’t protect a broken heart.

  10

  What could be the worst thing to happen after you get your heart broken? Waking up alone.

  I fell asleep snuggled in two of my mates’ arms and woke up to empty bed sheets with neither of them anywhere to be found. I had an urge to just bury myself back into the bed and wallow in my misery, but something inside of me said no.

  I wasn’t going to be that woman who let a man destroy her. I still had Raiden and Firestar, even if Jack ended up being a lying asshole. Besides, I had a child to worry about. I couldn’t let my misery affect him or her.

  Jumping out of bed, I headed for the shower but froze in my steps. “What if it’s Jack’s?” I whispered to myself, stunned by the prospect.

  I half laughed, half cried, and almost crumbled in the middle of the room as I became overwhelmed by emotion. All this time, I’d been trying to get pregnant and worried about whose baby it was, terrified even. If it was Jack’s, I didn’t want that reminder of his lies day in and day out. And what if he wanted to be in the child’s life? That would mean he’d still have to be in my life and with her.

  Hold on a second, I’m getting ahead of myself.

  I still hadn’t heard Jack’s explanation. He was with me after all and had said he loved me. Could I so easily toss him aside without hearing his side of the story?

  Yes, one side of me hissed, while the other side cried out a resounding no. With my mind at war, it was obvious what I had to do. I needed to get the whole story before passing judgment. I might be hormonal, but I wasn’t an idiot. Losing one of the men I loved because I jumped to the wrong conclusions wasn’t something I wanted to tell my child, especially, if Jack ended up being the father.

  Sighing, I jerked my hand through my hair, wincing as they caught on a handful of tangles. First, a shower. I glanced at the clock by the bed and saw it was barely seven o’clock. Forget a shower, I wanted a nice relaxing bath. Hopefully, after that, I would be ready for whatever it was Jack had to say.

  An hour later, I was clean and dry, but no readier to face the day than I had been before. I dug through the magic bag the twins had given us, searching for the clothes they had provided. My hands touched something soft, so soft that I pulled it out of the bag without hesitation.

  That something ended up being a dress. Dyed a pale green, it had long sleeves and a low neckline. It was a dress meant to seduce and enamor. It really wasn’t something one should wear to a meeting of hearts, but since I felt like crap, I might as well look good. If it made Jack suffer, all the better.

  Slipping into the dress, I let out a low purr. The dress felt even better on me than in my hand, and it hugged my body perfectly. I found the mirror and twirled a bit, smiling as the skirt swirled around my legs. Dresses weren’t really my thing, but everyone deserved to feel pretty every once in a while. I needed that now more than ever.

  After plaiting my hair, I headed for the door. My hand on the doorknob, I hesitated. There were voices in the hallway. My tongue seemed to swell, making my mouth feel dry and unusable. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t want to hear Jack tell me he never loved me, that it was all a lie. I’d rather pretend like I already knew and ignore it all. Leave even.

  But I knew I couldn’t. There wasn’t anywhere else for me to go. If I went back home, Ned might kill me. If I went east, Lady Nariko would definitely kill me or worse breed me. Firestar’s father wasn’t trustworthy, even with the promise of gold. God knew what the unaligned would do to me and finding a portal to Earth was nearly impossible.

  No, I had to do this. I couldn’t hide in my room wondering what Jack might say. Better to get it over with quickly, and then rip the bastard’s throat out with my teeth.

  Taking a deep breath, I turned the knob and entered the hallway. Right outside, my eyes found Jack with Firestar and Raiden. They were talking in low voices, but not so much that I couldn’t hear them from the room.

  “You need to tread carefully,” Firestar warned. “She’s very fragile right
now, and I won’t let your fuck-up cause her more pain.”

  “I don’t wish to cause her pain at all,” Jack growled in return. He had bags under his eyes, and his clothes were wrinkled as if he had slept in them. Good to know I wasn’t the only one who suffered, a petty side of me thought.

  “Still,” Raiden interjected, “you need to be clear with her. Don’t lie, don’t try to do that political side-stepping bullshit you do. Tell her the truth. The whole truth and pray to the gods she forgives your sorry ass.”

  My lips ticked up as Raiden reamed Jack. At least, they had my back. Still, the moment Jack’s eyes flickered up to find mine, my face fell. My feet moved backward on their own, and I was half tempted to run, but I forced them to stop. No more running. I could do this.

  “Maya,” Jack breathed, causing Raiden and Firestar to turn. Their eyes landed on my face, and there was an array of emotions on display there. Firestar seemed angry, while Raiden only seemed sad. I didn’t know who their emotions were targeted toward and didn’t really care to ask. My heart was in my throat, and I could feel the bile threatening to rise.

  Raiden approached me first, his hand going to my face. “Give him a chance to explain. We’ll be here for you, no matter what you decide.”

  I swallowed thickly and nodded once. Firestar didn’t say anything. Instead, he kissed me on the forehead before he and Raiden started down the hallway, leaving Jack and me alone.

  We stayed on our sides of the hallway, neither of us speaking at first. I didn’t want to be the one who broke the silence. It wasn’t me who screwed up, but I also wasn’t going to stand there all day.

  “You wanted to speak to me?” I cleared my throat as I stiffened my spine.

  “Yes,” Jack answered, taking a step toward me. I forced myself not to take a step back, reminding myself that this was Jack. No matter what he may have lied about, he wouldn’t hurt me.

  Tell that to my heart.