“What’s wrong, Mya?”
She sighed. “I almost went home last night.”
“But you didn’t.”
“But I almost did. And I was thinking about what Jamie said and I…” Her sentence trailed off and she looked down at her hands. She started picking at her nails and then she peeked up at me. “What if I’m not enough?”
I pushed myself up so that I could face her and she could see that I was sincere. “Mya, you are enough. Period. And that has nothing to do with a man, a show, or anything else. You are enough.”
“I’ve been divorced for three years now and the first time I’m really ready to put myself out there, I get chosen last.” Her voice broke and she buried her face into her hands. “It sucks.”
“From the little bit I know of you, you work six days a week in a library in a small town. You don’t come into contact with many eligible bachelors because you don’t go anywhere. Mya, you are beautiful and well read. You are kind and sweet. You don’t hang out with bitches.”
My last point received a snotty, crying laugh. She wiped her face and lifted her head up. “Thanks.”
“You don’t have to thank me for telling you the truth.”
“I just really feel like Julian is the one and I don’t know how to express it without coming off like an idiot. I really made a fool of myself on Friday. Maybe it was the drinks but…” She sighed. “How did you do it? How did you get him to be interested in you?”
It was an odd question to ask and an even odder question to answer since we were interested in the same man. I felt my stomach twist because prior to the beginning of the show, I sat across from Mya and I thought, ‘if Julian is as good as I think he is and he doesn’t pick me, I hope he has enough common sense to pick Mya.’ Then I met him, spent time with him, held his hand, connected with him, and we shared the hottest PG kiss in the history of kisses. And everything changed.
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to reassure her, but I also didn’t want to encourage her to pursue the man I was interested in.
What kind of shit is this? Is this why they force us to share rooms? They want us to get close to each other and then endure this kind of torture?
I pulled my shorts down so the people who were watching the video feed didn’t get a free show and walked to Mya’s bed. Sitting down, I put my arm around her shoulder and I told her the truth. “I was myself. I don’t know how else to describe it. I was myself and he seemed to appreciate it. And that’s what you deserve, Mya. You’re great. You need to be yourself and have someone fall in love with the amazing woman that you are.”
“But I want Julian to fall in love with the amazing woman I am.”
I didn’t know what to say because saying ‘I don’t’ didn’t seem appropriate.
Fortunately, the banging on the door saved me from having to respond at all.
Mya wiped her eyes and I stood, padding my way to the door. Stopping briefly at the mirror, I adjusted my tank top. I smoothed my coiled hair down as some of it had come from the ball on top of my head. I looked back at the bed and saw the scarf that must have slipped off during the night.
“You okay?” I mouthed to Mya.
Once she nodded, I pulled the door open and found a note taped to the door. Pulling it off, I opened it and read it aloud.
“There are two dates scheduled for today. One will be the group date and will take place during the day while the other will be a two-on-one date which will take place immediately afterward. Julian and Bryce will arrive at one o’clock in the afternoon. Dress in what you would wear on a first date.”
The note seemed to perk Mya up. “It’s a little after ten. Do you want to go downstairs to eat and then get ready?”
“I’m not really hungry. I was just going to grab a protein bar.”
“Oh… Okay.” Mya avoided eye contact and sat back down on the bed.
Something was up.
“Mya…? What’s going on?”
Apparently while I was sleeping yesterday, Mya went downstairs and overheard Tori and a couple of other women talking about her.
“She said that my body was weirdly proportioned and that’s why Julian wasn’t into me. But the worst part was when she said, ‘how does it feel to know that you’re probably the one going home today?’ And the three of them just laughed.”
“They are trying to get in your head.” I walked over and grabbed my toothbrush. “They wouldn’t even have said anything to you if they didn’t think you were competition. Let me brush my teeth and then I’ll go down with you.”
By the time we had gotten downstairs, no one was in the kitchen for breakfast except for a woman I’d never seen before.
“Good morning,” Mya and I said to the woman sitting at the kitchen table staring out of the window.
“Good morning,” she greeted us back, turning to give us a small smile. Her skin was a creamy, golden honey with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her hair was a reddish brown frizzy mass of curls. She looked familiar, but I didn’t recognize her from the night before.
But it’s not as if I was making an effort with the other ten women.
Deciding to give this new person a chance, I marched over to the woman and I stuck out my hand. “I’m Zoe.”
“I know. You got the First Impression Charm,” she replied, shaking my hand. “I’m Nicole.”
Looking at her big brown doe-like eyes, it hit me.
Ohhhhh…This is the woman Chatty Cathy and Tori called fat. Her hair was straight and she didn’t have freckles on Friday. Did she?
“I’m Mya. Your hair was different on Friday, right?”
She looked over at Mya who was making a bowl of cereal. “Hi, Mya. Yes, I straighten it every day.” She looked down. “But I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. After last night, I just didn’t feel like doing much of anything, you know?”
“Tell me about it,” Mya agreed, sitting down at the kitchen table with her. “Being chosen last on Friday which rolled into being bullied and dealing with Tori and her clique on Saturday made for a rough weekend. So I feel your pain.”
“Everyone is going to see them call me fat. America is going to be watching and judging me. Even if they didn’t immediately think I was fat, once it’s out there, I’m going to be forever known as the fat one.” Nicole put her hand on her belly. “I’ve lost sixty pounds in the last year. I work out every day. I eat healthy six days a week. I have a little extra body fat that I can’t get rid of and I was okay with it. Until last night…”
“Listen,” I interjected, hoping to break up their pity party. “Tori is a bitch. She is a mean, unhappy person who makes herself feel better by belittling others. She said some crap to you Friday and to Mya on Saturday. She called me fat when I first met her Thursday at the cocktail party interview.” I shrugged. “Fuck her. Everybody is shaped differently and that’s what makes us who we are. And you two do realize that you wouldn’t be here if Julian didn’t find you attractive, right? Her opinion does not matter. You’re not here for her; you’re here for him. She’s clearly insecure about her own body which is why she keeps taking shots at body types that don’t look like hers.”
“Is that right?” Tori’s grating voice screeched from behind me.
Mya and Nicole’s eyes widened as they looked beyond me.
I didn’t bother to turn around as I continued. “I don’t know why, but women will attack other women’s physical appearance before anything else. And unfortunately, we take that putdown the hardest. It’s sad. If some insignificant person like Tori called you dumb and you know that you’re not, you’d let that roll off of your back. But for some reason, you both know that you’re beautiful, yet you allow this bitch to tell you otherwise.”
“I’m right here,” Tori snapped.
“See? Insignificant.”
Mya and Nicole tried to suppress their stunned giggles, but failed.
I turned on my heel to find Tori, a cameraman, a boom mic operato
r, a producer and a few other crew members watching in amusement. Well, everyone but Tori was amused.
I guess that’s making it on TV. I lifted my eyebrows at Tori. Good.
I picked up a bottle of water and a protein bar and walked out of the kitchen.
After a long hot shower and a super sneaky trip to the makeup trailer to tell Koko what happened, I was standing in front of the mirror analyzing my first date outfit.
The stretchy black skirt was fitted and highlighted the curve of my ass beautifully. My off-the-shoulder grey t-shirt had black watercolor splotches and added a casual vibe to the sexy skirt. I pinned my hair to the side, showing off my favorite pair of black diamond hoop earrings. Spinning in the mirror, I felt like my outfit was enough to standout without being over-the-top.
“You look hot,” Mya commented as she entered the bedroom.
I looked over at her in a pair of skin tight jeans that sat low on her hips and a cropped white top that exposed her flat belly. “So do you!”
She picked up a soft pink blazer and slipped into her five inch pink pumps. “Thank you. I was worried it would be too much and then I saw Bailey and thought I was overdressed.”
I laughed. “I think that’s part of the whole process. If we are all told to wear something for a first date, they are probably looking at what we consider first date appropriate.”
I slipped into my platform booties and we headed downstairs with the rest of the women and more crew members than I had seen at one time in the house.
At one o’clock on the dot, we heard Bryce and Julian walk in before we actually saw them. And even though I knew Bryce walked in, I wouldn’t have been able to tell the police what he had on if he went missing.
Julian looked incredible in a tux. It was as if a tailor used Julian’s body to design tuxedos for all mankind. But casual Julian in a pair of grey washed denim jeans and a black button-up that fit his body just right was hands-down my favorite. Julian Winters was a piece of art.
“Hi everyone!” Julian greeted us.
I was so busy devouring the visual image of him that I couldn’t remember if I even opened my mouth to respond.
He looked around the room, giving us each eye contact. “I hope you are all ready for a fun group date! Anyone excited?” He waited for the cheers to die down before he continued. “The party bus is outside so let’s go.”
Julian extended his arm, indicating he wanted us to go through the door before he did. One by one, we exited the room, each hugging him on the way out. I made a point to make my way over to him slowly so I could be last. It was my best chance to steal an extra second with him if I could. But Tori must have had the same idea as she hung back, too.
Wearing a dress so short, I was almost positive I was going to see her ass, Tori stood with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed at me. Seeing how much I got under her skin, I smirked and moved toward Julian, allowing her to be last. At least that way, she could see for herself what type of chemistry we had.
When it was finally my turn, I forgot all about Tori when he wrapped his muscular arms around me. It was the first time we had embraced and I relished it. My face nuzzled his chest, breathing him in. I wasn’t sure if it was his body wash or his cologne, but it was a manly scent that was powerful without being overwhelming.
“Hi,” I murmured, looking up at him. “You smell really good.”
Bending down so his lips were on the shell of my ear, he whispered, “And you look absolutely incredible.”
His compliment tied my stomach in knots. His lips just barely touched the shell of my ear causing me to shiver. His breath tickled my skin giving me goosebumps. But when he picked his head up and looked at me, my knees felt weak.
He licked his lips and the urge to kiss him overwhelmed me. I swallowed hard.
And just as fast as the moment came, it went.
Julian pulled his arms from around me and rested his hands on my hips. As he held my gaze, he squeezed. I knew he was trying to tell me something, but I wasn’t sure what.
Letting me go, he turned his attention to Tori. I started to walk off, but as I put on my oversized sunglasses, I glanced over my shoulder. Unintentionally, I froze when I saw Tori’s body pressed up against Julian’s like a second skin.
Or a leech.
I turned my head quickly, not wanting either of them to see me looking. As soon as I whipped my head around, a camera was in my face. It had probably been there the whole time, but I was so concerned with what Julian and Tori were doing, I didn’t notice.
Comforted by the fact that my sunglasses masked my eyes, I rolled my shoulders back and allowed my lips to turn up into a smile. I walked out of the mansion without a second look.
I cannot let these people keep catching me in my feelings.
Due to my delayed time in the house, the seat beside Mya was taken. I found myself wedged beside Chatty Cathy with the last available seat on the other side of me. I sighed when Tori got in and slid her slim body right next to mine.
“Where do you think we’re going?” Chatty Cathy asked aloud to no one in particular.
I tuned her out and stared directly at the back of the driver’s head. I just focused on the shape of it and the apparent slickness of his baldness. I distracted myself from what she was saying, with whom I was sitting, what I was doing, where I was going and most importantly, what I was feeling.
I didn’t want to be, but I was bothered. I was bothered by the fact that Julian was technically dating everybody. But it bothered me even more that Tori was still a contestant. I was bothered by the fact that I was being forced to compete for Julian’s attention. But it bothered me even more that I couldn’t walk away as easily as I thought. I was bothered by the fact that in two brief conversations, Julian had stirred up some feelings inside me. But it bothered me even more that I couldn’t seem to control those feelings around him.
The party bus slowed down in front of an old, rustic looking bar called Saul’s Den. It wasn’t like most of the swanky bars in L.A. It had character. The driver opened the door and we climbed out, surveying our surroundings.
Julian stood at the entrance, smiling proudly. “You’ve all had the pleasure of meeting my best friends. This bar was the place where we used to go when we turned eighteen. It was the place we celebrated each of our birthdays for about five years. I had my first drink here. At the age of twenty-one, of course.”
The sparkle in his eye let me know that he probably was able to get drinks before he was legally allowed to drink. I smiled…and then I pursed my lips.
He will not keep luring me back in with his awesomeness. I’m not getting drawn in by his coolness and his cute little smirks and his sparkling eyes and his gorgeous smile and his incredible body. He’s over there smiling and reminiscing like the tease that he is. So no. Nope. I’m not letting him suck me in anymore. This is how people end up getting made to look foolish on these things. They get too caught up too fast.
We followed him into the building and I took in the clean, but sparsely decorated bar. It was modern with flat screens all around, but the wooden décor had a rustic look that felt homey.
Julian gestured to five tables, each with two seats. Mya and I must have noticed the layout at the same time because we immediately looked at each other and then snaked our way around people to stand next to one another.
Julian grabbed a bucket off of the bar and held it out. “So you’re going to pull one of the darts out of here and hold it up.”
I pulled out red. Mya pulled out green. I knew immediately that was a bad sign.
“Now,” Julian said, returning the empty bucket to the bar. “Find the person who has the same color dart as you and select a table, but don’t sit down. Line up here.”
I was disappointed that I didn’t have Mya as a partner, but I would’ve been straight up livid if I was stuck with Tori.
“Looks like we’re partners,” Bailey said, walking up behind me. Her thick blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail a
nd her floral print dress left little to the imagination.
I smiled and nodded.
We selected our table and I noticed that Mya was stuck with Tori. I gave her a sympathetic look.
Lining up shoulder to shoulder facing the DJ booth, Julian walked in front of us like a drill sergeant. I was at the end of the row and the closer he came to me, the harder it became to focus.
Julian stopped right beside me. “One of the main reasons my friends and I came here were the cheap drinks, but also because of this.” He pointed to the DJ booth and a buzzer went off.
An older, jolly looking man with a ruddy complexion pumped his arms in the air as he stood from behind the booth. “Ladies, it’s Trivia Time! You can call me DJ Saul and we are going to do some traditional pub style trivia and the winners get to go on a duo-date with Julian Winters.”
I glanced at Julian who was looking at DJ Saul with amusement. His hand was covering his mouth, but his cheeks and his eyes gave away his smile.
DJ Saul hit the buzzer again. “And as an added bonus, if you win, I’ll tell you what this superstar was like as a little scrawny ass twerp hanging around with his little scrawny ass friends.”
I laughed loudly. And because I was the only one who laughed period, all eyes were on me.
DJ Saul pointed at me. “She gets it. The rest of you need to loosen up. Now eyes up here and let’s go over the rules!”
Still giggling, I shifted my gaze to Julian and noticed he was checking me out. My eyebrows lifted in surprise. From the corner of my eye, I watched him suck on his bottom lip as he took me in. With each second that ticked by, I felt the effects of having his undivided attention. Although I knew he was attracted to me from the moment we met, this was a more sexual look he was giving me. I didn’t feel objectified by his lingering gaze. I felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt empowered by his attraction.
DJ Saul was still going over the rules, but when Julian’s eyes made their way up my body and locked with mine, I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of my heart beating. He knew I had caught him staring and he didn’t try to hide the want in his eyes.
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